All encompassing darkness. Nothing not a glimmer not even a twinkle of light that would deliver her from a black that was impossible to describe. She had no sense of time, no presence of how long she was encased in the lack of all light.
But time didn't matter anymore did it?
It settled around her like the cloak of night. It was almost comforting. The night was what she understood best.
Such thoughts were fleeting though and soon like a pinpoint she saw it.
Light.
It was something that was drawing her in. A pull that she felt helpless to resist. Kind of like gravity.
The pinpoint grew and became a spot. The spot became wider and grew bigger as she felt closer to it.
Until she felt herself surrounded in the brightest light she had ever witnessed something she normally would shut her eyes against.
But that was all relative wasn't it?
The light bathed the area around her drawing her in with a feeling of warmth.
It was too clichéd for her to stomach.
"I know it's really been done to death."
"Now I know I'm not in heaven. Whistler can't you leave me alone?" The annoying demon was beside her looking as rumpled as always staring at her with she thought was a smirk.
"If only they'd let me." His eyes were cast upward beseeching a higher power no doubt.
With his presence the area around her shifted slightly and she could make out its room like structure. At least there were walls and the floor under her feet. The brightness dimmed just a bit more and now she could make out a white chair and a pool of water across from them.
She shrugged at his behavior and since she wasn't in a rush took a seat in the chair.
"All right what's the big deal?"
"Well you're dead."
She hoped he was getting the eye roll she was giving him. It would be such a waste if he weren’t.
"Can you say duh? Kind of got that. Do you have a point here?"
"Just stating a fact." He shrugged at her. "The only question now is what next?"
"Um hello? Dead here I don't think there is a next."
"Wrong sweetheart. I told you before all this started that the powers wanted to reward you."
"Some reward." She snorted.
"Well this isn't it. There were a few things they had to take care of first." He gestured to the pool. "You finished out your part in this and now look."
She didn't want to. It was hard enough blocking out the memories of her last few minutes enough so that she could talk. The pain was building inside of her so fast that she knew it would soon take her over. They may have granted her the escape of death but as long as she knew that he was down there without the same luxury her heart would continue to break.
The scene that she saw reflected in the pool was exactly as she had pictured it would be. Spike and Angel were fighting ferociously against three demons Spike fighting two while Angel battled one. Against another wall she could make out the body of a youngish man seemingly unconscious and chained up. It had to be Connor and for once she could at least take a little pride in the fact that she was right.
The two of them were almost a blur as they continued to fight the obviously older and stronger demons. Every hit they landed every kick that hit only seemed to bounce off them. As she watched she could see the flash of steel near Spike and could see the blood that went flying with each stab and slice.
"Are they going to be okay?" She didn't look away to engrossed in the fight before her.
"Of course they are. This is their destiny remember? They’re finally doing what they were meant to."
"And after this?"
"There will be something else."
"When does it all end?" She finally turned and looked at Whistler.
"The fight? It never does. You already know that. The only thing that changes is who is doing the fighting."
"And for them when will that be?" Her eyes drifted back to the pool watching as one of the demons seemed to sag to the ground.
"I don't have the answers to that." She felt him take a step closer to her. "You're still worried about them."
She gave him a look that clearly said duh.
"I've known them both for such a long time now. How can I not worry? You said that I was the only one of us that had finally proven myself and wasn't fighting with the whole redemption thing. How many years of fighting will they have to do just to make peace with what they've done before? If I had to go through this much what can you be expecting of two vampires who murdered for over a century? When will it all be enough?" She turned to face him again. "And now I've died again. How the hell is Spike supposed to learn to live with that? How is Angel supposed to learn to deal with it? When will the torment be enough to satisfy these guys?"
Stepping away from the pool she sighed. The fight was almost over now both of them were wailing on the last demon.
"Look if I had the answers I wouldn't be the messenger I would be up there running the show. I don't know what they thought they could expect from any of you. So much is left to chance the whole free will thing is a big kick of theirs. Leaves just enough room for doubt. You feel like your all just a bunch of play things for them and in a way you're right. This isn't their reality it's yours. To them sure the big cosmic joke thing is a hoot in a half. So no I don't know the answer. Maybe no one really does."
"No I guess they don't. And it would have been nice to actually have a choice with my little death scene there. Free will my ass. You show me where I could have made another decision and have it work out."
"That's the thing you could have chosen not to have things work out. To sacrifice Angel's son to the fact that you wanted to live. But you didn't. You could have done any number of things but that was the choice you made."
"Forgive me if I'm not really convinced. Why are we here any way? Are you just here to chat with me before I move on or is this some form of torture?"
"I told you they wanted to reward you."
"I really don't understand you. I thought restoring my soul and closing the hellmouth were my reward."
"Nope just a means to an end. You couldn't have released the power in the dagger without having your soul restored and well they thought closing that hellmouth was long overdue. I mean how many times has it almost been opened? It was just getting annoying. Besides there are still five more out there."
"Great to know that they could have just sealed it anytime." She gave him a glare that told him how frustrated she was with the whole thing.
"No not anytime just this time. They wanted you to have the chance you did with Spike. Originally they thought the two of you would get more then two good weeks together. The Senior Partners were the ones that did the screwing with there."
"So what is it then?"
"Another choice."
"FUCK!" She threw her hands into the air and paced away from him. "Do you know how sick and tired I am of all this? All of it? What the hell have I got to do to have just a little peace? Every time I think I finally found it be it in heaven or on earth someone comes by and destroys it. I can't take any more." Her voice had died down to a whisper and she was pretty sure there were tears falling from her eyes.
"Don't you think you should hear what you’re going to be choosing from first?" He gave her a sympathetic smile. "I told you this is a reward. Buck up already. Choice number one you can move on from here go back to heaven with the knowledge that everyone you care about will be all right with the exception of the three other warriors. They of course have their destinies to follow. Or you can choose door number two."
"And I'm almost afraid to ask."
"Simple we send you back. You get to live out the rest of your life in the manner in which you see fit. The only difference would be that they would no longer expect you to be the Chosen One any more. You get to keep all the extra Slayer bonuses but you won't be tied to that obligation any longer. That's Faith's job now."
"What's the catch?" At his disbelieving look she rolled her eyes. "There's always a catch."
"No not this time. The choice is as straight forward as that. Live again or go to heaven. Period."
"Why do I have a hard time believing that?" She walked over to one of the chairs and sat down.
He didn't give her the dignity of a response.
"How long do I have before I decide?"
"Actually you need to make the choice in the next few minutes."
"No pressure huh?" Her sarcasm lacked its usual bite as she rose distracted to walk back to the pool.
Her eyes fixed on the tableau in front of her. Angel was unchaining Connor and lowering him to the floor of the cavern as she watched Spike finally finished with the fight sink to his knees as sobs shook his thin frame. Her heart lurched in her chest, if indeed it was still there in this spirit plane; feeling like someone was trying to rip it out.
His pain was almost something she could reach out and touch, something that was almost visible pouring of his body in waves. His hands were covering his face now and she could only let her tears fall as she watched Angel place a hand on his shoulder and squeeze it.
The contact seemed to startle him and he looked up at Angel the anguish etched into his beautiful features.
Her decision was already made maybe before she even had the choice.
**********
Everything was dark again not the complete and utter blackness of before but dark nonetheless. A sudden series of sensations slammed into her.
First was pain, deep searing pain of the like she would never like to feel again. Then a burning in her chest as she suddenly had the notion that she had not taken a needed breath in a while. It took a second for her mind to convince the muscles to function accordingly and pull the oxygen in.
The cool air caused her throat to constrict and she started to cough. The jarring of her body caused the pain to deepen and her eyes finally opened only to squint at the bright light around her. Okay the light wasn't really bright but her eyes had been closed for a bit now and the light in the cavern was not her friend.
In the midst of all this she had the idea that she wasn't lying flat on the ground any more. Which when she thought about it was kind of odd. Forcing her eyes back open she tried to see what was going on around her.
"Take it easy Buffy. That's it slow even breaths."
The voice was soft but distinctly British.
Turning her head slightly she could finally see the rougher features of the new and improved Wesley. She was resting half in his lap her head elevated and she could feel his hands applying pressure to her sternum. Dear God was she still bleeding?
She opened her mouth to speak and could see the frown start to form on the mans face. Okay so no talking apparently.
Damn Whistler when he said they were just going to send her back couldn't they have at least healed the big slash she'd gotten from that sword. She really hated that stupid demon.
She took a slightly deeper breath cringing when the pain came with it.
"Spike?" She whispered his name.
"They haven't come back yet but I'm sure their fine." She didn't have the strength to tell him that she wasn't worried about the fight since she had seen it all. He didn't know that.
He seemed to be staring intently at her. She raised her eyebrow in question at least that way it wouldn't hurt.
There was a rumbling in the cavern the ground gave a soft pitch and roll. Buffy rolled her eyes this couldn't be good.
"We may have to get out of here."
She really wished it wouldn't hurt to talk because that sentence? Can we say understatement of the century? She just wished the others would hurry up.
As if in answer she could hear the sound of footsteps coming into the chamber. Well footsteps at first and then one set of feet thudding at a run toward her. She managed to turn her head in time to see Spike land on his knees in front of her.
"Buffy?" The tears in his eyes didn't hurt her nearly as much when there was such joy in his voice.
She pushed a small tight smile his way and lifted her hand enough to cover his.
No matter how much pain she was in she couldn't help but let out a genuine smile as his mouth flew over her face covering her in gentle butterfly kisses.
She couldn't even make out what he was saying he was shaking so much.
It was then that the cavern moved again. Apparently getting rid of the Senior Partners wasn't agreeing with this dimension.
"We've got to go now!" That was Angel and she had to agree.
She was lifted gently in Spike's arms and even though she knew that each step he took was going to be a new lesson in agony she couldn't think of a better place to be. Burying her head in his neck she held on tightly and gave a contented sigh before she passed out from the pain.
She'd chosen Heaven after all.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I had posted this chapter previously and it was unfortunately lost when the site went down. If you did review it please feel free to do so again so I can see it. Thank you all for reading.