Chapter 5 Good & Bad
Much to his regret and diminishing patience, Spike’s current case started Wednesday in Sacramento, and by Saturday, he had trailed the skip up to Seattle. Since he was able to wrap up the case and make it back to Sacramento by Monday, to say that he wasn’t that disappointed to see Beth over the weekend was like a stripper saying that she was just a little chilly in Iceland. On the other hand, the thought of being referred to by Beth as “the boyfriend” kept a smile on his face until she bounded into the loft the following Friday.
The only snag in his excitement was that Beth arrived an hour before sunset, which made her an hour and a half earlier than she had predicted on the phone the previous night. Spike wasn’t as concerned about the time as he was glad to be with her sooner than expected. The snag came when for a few moments, he forgot himself and thought of her as the old slayer.
The faux pas unfolded while standing in the kitchen, holding a pitcher of blood, Spike was startled when the door to the loft suddenly flew open and slammed hard against the wall. This trademark entrance immediately took him back to the slayer when she use to storm into his crypt. Using one of his own trademark, big bad smirk, he jokingly called out, “You’re just in time for a cup of blo…b…Beth. Uh, a drink.” As he caught his inadvertent and almost catastrophic slip of his not paying attention tongue, Spike wasn’t sure which was worse trying to be a smart ass to the slayer that no longer existed or that Beth was walking up to him while he was holding a pitcher of blood from which he had almost offered her a cup. Actually, he was lying to himself. The answer was no contest: Offering her blood was far worse. All he could do now was remind himself that first this was just a normal, human girl who knew nothing about vampires, second he should keep his gob shut, and third he should be incredibly thankful that the pitcher he was holding was opaque.
Oblivious to his predicament, Beth practically skipped up to William. “Hi to you, too. Yeah, me because I’m early. I didn’t even speed…much.” Her smile sparkled. “And a cup of what?”
“Uuh…juice. A cup of juice, pet.” Spike quickly put the blood back in the refrigerator, pushing the pitcher as far back as possible, and pulled out on orange juice carton. Actually, when he returned from Seattle, he had planned for such a dilemma by hiding a small refrigerator in his library. However, his new problem was that he hadn’t hidden the blood yet and then how he could move the pitcher of blood from the kitchen into the library without the inquisitive blonde finding out. What in the bloody hell could he say? ‘Could you wait a sec while I move this pitcher to the hidden refrigerator in the library. Be right back, ducks.” Spike wanted pop himself on the side of his head. ‘Yeah, right you git. Ha bloody ha, or it was more like, I’m sooo bloody fucked.’
“Thanks, but no thanks.” Beth moved closer until she was just inches a way from him, grabbed his shirt to pull him down so that his mouth was level with her own and gave him a quick kiss. When she released his shirt, she took a step back before leaning her hip against the counter to simply enjoy watching him. She especially enjoyed his expression that started with shock, shifted agreeably surprised before ending with passion he thought he could hide. No hiding with those expressive, blue eyes; they told quite a story on their own.
Spike was wondering if he would ever get use to her freely given affection. As a result of her current example, he was working hard to make his brain, which was overloading with passion, think of something to say next. “You’re early, luv.”
Pointing towards the front door, Beth took a step back, turning to leave. “I could go drive around if you want and come back later. I’ll be back in...hey!”
She only made it one step away before Spike’s arm shot out, wrapped around her waist, and pulled her flush against him.
Beth wanted to groan over his much improved reaction to her arrival, but wanting to stay a nonchalant woman of the world, she settled with what she hoped was a sophisticated laugh as William growled, nipping at her ear. “Be good and no biting. At least…not hard.” That comment earned her another, deeper growl that sent shivers down her spine. Yeah, she had to work on drawing these types of reactions out of William because when successful, she wanted to blissfully melt where she stood, leaving a Beth puddle on his floor.
“If you only knew how good my bite actually is, pet.” Pulling back her hair with his free hand, he bit down with blunt teeth where the curve of her neck met her shoulder.
All of a sudden, the spell was broken for Spike when he bit her neck she broke free of his embrace. Her past boyfriends had kissed on her neck, used their teeth across her skin, but never an actual bite, so she suffered major freakage this first time. As Beth jumped back from him, she squeaked and quickly put her hand up to her neck. Spike’s spirits instantly plummeted, assuming that he had gone too far, and maybe triggered the wrong memories. That fear seared through him until she giggled. Giggled?
“Ooo, you gave me goose bumps.” She held out her arm for him to examine. When he curiously ran a cool hand across her forearm, she wiggled her eyebrows. “Promise to do it again? Maybe a little higher next time?” She brushed her index finger across the preferred spot.
“Promise, luv. Anytime you want.” Spike took a couple more bites as he made his way up her neck. By the last one, she was leaning into him and making a sound that sounded close to purring. “Anywhere you want.” Never in his long unlife would he have ever imagined that the feel of goose bumps on a woman’s arm could make him so aroused.
Smoothly closing the distance between them again, Spike pinned her body against the counter top before his mouth captured hers. Beth’s moan made his erection harder then as it had been just moment before, and her hardened nipples, which rubbed through their shirts against his chest, spoke volumes for her own arousal.
For Beth, all she could see was the desire burning in his blue eyes, making her want all the more. The nonchalant woman of the world quickly vanished and all she could think of to say when she had reluctantly broken free of his lips to breathe, was “A world of *wow.*”
When she had pulled back to catch a breath, Spike stayed close against her, looking down into her face and gave her an enticing smile. As she blinked up at him, he watched a blush redden her cheeks. Her unguarded reaction reminded him that this stunning woman he held in his arms wasn’t the hardened slayer, who in a deserted house had traded him blow for blow before having equally abandoned sex all night long. This, however, was an optimistic college student looking forward to a career, husband, family, and an overall bright future ahead of her. Bright, that was the rub because he had no choice but to remain in the shadows. So instead of letting desire run wild, he forced his desire to cool its heels and took a step back to put some space between them. Spike poured some juice into a glass giving him a moment for him to regroup and push his desire aside. The problem was that his libido must have had his intense desire for Beth on a rubber band because it kept springing right back.
Taking the drink he offered, Buffy floundered around for something to say that would make her sound calmer than she honestly felt. “It’s a gorgeous day outside. Oh, it’s such a shame you can’t go out and enjoy it.” Before her mouth stopped moving, she realized how horribly insensitive her comment had been. She slapped a hand over her mouth that was now doing an impressive imitation of a goldfish.
Not even acknowledging her comment, he poured the remaining part of his and her juice down the sink, and with his head slightly tilted and his scared eyebrow raised, Spike turned and speculatively gazed at her. He didn’t appear mad, but
Beth still felt like a cockroach that should be squished.
But instead of the much deserved squishage, Beth was left trying to get her firmly embedded foot out of her mouth. “I’m sooo sorry.”
Not saying a word, Spike took her hand and pulled her toward the front door.
“I can’t believe I said that. I know – way harsh and way rude.” Beth continued to apologize as he pulled her down the stairs. “I am incredibly sorry. You should know that I would not hurt you on purpose…Where are we going?”
When they reached the small foyer, instead of heading for the door that led to the parking lot as she assumed they were going, he opened a side door and pulled her through. With Beth’s mouth now hanging open, she stopped resisting as they cut through the funeral home’s room that displayed their selection of caskets for sale and out into the main hall.
When William headed for the front door, Beth dug in her heels. “Wait…No, William…Please, I wasn’t daring you.” When his hand was on the doorknob, she shifted from scared to out and out panic mode. “What the hell do you think you are doing? Suicide flambé is so not on the menu today.”
“You should learn to have more faith in me, kitten.” Spike paused long enough to throw a cocky smile back at her before opening the door and stepping out into the bright, sunny day.
Kitten? No meow’s from her since she thought her heart would surely stop when they stepped outside. When her brain came out of shock, she realized that they were under a wide, maroon awning that led across the side of the parking area and over to where green grass of the serene cemetery began. An awing that Beth had unfortunately not seen since she parked in the parking spaces on the other side of the building.
Still holding on to William’s hand, they kept walking out using the shade the awning provided over to the diffused light provided by oak trees. The tall, old trees spread so wide that Beth found it hard to tell where one tree ended and another began. The welcome advantage of the enormous trees was that they provided continuous shade throughout the oldest part of the graveyard.
“William,” Beth jerked her hand out of his grip. “WILLIAM!”
Feeling the loss of her hand in his, Spike stopped to look over his shoulder at her. He didn’t have to be told that Beth with her hands on her hips was bleeding big trouble for him. Spike mentally shrugged, ‘no surprise though.’
Beth made an all encompassing swipe of their surroundings with her arm. “Huh? Let me rephrase that. Huh…What?”
“I said that I was allergic to the sunlight, luv, not that I don’t go out in the day.” When Spike turned to walk further into the graveyard, he just chuckled when he felt her kick him in the ass.
“That was so not of the funny. To think that I was scared for you…you can just burn for all I care. I won’t even visit you in the hospital.” Contrary to her words, however, Beth spent the rest of the walk trying to help him keep safe from any stray rays of light. Making their way through the old section of ornate tome stones, crypts and statuaries, Spike found a tree with a huge trunk so that he could sit against it with her in relative privacy. He sat down with his back against the trunk and then patted the grass beside him as an invitation.
Beth demonstrated her still fuming anger by kicking him in the leg since he was now sitting on his ass. After his “oomph,” she was satisfied, and she sat down against the tree, so she could then enjoy a non-combative silence and happily watch him rub his abused leg.
After calming down, Beth tossed William an olive branch. “This is such a beautiful spot. No wonder you chance daylight to come here.”
“Glad you like it, pet. It’s one of my favorite spots to ponder the various twists and turns of life.” Spike wanted to add that during the last few years, she had provided the biggest twists and turns in his unlife.
Beth’s thoughts were still on the possibility of him getting burned severely. “So…do you go other places besides this in the daytime?”
“When the sun is up, I tend to stray outdoors upon occasions.” When she leaned forward and started to protest the dangerous activity further, he turned toward her and laid a finger on her lips to cease any further protests. “Look, luv, I refuse to live my life in fear like a sodding nancy-boy.” In a huff again, he sat back against the tree. “I guess that philosophy explains the heavy tinted, roll-down shades on the windows of your loft. You must open the curtains during the day. And you the tinted windows on your car so you can go driving when you want.”
Spike sat back and watched the antics of the squirrels and birds among the trees while Beth leaned her head against the tree with eyes closes. Nonetheless, even now that her mouth wasn’t moving, he could tell her mind was still going a mile a minute.
After several quiet minutes, she suddenly turned to face him, gave him a grin, and held up her hands above her head as if holding up some invisible object. “I can just picture you running into this quaint, little shop with an old blanket over your head for protection.” She giggle at her own joke, falsely assuming she had good-naturedly zinged him. Only Spike wasn’t laughing.
‘Where the hell did that came from?’ As stunned as he was, Spike decided to play along with her “joke” instead of lying by denying her unknowingly accurate image. “Well, Miss Smarty Pants, I’ll have you know that I bought a new blanket for such errands.”
His comment transformed Beth’s giggles into laughter, leaving Spike a moment to wonder if she was ever going to put all the pieces of her memories into one picture.
.
Not wanting to know the answer to such a disastrous question, Spike leaned over and placed the fingertips of his hand on the side of her face, ever so gently turning her to look into his eyes. He kissed her while she’s still laughing, capturing her smile and feeling a transfer of her merriment to his own lips.
When she tasted him, her amusement changed to passion with joy staying on as a welcome passenger. Her tongue explored his as her arms crept over his shoulder to hold on tight, not wanting to let him go away, any space between them was excruciatingly too far. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t shared a kiss before. Their first kiss on his bed when she had found him injured, and others shared the next day on his sofa watching TV had been tentative at first but each kiss was just as sweet but more exciting each time. This kiss carried more intensity, more heat, and much more hunger. With the move to another place like as under the oak trees, tranquility permeated their surroundings and called for gentle lovemaking as opposed to hot, devouring sex. Accordingly, the touch of their lips reflected the setting and resulted in a burning but intimate caress.
After the intense taste of her lips, he pulled back looked down into her face. Trying to soak in her golden beauty as she looked up at him with yearning in her hazel eyes, the words escaped out of his mouth on their accord. “So sweet. Oh god, kitten, you are so incredibly sweet.”
‘I’m the sweet one, huh?’ Beth thought while trying to catch her breath. ‘I am going to show you just how sweet *you* are, William.’ With the corners of her mouth beginning to tilt up, Beth’s hand moved from his shoulder up to behind his head and pulled him back down to her. Much too much space between them. Just before their lips met again, she whispered into his slightly open mouth, “Then taste me again, William, or better yet…let me taste you.”
Without being told, Spike intuitively knew to hold as still as he could and follow her lead, which he later thought may have very well been a mistake. Her moist pink tongue slipped out between her lips to follow a trail across his sculpted, upper lip and then back across his oh so sexy, lower lip. When she completed the tasty circuit, she brought the tip of her tongue to the corner of his mouth along the gap between his lips from side to side, but not venturing in. Motionless, Spike continued to follow her, her kisses became an intense fire but still infuriatingly brief. Each quick kiss to follow was punctuated by an impish smile in between.
With a growl starting from deep within him, Spike loved the playfulness, but was also frustrated that she wouldn’t hold still long enough for him to kiss her good and proper. And longer. Grrh.
Belatedly, Spike realized that he had been wrong before. She wasn’t just sweet, but she was also sweet torture. With his need roaring in his ears, Spike tried to take back control, needing to press his mouth to her own and sending the kisses deeper. However, Beth wasn’t ready to relinquish her control. Going on instinct mixed with pleasure, she pulled him down with her to lie in the grass. Now this garden path he was happy to follow her down. Never breaking the kiss, Spike shifted them so he was on his side between her and the tree, rolling her to face him at the same time. Oh, how he wanted to roll on top of her, feeling her body fully against him, but that unfortunately also meant rubbing his very noticeable erection on her. And that implied quite a bit more than he wanted to at this point. Surprising even himself, he wanted to be on his best behavior and take smaller steps with Beth than he and Buffy hand taken, which had really been just one big leap. However, his hand resting on her side didn’t seem to want to follow his restrictive plan and as he stroked her back and her side, his hand slid up to brush just underneath her breast.
Since meeting Beth, Spike left his hair on the top of his head to slightly curl, fearing that the slick back looks would look too familiar. Regardless of the style, Beth was still drawn to the bleach blonde locks. She raised her hand from where it had been resting on his shoulder and entangled her fingers into the side and then the back of his hair, loving the feel of the curls springing free of the gel and listening to him practically purr. With her hand on the back of his head, she slowly but firmly encouraged his lips harder onto her own. While at the same time, she rolled from her side onto her back, taking him with her so that his face was now over hers and the upper part of his body was pressing her down into the thick, cool grass.
Taking in their new position, Spike pulled back, searching her face, trying to decide if Beth realized she was inviting him to more than sharing kisses. The invitation in her eyes and smile on her lips told him that she did. His mouth descended on hers with his tongue passing between her teeth, deeply searching and tasting. And she met his intensity full on, pressing back into the kiss hard enough that her head left the ground. As their passion continued to soar higher, Spike slid his hand up her rib cage to cup her breast and brushed his thumb across her erect nipple. At the contact, Beth moaned into his mouth. Loving her response, Spike brought his index finger and thumb together to gently roll her hard nipple, slightly pulling, causing her to arch up against his hand with a gasp.
Spike would have never guessed show good it felt to lay in the grass enjoying something as simple as kisses and fondling a woman, where in the past, it would have just been a quick prelude to fucking. This interlude with her made his passion soar, kissing instead touching, ecstasy. However, the passion soon soared a little higher when he felt her hand slide over his jeans down his hard shaft to finally cup his cock and balls. So much for the plans of keeping this little and playful. This little kitten was going to show him what she wanted. With their mouths now devouring each other, she continued to stroke his balls as the heal of her hand rubbed up and down his throbbing erection.
Spike had always been careful to breathe when with Beth even though it was unneeded, but Spike was the one to pull back from their kiss, feeling like he needed air instead of her. He closed his eyes for a moment, determined to pull his desire back in check.
Quickly withdrawing her hand from his genitals, Beth started to chew her bottom lip, “Did I do something wrong?
Something I shouldn’t have? Something I should have?”
Spike’s blue eyes shot back open and locked with her hazel eyes. He stroked his hand down the side of her face. “Oh no, pet. The problem is that you did everything so right. But as much as I’m enjoying this, I was just scared that if we went any further like we were headed, I would embarrass myself by coming in my jeans.” Spike winced. ‘A little too graphic, mate,’ Spike thought as he watched her blush.
But then the look of determination reformed to her sparkling, hazel eyes. “I wouldn’t want you to mess up your jeans.”
Contrary to the innocent look on her face, Spike nevertheless felt her hand at the button of his jeans. “So let’s just take them off. Problem solved.”
He reached down and stilled her hand, holding her warmth in his grasp. “Wait a sec, luv, do you know what you are doing?”
Confused, Beth took the question at face value. “I’m not a virgin; I know how to have sex. I’ve only been with three guys, but I’ve figured it out…Is it that you don’t want me?”
“Oh god no, sweetness, I’m flattered that you would want to choose a bloke like me, but what I was asking was if you realize that things would permanently change between us if we were to have sex and would never be able to go back to how they were?” He wanted so much to call it making love but didn’t want to make any implications, and he couldn’t help thinking how sex, which for Buffy had not been making love, had forever changed his relationship with her. After the slayer’s death and resurrection, they had gone from tentative friends and allies to lovers without mutual love, to a horrid mess that never was completely patched up, even after he won his soul and accepted him back as friend and ally.
Still not completely understanding, Beth tilted her and frowned, “Color me confused, but what do you mean?”
Spike rolled onto his back and ran his hand through his hair, freeing any curls that were still held by gel. Trying to push all the painful memories aside for the moment, Spike sighed and looked up at the canopy above them. “I’ve mucked this up. Ok, let’s approach this at a different angle. What happened with the other three guys? Assuming that you weren’t wed and lived happily ever after, so being with me are just weekend binges.” Spike joked with a smile trying to put her back at ease.
Feeling a little more relaxed again, Beth gave a little laugh. “I thought the first one, Andy, was the love of my life. He was the older, mysterious, brooding type. But he left me to go to Los Angeles, thinking I should find someone better. I eventually got over him. You know how first loves go. Embarrassingly enough, the second one, Palmer, was a one-night stand. I was stupid and fell for his full court press. Ugh! The last, Ryan, was a Mr. Perfect. Tall, handsome, boyish charm, always polite. He loved me, and I tried to love him but just couldn’t. He finally left me to go into the military. So, William, you could say that you are a weekend binge, but I don’t have a hubby stuck away back in Sunnydale. Just you in Sacramento and no one else needed.”
“But did stay friends with them.” Spike prodded her further, not as question but more of a statement. “All but Mr. One Night Stand.”
Beth shrugged. “Not close buddies but friends. Well, distant friends.”
Spike quietly stared at the leaves and shadows above for a few minutes. He had not failed to notice how closely her boyfriends in this reality resembled her relationships with Angel, Parker, and Riley. Even the names were very close. But he also had noticed that any facsimile of him had not been part of her new life. The only question was if Buffy and The Power That Be had not wanted any semblance of him in her new life or his history with her had yet to be written. For that matter was their history being written now? If so, he prayed to any god that would listen that this time they did not mirror the first time around. If he was truly blessed with this second chance, he was going to make sure to avoid the awful mistakes from before. And the start with Beth had been promising, knock on wood. Beth was not holding anything back and obviously wanted him. Something he was still getting use to. But Spike still had worries for the future. Taking in a deep breath, he prepared himself to open up to her as much as he can in an effort to further explain his withdrawl. “I couldn’t stand to be a small recreational detour of your life. I know it sounds sappy, but I would rather just be friends than to later walk away as ex-lovers. Like you, I’ve had only three lovers. One was like your one night stand, a few more nights longer but a bump in the road you later say, ‘Bloody hell, I should have driven around instead.’ The other two I loved.” Spike paused, fearing that his voice would crack in the next part. “One left me for another…man, shredding my heart she walked away. With the last, what started out as animosity became adoration, and I ended up loving her more than life. But this little tale ends badly also. Regardless of how hard I tried, it never really worked out between us because she could never justify being with me, no matter how she felt. And in all honesty, I didn’t deserve her. Maybe given more time…but it ended before that.” Spike thought of the irony of telling Beth, the reincarnation of Buffy, about his relationship from start to finish with Buffy. One of those sodding cosmic jokes he supposed.
He moved to sit back up again the tree, and she followed suite. “I’m sorry, William. Those two women were both fools.”
“Well, the cosmic jokes kept coming,’ Spike thought. Now the reincarnation of Buffy was trying to comfort him about his failed relationships with Dru and Buffy herself.
Both were silent for a moment, thinking while listening to the sound of wind in the trees.
Breaking the companionable pause, Spike tried to continue his explanation. “What I have taken the long way around to tell you is that as much as I l…like you and enjoy being with you, I can’t go through all the pain again. Up until now, we have just been having fun, going out, spending time together, harmless kisses, but if we go to that next level of intimacy, I just couldn’t stand to loose…”
To stop his nervous but touching speech, she put her hand on the side of his face, forcing him to turn his head to look at her. When she could look into his eyes, Beth leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. “William. You are not a bump while driving, not even a detour. I don’t know where this between us is headed, but believe me, I’m on the exact road I sincerely want to be. So relax, worry man. I know this kind of intimacy will change our relationship, but I want that change and I want this between us to work.” She shifted around to lay back down, this time using his thighs for a pillow. “Hell, I wanted to hop in your bed since that first day in the mall, and when I walked away that day, I knew that I should be with you. So let’s kick back, relax and enjoy this little, beautiful spot and the animal follies.”
When she finally felt the tense muscles of his legs relax under her head, she reached her hand back in a silent request for him to hold. After a hesitation, she felt his hand grasp her own, and then she brought it around to lie on her stomach so she could draw whimsical patterns on the back of his hand. Beth smiled when she felt him start playing with her hair. She first felt him wrapping a strand of her hair around his finger and then rhythmically stroking. His simple caresses soon lulled her asleep. Not that he didn’t still have worries about the future, Spike smiled down at her as he continued caressing her, pleased to see that, if judging by the smile on her beautiful face, she must be having a pleasant dream, hopefully dreaming of him just as he dreamed of her night after night.
*****
TBC
Thanks so much for the reviews.
Reviews are very much appreciated because they so often help me refine my ideas.
MadRog
madrog@sunnydale-tales.com
www.sunnydale-tales.com
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