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Author's Chapter Notes:
Some of the stuff in here was made by enchantress so I give most of the credit to her

DISCLAMIER I own nothing it all gose to joss
And the flashback in here is from something blue
It was eight-thirty when Buffy woke up,
she relized she need to hurry up and get dressed so she could call Williow and Kennedy.

Ring...ring...ring


"Hello?"Williow said.

"Will,it's me."Buffy replied

Williow smiled then switched the phone to the other ear.

"Ohh hey Buff,I got Xander's call last night...but me and Kennedy didn't get home till around midnight."

Buffy smiled at the thought of Xander.He had helped her alot in the past year.She always went to him beacuase she figured he would understand with loseing Anya.
But then six months after the hellmouth,Xander meet Kate.She'd thought it would change things but Buffy was so comfortable in talking to him she figured she could keep
on doing so.Kate didn't mind at all,in fact,she and Buffy got along great.

"Hey Buffy?you still there?"Williow asked,concern creeping into her tone.

Why was it that everyone around her left her feeling empty?despite Xander's affection,
or Kate's support, or Williow's friendship,
she never felt better.

Of course she knew what she needed.She just didn't know how to find him.

Buffy shook her head and frowned.

"Yeah wills...I'm still here...just zoneing out I guess."

Williow put her head down and started messing with a piece of tissue. She took a deep breath and asked, a little afraid to approach the topic,"Still thinking about Spike?"

The mention of his name stung her. Buffy whimperd a little and whisperd "Look wills,I gotta go.I'll see ya tonight at the scooby meeting."

"Buffy, Im--"

But it was to late.Buffy already hung up the phone.Tonight she planned on getting Spike back if it was the last thing she did.And if anybudy didn't like it, then they could hit the door.

It was time to stop playing games and get down to work.

After a quick shower,Buffy hopped out and put on some light faded blue jeans a baby blue tube top with a jean jaket over it. she went over to her mirror, admireing her reflection as she sprayed some vanillia fragrance on her. with a flip of her hair,she grabed her purse and headed out the door.

She walked into IHOP and noticed Kate and Xander over in a booth and smiled and walked over to them.

"Buffy,sweetie how are you feeling?"Kate asked with a smile.

"Better."Buffy repiled with a small nod and a smile.
Buffy scooted into the seat right next to Kate and waited for the waitress.

"Hey my name's lucy, and I'll be your waitress today.What can I get you?"

"Four coffees please."Xander replied.

"And a muffin?"Kate smiled up at the waitress and thanked her.

"So Buff,you think Spike is alive?"Xander asked.

Buffy glared at Xander and said,

"No,I know he's alive...I felt him why dont you belive me?"

Xander frowned and explained tersely,

"Buffy I'm not saying I don't belive you. But let's look at the facts...Spike did go all dusty in the hellmouth."

Kate looked over at Buffy and saw glossy tears in her green eyes, and quickly suggested,"Okay,Xan,I think we sould give Buffy a Chance."

Xander nodded for Buffy to continue,But she couldn't find words his lack of faith stung her,and sitting across from him, she felt like she couldn't breath.

He was meant to care.He was meant to listen and understand and know that right now, she needed his compassion more the anything but it was as though she were some stupid child,caught up in some fantasy.

She wasn't Spike was alive.He was alive,
and she head to find him.

Unable to look at him, Buffy stared down at the table and muttered,

"Look Xander,I don't have time for this.I'll see you at Williow's and Kennedy's tonight."

Buffy gave Kate a quick hug and got the hell out of there.


As Buffy got home to her apartment,She found andrew fixed on some star wars movie
she went back to the bathroom and shut the door.Inside the bathroom, Buffy was looking at herself in the mirror.She watched as black tear streaks poured one by one down her cheeks.

She looked at herself and felt discusted.This wasn't her...she wasn't weak that's what Spike loved most about her how,she was so strong. So determined to be this way again,
she balled up her fist and and threw it into the mirror. As tiny pieces of glass went everywhere,Buffy felt light headed and the next thing she knew was blackness,

FLASHBACK

"It's so sudden...I dont know what to say."Buffy tells him

Spike smiles at her, and says loveingly,

"Just say yes,and make me the happiest man on earth"

Buffy has tears in her eyes and jumps up,pulling Spike with her crying excitedly,

"Ohhh,Spike! of copurse it's yes."

END FLASHBACK


Just as he decides to dial emergancy,Buffy jumps up with a gasp.

"Dont do that! you scared the crap out of me."Andrew says, alittle scared.
"What happend,are you okay?I heard glass... and then I came in here and find you were all unconcious,Eep."

Buffy just looks at him with no emotion on her face and simply says,

"I'll be back back....Don't wait up."

And she is gone again, out the door...













A/N: Hey people sorry if they are any grammer mistakes
in here.So plz leave a review





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