Author's Chapter Notes:
Buffy finally makes it to LA

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Buffy stepped out of the elevator and in to the upper lobby area. She was tired and briefly wondered why she hadn't just stayed at the hotel and gotten some sleep. The tiny bit she had the night before had worn off now and the tedious flight was just making it worse.

Nope had to drop her stuff off and come straight here.

At least now she understood the reason why. She wanted to see him. If only so that her eyes can verify what Wesley had told her, that he was all right.

But it was also the part that caused the most trepidation. She knew that she loved him but he obviously hadn't wanted to speak to her or see her for that matter. Sending Wesley to get his stuff had sent that little message home.

Dwelling on that thought wasn't going to help her get through this particular little task though and she pushed it to the back of her mind. A deep sigh escaped her at the thought.

It was best if she just got this part over with and worried about everything else later. The confusion from her showing up here in the first place was going to cause enough problems.

Glancing around she looked at the central desk and noticed no one was there. Well she wouldn't have to check in with a secretary then. To her left she noticed the large double doors with a huge plate glass window next to them. The window was dark but she could guess that would be Angel's office. Walking closer she could start to hear the sound of raised voices.
Standing in front of the doors she could barely make out Angel and Wesley's voice.

She knocked on the door. She wasn't sure why but she had felt the need to be polite. When it wasn't answered she knocked again slightly louder. Again getting no response she decided the hell with being polite. Grabbing both doorknobs she threw them open and walked in.

It was suddenly silent, all eyes fixed on her as she made her way into the center of the room. Wesley and Angel were by the desk and she noticed that Harmony was to her right like she had been trying to leave the office before Buffy had come in. Her eyes slid over to her left and she could see Spike standing in the corner of the room. She pulled her eyes away quickly knowing that if she focused on him she wouldn't be able to get through this right now.

"Um Hi." The false cheer in her voice was a bit of a shock but it would do.

Angel just seemed to blink at her. Wesley on the other hand shook himself out of his apparent shock and smiled.

"Hello Buffy. It's good to see you again."

"Thank you Wesley."

The sound of them talking must have finally gotten through to Angel.

"Buffy what are you doing here?"

"And thank you it's nice to see you too Angel."

"Oh um yeah well, Hi?" She just nodded. "So why are you here?"

She sighed. She had been afraid of this. While she knew a little about the way Angel was going to have to help Spike from her research she also knew that they would be talking a great deal. And the fear that the facts of her last night talking to Spike would be discussed and change the way the others saw her was not something she had allowed herself to think about. But obviously she should have it was the only explanation for the cold greeting she was getting from her ex right now.

"We need to talk." And boy was that the truth.

She could see Wesley starting to make his way out of the room and she acknowledged his little push to Harmony with a small smile. Sensing the movement behind her she frowned.

"Spike it involves you too." She didn't turn unwilling to look him in the eye. The fact that he hadn't spoken not missed by her at all. Taking a deep breath she pushed the nagging feelings away.

The door now closed with just the three of them she walked closer to Angel's desk.

"So talk."

"This is important Angel do you think we can take the hostility down a notch?"

"No." Stupid stubborn vampires.

"Fine. But this isn't about any of us." She took a deep breath. "I've been sent to talk to you."

"Sent by whom?"

"Who do you think Angel? You know with as many messages as you get from them they should just put in phone line or something." His blank look was kind of getting on her nerves. "The Powers Angel. I know that Cordelia told you what she could but. Well this is hard. Look I can't really talk about this here. The walls in this place have ears and a bunch of sound equipment."

His face had changed when she had said Cordelia's name. Where she had seen a cold mask of indifference with her presence now there was the beginnings of anger.

"This room is fine. Tell me what you have to. Then go." She promised herself that she wouldn't get angry, that no matter what she was going to keep a cool head and not react to him.

"No and I don't really think you get it do you?" Silence was enough of an answer. "You are about to make a really dumb mistake and certain higher beings don't want that to happen. So they sent Cordelia. I won't tell you why they aren't done. Not here in this room and not in the middle of evil incorporated. So they sent me. Deal. When you want to talk you can reach me at my hotel." She took a slip of paper from her purse and laid it on the desk.

"Why are you really here?" Okay maybe a little anger was okay.

"I just told you why I'm here. Want to tell me what the deal is with you?"

"There is no deal with me Buffy. I just don't think we have much to talk about."

"And color me unsurprised." She closed her eyes trying to gather some strength. "Do you think this is easy for me? That I was all happy and bouncy as I boarded the plane this morning? This wasn't my choice. So whatever you think or feel or whatever just put it aside. Lord knows I've had to."

"And Spike's still in the room because?"

"Because that's the way they want it." All it had taken was for Angel to say his name and she could feel her resolve melt away. Suddenly it was just too hard to be in that office. She felt as if the walls were closing in on her and she needed to get out.

"Why?" It was the first word he'd spoken and the sound of his voice felt bittersweet. She had missed that voice.

He was walking now coming to stand on the side of Angel's desk moving so that he was in her line of sight. She couldn't control her eyes as they hungrily drank in the sight of his face. He looked good she realized not that she had really expected any different and the grief she had seen cement into his features was now gone. The look in his eyes was what caught her off guard however as he looked her over critically. They were wary watching her like she was some sort of predator mixed with something she thought was close to fear.

That tugged at her heart. She had caused this.

"I really can't explain that right now." Her voice had lost all it's strength and the words were flat almost monotone. But she couldn't find it in herself to care about that. The only thing she wanted to do was get out of that office.

"I have to go." She quickly turned on her heel and headed to the door.

"Buffy wait." Stopping mid stride she waited.

He didn't speak again though and she found herself staring longingly at the double doors in front of her. The silence seemed to stretch achingly long and the tension in her muscles was coiling tighter and tighter.

It was too much. She finally turned and faced them both.

"I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry." Her voice was barely above a whisper as she focused on Spike's face. "I know that whatever I say you're both still going to hate me. But I'm glad that he could help you."

The look of astonishment on his face didn't register in her addled mind nor did the disapproving stare from Angel.

She was beyond tired, beyond trying to push through her troubled feelings and react and say things that made sense. Her shoulders slumped and she turned to leave again.

"Is that what you really think?" Her head picked up a little at his tone.

"Does that matter? I have to go." She wasn't able to make her first step when a hand landed roughly on her shoulder and turned her around.

Not having a choice in the matter she looked into his face and focused on his eyes.

"Tell me. Is that really what you think?"

"Fine. Is there another explanation for the way you guys are acting? I know what I did. I understand all of it so please just let me go so I can get some sleep."

"What the hell is going through that brain of yours?"

"It doesn't matter. Not right now."

"You look terrible." She gave Angel the glare he deserved.

"Thank you again. Could you possibly kick me any harder while I'm down?"

"When was the last time you slept?" Back to the vamp that was in front of her.

"A full night? Somewhere between September and August. Do we have to do this now? I'll explain everything I can later alright?"

"What's happened to you?"

"Nothing I'm fine now can I please get out of here. This whole place gives me a bad case of the wiggins. Just meet me tonight at the hotel. Bring whoever you want from your group this really involves all of them anyway."

His hand fell from her shoulder and she once again went to leave. This time neither of them stopped her and she slipped out the door.

Back in the lobby she waited for the elevator to open and glanced back at the desk. Yep there was Harmony she really was his secretary. How annoying would that be? Seeing her gaze the ditzy vampire hid behind her desk.

Some things still didn't change.





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