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Chapter 11 – For Always


Standing on the Summers’ porch a few days later, Spike hesitantly rang the doorbell. He had tried to keep his distance from Buffy, knowing she would want some time to herself, and he’d had been mildly successful. Only running into her at the grocery store and exchanging mild pleasantries, he tried to give her some space, not wanting to overcrowd her.

Now, as he stood staring at the door, he was overwhelmed with a slight sense of panic at the idea of seeing her. In a few days, it would be Christmas Eve, and Spike and his father would be attending the party at the O’Shea mansion. Joyce and Dawn would also be there. Not wanting it to be as awkward, Spike decided to stop by and see the two Summers’ women before that night, hoping to get through the agonizing discomfort at facing them for the first time. And if he got to see Buffy, well, that would just be a bonus.

Taking a step away from the door to wait, he offered a nervous smile when it opened to reveal the impassive face of Dawn Summers.

“Hello, Niblet,” he said with a slight nod.

“Spike.”

“Look, I know you probably hate me, and I can't say I blame you, but-”

“I don't hate you,” she said, shaking her head. “I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not crazy about you right now, but Buffy hasn’t said anything about hating you…lately. So, I guess that doesn't give the rest of us the right to, either.”

“Thank you.”

Opening the door a little more to allow him in, Dawn slowly shut it behind him. Looking around the unchanged house, Spike turned in the direction of the dining room to see Joyce Summers walking out of the kitchen. She stopped upon seeing him before slowly walking toward him, wiping her hands on a towel.

“Hello, Spike.”

“Joyce,” he said softly with a quiet nod. “Thought I'd stop by and get over the formalities of being back in town before we all eat together.”

“Why don't you come in and sit down?”

Following Joyce into the living room, Spike sat down on the couch with a heavy sigh while the older woman sat in the chair next to the fireplace. Seeing Dawn hovering near the doorway, Joyce raised an eyebrow until her daughter was out of sight, but no doubt, still in earshot.

Leaning forward and uncomfortable resting his elbows on his knees, he opened his mouth to speak, only to have Joyce cut him off before he got a chance to say anything.

“You probably think I hate you.”

“The thought crossed my mind,” he said with a nod.

Staying quiet for a long moment, Joyce stared at the man she once believed would be her son-in-law one day, trying to see who he really was beneath all of the nervousness that he was showcasing today.

“Spike, I was married to a man who cheated on me for years. I have an idea of what Buffy is going through and I can tell you that her pain will never go away. I know that you believed you loved my daughter, and judging from what your father has told me, you are very remorseful about causing her any pain.”

“Love,” he whispered.

“Excuse me?” Joyce replied, watching as he raised his eyes to hers.

“Love your daughter. Not past tense. I’m still very much in love with her.”

“Very well,” she said with a nod. “Whatever you may hope or think, I’m not going to help you get her back because, frankly, that's a matter between you and Buffy. But I won’t ban you from this house either. Unless that’s what Buffy wants.”

“Thank you, Joyce,” Spike said with a slight sigh of relief.

“Understand, Spike, that I’m going to do what’s in my daughter’s best interest. If she believes that giving you a second chance would do her some good, then I won’t argue. If she wants you completely out of her life, then you are no longer welcome here. And if you do happen to get a second chance…don’t mess up. Because it’s just not worth it. Let her go now, if you don’t think you can be faithful in the future.”

“I can,” Spike insisted, opening his mouth to say more at the exact moment that the doorbell rang. Hearing the pounding of feet on the stairs, Spike stood up as Buffy's figure came into his line of vision.

“Bye, mom, I'll be back in the- Spike!” she yelped when she saw him standing there.

“Hello, Buffy,” he said softly, shoving his hands in his pockets as he nervously stood there, letting her scrutinizing gaze wash over him.

“Wh-what're you doing here?” she asked, her eyes nervously darting to the door.

“Dropped by to see your mum and little sis. I was actually about to head out.”

“Oh.”

“Buffy, I think you need to answer the door,” Joyce said, standing behind Spike.

Watching as Buffy nodded anxiously and walked over to open it, Spike frowned at the rigid stance of her shoulders, before she opened the door.

“Hey, Buff! You all set to head out for a night on the town?”

Feeling his blood run cold at the sound of a male voice, Spike stepped into the entryway to see who it belonged to. Seeing the man who was over six feet tall with sandy blonde hair, he immediately narrowed his eyes, feeling threatened by the fact that another man could be trying to take what was his.

‘Not yours,’ he reminded himself, trying not to look at the couple standing next to the door. ‘Not anymore. She doesn’t belong to you.’

“Um...yeah, Riley…almost. Can you do me a favor and take this out to the car?"

“Sure thing.”

Noticing for the first time, that Buffy was carrying an overnight bag as she handed it to Riley, Spike felt a violent churning in his stomach, desperately wishing for a cigarette as he watched her close the door.

Turning to face him, Buffy noticed that her mother and sister had vacated the area, giving them a modicum of privacy.

“Who is he?” Spike asked softly, trying to keep the jealous tone out of his voice.

“Just a guy I know,” she said with a slight shrug, unable to look at him as she tried to control her pounding pulse. “He wanted me to go to Los Angeles with him for the night."

Feeling his heart drop into his stomach at the idea of her spending the night in a hotel room with that man, Spike reached out to grip the doorframe in a crushing hold.

“Are you seeing him?”

Buffy took a deep breath before nodding.

“Yeah,” she murmured. “I am. It's not serious…not that I owe you an explanation, but I can tell this is hurting you. We’ve only been out a few times.”

“Have you slept with him?” he asked in a soft voice, raising his eyes to hers.

“Not yet,” she said with an angry edge to her voice that caused his stomach to tighten.

“Yet?”

“Spike, give it a rest, okay? You're not my brother, or my father, or my lover, so I don't need to answer to you.”

Turning and yelling a good-bye into the kitchen, Buffy started for the door and suddenly felt herself pinned against it. Turning around, she felt Spike's body softly pressing against her own, having to fight the natural pull that she felt when he was standing so close. Looking up into his eyes, her breathing escalated when she saw how close his lips were to hers- wanting nothing more than the chance to feel them again.

“Don’t do this, Buffy,” he whispered in a pleading tone. “Remember how good it used to be?”

“Before you screwed up?” she replied, arching an eyebrow in response.

“Please, remember,” he murmured, lowering his lips until they were gently brushing against her hair, threading his fingers through the silky strands and pressing his forehead to hers. “Nobody can make you feel what I can do to you, just like nobody can even come close to what you do to me.”

“Is that in love or hate?” she asked, her voice coming out in a breathy whisper.

Gently brushing his lips against hers, each felt alive for the first time in a year as a jolt seemed to pass through them from the simple acts of their lips moving against each other. Closing his eyes in contentment for a brief moment, Spike tightened his hands in her hair, eagerly holding her against him. This was what had been missing from his life. He'd known it all along, but he'd tried to suppress it.

Letting his hands slowly drop from her hair as his lips continued their tender caress over hers, they slowly wandered down her body, roaming over the curve of her hips to settle against the small of her back. Pulling her closer, he tried to resist the urge to push his painful erection against her, not wanting to push her too hard, too fast.

Finding her hands going up to thread through his hair, Buffy couldn’t help the natural response of pushing herself against his covered erection, thrilled when she felt the evidence of his desire for her. Suppressing the moan of delight at the feel of him against her, the two slowly moved together as Spike pushed her more forcefully against the door. Deepening the kiss, each tried to get as close as possible, causing Buffy to moan when his tongue slipped into her mouth to intertwine with hers. Feeling Spike wind his free hand through her hair and pull her closer to him, not wanting to let go, she felt a feminine thrill rush through her.

Slowly, their lips separated from each other, as the need for air became more apparent. Knowing that whatever spell they must be under wouldn't last much longer, he gently held her body against his for just a few more moments.

Coming back to her senses, Buffy softly pushed against his chest to remove herself from the embrace.

“I have to go,” she whispered, snapping out of the trance she felt like she was in.

“Buffy-”

“Spike, I'm not ready. It's too soon and there…there's still too much to work through. I don’t even know if there’s anything that we should work through…this was probably just a mistake.”

“Don’t say that,” he said, shaking his head. “It wasn’t a mistake, it was us. Remember us. Remember how it used to be.”

“Before you…”

Trailing off in a choked voice, Spike nodded. “Before I fucked up…but I promise-”

“I need to go,” she said, cutting him off as she shook her head.

Slowly nodding, Spike raised his eyes to hers, silently pleading with her before voicing his thought. “Just please don't…”

Swallowing her emotions, Buffy slowly reached out, silencing his worries as she tenderly caressed his cheek, reveling in the simple feel of doing something so innocent and having it feel like the first time. Turning toward the door, she stopped when she heard his soft voice behind her.

“You're still my girl,” he whispered, looking at her through watery eyes when she turned around to face him with a sad smile on her lips.

“Always.”




Thanks so much to: BuffyandSpikeForever, Sevvy_O, gypsy_jin, willowmouse, Cordykitten, Caitie, Alison, Karyn, lacey, spikette55, txjmfan, Aseret, & Slayer rock chick for reviewing!





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