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Author's Chapter Notes:
I have to thank my beta enchantress i couldn't of done it without her.

DISCLAMIER = I own nothing it all gose to joss.
As buffy walks back to the house filled with girls, she thinks over the last year and all that has happend.

Williow and Kennedy are thinking about adopting a baby.

Xander is dateing again. It's not that she's upset about it or even mad about it .She's jealous and she's not afraid to admit it

everybudy got what they wanted except her.

But maybe there is a reason for that.
The only thing she wanted was the only thing she couldn't have beacause It's gone.

Buffy steps up the stairs to Xander's new apartment and bangs loudly on the door.

"Xander,hurry up and open the door!"She yells.

inside Xander rolls his eyes.He lets go of his new girlfriend Kate and says,
"Hold your horses,I'm a comin."

Xander unlocks the dead bolt and looks at Buffy, horrified to see mascara streaks down her cheeks from the flood of tears.
He grabs her by the upper arms and pulls her close to his chest.By this time Kate has heard the commotion and follows to find out if theyr'e okay.

"Xander?"Kate ask worriedly, watching as he hugs Buffy.

Xander turns his head lightly from Buffy and mouths to Kate,
"Spike"

Understanding, Kate nods lightly and joins them.Xander puts Buffy in Kate's arms and walks over to the phone.He picks it up with shaky hands and dials Williow and Kennedy's number.

It rings once,twice,and a third time,
and finally,the answering machine picks up.

"Hey you have reached Williow and Kennedy,
were kinda busy at the moment! but if you leave you name and number well get back to you...thanks!"

The beep sounded and Xander began talking his voice choked,

"Williow it's me xan..it;s Buffy again I think she went to go see Spike and she got a little carried away....so when you get this message call me back."

Buffy's wails grew louder, as Kate rocked her back and fourth.

"Buffy sweetheart,tell me what happend?"
Xander asked.

Buffy lifts her head and says, "He was there Xander I felt him."


"Buffy hunny, I'll be right back. you wait here, okay?"Kate said gently running her hand down Buffy's arm soothingly.
Buffy nods her head still sniffling a little.

Kate gets up grabs Xander's hand, and pulling him through the door to their room.


"Xander I dont think she's getting any better."
Kate says with concern.

"I know, i know.....I just dont understand. she dosen't need him"Xander says, a little harshly.

Kate looks at Xander and rolls her eyes,
and tells him just as angerily,

"Xander when you love someone you can't just snap your fingers and get over it"

"Dont you think i know that?Remember .... I lost anya?"

With a sign, Kate gets off the bed walks over to Xander grabs both his hands and looks deep into his eyes.

"Sweetheart,I didn't mean it like that...Buffy and Spike had a diffrent kind of love."Kate tells him gently,laceing her fingers through his.

"I know hun, maybe I am being a little difficult about it"Xander admits,nodding his head in understanding.

"Ya think?"Kate jokes,smileing up at him.

"Dont start."Xander laughs and pulls Kate close to him,kissing her forehead."Ready to go back out there?"

Kate nods.

As Xander and kate head back out there they notice Buffy is gone and they find a note on the coffee table.Kate walks over picks up the note and reads aloud.


"Xander and kate,
I'm so sorry for takeing so much of your time up.
I know you guys just wanted to be alone and i inturrupted, But i just want to thank you guys for being there for me.
It means so much to me. I dont know what I'd do without either of you but right now I just want to sleep.call me tommorow and meet me for lunch I'll explain everything.
Love you both,
Buffy."

"You okay?"Dawn ask with a sad smile.

Buffy slightly smiles, and says, Reassuringly,

"It's hard but im getting there."

Dawn pulls her sister in for a hug wishing she could comfort her enough with just her arms.But no matter how muchtime passed or what she did to try and cheer Buffy, nothing really changed.Dawn pulls back and ask,

"Do you need anything?"

"Sleep"Buffy says with a yawn.

"Of course your probly tired but if you need to talk....I'm here."Dawn reassures her.

Buffy nods and says, knowing how hard her sister tries

"Thanks Dawnie."

As Buffy walks to her room,Dawn yells after her and says,

"Ohh yeah Buff, I have a class all day tommorow so I won't see you till tommorow night."

Buffy yawns loudly and yells back, "Okay I'll see you then."

As buffy opens her door she smells that fresh smell of butterscotch and vanilla.It's soothing as she walks over to her dresser and pulls out a short velvet nightie . She steps out of her clothes ,
and slips into the velvet garment and walks over to her bed and slips beneath the covers,
sleep over comes her and everything is black and peacful.

"Buffy,love,find me....He pleads again and again" find me please"....

She bolts upright panting from her dream,
his words echoing.




A/N: I hope it wasn't to bad. and please leave a review and tell me what you think!!!!!





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