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Chapter 16

Willow left the medical centre just in time to see Xander disappearing into one of the buildings at the end of the courtyard. She called after him, but he showed no sign of having heard. Just kept on walking. Hitching her bag full of books onto her shoulder, she hurried after him. This was one bit of news she wanted to share straight away. Boy, was this going to put a smile on his face.

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Buffy leaned back onto her elbows and looked around Spike’s study. He was one messy puppy, she decided. Stacks of stuff everywhere. Files, books, papers. Dirty mugs, empty cigarette packets. He very obviously wasn’t much with the housekeeping. She wondered whether she ought to have a quick tidy up for him. No, that was so old Buffy, she decided. She leaned right back so she was lying down, staring at the ceiling, legs swinging over the side of the desk. New Buffy would lie here, spread across the papers and half-written notes, and wait for her lover to return.

Ten minutes later, she was still waiting. Where on earth was he?

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Spike sat on one side of the stairwell, Xander on the other. Their positions were a mirror image of the other. Elbows on knees, hands hanging loosely in between. Heads bowed. Spike, for once, was at a loss for words. How did he explain this to Xander? There was no rational explanation for what was happening. You saw someone, fell in love, then moved hell and high water to be with them. Regardless of who you hurt? You swept your old life aside to make room for the new one. Wasn’t that how it worked? You couldn’t have it all. There was always a price, and his friendship with Xander? Well, that had always been in the mix. From the moment he’d set eyes on Buffy, this had been going to happen. No-one had to like it though.

He raised his head slightly, and looked at his friend. Not just his friend, his best friend. The blue folder dangled from his hands. A couple of months hard work. Xander, the computer buff, Spike, the creative genius. They had a good thing going. Work partners, best mates. And right now it was all hanging in the balance.

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Xander looked fixedly at his shoes. Dru. What the hell was going to happen with her now? Spike had been good for her. The one thing grounding her. When she found out about this, she wouldn’t be able to handle it. God know what she’d do. He let the folder drop, wondering what the point was any more. How could he trust Spike after this? He’d let him make an ass-hole of himself on that date with Buffy. God, that must have given them both a good laugh. Bloody Spike. Wasn’t one woman enough for him? He always had to have a bloody harem following him around. And Dru, sitting at home, all dolled up, waiting for her boyfriend. Whatever she’d done, she deserved better than this. Spike could have at least had the decency to do this properly. The bastard.

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The smile on Willow’s face faded as she looked first at Xander, then at Spike. Oh my god. Her first thought was of Buffy. Something’s happened to her. Then she realised it was Buffy - but not in the way she’d first thought. He’d found out. The thing they’d all been carefully keeping from him. And she’d been a part of the deception. He would have realised straight away that she must have known. She sat down quietly beside him, offering comfort, but not knowing whether he’d want it from her now. He didn’t acknowledge her. She wanted to put her arms around him, but she didn’t dare. Not until he gave her permission. The prescription burned a hole in her pocket. It didn’t seem important any more. The only thing that was important right now was Xander. And would he forgive them?

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Buffy checked out her watch for the twentieth time. Where on earth had he got to? Maybe the prof had cornered him somewhere and wouldn’t let him go? She blew out a long breath and swung herself up, thinking she might go and find him. Realised she should probably stay put. God, she’d been hot for him. But where the hell was he?

She got up and rubbed the back of her neck. Picked up one of his papers. A half-finished poem. Was it about her? No. She let it drop. Wandered about the small space idly plucking at books. Wondering if she had time to leave him a love-note in his desk drawer. Deciding she had. Opening the drawer, finding the photograph.

Spike and Dru. At a fun-fair, it looked like. Both pulling funny faces at the camera. They looked happy. She put the photo back and shut the drawer. Time to find him. It was getting late, anyway and their spontaneous moment seemed to have passed. She picked up his keys and locked the door after her. Which way, corridor or stairs? She decided on stairs and almost tripped over them as she ran down. Spike, Xander and Willow. Looking like they’d just been to a funeral. What the heck was going on?

“Oh, here you are."

Xander flashed her a brief look. Not his usual cheery grin. Willow gave her a watery smile, and Spike didn’t look up at all. Just held out his arm to her. She sat down next to him and he pulled her in, his hand gently squeezing her arm.

“So," she said looking round. "What’s up?”

Xander looked up again, this time looking her squarely in the eye. “I thought you might be able to answer that.”

“Me, why should...Spike?”

He ran his free hand through his hair. “He saw us Buff, outside.”

“Oh.” It was all she could think of to say. Yes, he had a right to feel slightly annoyed that Spike had chucked Dru for her, but they weren’t doing anything wrong. Had gone well out of their way to do this properly. Then it dawned on her. She’d told Willow that Dru wouldn’t give up that easily. Maybe she wasn’t.

“Xander, what’s Dru been saying?”

“Not a lot. Mostly crying, really.”

He was still staring at her. Resentment, that’s what it was. “Look,” she was choosing her words carefully. "I can understand that you might be a bit upset...”

“A bit? Are you for real? My sister, my sis...” He shook his head and closed his eyes, then tried again. "My sister is waiting at home for him and what do I see? You two practically having it off, in front of everyone out there. How long has this been going on?”

Buffy looked at Spike. He didn’t seem in any hurry at all to join in with their defence. “Spike, tell him.”

“What’s the point? He’s already got me pegged as the bad guy. Come on Buff, we’re going.”

He started to stand up, but she pulled him back down. “No, Spike, you can’t just run away from this. You two have to talk, sort this out. “ Spike was still pulling away from her but she had him anchored by a handful of his coat. He could have broken free at any time, but thankfully he didn’t. She saw the blue folder lying on the floor. There was more at stake here than a friendship. And poor Willow looked terrified. No-one seemed to be taking any notice of her at all.

She felt Spike relax a bit as he sat back down. Good. Neither of them was leaving here until they’d had this out, she decided. Drusilla, much as she felt sorry for her, was not going to spoil the best thing that had ever happened to the four of them. She wriggled out of Spike’s hold and handed him his study keys.

“Here.” He didn’t take them at first, looked slightly mystified, so she took his hand and folded them into it. “You two are going upstairs, and you are going to sort this out. Me and Willow, we’ll be waiting here.” She nodded encouragement at Spike, who was giving her a strange look. Perhaps it was too early in their relationship to be bossing him about like this. Perhaps he wouldn’t go, and she’d be left here looking stupid. But, spoilt rich kid that she was, if she walked away with him now - and that would be by far the easiest option - it would be the most selfish thing she’d ever done.

He stared at the keys for a few moments, pushed himself up, patting her shoulder as he did so, then started up the stairs. For a moment she thought Xander wasn’t going to follow, but to her relief, he got to his feet at last. He grabbed Willow’s hand, pulled her up and planted a hard kiss on her lips. He was gone before she had a chance to react, following Spike up the stairs and leaving them alone.

Willow put her hands to her lips, her eyes wide and bright with unshed tears. Buffy stood up, pulling her into a hug and they clung to each other. Dru wasn’t going to spoil this. What the hell had she been telling Xander? Buffy suddenly didn’t feel sorry for her at all. Dru was a manipulative bitch. Their one meeting had been enough to show her that. And if she thought there was anything that she could do that would make her walk away from Spike now, then she was wrong. So wrong.

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“Okay, who’s going first?” Spike sat himself down on the corner of his desk and indicated the chair to Xander.

“I’ll stand.” Xander remained stubbornly by the door.

“For god’s sake, sit down.” Spike pulled out his cigarette packet and lighter. Never gonna give up at this rate. “Last thing I need now is the poor little hard-done-by Xander act.”

“Oh, that’s right. Make fun. Bloody hobby of yours, right? Let’s all laugh at Xander. Hey, let’s just shag right under his nose. He won’t notice.”

Spike thought about the cigarettes, then threw them down on the desk. “You finished?”

Xander just glared at him, his face still slightly red from his outburst.

“Okay, this is how it is. Me and..."

“Dru’s at home waiting for you. Do you know what this is going to do to her?”

“Will you let me finish?” Spike was hanging onto his temper by a thread, but he knew that if he messed this up now, there’d be no going back. Xander could be stubborn as hell when he wanted to be, and he had the added complication of family loyalty to contend with. He tried again, more calmly this time. “Make up your mind. Am I talking, or you?”

Xander grudgingly stomped over to the chair and sat down. He waved his hand indicating that Spike should continue.

“Right. This thing with Buffy. It just happened. Wasn’t planned this way. But we moved hell and high water to do this properly. Drusilla and me are finished. Been finished a long time. You know that Xander.”

Xander shook his head. “Then why’s she waiting at home for you right now? Just come from there, and she’s screaming the place down. Mum’s crying. Dad’s disappeared into his shed and won’t come out. It’s like a bloody mad-house.”

“It’s finished Xan. Not my fault if she didn’t hear it.” It felt a bit cold saying it like that, but it was the truth and needed saying.

"But how...?" Xander ran a hand through his hair. "She would have said..."

"Would she? You know what she's like Xan." Spike chose his words carefully. Xander needed to hear this, probably wouldn't be surprised. But it would hurt him all the same. "I finished with Dru. Spelled it out to her. And no, she didn't take it well, but I left her with your mum and dad and...I want to move on with my life Xan. She's in with a bad bunch. There's this guy, Johnny. He gives her stuff." Spike didn't think Xander needed to know the whole sordid details. But he did need to know what Dru was up to. For all their sakes. He continued. "Like I said, Buffy and me, we both tried our best to do this properly."

“But she needs you Spike.” Xander’s face was crumpling. “You were the best thing that happened to her. You know what she was like before. If she goes there again...she’s not coming back.”

Spike should have felt sorry for him, but instead all he felt was anger that they were still trying to dump the solution to Dru’s woes on him.

“I am not the answer to Dru’s problems. I am not her salvation, and I won’t be held responsible for what happens to her. You know I did what I could, right?”

Xander didn’t answer.

“Right? Answer me Xan. Yeah, me and Dru were happy once, but she was always going this way. I’ll help in any way I can, but I’m not being emotionally blackmailed by you or your family. That’s what this is Xan. If anything happens to Dru, it won’t be my fault. Just like it won’t be yours, or your mum and Dad’s. We’ve all done what we could. God help her.” The cigarettes suddenly looked damned inviting. Spike lit one up, savoured the calming effect of the first drag, flicked the ash into a dirty mug.

“No-one’s laughing at you Xan. Do you know what it took for me to set that date up with Buffy for you? I was willing to stand back and let that happen. Gotta give me some points for that.”

“Oh yeah.” Xander picked up one of Spike’s papers and stared at it. “You’re a right saint, aren’t you?” He threw it back down on the desk. “But you knew you had nothing to worry about, right? Knew we wouldn’t last the one date.”

“Is that what this is about? You still fancy Buffy?”

“What? No! Christ Spike, how could you think that?”

“Well, you just virtually said it.”

“I bloody well did not.”

“Good, just checking. ‘Cause if you did, well, then we’d have to do the whole manly, fighting thing and...” Spike touched the scar on his eye and gave a small laugh. “Well, I just did that.”

Xander pulled a face, which turned into something vaguely resembling a smile. “You never did know when to back off.”

“What, and you never beat seven types of shit out of me virtually every day when we were at school?”

“Yeah, well you were such a poncy bugger.”

“Happy days eh? Wanna ask you something Xan.”

“Yeah, well I’m not sure I wanna answer.”

Spike felt himself relaxing. God that had been hard, but he could tell that Xander was coming back. Whatever shit he’d come in with, he’d worked through it. He envied him that. Xander was stubborn, but he was also incredibly resilient. He always seemed to bounce back from whatever life threw at him, pick himself up and move on. Spike was counting on that now.

“If I asked you to give up Willow, would you?”

Xander looked a little confused. “Why should I...you don’t...”

“Cool it man. I don’t have the hots for her. It’s just a question. Would you?”

“No, I wouldn’t.” Xander sounded very sure of himself on that one. “Can’t think of a single reason would make me give her up.”

“Then put yourself in my shoes, Xan. Would you give up Willow to stay with Dru?”

Xander stood up. “Okay, you clever sod, you got me there. This is the bit where I say yeah, Dru’s a loony and you’re better off out of it. Can’t blame you for wanting Buffy instead. But I’m into this conflicted family loyalty crap and you can’t blame me for shooting my mouth off about it sometimes. Does that cover everything?”

Spike stubbed out his cigarette and stood up. “Pretty much.” He indicated the door. “Shall we?”

------------------------------

Buffy went in search of a coffee machine and came back with two cups. She handed one to Willow and settled down opposite her.

“Do you think they’ll talk, Buffy, ‘cause men aren’t big with the talking are they?

“Cheer up Will. Spike is very big with the talking. If any-one can sort Xander out, it’s him.”

They both sipped their coffee in silence for a moment.

“He looked so angry Buffy. Didn’t even seem to know I was there.”

“And that kiss wasn’t straight out of a romantic novel? Don’t worry Will. He wouldn’t have done that if he was going to dump you.”

“You think he might dump me?” Willow’s eyes went very wide. “Buffy, I couldn’t bear it if he did.”

“Calm down, will you?” What a stupid thing to say. “He’s not gonna dump you. It’s pretty clear he’s mad about you.”

“You think?”

“Well, yeah, duh.”

“And you and Spike, you looked really, together.”

“I guess so. And this is worth fighting for Willow. I’m not letting Dru spoil this for any of us.”

They lapsed into silence again as a troop of students made their way down the stairs past them.

Buffy picked up the folder that was still lying where it had fallen. She opened it and peeked inside.

They were all there. Neatly sketched out, the characters for the new game. Spike the vampire, Willow the witch, Xander the fearless vampire hunter and Buffy the maiden in distress. She slid the paper back in, a lump forming in her throat. She'd been in England so short a time, and already there were things here more valuable, and precious than anything back home. Even her dad, as central to her life as he'd always been, was someone she was learning to live without as she found herself really growing up.

“So you’re sure he won’t want to dump me?”

“Calm down Willow, any minute now they’re going to walk down these stairs, all best buddies and all sorted, and...oh god, they’re coming. Smiley face, quick!”

Buffy managed a tentative smile, Willow, a very wobbly one.

“How does he look Buffy?”

“He looks...”

Xander swept past her, walked up to Willow and picked her up. She gave a little squeal as he spun round and carried her off towards the exit.

“Like he’s just stepped out of that romantic novel,” Buffy finished. Then she spotted Willow’s bag full of books. “Wait...”

“I don’t think they’re going to be wanting that.” It was Spike. “Got other things on his mind, I think.”

“Spike.” Buffy spun round and flung herself on him, nearly knocking them both over in the process. Spike grabbed her round the waist, and pulled her in for a kiss.

“Isn’t this where we came in?”

Buffy kissed him back, her heart flooding with relief. Xander and Willow seemed okay, and Spike wouldn’t be smiling if it hadn’t gone well. Would he?

“Spike,” she managed between kisses. “How did it go with Xander?”

“He’s cool.” Spike was lifting up her hair and placing light kisses on her neck. “Let’s go home.”

Buffy wriggled as he hit a sensitive spot. “Cool as in okay?”

“Yeah, no problem, god I want you Buffy.”

“As in problem solved?”

“I want you so much, it hurts. Let’s go.” He took her hand and pulled her down the corridor after him.

“Did you tell him you finished with Dru?” Buffy suddenly remembered Willow’s bag, and broke free, running back for it. Spike grabbed her again as she ran back to him and guided her through the doors.

“Have to be my place, never make it to yours.”

Buffy was having to run to keep up with him. “What do you think Dru will do?”

“No idea, where are the bloody keys?” He searched his pockets, found them and unlocked the car. “You make me so bloody hot, Buffy, do you know that?”

“Yeah, I was beginning to get that impression.” She shimmied into the car, all thoughts of Dru evaporating with the look he was giving her. “What’s with the caveman stuff, Spike?” She leaned forward suggestively. “I like it.”

He hooked a hand around the back of her head and pulled her in for another mind-blowing kiss. Buffy forgot about Dru completely. They both had adrenaline to burn off, and what better way to do it than this?

“Let’s go to my place,” she whispered. “Gotta Jacuzzi.”

She nearly laughed out loud at the look he gave her.

“Condoms.” He was definitely having trouble breathing. “They’re at my place.”

“We can stop off.”

He nodded and strapped himself into his seat belt. “Bloody hell Buffy, if I had one on me now, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself.”

“In the middle of a car park?” Buffy tried to sound scandalised, but she was finding the idea more than a little thrilling.

Spike started up the engine. “Didn’t stop those two.”

“Who, oh-my-god.” Buffy’s hand went over her mouth as she realised which car he was pointing to.

“Yeah,” Spike grinned broadly as he manoeuvred the car out of the space. “Looks like the Love Machine got christened at last.”





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