Thanks to everyone who’s read and a great big “you guys rock” to those who read AND reviewed. You guys are great.
I’d also like to give a special thanx to CECILIA who offered to beta for me, she’s fixed the fic up for me and for you guys and I really appreciate it!!! XOX to you Cecilia and thanx again for the help!!!
Dressed in a black skirt with a long-sleeved red blouse, Buffy stood there frozen. Unable to cry, unable to speak, unable to feel anything, except the crushing weight of acceptance. Acceptance that her William was gone and that it was her fault. She was the slayer but she hadn’t made Sunnydale safe enough. She’d let him into her world and now he was gone.
Her hair, worn down and straight that morning, blew in the passing breeze. There were over a hundred people there; mother, classmates, teachers, friends, neighbours and one desperate girl trying to hold onto a love that would not die along with him.
No one spoke or dared to move as Andrew’s voice floated to them on the wind. He stood tall and proud. Proud that he had known the young man that he was, at this instant, speaking of so highly.
“Not many people knew him, not too many people tried to. But in his own way, I think he preferred that. William never stood alone in a crowd, he stood out, and that makes a world of difference. He was better than most of us. He cared to an extent I don’t believe humankind has seen before him, and his capacity to love went beyond what Sunnydale will see again. Each one of us he spoke to, nodded at, lent a helping hand to or forgave those countless times, with no reason to, for their unwavering cruelty–each one of us was blessed. In my heart, I know that he is watching us and lending us his strength. Strength to move on and heal ourselves from this massive loss, strength to forgive ourselves for the things we did and said, and strength to forgive ourselves for what we didn’t. A little while ago, William approached me with an envelope, and asked me to open it only when the time was right. When he passed I opened that paper and what I saw were his last words to all of us. William seemed to always know what was coming so, with his mother’s permission, I would like to read it to you all.”
He looked over at Jenny who nodded her tearstained face, then back again at the crowd.
“To those of you I did not know so well, I wish you the best in life and in success. Follow your hearts and don’t let petty hatred blind your vision. In each and everyone of you is the incredible capacity to grow into the person you were intended to become. To Mr. Rupert Giles, you have my blessing to be by my mother’s side, and if this is being read, then I am most certain she will need you now, more than ever.”
Andrew skimmed over the part meant for him; it was theirs and he didn’t want to share it. He skipped ahead and continued.
“To my new friends who took me in without hesitation, thank you all. You have made my life that much happier and I cannot thank each of you enough. To my Buffy, I will never stop loving you. I’m just loving you from a different place right now. When you need me I will be close and when you speak, I will hear each whispered word if it is meant for me. You have to go on living Buffy, so that one of us still is. My heart is with you….. I wish you all the best and end my scribblings with these words for my loved ones in hopes that, in time, these few lines ring true. ‘I still miss those who are no longer with me, but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss’, it was a quote by Rita Mae Brown. May you find solace in those words.”
Andrew wiped the tears from his face and stepped to Buffy’s side as the priest began the necessary invocation. He had a letter for her that had come in the envelope from William.
When the time came to throw the first handful of dirt, Jenny walked up to a rigid Buffy and took the girl gently by the hand, leading her to the earth. She took a handful of it and placed half in Buffy’s shaking hand and together they tossed it over the casket. It was what he would have wanted.
“Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.” The priest finished, as one by one, everyone lined up to drop the single white rose they each held. It represented purity, it represented him.
An hour later Jenny placed a hand on Buffy’s shoulder, “Everyone’s gone sweetie, your friends are waiting.”
Buffy looked straight ahead, not once turning to the voice. “Go without me, I need to stay for a while.” she said softly.
Jenny nodded in understanding, turning and walking towards the others. She felt horrible for what she’d done and how far she’d gone with her lie, but the mother in her had demanded William have a proper funeral. He deserved to be mourned because, even though his body would go on walking the earth, he would not be in it.
“Leave her be,” Jenny told the others as they walked to Giles’s car and got in. Each one’s face was stained with tears, each one lost in their own mourning, not strong enough to argue and so they silently obeyed her command.
So, in solitude, Buffy stood there watching over his grave with eyes that no longer shone. The letter that Andrew had slipped her gripped tightly in her hand.
Jenny walked into her house and headed for the basement after sleeping for a few hours. The last few days had drained her of all her energy and her body was still recovering from the magicks she had used to go up against the vampires. The fact that sleep had been replaced by researching her tribe’s old ways did not help her weary limbs and mind.
She approached the cot where he was still chained, and upon seeing that he was still unmoving, she knelt in front of him and ran a hand over his cheek.
“It was a beautiful ceremony, sweetie. You were well loved in life and you still are in death.”
She leaned her head against the cot and sobbed into her arms. She didn’t know how long she’d been doing it, but she tensed when she felt something run over her hair.
She looked up slowly and came face to face with her son’s shining eyes. He was trying to play with her hair the way he used to when she’d cry in front of him after a bad day but he could only get a couple of fingers to touch her head.
“Baby?”
“I’m sorry Mum.”
He looked at the stake lying a few feet away from her and she followed his eyes. “Use it.”
“William, no. You don’t know what your saying!” Jenny cried.
“I’M HUNGRY MUM.” he roared “USE THE FUCKEN THING”
Jenny watched in horror as her ‘son’ thrashed wildly on the cot and started to hiss and snap at the air. She scooted to the corner of the room unable to take her eyes away.
William was in so much pain, it was unbearable. There was something else in his body and it was trying to push him out. It was telling him to feed off the very one who had given him life and he was fighting with all his strength not to give in to it.
The demons spirit swirled inside him and glared at the light in the center of its new home. Something was wrong. That was not supposed to be there. Its vessel was supposed to be empty. It raged and snarled but still, the light would not subside. Finally, it wore itself out and succumbed to the darkness of sleep; it would rest, for now. And when it woke, it would fight the light again and again until it won…..but still, the shine had caught its eye, allowing curiosity to creep into the fury, along with something it did not comprehend…..pride? Pride for the strength its vessel had…….
please please please let me know what you thought. This was a really hard chap to get out and i would love feedback on it to know how i did! xxx
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I hope you guys can bare with me. This chap was really hard to write so your opinion would be highly appreciated....thanx :)