Watching as her William turned his back and ran away Buffy stood still, shocked. Once he’d disappeared into the shadows, she turned her empty eyes to Jenny.
Tears where streaking down the woman’s face as she fell to the grass and admitted everything.
Buffy walked over to the older woman and knelt in front of her shaking form. “Did you think I was going to kill him?”
Jenny just continued to cry.
Buffy took her by the shoulders and shook her roughly this time screaming, “DID YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO KILL HIM?”
“YES!” Jenny screeched. Buffy leaned back, locking her gaze with Jenny’s. “You stupid bitch!” she spat out. “Where is he going?”
“Home.” Jenny sobbed, her hand reaching out for Giles but grabbing thin air as he quickly stepped away from her.
They had a lot to talk about and he wasn’t ready to comfort the very person who had betrayed his trust. He looked to Buffy. “Go,” he urged and she was off, blond hair flying in the wind.
He looked back at the woman he almost loved and sighed. “We have to talk and you’re not going home tonight. They have to be alone.”
The gypsy stood on wobbly legs and followed him silently to his car.
Xander jumped back, stumbling over a chair when Willow shot up, wide-awake. “Did it work?” she gasped.
“No, it didn’t. But you knew there was a possibility that it wouldn’t, didn’t you?”
She looked away.
“She’s your friend, Willow. Me and Anya, we’re your friends. How could you do that to us?”
“I wanted to make things better,” she whispered, clinging to the last vestiges of the argument she had used to convince herself and the others.
“For who, Wills? For Buffy or for you? It’s hard when your best friend’s depressed isn’t it?”
The tears where gathering in Willow’s eyes but that only encouraged Xander to say what he knew he needed to. “Feeling sad Willow? Why don’t you use some magick and try to fix that nasty feeling? Why don’t you fuck up your own life instead of someone else’s for a change?”
Willow gasped. “You were as much a part of this as I was! Without you, I wouldn’t have been able to do it.”
A sad half-smile crossed Xander’s face, “I know and I’ll never forgive myself, Willow. I’ll never be okay with what we did. But this…this isn’t gonna stop you. You’re gonna keep using magick even when you can’t control it and you’re gonna hurt us all. I can see it in your eyes, Wills–how addicted you are to these spells you do, how it gives you a rush.”
Willow went to open her mouth and defend herself against his accusations, but Xander raised his hand. “I don’t wanna hear it, Willow. Right now, I have to go make sure Anya and the others are alright.”
He stood and walked to the door, turning before he left. “By the way, it’s nice to know that you were more worried about how the spell went than the wellbeing of your best friend.”
The door shut loudly behind him. Willow started to pack her things; she didn’t want to be there when Anya and Xander got back. She sniffed, holding back tears as the full force of Xander’s words hit her hard.
Buffy reached Jenny’s house and went around the back. She thought about knocking but honestly, didn’t feel like it so she broke the window and unlocked the door herself. Stepping slowly into the kitchen, she took a deep breath.
“William?”
No answer. She walked to the living room, and when she saw it was empty walked downstairs. What she encountered made her want to throw up. There was a cot on the far side of the room and shackles above it, screwed into the wall. There was a small fridge and when she opened it she saw that it was packed with bag upon bag of blood.
There were open books lying all around and a quick glimpse showed her they were being used for vampire research.
She grabbed a bag of blood and headed to his room. Hesitating outside the door, she pulled out her stake and let herself in.
At first glance, she couldn’t see or hear anything but she felt him. Felt his presence. Deciding to leave the lights off, she ventured further into the dark. She felt his bed but there was no one on it.
She walked to the window and opened the curtain, allowing the moonlight to filter in and illuminate the room ever so slightly. What she saw shattered the dam that had been holding back her tears for over a week. Buffy collapsed on the floor, her river of pain flowing down her cheeks.
He was sitting in the corner, rocking himself back and forth. His eyes were blank as if he weren’t only dead on the outside, but on the inside as well.
Between her sobs, Buffy managed to speak softly.
“William? William, baby, can you hear me? It’s Buffy, sweetie…I’m here now.”
She raised a trembling hand to his cheek but quickly withdrew it when he lifted his head for second and bared his fangs.
Swallowing deeply she tried again, ignoring the low warning rumbling that was coming from his throat. When she touched his skin, she couldn’t help but shiver. He was so cold.
He leaned into her touch for just a moment before retreating into himself yet again. He mumbled something that she couldn’t hear.
“What, baby?”
“Are you going to use that?” he asked again only slightly louder this time, nodding his head towards the stake clutched tight in her hand.
Buffy reeled back as if slapped. “I would use it on myself before I would use it on you William. You know that.”
He stood up and loomed over her. “I’m not William anymore. I’m Spike. Can you use it on Spike?”
Buffy bit her lip as the truth of his words seeped into her heart. This wasn’t William. She had been taught that over and over. This was something that had stolen his body after he died. But there was something about that scenario that didn’t quite fit either. He wasn’t attacking her or trying to feed from her. The only time he had actually bitten her that night was to claim her again.
“Do you still love me?”
He leaned down and looked her straight in the eyes.
“I never stopped.”
“You died.” She shot back.
“That doesn’t mean my love for you did.”
“You have no heart.”
“You’re wrong Buffy, I have one. It just doesn’t beat anymore.” He paused “Do you love me?”
“I love William. Only him.” Buffy stood and faced him. “You’re a monster.”
“Is that all you think I am? Do you believe that I don’t remember the man I was before this? I feel, I love, I hurt, I smile, I cry and, like you, I bleed. Are we so different?” he said with a sad smile.
Buffy took a step back. “Don’t you dare compare us! I am nothing like you.” She knew she was being unreasonable and that her words were hurting him, but she couldn’t stop herself. She could see so much of her first love in the demon that wore his face that it was throwing her off. Making her think of him as her baby when he wasn’t.
“Stake me.”
“What?” Okay, she hadn’t expected that one.
“I said stake me Slayer.” He said with a growl and ripped open his shirt. He took the hand that held the small piece of wood and held it over his dead heart.
“Why are you doing this?” She didn’t understand how this demon would simply let her kill it. It wasn’t normal. He should be fighting her, trying to kill her.
“If you think I’m so vile then do it. Don’t ask questions. It’s your job Buffy…your calling.”
The tears started again and she pressed the stake into his chest just a little harder. He bit his lip and closed his eyes tightly. After a moment, he opened them again. “I’m not dust,” he stated.
She could only look at him; she couldn’t form the words just yet.
He searched her eyes for a brief moment and understood why he wasn’t just a pile of dust on the floor. “I’m not him, either.”
She dropped the stake and punched him in the face, shocking them both.
“Bloody hell! What was that for?” he bellowed.
“For taking his body.” She yelled with another punch.
He fell to the floor from the force of the blow and she pounced on him, straddling his waist. “For taking him away from me.” Punch. “For still loving me.” Punch. “For still being him in so many ways.” Her punches were getting weaker and although he was making no effort to fight her, she felt herself getting tired.
“For not coming to me.” Those final words broke her and she collapsed on his chest crying hysterically. Words were useless at this point so he gave her the only comfort he could, rocking her while tracing small circles on her back. As her body slowly stopped shaking, she raised herself just inches from his face and gazed into his eyes.
When she found what she’d been looking for she crushed her lips to his passionately. She had seen love–undying love. The same kind that had shone in William’s eyes for her and her alone. She knew he was still there, still with her.
He pulled away and took an unneeded breath. Before he could speak, she placed a tiny finger over his lips.
“I love you. How could I not? You’re still in there. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me. I can feel it when I kiss you. It’s you, you’re just different.”
His eyes grew wide and he could feel the tears start to fall as she leaned in to kiss him again. She still wanted him. She still saw him through the darkness. She still saw William and the light inside him swelled with joy and the dark faded a little more.
He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her from the floor, placing her gently on the bed.
For the first time since he had been turned, he thought to himself ‘Everything will be okay’.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
My wonderful beta Cecilia prettied up this chapter for you guys and i cant thank her enough, her work is incredible. To my reviewers im gonna list you in the next chap as a thank you for all your support, your incredible! Sorry it took so long to post i hope its worth it to you guys!