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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you everyone! :)
Chapter Fourteen

Buffy sat on the bed after she showered and dressed, contemplating.

Contemplating the mystery that was William; contemplating the mystery
that was Spike. Spilliam? She giggled at that. Maybe that's what she could
call him. Maybe he'd see how dumb he's been. No, she frowned. That wasn't
fair. She gazed out her window, spotting William sitting on a swing in the
front yard, waiting for her. If she wanted to understand what was going on
then making fun of his attempts to change was not going to help. That'd just
drive the wedge further between them.

Then, there was the kiss he'd planted on her earlier.

That just threw a whole other spin on it all. That took her by surprise and
in retrospect, her reaction probably wasn't best, but he'd caught her
completely off guard. Her own feelings of attraction were causing her head
to spin and causing her world to tilt a bit, having him kiss her and thinking
there was something there for him as well, just threw her into a tailspin.
She never was one to handle things gracefully under pressure. She was
more of a ‘shoot first, apologize later' kind of girl.

And now here was Spike calling her on things, making her face things and
not letting her run away. For one thing, William would have never kissed
her, and for another, if he had, he'd have just let her walk away.

Maybe there was something to this new persona. Maybe. Nothing was
certain as of yet, so she didn't have to commit to anything.

She just needed to talk to him right now, right? Right. So, she would.
Hopefully with an open mind. But, as was just declared, nothing was certain
as of yet, so she didn't have to commit to anything.


*************************************************************

She kept her eyes on him as she marched towards him. He kept his gaze on
her too. She saw the warm eyes on her William along with the firm
determination of Spike.

She stood before him, an air of purpose around her.

"Why don't you sit down?" he asked her gently.

"I will eventually," she said, staring at him.

He stood, towering over her. "Then I'll stand too."

"Sometimes the person sitting is the intimidating one," she said with a
slight smirk.

He raised an eyebrow, "Is that what I am? Intimidating?"

"Well, I was going for me being the intimidating one," she replied and
ducked her head, blushing.

He put his finger under her chin to make her look at him. "Why?"

She met his eyes, "Because you already intimidate me."

"How?"

"I don't know who you are anymore."

"I want you to very much find out."

"Then why couldn't I be part of the change?"

He sighed heavily, dropped his hand and turned away. "Dru—"

"Her again!" Buffy huffed, throwing up her arms.

"Just listen please Buffy?" he asked, almost pleading.

Buffy pursed her lips together, hearing so much William in him in that
question, she couldn't help but listen. "All right. I'm listening. I think I'll sit
now," and she plunked herself down in the swing and looked up at him.


"Right. So I have the floor," he stalled, running a hand through his hair,
causing the newly gelled strands to unfurl. His curls bounced free and he
swore as he sought to put them back in place.

Buffy jumped up, taking hold of his arm and bringing his hand away from
his hair. He looked at her in question. "I like it when your curls are free.
Did I ever tell you I liked them?" she asked softly.

He shook his head, his eyes taking on a look of something akin to
tenderness and awe. "N-no, you n-never did."

She smiled, "I did."

"They're still there," he pointed out. "Do you like them shorter at least?"

Taking him in, she came to the conclusion that she did. She liked the
shorter locks, and even the platinum hair. It brought out his blue eyes all
the more somehow. Even with the glasses he still wore.

"I'm getting contacts," he told her. "I ordered them, just waiting for them
to come in."

"Not colored contacts though?" she asked, holding her breath.

"No, luv. Not colored."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. I love your eyes William. Can I –call
you William?"

"Yeah, Buffy, you can still call me William. I realize I was a little hard on
you about that."

"A little? You were like name Nazi."

He chuckled deeply, "I'll always be William to you won't I Buffy?"

"You'll always be MY William," she said softly.

"I have changed Buffy."

"I know."

"You never said, do you like the hair?"

"I don't how to answer."

He cocked his head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know what answer will not warrant you biting my head off."

"Oh Buffy," he whispered, caressing the side of her face. "I never left you,
you know that don't you?"

"I do now," she replied, placing her hand over his.

"You're still the most important person in the world to me," he said with
conviction.

"What about Dru?"

"She's . . . she is important to me, but not in the same way."

She took his hand off her face and walked back to the swing, sitting down.
She was trying hard to squash any jealous feelings inside her, knowing if
she let them, they'd take on a life of their own and never get them
anywhere. This was about understanding Spike/William. This was not
about her jealousy over the woman that was responsible for changing her
William.

"Then tell me about Dru. And you and Spike. I'm listening."

"Are you? Will you hear me?"

"I'll hear you," she told him firmly. "I want to understand. Tell me so I'll
understand."

"What is it you want to understand?"

"You."

"Why?"

She knit her brows, "What do you mean why? Because you're the most
important person to me and I hate all this fighting we've been doing and it's
hard to be angry with you. I feel like I lost my best friend and that hurts
Will," her voice shook as she tried to reign in the tears that threatened to
fall.

He knelt before her, "Don't cry Buffy. You know I can't stand it when you
cry."

She swiped at her eyes, "Then start talking please."

"Come down here with me," he tugged on her hands and she acquiesced,
allowing him to pull her down to the ground so that they faced each other.
He laced his fingers with hers and squeezed gently.

"I wasn't exactly attracted to Dru in the traditional way," he began.

She raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to continue.

"She was fascinating and you know how I am with a good mystery."

She nodded, understanding.

"So, with all her riddles and interesting metaphors, she was somewhat of
mystery and I wanted to . . . decode her," he took a deep breath, "then she
started going on about the man inside and how I needed to let him out. She
took me to this club and she went on about something as simple as walking.
She wanted me to walk like I owned the room. And I did. It was amazing
Buffy," he told her, his narration becoming animated with excitement.
"Girls looked at me like they wanted me and men looked at me as if they
hated me or wanted to be me. It was thrilling."

Buffy couldn't help but laugh at that. William tried to unlace their fingers
and draw back, his face a mask of hurt. She stopped him. "No, William,
listen. I wasn't laughing at you. It just—the way it sounded. With the men
looking at you as if they hated you and you thinking that was thrilling. Just
sounded funny."

He nodded, "It does, doesn't it?" he grinned. "But do you see what I
mean?"

She nodded, "They hated you because you were competition."

"Right. I've never been competition Buffy."

"Not true," she shook her head. "There have been many occasions where I
gave up hanging out with someone to be with you instead. I always want
your company."

"Not like that Buffy," he muttered. "Not the way I – not that way."

"So, then what?"

"I felt the man I was inside. He was different from William."

"He was Spike."

"Right. The moniker just seemed to fit and it was radically different than
William—I wanted different Buffy."

"But why were these things you felt you had to keep from me?"

He sighed, "I guess I didn't feel ‘done' yet. I felt that when you looked at
me, you saw weak, wimpy William. I don't want to be weak, wimpy William
anymore Buffy."

"With abs and arms like you have, I don't think you have to worry about
that," her eyes widened. "I just said that out loud."

His entire face lit up, "Buffy, you –"

Well, might as well go all the way now, she thought. "Saw you? Yeah,
William, I saw you."

"What does that mean Buffy?" he pressed, squeezing her hands as she now
tried to twist them out of his grasp.

"It means I want you to tell me more about Spike," she told him, slightly
peeved about her failed attempt to extricate herself from his hold.

"He's the guy inside me that goes after what he wants and says what he
feels instead of shying away. He has confidence and he can be fun, Buffy.
He's not that far removed from me. He IS me. And just like William, all he
wants is for you to like him."

"Will, you know if you wanted that guy to come out of you, I would have
been all for it—"

"Sometimes it takes someone outside to get you going," he told her quietly.
"It took someone outside of us, of our friends, to see what I needed to do."

This time she succeeded in twisting out of his grasp and she stood. She felt
the jealousy course through her and she bit back a snarl. "So, Dru helped
you become what you always wanted to be. That's great. I'm glad she could
do that for you."

"Buffy, pet, wait. You're missing one crucial part to the whole mix," William
said and stood up, facing her.

"What's that?" she snapped.

"It was really YOU Buffy. I did it all FOR you and because of YOU. When I
was in that club, I remembered you telling me I should hold my head high,
to talk as if what I said was important. The whole reason I even asked Dru
out was because, well, for one thing I thought you were making fun of me
for working out that day—"

"How could you even think such a thing?" she demanded. "I just – I
thought it was all for her and I – William, I never thought you were
unattractive."

"Thank you. So I asked her out and I remember someone telling me once that
‘nothing ventured, nothing gained'. That was you, Buffy. You were always
there with me, in my ear, on my shoulder," he grabbed her about the waist
and yanked her close to him. "It's always been about you and for you
Buffy," he told her huskily.

She gulped. "Wh-what about D-Dru?" she stammered, the stormy blue of
his eyes reeling her in.

"She's a good friend, a helper. Kind of like an elf," he grinned.

Buffy laughed lightly. "So . . . what now?"

"Now you help me be Spike and not lose William."

"I think you know how," she told him. "And as much as I hate to admit it,
you're right. Sometimes when you're trying to change and break free of the
mold you've been stuck in, the ones that are the closest to you are not the
ones that help. They want to keep you as you are. When we moved, I
wanted you to break out of your shell, and then when you did, I freaked. I
thought I was losing you."

"Never Buffy," he vowed.

"So, instead, I'll be there to support you. I will let you know when you're
being an ass—"

He chuckled, "Of course."

"But you have it in you to be the man you want to be. You don't need me
and you don't need Dru to do it. You don't want our spin on that man. It's
ALL you now William. I just want us to grow together instead of apart. Can
we do that?"

He nodded profusely, "Yes, Buffy, yes. God, I was so scared when I
thought I'd lost you last night," he told her and wrapped his arms around
her, burying his face in her neck.

"Never, William."





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