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Chapter 8:

Buffy felt herself melting into him. The rest of the world faded into soft focus as she settled into the rhythm of the kiss. Nothing else mattered but the feel of his lips slowly sliding against hers, one hand caressing the bare skin of her back, the other urging her closer to him. He was warm, and hard as she settled against him, and kissed him back. It was the kind of kiss that could have gone on forever, sensual and lingering. A slow, burning kiss that spoke not only of lust but something else. ,This feels so right was about the only coherent thought that Buffy was capable of, as his mouth worked its magic against hers. She tried to deepen it, but he seemed in no hurry to go any faster. His hand made its way to her bottom and he pulled her in against him, bending his knee to accommodate her, as she arched instinctively against him.

He groaned and the sound made her skin tingle. She was on fire for him, her whole body flooded with desire. For him. She'd thought about this, wondered how it would feel, and it was better than anything she could ever have imagined. She'd never been kissed like this before. It was maddening, frustrating and incredibly erotic all at the same time. But she could feel he was holding back, and she needed more.


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Spike didn't dare deepen the kiss. He could feel Buffy's frustration as she moved restlessly against him, her tongue sliding along his lips, her fingers pulling at his hair, but this wasn't the time, or the place, for the things he wanted to do to her. For her. He hadn't forgotten that Xander and Willow were in the other room, but he was still sliding his hand down Buffy's back, pulling her down to him, their legs tangling together. He heard himself groan as she pushed herself against him. Gotta calm down. He slid both hands down to her bottom and held her still.

She broke the kiss and lifted her head, drawing in a shaky breath. "What is it Spike?" Concern clouded her features. "Don't you want to...?"

He silenced her with another kiss, harder and more demanding this time and she responded in kind, then he broke abruptly away. "Did that feel like I don't want to do this?"

She sat back so that she was kneeling astride him and touched her fingers to her mouth. "So why did you? It's Drusilla, isn't it?" She looked away. "I understand."

She made to get up, but Spike caught her wrist and pulled her back. "Look at me Buffy. Huh?" She wasn't going to, so he said it anyway. "Yes, it's Drusilla, but it's complicated. I want you Buffy, I want you so much, you can't imagine."

She lifted her head, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Me too." She leaned her forehead against his chest, and picked at one of the buttons on his shirt, "But we can't, can we? This is wrong, isn't it?"

He twisted a strand of golden hair, and watched as it ran through his fingers. "I don't know, Buffy. I don't seem to know right from wrong any more. I only know that I'm thinking about you all the time, even when I'm with Dru. Thinking about all the things I want us to do together. Mostly involving stockings." She gave a small laugh at that, and he felt her arm slip around his back and give him a small squeeze. "She's on drugs you know, and I just don't want to deal with it any more. Big shit that I am."

Spike rested his cheek on Buffy's head. "She's just not the same girl I remember. It's all but finished Buffy, this isn't your fault. I couldn't have stopped this if I tried. And someone's got to prevent you from killing yourself in that car of yours."


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Buffy pressed herself against his chest, listening to the slow thump of his heart, and blinked back the tears. In the heat of the kiss she'd forgotten all about Drusilla. She had no business kissing someone else's boyfriend, no matter how troubled the relationship. But a selfish part of her wanted Spike. If what he said about her was true, then it was okay wasn't it? Only it wasn't.

"What are we going to do Spike?" She still couldn't look at him, because if she did, she would want to kiss him again. Her lips were still tingling with the memory of that last meeting, and aching for more just like it.

"Don't rightly know. I'll have to talk to her, I guess," He was still fiddling with her hair, "don't know how she'll take it, she's a bit fragile right now."

"Do you still love her?"

"Don't know that either. We don't make each other happy any more and god- knows," his voice broke as he spoke, "I deserve some happiness in my life."

He sounded angry, and he squeezed her so hard that she almost couldn't breath. She wriggled free and brought a hand to his cheek, feeling guilty that she'd abandoned herself so freely to the kiss. It wasn't as easy for him as it was for her. She should have realised. "It's okay Spike." Heck, now he was going to cry too. "I'm here Spike, listen to me." He opened his mouth to say something ,but she silenced him with a finger on his lips. "Shh. Let me speak. I want you too, Spike, but I know this is hard for you. I just want you to know that I'll be here for you. Whatever you want Spike," she traced the outline of his lips with her fingers as she spoke. "It's your call." She could still hear the little voice inside her head, cautioning her, but she pushed it aside. She wanted him too much to think beyond the consequences of what they were doing tonight, and now that she had him here in her arms, she just wasn't prepared to give him up that easily.

He was watching her intensely as she spoke to him, she could see he was struggling with some emotion she couldn't read. Her hand continued its exploration, slipping to the back of his neck, gently caressing. She felt him shudder as he rubbed his head against her hand. "Tell me what you want Spike," she whispered in a low, seductive voice she hardly recognised. This was another Buffy she hadn't known existed, like the one in the club. She wasn't going home the same person that came out here just a few weeks ago. Going home... she didn't want to think about that. So little time, and so far away. All the more reason to grab this with both hands. He'd said he deserved happiness, but so did she. She let her hand slip down inside his shirt collar, her thumb skimming lightly across his collar bone. She loved the way his chest moved as he sucked in uneven, ragged breaths and she loved that she was the cause of his breathing difficulties. "Tell me William."

"I want," his voice was a hoarse whisper, "god help me Buffy, I want this." He tightened his arms around her, and reclaimed her mouth with a kiss that was almost scary in its intensity. She grabbed hold of his shoulder to anchor herself, and sighed with relief as he slid his tongue into her mouth at last. This was it. She was dizzy with heat and desire but there was something else. A little feeling of panic, slowly building in intensity, as she realised that she was falling in love with him. She pressed herself against him as hard as she could, not wanting any space between them at all. How could this have happened so fast? And how could she ever let him go?


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Xander couldn't believe his luck. She liked him, and judging by the way she kept staring at the floor, she was more nervous than he was. Don't mess this up Harris, she's cute. He sat himself down next to her, Darned cute. And there was nothing remotely scary about her tonight. He almost hadn't recognised her when he'd arrived. Vamp Willow had been replaced by adorable jeans -and -sweatshirt Willow, and she was sitting right beside him. "So" he clapped his hands together, making her jump. "You like horror then?"

"Not really," she gave him a tenuous smile, "I made that bit up."

"Really?"

"Uh-Huh"

"So you didn't enjoy the film?"

"Nope."

Right, end of that topic. Think Harris. "Uhh, Buffy and Spike said they'd be a while with the food, so what do you wanna do?" Christ that was a stupid thing to say, did it sound like he meant . . . ?

Willow looked at him, her eyes wide. "I w-want to do," she turned to him, and took a deep breath, then she reached up and took hold of his tie. "This." The knot fell away as she untied it for him with shaking fingers, slowly sliding it away and dropping it on the floor. Then she reached up and undid the top button of his shirt.

Xander was almost rigid with shock by the time she'd finished. She'd gone from cute to sexy in a microsecond, and he was ready to explode. This sort of thing happened to him all the time - in his fantasy world - but this, it was happening in real life. What did he do now? She was looking at him with her huge eyes, her hands still on his shirt collar. It was his move, only he couldn't. His mouth didn't seem to want to close, his hands were clamped to his knees, suddenly paralysed. And he was going to burst out of his pants any moment now.


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My god, she'd done it. It had taken every inch of courage, and, by the look on his face, had almost given him a heart attack. But she'd done it. And now she understood how Buffy had felt in the club. This feeling of feminine power, it was good. But what happened now? Wasn't this the bit where the man swept you off your feet, and kissed you like there was no tomorrow? Did you do that when you'd only known someone a couple of hours? Come on Xander. He was staring at her with his mouth open, and his hands were holding his knees so tightly they were shaking. Was this good or bad? She hadn't had much experience with men, that was true, but she'd seen films, read books. He had to be more experienced than her, surely?

"Uhh, Xander," she waved a hand in front of his face, snapping him out of his trance. "This is the part where you sweep me off my feet."

"I do? Where?" He looked around.

"Here silly." She took his chin, surprised at her own boldness, and turned his face to hers. He was so nervous that it actually made her feel confident, and she never felt confident when she was with a man. Did all women have this sexy alter ego somewhere inside, just waiting for the right person to bring it out? She needed to look it up someday, but not now. She'd been dreading this, sure she was going to make a complete mess of it, but she was actually enjoying it, although his apparent lack of response was a bit worrying. She gave him what she hoped was an inviting smile. He wiped his hands on his pants and sort of smiled back at her, squirming uncomfortably, and she looked down to see what was wrong. Oh. Now she knew. He saw her looking and slapped his hands over the front of his trousers, and now, it was his turn to blush.


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Spike gave Buffy his hand, and pulled her up, grimacing as he adjusted his jeans. He was so hard he could hardly walk, and there was only one way this make-out session was going to go if they didn't stop right now. He pulled her towards him and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose. "Coffee's ready I think."

She looked back at him with passion-clouded eyes. "Coffee, what's that?" She reached up on tiptoe and kissed him again, and for a few moments he was lost as she did wonderful things to his mouth. She gave him a wicked grin as she pulled away. "D'you like that, Spike?"

"Yeah, I like, but if you don't stop, you wicked woman, I'm going to have to throw you over my shoulder and take you upstairs." He turned towards the door, "So, coffee?" Walking away took some effort, but it wasn't the right time to go any further. There were things to sort out and Xander, Dru's brother in the next room. God, Dru, what was he going to do about her? It was so easy to get carried away when you were in the moment, and now that he'd taken this first step with Buffy, there was no going back. He had to tell Dru, and it was going to hurt her like hell, maybe even cost him his friendship with Xander. He felt Buffy's hand creep into his as they walked into the kitchen and he gave it a squeeze. Was their happiness worth all the pain this was going to cause?





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