Chapter 14 – Missing You


Once the movie began, Buffy felt tension settling over her. She didn’t know what to expect from this ‘not a date’. Spike was playing the role of a perfect gentleman, which was unlike him. Wondering if he was adapting to what she had told him about her ‘relationship’ with Riley, she hesitantly shot him a nervous glance.

Briefly questioning whether or not he might still be interested in her, Buffy physically shook her head. ‘He wouldn’t go to all this trouble if he wasn’t still interested…but why hasn’t he tried to hold my hand or put his arm around me…and why do you care?’ she asked herself, growing frustrated with her train of thought.

Pushing all of her thoughts aside, she tried to focus on the movie, still in tune with every subtle movement of the man next to her.

‘You’re being ridiculous. You’re just friends, and you’re acting like this is your first date. You’ve made love with this man- you know every part of his body, and you’re nervous because you’re sitting next to him.’

Nearly shaking her head at her train of thought, she settled into her chair, taking a deep breath.

“You’re going to have to forgive me, lamb.”

Jumping when she felt his warm breath against her ear and the soft tone of his voice, she slowly turned toward him, a confused expression on her face.

“Being the jerk that I am, I forgot to tell you how beautiful you look tonight. Not that you’re not breathtaking every other night, of course,” he finished with a slight smile. Feeling his heart speed up at the smile that seemed light up Buffy’s face, Spike felt himself relax, only to tense up a moment later when he saw her slowly move toward him. Not wanting her to look back and write this off as a weak moment in the face of a compliment, Spike raised one of her hands to his lips, planting a gentle kiss on it, before turning his attention back to the screen.

Feeling slightly disappointed, Buffy shook off the feeling, chastising herself for even attempting to kiss him. The familiarity was so simple that she almost didn’t notice their united hands. Debating whether or not to disentangle herself from him, she took a deep breath, slowly letting it out as she came to terms with the simplicity of the moment.

Calmly sitting the way they were until the movie ended, Buffy and Spike slowly exited the theater, their hands still entwined, each too comfortable with the gesture to abandon it.

Walking through the town, Spike gestured toward the coffee shop with his free hand. “What do you think, pet?”

Not stopping to analyze how this had turned into a pseudo-date, Buffy nodded, walking with him toward the Espresso Pump. Making a move to walk into the open-air shop, Buffy froze, her eyes widening as she looked at the man approaching.

Feeling her sudden change, Spike looked in the direction that seemed to have Buffy’s attention, raising an eyebrow when he saw Captain Cardboard, in the flesh, staring back at them with a look of distress on his face.

“Riley,” Buffy greeted nervously, trying to offer him a smile.

“Hello, Buffy,” he said, never taking his eyes away from Spike.

Resigning himself to be the bigger man, Spike offered his hand to Riley, still clutching at Buffy with his other hand.

“Spike Giles,” he said as the larger man took his hand in a crushing hold. Spike merely smirked while putting just as much pressure on Riley, delighted at the slight look of pain that crossed his face. Releasing him, he abandoned his hold on Buffy’s hand, only to slip an arm comfortably around her waist, smiling when she didn’t pull away from him.

“I know who you are, Giles,” Riley said, staring at the arm wrapped around the woman he was in love with. “Aren’t you the guy who Buffy caught screwing some model wannabe in Seattle a few months ago?” he asked with raised eyebrows.

Feeling rage flood through his body as Buffy tensed up next to him, Spike nervously cast a look in her direction, seeing her biting her lower lip, looking at the ground. He knew that she was trying to hold back the tears that accompanied the painful memories, and he once again cursed himself for doing something so monumentally stupid. Giving her a gentle squeeze, he slowly let her go, stalking toward Riley with murder in his eyes.

“That’s me, you bloody pillock,” he said in a hushed tone so Buffy wouldn’t overhear. “And guess what? She’s still here with me and not you, so why don’t you be a good little boy and run along home to mommy?”

Backing away from the other man with a raised eyebrow, he smirked when Riley walked forward to get in his face.

“I have no problem with wiping the floor with you, Giles,” he said in what Spike assumed was supposed to be a menacing tone.

“I’d like to see you try,” Spike growled. Turning his back on Riley, he focused his attention on Buffy. Placing a hand on each side of her face, Spike tilted her head up to look into her shimmering eyes. “I’ll take you home, baby,” he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. They made it two feet before Riley, once again, stepped in their way.

“Buffy, I’ll take you home if you don’t want to be around him anymore.”

Staring up at him in disbelief, she didn’t give a thought to the fact that Spike currently thought that this man was her boyfriend as she reached up to reward Riley’s efforts with a solid slap.

“You bastard,” she whispered. “You wanna be with me, so you bring up the one thing that could hurt me the most and rub it in my face?”

“Buffy, I-”

“Don’t,” she said, holding up a hand. “I don’t ever want to see you again, Riley. Do you hear me? Ever!”

Shoving him out of her way, Buffy continued on her way, feeling her heart ache when Spike fell into step beside her.

”You might as well leave me alone, Spike. I just want to walk for a little while.”

“Anything you want, baby…but I’m not leaving you alone,” he said softly.

“That’s not ‘anything I want’,” she said trying to smile. Unable to look at him, Buffy tensed when he reached down, enveloping her hand with his own. Finally raising her eyes to his, she watched Spike’s brows knit together as he noticed the pain in her eyes.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Spike,” she whispered.

Feeling his heart begin to pound in a steady rhythm, he shook his head in the hope that she would reconsider from the simple action alone.

“Buffy, no…I don’t want to pressure you, but don’t let that idiot mess up what we could have.”

“It’s just so hard…”

Her whisper trailed off as she choked back a sob. “I just…I always think of how you hurt me, and I just can’t-”

“I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry!” Spike interrupted, the desperation evident in his voice. “I can’t tell you how much I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t,” he whispered, his own tears beginning to fall when he felt the desperate need to hold onto her. “I just need you so much, Buffy. It’s not just lust or passion- it’s the fact that I can’t imagine my life without you,” he said, reaching up to cup her face. “I look into the future, and the only thing I see is your face. I miss you. I miss your smile, the way your nose crinkles when you’re thinking about something, I even miss the incessant babbling you do when something makes you nervous. I love you, Buffy, and I will spend the rest of my life making sure you know how special you are to me.”

Staring into his deep blue eyes for a moment, she slowly averted her gaze. “Thank you,” she said softly. “It means a lot that I know that.”





Thanks so much to: Karyn, gypsy_jin, Franchesca, BuffyandSpikeForever, B, theladyofspike, txjmfan, blondiebear, caatje, sue, willowmouse, spikes slayer, Caitie, Cordykitten, Lady, ...…, & Aseret for reviewing!





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