Buffy woke up still thinking. God, she hated that. It was the type of sleep where you got some rest, but didn’t really feel the effects of it because your mind was still running. She peered over at the clock, twisting out of William’s arms. They’d been napping for two hours.
She looked up at William’s contented face, his
naked torso uncovered by the sheet that lay across them.
Her last thought before she’d fallen asleep echoed in her
mind: What would she do if he left her?
Crawling out of bed and quietly putting her
discarded clothes back on, her mind went on a whirlwind of
worst-case scenarios that weren’t all that worst case, but
could possibly be probable instead. Her mind heavy, her
heart feeling already broken and her nerves jumbled, she
asked herself what the hell was she doing getting involved
like this with William?
She thought back to their relationship in the
past, what they meant to each other and how it led them to
this moment. It seemed a natural course really. She’d saved
him from Riley’s bullying ways; she’d been the first girl that
was a friend. She’d gotten him out of the house and kept him
from holing himself up in his room with his nose in a book for
eternity, she’d attended college with him and she’d gotten him
to move out of his parent’s house. Then he claimed she was
the reason for this transformation of his.
Now they were sharing something that was
another first for William. Sex. Not all the way yet, but ‘sexual
relations’. Buffy rolled her eyes. Not to sound too much like Bill Clinton or anything. And the sharing of sexual relations was another first for William. A first for William that he was
sharing yet again with Buffy.
No wonder he claimed to love her, she thought
as she stepped out onto the porch and sat in the lawn chair
they’d put out there.
And yet, how could it be love? Didn’t people
often mistake love and gratitude? Not to sound too conceited
or anything Buffy, she scolded herself. And yet it was true.
In a long line of firsts that Will had, they had all been with her.
He’d never dated before so of course he felt comfortable
with her. They were always together so wasn’t it natural that
he would take such emotions and place them on her? How
did he even know they were real if these were things he’d
never shared with another?
She had, so she knew the difference. At least,
she thought so anyway. The feelings William invoked in her
were most definitely not just infatuation or a simple school girl
crush. She’d had both, so she knew the difference there too.
No, William evoked feelings in her that were much more than
that. Boundless, unimaginable and intense. She wanted him
like no other and she felt for him like no other. Her mother
was right, unfortunately. She’d loved him this whole time, but
just never realized how deeply she felt. Clichéd yes, but true
nonetheless. He thought she’d never seen him. Oh how
wrong he was. She fell for gentleness, his intelligence, his
sweet nature, his passion for odd things, his love of a good
mystery – even if that did lead to Drusilla. All those things that
made him William, she loved him for. And all those things that
made him ‘Spike’ she loved him for too. She’d always seen it
in him even if he hadn’t. Well, except for the attitude he had
sometimes.
William could hurt her. Terribly. He could grow
bored, he could want others once he’d had his taste of sex.
Hell, he’d already had his taste. She recalled how he loved
her taste, wanted more of it. He might wonder how others
taste. He’ll want to sow his oats and not settle. If he’d
harbored these feelings for her all this time, then they were
unrequited for a long time. People tend to hold on to
unrequited feelings, just waiting for the day for them to be
requited.
Now his feelings were, for the most part,
requited. The novelty could wear off—would wear off, she
told herself. He was spreading his wings now, making
changes in his life—why wouldn’t he want to embrace more
of life and what it had to offer? Including sex and love and
relationships and random one night—she couldn’t even think
of it.
“Buffy, luv?”
She looked over her shoulder to see William
standing in the doorway, bleary eyed with his hair on end. So
cute. “What are you doing?” he asked, stepping out onto the
deck. “Why didn’t you wake me?”
Her heart was in her throat. How would she let
him go? “I thought you could use some rest.”
He grinned then, “Oh? Plan to use my body
some more, pet? Not that I’m complainin’ at all. In point of
fact—“ he started to reach for her and she jumped up.
“I think I’m going to go to my mothers for dinner,”
she blurted out.
He blinked, confused. “Okay. I was going to take
you out Buffy.”
“You don’t have to,” she said nonchalantly, “I
mean if you have plans and stuff.”
“I don’t,” he said slowly. “You were my plans.”
“Oh, well, I figured you hadn’t seen Drusilla in a
while.”
“Pet, are you all right?”
“Fine. Why?” she asked and made her way into
the apartment and into the bedroom to get ready for her
spontaneous trip to her parents.
“Because you’re acting funny. Distant. I don’t
like it.”
“Well, I’m fine,” she told him and faced him so he
could see the faux truth in her eyes and face.
“I want to come with you,” he declared firmly.
“Will—“
“Buffy, we just shared something here and I
don’t –Did it mean anything to you at all?”
She nodded, afraid she was going to start
crying.
“Then can you let a fella know that?”
“I—it meant something,” she stammered.
He looked so worried and she felt so bad—but
would this pain be worth it in the long run before he left her?
“Then let me come with you or let me take you
out, please,” he pleaded, coming up to her and taking her in
his arms. He kissed her temple so gently, she nearly fell
apart. “I just want to spend some time with you, Buffy. You’re
my girl, right?”
She nodded. “Okay, Will. We can go out.”
“Thank you,” he whispered. He tilted her head
up and stared down at her, a worried and tender expression
on his face. “You know I love you right?”
She nodded, thinking ‘I thought I knew’.
“Okay,” he didn’t sound sure though. “Let’s get
ready to go out. The skies the limit for my girl.”
Yeah, but how much longer am I going to be
your girl? she wondered.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks everyone, I hope you don't hate me too much after this lol.