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Author's Chapter Notes:
Warning Character Death.

Don't rightly know if anyone will really care but don't want to shock anyone who would too much.

By the way the reviews have been great and I just can't tell you how much I appreciate all of them. Thank you.

Please review and let me know what you think. THANKS SO MUCH!
God she was bored. Not just the I haven't done anything lately kind of bored but the I'm-stuck-in-the-house-with-nothing-to-do-and-oodles-of-energy kind of bored.

She had straightened the living room, paced the apartment like six times, rearranged their meager video collection three times, tried hard to get involved in an episode of Jerry Springer, wrote her sister a letter ripped it up and wrote a second letter. Nothing was holding her interest in the slightest.

The only thing of course that would be worse is the fact that she didn't have to work tonight, it was pouring buckets outside so she couldn't go slay anything and her vampire roommate was still sleeping even though it was nearing seven-thirty. She knew it was close to dusk and he was still shut away in his room. Meaning that she had to keep trying to be quiet and after six straight hours of boredom it was wearing on her nerves.

She had thought about going out anywhere really just to get out of the apartment but having only been here for a week she was still a little unsure about finding her own way around.

So here she was stuck in the apartment feeling slightly more like a caged animal as each second ticked by.

Grunting in frustration she had finally had enough and made her way back to her room to get her coat. Wet or not she was going to find something to beat the hell out of and get rid of this sudden burst of energy she was gifted with. Shrugging it onto her shoulders she fumbled her keys into her hand and walked out of the door.

As she stepped out onto the street she immediately started to grumble as her shoes and socks soon became soaked. Even though they only lived a few blocks from the nearest cemetery the walk seemed to take forever. The rain beating in her face and her feet constantly stepping into puddles gave her the feeling that this wasn't one of her better ideas. But it was too late now she was out here and she may as well make the best of it.

But her luck, as in bad, was still holding and try as she might there wasn't a thing that she could sink a stake into about. Maybe they were all tucked away from the rain like she should have been. Irony thy name is Buffy.

A half hour of trudging through wet grass and mud was a half hour way too much and dejected she began to make her way back home. Her pace was quick her shoulders hunched as the drenching rain made its way past her flimsy coat to run down her neck and soak the rest of her. With a few choice mumbles about uncooperative members of the undead she opened the door of the apartment.

Peeling her useless coat off she hung it on the hook on the back of the door. Sighing at the way her wet clothes were clinging to her skin she toed off her shoes and turned around.

He was finally up she noticed.

"Spike, hi-" the rest of the words died in her throat as she took in the sight before her.

He was standing in the center of the living room. There were streams of tears tracking down his face, the drops falling from his chin and his thin frame was trembling slightly. But it was his eyes she noticed. The blue orbs that she had seen glare with rage, shine with sadness, light with glee, cloud with passion and sparkle with mirth were staring at her blankly. She could read nothing in those eyes now.

"Spike?" He showed no sign of having heard her or even that she had walked into the room.

Without a response she was unsure of what to do. She took a few steps closer and tried again. "Spike?"

He still didn't respond and she kept moving forward unable to tear her eyes away from his. Standing in front of him now she reached out with a hesitant hand barely touching his arm.

"Spike what is it?" She was unsure if it was the sound of her voice or the touch of her hand that finally reached him but it really didn't matter.

"Buffy." The sound of her name was almost drowned out by the sobs that started to rip through his throat. He had dropped to his knees, his arms reaching around her blindly, his head pressed against her waist as his body was racked with the force of his tears.

She was shocked for a moment still uncertain of how to respond to him. Kicking herself mentally, she ran her hand through his hair and murmured words of comfort to him. She interspersed reassuring him with the occasional query of what was so wrong. Buffy lost all track of time as he sobbed into her.

When it seemed that his shaking was less she took her finger and tilted his chin so he could look at her.

"Spike come on and sit on the couch okay?" At his weak nod she helped him to his feet and led him over to the couch. When he was sitting she placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I'm just going to put on some dry clothes and I'll be right back promise."

He looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time. "You're wet." His voice was hoarse from the crying.

She gave him a gentle nod. "It's raining. I'll be right back okay?" His head had dropped again and she left the room, headed for her bedroom.

Once inside she dressed quickly barely glancing at the sweats and t-shirt she slipped into. Running a towel quickly through her wet hair she tossed it aside unwilling to leave him alone for to long.

As she walked back into the living room she watched him as he sat, his legs pulled up to his chest head buried in his knees.
She stood in front of him for a moment wondering what she should do. At a complete loss of what would be the best thing to do for him when she didn't even know what was wrong. It was hard to admit but the way he was acting was starting to scare her just a bit.

Her hand had found its own way back to his shoulder and she was glad to see him focus on her with the contact.

"Spike would you like some hot chocolate? It won't be as good as Mom made but it'll work." She felt a sudden feeling of relief that she was channeling her mother. Her Mom had always known what to do to make others feel warm and comforted. It was a gift Buffy was sure she would never have. It's sudden appearance here was welcome because she really had no idea how to help him.

"It won't take a minute." She squeezed his shoulder and walked into the kitchen quickly grabbing a pot. As it heated she searched the cupboards not really thinking about what she was looking for. When she reached the third one she was surprised to see a package of the little marshmallows her mom had kept around just for Spike. She wondered when she had picked that up. They had only been to the grocery store twice since they had moved in and she couldn't recall purchasing them. Shrugging and feeling that it so didn't matter right at the moment she poured the drinks into two mugs and added the puffy treats. Grabbing a box of tissues also she headed back into the room.

Setting the items on the coffee table she sat down next to him. She gave him a moment as he took the mug and sipped at the warm liquid. When he had replaced it on the table she turned towards him slightly.

"Spike what is it?" What happened?"

The haunted look in his eyes was tearing at her insides.

"Dru." Even though she hadn't any clue about what had caused such a massive amount of grief from him the name still took her aback a bit. As the last bit of her name passed his lips his tears started again.

Now her hand had found its way to his knee.

"What about Drusilla, Spike?"

"She's... She's... Oh God." The tears were a torrent now.

"Spike?" When had her voice gotten so soft, so full of compassion?

"She's dead." As his sobs began she instinctively pulled him against her, holding him tightly. His head was buried in her chest, his tear choked gasps pulling at her heart. She gently rocked him unable to say anything even remotely sensible hoping that her presence would be enough.

She waited patiently as he struggled to regain control of himself. With his last shaky breath she pulled away slightly reaching for a tissue. Handing it to him she watched as he wiped the water from his face.

"When? How?" Stupid questions she knew but it was the only thing she could ask.

"She was my Sire Buffy. Felt it. Like some bloke took a knife and gutted me in my sleep. Woke up that way." Satisfied that for the moment he would be able to talk she let him have a little more space.

"What do you mean you felt it?" Even though it was questioning her voice still had that same soft quality she had always associated with her mom.

"Bleedin' vampire ain't I? Felt it through our bond." His eyes were red rimmed from the shed tears and his voice was rough and tired.

"I'm sorry." It surprised her that she actually was. Not that Drusilla was dead of course. That wouldn't be right. She was still an evil murdering vampire and truth be told Buffy had never gotten over the fact that Spike's old flame had slashed Kendra's throat. Not to mention the little fiasco two years ago in his crypt. Dru had been all for the killing off of Slayers. The other thing she wouldn't tell anyone is that she had wished she had gotten the chance to take on the demented vamp herself. After all she was the only one left who she could blame the whole Acaltha thing on. She couldn't hold it against Angel and he had gone to hell because of it. And Spike had helped her stop Angelus so that left Dru. The last member of an evil foursome that wasn't so much with the evil any more.

But she was sorry for him. That it affected him this much and caused him this much pain.

She didn't need to question why. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know that he had cared deeply about the raving loon for more than a century. And even though Buffy was certain now that he was no longer in love with her didn't mean that he didn't love her at all. Her concern for her friend grew as she could feel the stirrings of long forgotten memory. She knew exactly what it was like to lose someone you loved.

His head was tilted to her and she wasn't quite sure if it was in surprise or acknowledgement.

"Is there anything I can do?"

He seemed taken aback by the question. "No luv. But thank you."

"Can I ask something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Go ahead pet."

"Why I mean how is it so different for you. Not that I'm comparing the two of you but when Angel and Darla..." She didn't quite know how to finish wording the question.

"I forgot that you were there for that. You mean why could Angel sink a stake into his Sire and walk away?" She nodded. "The Sire/Childe bond is what you first feel when you wake up as a vamp, that and the need to feed. Sires use it to control and teach the Childe but like any other bond if we don't renew it once in awhile it can fade. It'll still be there but not as strong. Peaches hadn't renewed with Darla in over a hundred years pet. Bloody soul made her toss him out. But Dru and I..." She looked on as his face grimaced with pain. "It's only been five years. Our bond was still very strong. We used to renew it quite often."

"So you could still sense her through it?"

He nodded his composure seemed to be slipping. "Just enough to know if she was close by or when.."

Her hand went back to his knee and gave him a gentle pat. "Do you want something to eat?"

Swift and sudden change of topic. He blinked twice at her. "No. Don't think I could eat anything."

"Do you want me to go?"

"I don't understand."

"Well I mean if you wanted to be alone I could..."

"No I don't understand why you're like this."

She looked deep into his eyes wishing for the world that she could help erase the pain in them.

"Because you're my friend Spike. Because I care."

The answer seemed to satisfy him.

"Could you stay? Don't really want to be alone right now."

"Sure." She repositioned herself against the back of the sofa.

Not the least bit surprised when his head came to rest on her shoulder she placed a welcoming arm around his shoulders.





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