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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you for reading this fic. It's got a few chapters left and they will get angstsy. This chapter is supposed to be Spuffy fluffy.
Chapter 17: ‘Confessions Are Good For The Soul’


Summary: Spike and Buffy take Dawn out for supper and finally tell her the truth. How will she take it?


“Can we go to In ‘N’ Out Buffy?” Dawn asked her supposed older sister, eagerly. “It’s my favorite,” the girl added with an excited giggle.

“Sure honey,” Buffy mumbled softly in reply. The dark haired child skipped along, oblivious to the torment in the two blond adults she was with. A trip out like this, for hamburgers with her big sister was a wonderful treat? Dawn just adored Buffy and her friend Mr. William. This was a real treat for Dawn, no question, and she intended on enjoying it to the fullest.

Buffy glanced over at William, who stared back at her; the fear was evident in both of their faces. This was it, for both of them. Dawn deserved the truth and no matter what, she would have it tonight. From both of her parents.

The trio arrived at In ‘N’ Out and placed their orders. Buffy got the regular hamburger meal, but Spike and his daughter ordered the ‘double/double animal style’. When Dawn piped up to place her order, copying Spike’s word for word; the blond man had to smirk in admiration.

‘She’s my kid,’ he crowed silently, proudly. ‘Mine, through and through,’ he finished with a smug grin at Buffy.

Spike realized that Buffy must have read his mind because she smiled back at him, affectionately. Her green eyes betrayed her though; Buffy was terrified at having to tell their daughter the truth. Frankly, so was Spike.

They ate in silence for the first ten minutes or so. Well, Spike and Buffy did that is. Dawn had rambled on for the entire time; chatting up the adults with her activities of the day.

Buffy watched in awe as her daughter chatted, munched fries and sipped soda without seemingly taking a breath. The blond woman gazed at her miracle baby, who tilted her head, to the left as she described her art projects.

‘Just like William,’ Buffy thought warmly. ‘Dawnie tilts her head, to the left, always, just like her father.’

Spike watched his child nibble at another french fry; only after she had doused it in a ton of ketchup, of course.

‘Just like her mum,’ he thought, mesmerized. ‘The Bit dips her fry and looks at it, carefully, before gobbling it up. Just like Buffy.’

“Sister Margaret is my favorite, Mr. Spike,” Dawn was babbling, oblivious to the tension at the table. “She’s wonderful! She has this pretend, invisible leprechaun named Shamus! He watches us whenever Sister Margaret is out of the room. Shamus makes sure we mind when the Sister is gone and…”

“I can’t do this,” Buffy whimpered, suddenly. “Not here,” she added sadly, “not here and now.”

Buffy glanced around at the other patrons of the fast food joint. There were several families; happy and secure, spending their ‘quality’ time together after the long day’s work. Two or three tables were filled with laughing, carefree teens; they had no knowledge of the anguish that Buffy and William were experiencing at this very moment.

“I can’t…” Buffy muttered again before she bolted for the nearest exit door.

“What’s wrong with Buffy?” Dawn asked innocently, as only a naïve child could. The girl truly had no idea of what life altering admissions Spike and Buffy had to verbalize.

“Your big sis,” he began, stumbling on the ‘sis’ part, “she’s a little upset Bit. She…” Spike watched as Buffy ran to the parked Cadillac on the road. His words trailed off, weakly, as he wished, silently, to be able to light a smoke in the burger joint.

“We better go fetch her then,” Dawn sighed dramatically. “We can take our food with us and finish this in the nearest park? Yes?” Her face suddenly lit up with joy at her solution to the ‘disappearing’ Buffy act.

Spike gazed into the blue eyes of his daughter and smiled, slightly, “yes,” he murmured. “I think that’s the best thing.”

“You’re very smart,” Spike stated evenly to his daughter as he led her out of the In ‘N’ Out Burger. Dawn’s little hand was placed securely in his own and at the moment? Spike swore to the Powers That Be that he would never, ever let this tiny, precious girl, or her beautiful mother, slip away from him again.

“Smartest in my classes,” Dawn chirped proudly. “Sister Margaret says I’m a brilliant beauty,” she giggled smugly. “What does that mean, Mr. William? A brilliant beauty?” She scrunched up her face, thoughtfully, as the duo reached the parked car.

“It means you need to ask Buffy, sweet,” Spike mumbled tenderly. “This is something that she can explain and…well, she’ll tell you everything you need to hear, I promise.”

“Kay,” Dawn sighed in reply as she slipped into the front seat, next to her big sister. “Buffy,” the child began carefully, placing her tiny hand on her big sister’s, “what’s wrong?”

Spike started the car and glanced over at Buffy, warily, “Buffy, we need to tell her,” he murmured carefully.

“I know,” Buffy replied in a strained hoarse whisper. She scrunched up her green eyes and held her breath, for just a moment. “Dawn,” she began cautiously…

“Can we finish the burgers in the park,” Dawn asked quietly as she stared out at the passing scenery. “William and me, we brought your leftovers too. We could go to Sunnydale Park and finish our dinner, can’t we?” The little girl looked up at her adored big sister, pleadingly.

“Sure,” Buffy mumbled under her breath. “It’s that way,” she sighed to William, pointing down the street in front of them.

When they got to the park, Spike, Buffy and Dawn headed towards an empty bench. They picked the one right in the middle of the huge green park, located in the center of a man-made rose garden. For some odd reason, especially considering the time of year, the park was nearly empty.

Dawn munched down her burger and fries, quickly, saying nothing. This in itself was pretty unusual for the usually animated, vocal child.

‘She senses something,’ Buffy surmised with dread. ‘Dawn knows that something life-altering is about to happen and she’s putting it off. She’s…’ Buffy shot a desperate look at William, who seemed to be far away in his own deep thoughts.

When the child had finished her food, she took the wrappings, along with Spike and Buffy’s, to the nearest trash bin. Once she joined the two adults on the bench, Dawn wiped at her mouth, quickly, careful to remove any traces of her supper.

“Dawn,” Buffy began in a strangled voice, “I need to tell you something. Something really important, but first,” she hesitated and glanced over at Will, who nodded his support.

“I need to tell you something really important,” Buffy began again, wrapping her slim arm about her daughter’s little shoulders. “But first,” the blond woman continued softly, “I need to explain some things. Some really important things that you need to know.”

Dawn looked up at her sister with wide eyes and a slight frown on her mouth. Buffy had always been Dawn Summers’ idol; her mentor and really, the only family member that seemed to truly be interested in her. Her own parents were gone away most of the time and Buffy had always been there for her, since day one.

“Okay, Buffy,” Dawn whispered, focusing her eyes on her new patent leather shoes she wore. Buffy had bought them, recently, for a present to her.
“First I want you to know,” Buffy started again after a deep breath, “the reasons why ‘I’ did the things I’ve done? Well, Dawnie, they were in your best interest and because I love you so much. I wanted to protect you and…” Buffy began to choke up and felt comforted when William squeezed her hand with his.

“I wanted to protect you,” Buffy murmured, lifting Dawn’s little chin up so their gazes met. “I needed to protect you, so I put you in the convent school, with Father Johnathan and Sister Margaret. I had to,” she whispered defensively, “I had to protect my…”

“But I thought Mommy and Daddy put me in the school,” Dawn whimpered, her blue eyes filled with confusion. “They’re the ones that put me there,” the child insisted. “Father Johnathan told me so. He told me that my mommy put me in the school so I’d be safe and happy. I don’t understand Buffy?”

“I,” Buffy stammered as she continued to stare into her daughter’s blue eyes. “Your mother did put you in the school, honey,” she choked. “I’m your mother, Dawn, not Joyce. Hank’s not your father and…”

Dawn’s blue eyes flew open in shock and her face went white as a ghost’s. Buffy felt her heart begin to race even faster and she pulled the shaking child’s little body to her own trembling form.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy rasped, trying to fight the tears that threatened to spill from her green eyes. “I am so sorry, baby,” she continued, somehow comforted when William buried his face into the back of her own neck. “I wanted to tell you, forever. I was dying to tell you and make you understand. Oh, God, Dawnie. If you hate me now, for this unforgivable lie I’ve lived with you? I will just die, I swear it. I can’t bear to think of you hating me, rejecting me now. Not when I love you more then anything in this world!”

Buffy buried her face into her daughter’s fragrant hair and began to cry, silently. She swore she could feel William’s sobs against her own hair and neck, but oddly, Buffy did not sense Dawn crying at all.

When Buffy pulled back from the girl, she was shocked to see her daughter smiling at her. There was a look of pure adoration on Dawn's lovely face.

“I’m glad Buffy, I mean…Mommy,” Dawn nearly giggled. “I am so glad that you’re my mommy and not Joyce,” she added with a smirk that reflected her father’s.

Buffy just stared, shocked as hell, by her child’s unexpected reaction to this bold admission. “Dawn, I…” she began timidly, as if she were the really six-year-old here.

“You’ve always loved me most, Buffy, I mean Mommy,” Dawn sighed, gently stroking Buffy’s wet cheek with her tiny, soft hand. “I always knew you loved me most of all and I loved you most of all too,” she added simply.

“You still love me, then?” Buffy asked in a childish voice, relieved that Will had wrapped his strong arms about her body. He was now placing soft, tender kisses on the back of her head and neck.

“I’ll always love you, Mommy,” Dawn giggled as if Buffy was the silliest adult in the world. “You’re my mommy and I’m glad it’s you.”

Buffy tightened her hold on Dawn and clutched at her desperately, careful not to squeeze her to hard. ‘She’s so tiny,’ Buffy thought to herself, finally letting the tears stream down her face. ‘She’s so tiny, but so strong and tough. Just like her father. Her father!’ It dawned on Buffy that it was time to really come clean, totally, with this precious, brilliant daughter of hers.

“I never told your daddy, baby,” Buffy whispered, fearfully into Dawn’s little ear. “It’s not his fault at all. He never knew, because I wanted to protect you, him and even Grandma and Grandpa Summers. Riley, he…”

“Riley’s not my daddy, is he?” Dawn gasped, seemingly horrified at the thought.

“No!” Buffy cried quickly, “no. Not at all, honey. But he’s the reason I tried to protect you, your real dad and your grandparents. I know it’s hard to understand, but maybe someday, somehow I can make everything right again. Explain it all and help you to understand why I did this.”

“Okay,” Dawn stated evenly with a slight smile. “We’ll talk it about it later, when I’m older. Is that all right, then, Mommy?”

“Yes,” Buffy choked in relief, “it’s better then all right. It’s perfect, as long as you know how much I love you, Dawnie.”

“I know,” Dawn giggled, “and I love you. But,” she hesitated with a slight scowl. Suddenly, Dawn grinned wickedly, “do you love my daddy, too?”

“I do,” Buffy replied quickly, “so much and…”

“Are you my daddy?” Dawn suddenly blurted out, looking directly at Spike.

The question took both of the blond adults by surprise, but Spike immediately shook off his shock. After swallowing very hard and tightening his hold on Buffy, Spike replied quietly, “yes Bit, I am your daddy.”

Before he could even blink, Spike found himself nearly knocked off the bench by his rambunctious, overjoyed daughter. Dawn wriggled around, positioning both she and her mother into her father’s embrace.

“They come true, you know,” Dawn’s giggles were nearly muffled out since her face was buried in Spike’s chest. “Prayers,” the child repeated happily. “Just like Father Johnathan said, they can come true. I know mine did.”


A/N: Okay, fire up the grill and throw the corn cobs on! Sorry, I just never had to explain something like this myself so it was very hard for me to write. I did need to get that part out of the way, tonight.

Dawn’s prayers and dreams are going to full turn. The next chapter will find our duo already starting a new life for their little family. However…Riley Finn will rear his ugly head, very, very soon and put a wrench in the happy Spuffy family cog.

Some angst ahead, kiddies, so fasten your seat belts. Now, let’s start a pool, shall we? Will Riley Finn be taken out? If so? Who will do it? It might not be who you think…

Thanks for reading and please review, spufette.





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