Chapter 24


I can do this.

Spike stood in front of the hospital's main entrance and watched the sliding doors moving back and forth as people entered and exited. He hadn't been near a hospital since that day his mum had died, and Buffy had wanted to go with him, but he knew she'd understood when he'd told her it was something he needed to do alone.

He was closing two chapters in his life. Coming to terms with his mum's death meant finally realising that she hadn't abandoned him. Then perhaps he could start to forgive his dad for the way he'd been after she'd died. And he wanted that, it was about time the rift was healed. Maybe he was just getting philosophical with age but suddenly things like that were starting to seem important.

And of course, Dru. His first real love, and he had loved her, he realised. And even though he knew now that she may not have loved him back with the same passion that he'd felt, she would always be a part of his life. He owed her this last visit, and they both needed the closure.

She'd been asking for him, in the times when she'd been conscious and he'd meant it when he'd told Xander that he wouldn't abandon her.

So what are you waiting for, get in there man. Do this, then you've got your whole life ahead of you. You've got a beautiful woman who loves you, and life looks good.

And heck, he was going to start crying.

He hastily wiped his eyes with his sleeve, looking around to see if anyone had seen, but nobody was taking any notice of him. Not for the crying anyway. If they noticed him, it was because of the leather coat and the bleached hair that he'd forgotten to gel this morning so that it was curling wildly instead of slicked back as he liked it to be. Maybe it was time to change the image, grow up a bit. Everything we do, everyone we meet, they all help us on our way, they change us, even if we don't want them to, he thought as he watched the doors slide one last time. Dru had, and so would Buffy.

I can do this

He took a deep breath and walked in through the doors.

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Buffy hadn't bitten her nails since she was thirteen. She remembered the foul tasting stuff she used to paint on them to stop her doing it, and she hadn't done it since. Until now.

She'd watched Spike walking resolutely across the car park and she'd really wanted to be with him, but she knew that right now he didn't need her. This was something that only he could do, it was a part of his life and the only support she could offer him was to let him go do it.

Now wasn't the time to get possessive or territorial, and she felt that more and more these days. It was almost as if they had something so good that it couldn't last, and she had to be on her guard every moment in case something stole it away. It didn't help that he was one hot guy, of course, and that everywhere they went she had to fend off Spike's fan club. Still, she could think of worse things to complain about. My boyfriend's so hot that every woman wants him, but he's mine. Yeah, that gave her a good feeling.

She stopped with the nails and picked up a magazine, but all she saw on the pages were pictures of Spike and images of the last few months they'd spent together. The first time he'd kissed her, and how guilty they'd both felt about it. How she'd cried when they'd made love and it had scared him half to death. And how he'd looked when she'd said she was leaving him.

She didn't ever want to leave him again. Wasn't sure exactly how he felt about it but she couldn't see a future without him now. She hadn't told him that she'd put the house up for sale, it was far too big for her anyway. If she was going to stay in England, and the prof had already told her he'd be more than happy to have her finish her degree at the university, then she was going to need a place that she could really call her own.

And it needed to be a place for the Buffy that she was now, not for the Buffy who'd come here with all that baggage, both literal and emotional, last September. She was a different woman now, perhaps still not the woman she would eventually become, but for the first time in her life she felt that she was really on her way to getting there.

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"Dru." Spike tried not to let the shock of her appearance show on his face, but it was hard. The doctors and nurses bustling about, the monitors and tubes, they were scary enough, without seeing someome you cared about in the midst of it all.

"Spike?" She turned her head, a hint of a smile forming. "I didn't think you'd come."

He took her hand in both of his, heck he was finding this a lot harder than he thought he would. He'd been angry when she'd overdosed. A strange reaction, but it had felt to him at the time almost like she'd done it on purpose to spoil the happiness he'd found with Buffy. As if Dru was always going to be a shadow over everything they did. But now, as he looked at her he felt ashamed of how selfish his reaction had been.

"Course I came, you daft thing. What have you been doing to yourself?"

"Bad things Spike." She managed a little squeeze of his hand, then looked away. "I've been really stupid."

"No you..."

"I have. I let you go, and I nearly killed myself. Stupid doesn't even begin to cover it."

"I'm sorry for how it happened." He didn't know what else to say, and he couldn't feel any more guilty about it if he tried. He knew he didn't have a lot to feel guilty about, but he felt it anyway.

She looked back at him, smiling again. Making an effort for him, he realised. "I'm going to try really hard this time. You know, to make a life for myself. You go do the same Spike."

"Thanks Dru, I needed to hear you say that."

"I know, that's why I said it."

She winked at him, a small flash of the Dru he'd loved returning for a moment, and that's when he realised that she was going to be okay. The fighting spirit was still there.

"I know what it means, you coming here after what happened to your mum. Thank you Spike."

He leaned down and kissed her cheek, his eyes blurry with tears. "See you at Xan's wedding?"

"Yeah, gotta see you in a tux. Going to be a good laugh."

"It will that, bye love."

"Bye Spike."

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"How was she?"

Spike threw down his cigarette, taking a moment to look at it before he stubbed it out. Okay, that was the last one. No more.

"She looked really rough."

"But she's going to pull through?" Buffy turned the key in the ignition and started the car.

"Yeah, going into rehab. I felt so sorry for her."

Buffy pulled into the stream of traffic, and turned the car for Spike's flat. "She was a big part of your life, bound to affect you."

"Yeah," Spike rubbed his eyes. "I didn't realise just how much it would though, and all those memories of mum..."

She squeezed his arm. "You don't have to say anything, you did it, and that's good. Are you gonna see your dad?"

"Next time he's home, yeah. You coming?"

"Try and stop me. Saw him on the news couple of nights ago, he's really hot!"

Spike managed a smile for the first time that day. "Don't you go fancying my dad. Only bloke I want you fancying is me."

"Oh, I do Spike, don't worry about that. What d'you say to me putting that leather top on when we get back?"

"And me taking it off you?"

"Yeah, that's the general idea."

They both lapsed into silence, the air growing thick with anticipation as Buffy manouevred the car into a parking space outside Spike's flat. She didn't get the chance to put the top on because the minute they'd got inside Spike was kissing her passionately and nothing mattered but what they were doing to each other right then.

And as they made love all she could think about was how she only had to look at him and she wanted him. She wanted him so much, that sometime she couldn't think of anything else. He only had to look at her and her legs turned to jelly. She was never letting him go. He was hers, now and forever.

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He couldn't get close enough. She was his angel, his sex goddess and his anchor. And he was hers till the end of time. He came with her name on his lips as he always did, and afterwards he held her so tightly that she wriggled out of his embrace and looked at him long and hard.

"Will we live happily ever after, Spike?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"What do you mean, you think so?"

"Okay, I know so."

"That's better."

She settled back into his waiting arms as they both drifted into sleep.

"Goodnight Spike."

Goodnight Buffy."

"Goodnight Johnboy."

"Who?"

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A. N. Johnboy was in the Waltons, remember them?
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Epilogue.

End of the year.

"Oh Willow, I can't believe it. Two weeks time and you'll be Mrs Harris." Buffy grabbed her friend and engulfed her in a gigantic hug. "I'm gonna miss you."

"Me too Buffy. It's been kinda fun, hasn't it?"

"Kinda fun?" Xander slipped his arm around her. "Only kinda fun?"

"Okay." Willow snuggled up to him. "It's been the best, most romantic, sexiest time of my life."

Spike whistled. "Too much information. There's your call, get going before you miss the plane."

"And before I start crying again." Buffy grabbed Willow one more time as the loudspeaker announced the flight for New York. "Call me the minute you get home, I want to know all the details about the dress and everything."

"I will, Buffy, and we'll see you both next week, maid of honor."

"And best man." Xander gave Spike a manly hug, and chuckled. "I'm still laughing at the thought of you in a tux."

"He's gonna look great, aren't you Spike?" Buffy linked arms with him as Willow and Xander picked up their carry on luggage.

Spike mumbled something incomprehensible. "You look after our overseas branch, Mr. Harris, this could be a really big break for us."

"Talk about responsibility." Xander stared impassively at him for a moment, then broke into a huge grin. "Piece of cake, man. I'm a genius and there's no way this isn't going to be a success."

"Okay, now I'm worried." Spike slapped him on the back. "Go do it man, millionaires before thirty, remember what we said."

"No sweat."

Spike and Buffy watched the lovebirds disappear through passport control, and then they made their way back to the car park.

"Did you see the real estate agent?"

"We call them estate agents here, gotta get with the lingo if you're gonna live here."

"Shows how much I love you, doesn't it?"

"What does?"

"I'm willing to put up with English weather for you."

Spike slipped his arm around Buffy's shoulders. "Yeah, but look what you're getting in return. It looked like a nice house, on the papers, anyway."

"Did it? I can't wait until we get a place of our own." Buffy looked up at him. "I mean really of our own. Not one my dad chose for me, or one you shared with Dru. Somewhere that's really ours."

"Know what you mean love. Just wish we could pay for it ourselves."

Buffy pulled a face. "Don't start that up again. I have changed a lot this year, but dad said I could keep the money I got from the sale of the other house, and I don't see why we can't buy a new one with it."

"You're still a spoilt rich kid at heart, aren't you?" He said it with affection, giving her shoulders a squeeze as he did so.

"Yep, and what Buffy wants, Buffy gets."

"And what does Buffy want?"

She went up on tiptoe and whispered in his ear.

"Right," Spike gave her his patented smirk. "In the car, eh? I think we can arrange that."

"Race you..."

"You're on."

The End
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