Time was such an evil thing. Sometimes it would pass slowly, drawing itself out making every second feel like a millennia. So slow that your whole being screamed at the grasp it had over you driving you mad with the waiting for the ticking of a clock. At other times it was swift denying you the pleasure of holding on to a specific moment holding it close to you so the memory of it burned into your very being. Passed so quickly that if you blinked your eyes it would be gone forever out of your grasp slipping through your fingers like sand.
The millisecond she was allowed in is comforting embrace was one of those examples that showed just how evil time really was. A breath maybe two held in his embrace and the moment was shattered reality running in to confront them with the passing of her fleeting peace.
The anger and frustration she had felt was gone the instant she realized how close she was to the end and she wasn't going to send her mind into a state of denial about it. Her dream had been proven to be eerily accurate with everything they had found. So no she wasn't about to believe there was still another hope out there. But she was also convinced that she shouldn't be waiting around for fate to step in and punch her time card so to speak. It wasn't really in her nature to sit back and wait for them to come to her. No she was the aggressor always had been and it wouldn't be any different now.
"Spike." Her voice was stronger maybe from her resolve or at least she hoped so. It wouldn't do if it were from acceptance of a fate her mind had foreseen.
He didn't answer but buried his nose in her hair breathing in deeply. She fought with her body's urge to burrow further in his embrace.
Her head tilted away from him and she stole a glance into his blue eyes.
"I'm going to call Fred and Wes see if they know something that might help."
"Buffy? What is it pet?"
"I think we've run out of time." It was the only answer she saw fit to give. And boy was it ever the truth.
************
She fidgeted in her seat as their car made its way down a crowded freeway headed to Wolfram & Hart once again. Buffy was uncomfortable about meeting once more in Angel's office but saw little choice in the matter. They were grasping at answers that weren't there desperate to find anything to help.
There had been few words spoken by either of them as they left his apartment and she was unsure what Spike was actually thinking. She was sure that he really hadn't been angry with her per se but at the situation they found themselves in. It was totally something she got. But she didn't know what to say that would at least reassure him a little not when she couldn't find the words to comfort herself.
Fred or Wes had asked few questions like they understood what was going on even without all of the facts. In a way it was good she didn't know if she could handle the emotional toll expressing her dream and its consequences would take on her. Not now when they were so close to fighting something even if they didn't know what it was yet.
As the car made its way into the underground garage she wrung her hands nervously in her lap. He smoothly pulled into an available space and shut off the engine. She found herself placing a hand on his arm as he reached for the door handle stilling his movement.
His gaze turned to her and even though a word wasn't spoken she understood the question in his eyes. The answer however was one she couldn't find words to vocalize and she leaned forward to brush his lips with her own. She kissed him with longing and sadness as it filled her knowing that they had so few moments like these left. He responded his own lips softly playing against hers.
Her eyes opened and found his searching her intently and she wished again for the ability to make all this disappear.
"I love you." The only words that she could find to even begin to express what she felt in that second.
"I-" She watched him swallow hard his emotions close to the surface just like they always were. "I love you so much Buffy."
Touching his cheek in a feather light caress briefly she gave him the tiniest of smiles.
"I know." Reaching for her own door handle she got out of the car and walked towards the elevator that would take them inside.
******
Stepping into his office once more Buffy wondered if this was really a good idea. Meeting inside the building that housed the very organization you were trying to bring down could not be a smart move. They had already proved that theory true and she had to wonder what the hell they were doing back here. Of course not much else could go wrong now so there probably was little point in worrying.
The others had already arrived before her and she was glad that they could get right to work. It was the best distraction she could think of.
Taking in the room full of people she let her eyes linger on Gunn standing off in the corner alone. It was difficult for him to be there she could see it in the way he was holding himself and the occasional half glare that was thrown his way by Wes Fred and Angel couldn't really be helping. She could understand their feelings of betrayal she had been in their shoes enough times but she wouldn't hold what almost happened against the man. He was after all just as capable of making a mistake trying to muddle through the shades of gray as anyone else. She had forgiven a lot more.
"Anything new?" She hoped her tone was as light as she was trying to make it.
"Actually yes." Wes spoke up. "We've found some information of the room you and Angel spoke of."
When he didn't continue she pushed back a frustrated groan. You could take the man away from the council but you couldn't take the watcher out of the man.
"C'mon Wes make with the spillage already."
"Right. It seems that it was made as an insurance policy if you will for the Senior Partners to gain access to this plane. From what Lindsey had said to Angel they were uncertain where his loyalties would ultimately lay. This um doorway would give them the option of returning here to fix whatever damage he could accomplish. Of course it is heavily guarded to keep anyone from using the portal in reverse." He turned and spoke directly to Angel. "The creature that you saw trapped inside of it is specifically made to kill Angel using a spell of some sort but that may work to our advantage."
"How do you figure?" Buffy tried to understand what he meant but was drawing a blank.
"As long as Angel doesn't directly confront the creature some one else should be able to kill it without too much difficulty."
"Seems like the rest of us weren't even considered a marginal threat they were banking on the whole champion angle." It was the first time Gunn had spoken.
"Meaning?" She turned to face him.
"They never planned for the rest of us making it this far. The records that I managed to find stated that we'd either be dead or working for them willingly by now."
"So they expected everyone just to turn to the dark side huh? Typical. So once we get inside what are we looking at?"
"That I'm afraid we just don't know."
"And any idea where they would be holding Connor?" She spoke to Angel not knowing if he had explained the situation to the others.
"Nothing concrete but we're still looking." Wes answered her question but the look in Angel's eyes told her that he knew something the other man did not.
Well that explained it. They knew someone had been taken just not that Connor was his son.
"So the planning is a bust huh? Guess that only leaves us one option."
"And that would be what pet?"
"Same thing we always do. Rush right in and save the day."
The openly gawking faces in the room made her suppress a smile. Haven't they learned by now?
Apparently someone had because the glare she was getting from the blonde vamp indicated he'd been around for one to many of those little tasks. Well he should know he was the rescuee in a lot of instances.
"There's got to be another way." The words came through tightly clenched teeth and she sent him a haughty look in return.
"I don't think there really is and you don't either so can we get on with this?"
A pained look seemed to cross Angel's face and Buffy caught it out of the corner of her eye. She pivoted to face him and watched as he played with a small box that looked like it was lit up from the inside.
"Buffy, Spike could I talk to you a minute, alone." The puzzled look she could feel settle on her face was nothing compared to the looks he was getting from his own gang.
She took a glance at Spike and saw the same look mirrored in his eyes. Shrugging she took a step forward as Angel turned and headed into the elevator in the back of his office. Once inside the doors he let the doors close and hit the emergency stop button.
"Not that I don't like the lift or anything but what's with the secret meeting inside the secret meeting?" Spike leaned casually against the wall.
Choosing to ignore him Buffy gave a questioning look to the dark man.
"What's that you're holding?"
"I did some digging when I got here. The memory spell they used on everyone was done by this guy named Cyvus Vail he's got some big connections runs some underground stuff. Anyway I paid him a little visit. Turns out he needs something from us so in exchange he gave me this." He lifted the cube so they could see it better. "This thing here holds the real memories of everyone that had contact with Connor before. Theory is I smash it and they're all restored including Connor's."
By the look on his face Buffy could tell there was more than that at stake.
"And the problem is?"
"The problem is the way things were left between Connor and I before they did this spell. Plus the little matter of the things that happened between me and the group of people sitting in my office."
"Can't be terribly bad can it Peaches?"
"I tried to kill Wesley-" The look of shock on both their faces or the muttered bloody hell from Spike didn't seem to register to Angel. "And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I do this and things are going to change and not in a happy good way either."
"Okay so maybe not the best way to go." She muttered under her breath.
"You don't understand. Right now Connor thinks he's just a normal eighteen-year-old kid, probably scared out of his mind, whose being held against his will after his parents were brutally murdered in their own home. But if I smash this stupid thing he'll get back every memory of how to fight, how to kill, how to save himself. If I do this he stands a chance." His dark eyes were far too troubled and Buffy worried that this was the last they were going to see of rational Angel.
"I thought the point was for us to save him." She stated it as a far-gone conclusion even though she felt none of the confidence it should have provided.
"Please Buffy let's not kid ourselves we're in way over our heads. I know I didn't get that at first. So don't pretend everything is going to work out okay. I need to be sure he's going to be all right. Nothing else matters to me."
The look in his eyes brought a fleeting memory to Buffy. Not a particularly good memory but one that touched her deeply. It was when they were still fighting Glory just after Giles had made the wonderful connection between Dawn and the portal. She had gotten the same look in her eyes she knew when she had told him that there was no way world ending or not that she was going to kill her own sister. A look of pure hard determination, a look that basically said fuck the rest of the world this one and only one person is what makes the universe exist anyway so without them you all are a bunch of useless pieces of shit and who the hell cares about you anyway. She understood that feeling more so then anyone should ever have to.
"I understand. What do you want us to do?"
"Just if they need to leave don't stand in their way. We haven't got a choice about what's going to happen today but they still do. I want them to be able to make that decision without lying to them anymore." His head hung in a silent admission of defeat at his own words.
She didn't have a response to that and waited while he pressed the door open button so they could walk out.
Standing in front of them she watched Angel nervously finger the cube in his hands. He was stalling and it was past the point for such a luxury. Clearing her throat she gave him a look that simply said I'm here for you but get on with it already.
"Angel what's going on?" Fred sounded as confused as Buffy felt about this whole god forsaken mess.
"I just want you guys to remember one thing. No matter what is going to happen you all mean something to me. I know I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get to know but-"
"Poofter." The mumbled word earned a death glare from the broody vamp and a smack in the chest from her.
"I care about all of you." He managed to finish.
"The sentiment is certainly shared Angelkins but-" Lorne didn't get to finish his sentence before the cube met with the floor and shattered into a million bright points of light.
There was a pause in the room as the others grabbed their heads in unison. The sight made Buffy look critically at Angel and she noticed that Spike did too.
"I'm hurt Angelus I'm family and you didn't tell me?" His mocking tone was a bit much for her to handle.
"Shut up Spike."
"You-" They turned at the sound of Wesley's voice. The words sounded choked and his hand was covering his throat.
The look in Wesley's eyes scared her a bit. The darkness she could see swirling with a distance and despair she could only think of as a cross of what she felt when she had come back from heaven and the look in Willow's eyes when she had gone to the bad Willow place was a little frightening in its intensity.
Her gaze traveled across the others faces and she noted that Wesley while was the most severe they weren't spared with the pain and bitterness.
Apparently there was nothing to say and the room fell to silence once more and while Buffy was sympathetic to the pain they were suffering she had the realization that Connor was running out of time for a rescue.
"I'm going." She stated simply. "Wes I'm going to need that dagger. Angel I'll need you to show me how to get down there." She took the dagger from Wesley's hand and slipped it neatly into her boot. She took a second to glance back at Angel. "Don't forget that crystal thingy."
Four steps and she would be out of the office and headed for the elevator to go down stairs. Four steps that would lead her from the group of people in this office to fight for her life in solitude. Four steps that would start the end of a journey she was never sure she wanted to be on.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I just want to give you all a hug for all the great reviews I've been getting with this story and it kind of makes me sad to know that we're so close to the end. This has been like the greatest experience and it's all because of you guys so please don't stop letting me know what you think of the story. Just thank you all so much.