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Author's Chapter Notes:
Because of the minimal changes, I'm trying to get this one updated fairly quickly. So here are two more chapters for you :-)
Chapter 20 – Raw Emotion


Pulling his car into the Summers’ driveway later that night, Spike barely put it into park before he began his run for the front door. Not bothering to knock, he pushed through the door and into the living room. Seeing several people he didn’t know giving him curious looks, he finally spotted
his father sitting with Dawn across the room. Making his way over to both of them, he was met with a crying teenager, throwing herself into his arms.

“I’m so sorry, Niblet,” he whispered, stroking her hair as she sobbed into his chest for a long moment.

Slowly pulling away, Dawn nodded, wiping her eyes and nose as she offered him a watery smile.

Turning to his father, Spike gave Giles a grateful smile when he gestured toward the stairs. “She’s in her room. She wasn’t up to seeing any guests tonight. She said she just wanted to be
alone.”

Barely nodding before turning and jogging up the stairs, Spike shed his duster on the way, taking a deep breath when he reached the top landing. Walking up to Buffy’s door, he gently tapped on it before pushing it open, not bothering to wait for a response. Nothing was keeping him from his girl for another second longer.

“I don’t want to see anybody,” he heard her say in a hoarse voice. Glancing around the dim room, Spike spotted her huddled in a chair, staring out the window at the side of the house next door, obviously not seeing anything as she stared.

“It’s me, baby,” he whispered, watching as her head snapped around to face him.

“Spike?” she asked, unable to believe it was really him after the last twenty-four hours.

Barely having the time to nod before he was assaulted by the woman he loved, Spike’s arms reflexively wrapped around her before flinching when he felt her fist connect with his chest.

“You weren’t here!” she yelled, hitting him repeatedly against his chest and stomach. “I needed you…I needed you, and you weren’t here…you weren’t…I needed you,” her voice continuously getting softer as the strength drained out of her, causing her punches to weaken until Spike was able to wrap his arms around her. Pulling her frail body closer to his, Spike buried his face in her soft hair and let his own tears fall. “I needed you,” she whispered over and over again, digging her nails into his chest as she clutched at his shirt, obviously scared that he was going to leave again.

“I know, baby,” Spike said in a choked voice. “I’m so sorry. I know you needed me, but I’m here now,” he said, pulling away to cup her face in his hands. “I’m here, and I’m not leaving you again.”

Nearly jumping back when Buffy’s lips attacked his, Spike was vaguely aware of the sound of the door slamming shut behind him as she pushed him against it. Eagerly returning her kiss, he tried to soften it as her tongue delved into his mouth to tangle with his own. Feeling her tiny hands trace the muscles in his torso, his body tightened when her hands moved downward, realizing that she was reaching for his belt buckle. Slowly intercepting her, he tried to gently pry her hands away as he pulled away from her.

“Buffy, not like this,” he whispered, in a strained voice.

“Exactly like this,” she replied in a rasping whisper. “I need you, Spike. Please! Make me feel something, anything…just make me forget for a little while. Please, Spike.”

“Buffy-”

“No, Spike. I know you want me,” she said, grabbing for his belt one again. “I know what I want, and I need you inside of me…now.”

Spike didn’t know what to do as she quickly stripped her clothes off, leaving her standing in front of him completely bare and vulnerable. His body had the natural reaction to having her naked body so close to his own, barely noticing when she jerked his shirt over his head.

“Can’t take advantage of you, Buffy,” he whispered, trying to stop her when she managed to unbuckle his belt and jerk his jeans halfway down his legs.

Before another protest could leave his mouth, he found himself lying on her bed as she straddled him. His breath caught as he felt her smooth body moving against his before she positioned him at her entrance and plunged herself downward.

Reflexively grabbing her hips, Spike nearly cried out at the fulfilling feeling of being connected again. Hearing her gasp of pain, he realized what was happening as Buffy began to move wildly on top of him. Her erratic movements showing the stress of the last twenty-four hours.

“Buffy,” he moaned, gripping her hips more firmly in his hands as he tried to slow her movements. He knew this had to be physically hurting her after not being together for a year, but she wasn’t letting him have any control.

“We shouldn’t be doing this, love,” Spike said, trying to use the only defensive weapon he had- his words. He almost couldn’t believe that he was even saying it when he felt her rotate her hips, sending tingling sensations through both of them, but he knew he had to stop her before she continued something that she would already regret.

“No,” she said, stretching her body to the length of his with her chest pressed tightly to his own when he tried to force her to stop once again. Continuing the gyrating of her hips, Spike felt his jaw clench at the rush that was going through him. “Don’t make me stop, Spike.”

Grabbing her thighs to slow her movements, he gritted his teeth as he tried to maintain the willpower to stop her. “Buffy-”

“No!” she yelled, pulling back to look at him with tears shimmering in her eyes. “If you want to hurt me, Spike, then do it! Hit me if you have to, but you will not make me stop.”

“What?” he whispered in disbelief, unable to understand what she was saying to him. Looking at her incredulously, he watched as the tears continued to stream from her eyes. Tightening his grip on her until he was flinching from the amount of force he was having to use on her, he breathed a little easier when her movements stopped.

“Hurt me,” she said in a low voice, looking into his eyes, silently pleading with him to do what she said.

“What are you talking about, Buffy?” he asked in a breathless whisper.

“I can’t hurt inside anymore, Spike,” she whispered as fresh tears began cascading down her
cheeks. “So if you’re going to hurt me, it’s got to be physically, because I can’t handle you rejecting me right now…not on top of everything else that’s happened. I can’t…I just can’t take you not wanting me right now…so do it…hurt me,” she choked out through her tears.

Understanding suddenly dawned on Spike. Gently grasping her hips, he rotated them until they were flipped on the mattress with Buffy lying beneath him.

“I would never hurt you, baby,” he whispered seductively, lavishing soft kisses all over her body before slowly moving upward until he met her lips in a passionate kiss. Rotating his hips, he relaxed when he felt her body respond to him.

Clenching her inner muscles around his length, she arched her back, craving his touch. Leaning forward, he eagerly drew a nipple into his mouth, flicking his tongue over it as he continued moving in and out of her hot depths, slowly running his tongue over her breast, along her collarbone and up her neck until she was trembling beneath him.

Kissing along her neck, he breathed heavily when he reached her ear, trying to maintain his control as his movements sped up. “I love you,” he whispered. “I’ll give you what you need…I’m not going to hurt you…I could never hurt you,” he continued as his thrusting sped up.

Spike met her lips in a searing kiss, letting one hand wander down her body until it wrapped around her hips. Tenderly holding her body closer to his, he began moving faster, feeling her muscles quivering around him, signaling her impending climax.

“Come for me, baby,” he whispered, kissing his way down her jaw to her neck. “You know you want to…we both know it’s what you need.”

Not caring who heard them, Spike sped up his thrusts, vaguely aware of the headboard thumping against the wall continuously. Smiling briefly when Buffy threw her head back with a scream, her body writhing as her climax crashed into her, Spike plunged into her four more times, soon finding his own release as he spilled himself into her hot depths.

Breathing heavily for a few moments, Spike slowly rolled away, never breaking full contact with Buffy as he pulled her against his chest.

Snuggling closer to him, she let her hand trace erratic patterns over his chest, feeling guilty as the memories began to come back to her from just moments before.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered after a few minutes of silence.

“For what, love?” he asked, kissing the top of her head before letting his hand trail along her arm, smiling at the shiver that raced through her.

“For what I said to you,” she murmured. “I didn’t mean it. I know that you would never hurt me like that, and I shouldn’t have said it. I just miss her so much, and it feels like I’m being turned inside out.”

“I know, baby,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “Don’t worry about it. You need to get some sleep.”

“Thank you for being here, Spike. I need you right now.”

Buffy closed her eyes and within minutes was sound asleep. Spike heard her breathing regulate and pulled her closer to him, closing his own eyes. “I need you, too.”


Chapter 21 – Surprising Surprises


As the months passed, Buffy found herself struggling with the added responsibilities of day-to-day life. Spike stayed with her for a solid week following the funeral until they realized they weren’t setting the best example for Dawn. Now they saw each other about three nights a week and only spent the entire night with each other whenever Dawn was at a friend’s house.

Joyce’s insurance had paid off the entire funeral, and there was a little money left over for a few house payments. Now, nearly three months later, Buffy was realizing she was going to have to make some major changes in her life. The problem was going to be trying to make these changes without Spike realizing about it anytime soon. Buffy knew that he would offer to pay all of her bills and anything else he could afford, but she didn’t want him to do that. Though he was fairly well off because of the hit record, he was far from rich. Maybe in a few years, but for now, he was living comfortably. Buffy didn’t want him feeling responsible for her monetary problems, and she was determined to support herself and her sister.

This led her to her latest, and last, option- the Doublemeat Palace. It was far from her dream job, but it was a steady paycheck and only working a few nights a week, for starters. Coming home from her interview that Tuesday night, Buffy was surprised to see Spike sitting on the railing of her porch, watching her approach as he inhaled on the cigarette he was holding. Pasting a smile on her face, she walked up to him.

“Hey!”

Inwardly cringing at the overly upbeat tone of her voice, she managed to keep the smile firmly in place.

“Where’ve you been?” Spike asked, raising one eyebrow in response, his tone of voice surprising Buffy as she managed to give him a flustered response.

“Oh, you know…out for a walk.”

“Uh huh,” he said, standing up to his full height and stubbing out his cigarette. Walking toward Buffy, Spike eyed her up and down, almost hungrily. “So you’re telling me you were just out for a walk, dressed in high heels, a short skirt, and a tight shirt?”

“Hey!” she cried indignantly. “I’ll have you know this shirt is not tight- it’s form-fitting!”

“Who were you with, Buffy?”

Rolling her eyes in disbelief, Buffy shook her head as she tried to walk past him. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me!”

Reaching out and grabbed her upper arm when she tried to walk past him, Spike loosened his grip slightly when he saw her cringe. “Where were you?” he asked, his teeth clenched tightly together.

“Take your hand off of me,” Buffy slowly replied in a cold tone.

Letting go of her arm, Spike wasn’t about to let her off the hook that easily as he took a step closer to her. “I asked you a question. Several actually.”

“What do you think, Spike? That I’m off fucking a bunch of random guys? That I’m prostituting myself to earn a little extra cash? Or that I’m just cheating on you? Because you know what they say- those who accuse are actually guilty.”

Seeing the tick in his jaw as he tried to control his temper, Buffy knew it was a low blow. She knew it, but she didn’t have any reason to feel guilty, and she wasn’t about to let him think that he could control everything that she did. Sadly shaking her head as she looked at the ground, Buffy slowly raised her eyes to his. “Spike, have I ever given you a reason not to trust me? Have I?”

“No,” he said quietly.

“Then what’s with the third degree? I love you, you know that, and no…I wasn’t out for a walk, but I don’t feel comfortable telling you where I was, either.”

“Why not?”

“Because I know you, Spike. You’ll get all judgmental, and you’ll start lecturing me, and I really don’t need to hear it right now.”

“Tell me, Buffy.”

Averting her eyes for a moment, she sighed as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I was on a job interview…”

“Why couldn’t you just tell me that? It’s not like I’m not going to stop you from working.”

“…at the Doublemeat Palace,” she finished, biting her bottom lip in embarrassment.

“Okay, maybe I will.”

“Spike, I can do this on my own, okay? I don’t need your help or your opinions because honestly, I have enough of my own, but I’m going to do what has to be done. I got a job there and it’s a way to support myself, so I’m going to do it.”

“You should have said something.”

“We’re okay,” she insisted softly. “But a few months from now, we might not be, and I want to be ready.”

“What if I told you I have a solution to make all of your problems go away?” he asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“I’d probably be very skeptical,” she said, in turn clasping her own hands behind his neck as he leaned forward to let his lips brush against her ear, sending shivers racing along her spine.

“Marry me,” he breathed softly.

Buffy froze, her eyes widening in disbelief. “Was that a question or a demand?”

“A request,” he replied with a smile. “Marry me.”

“Spike,” she said, breaking away from his grip and taking a step back as she shook her head. “I don’t think this is a good enough reason to get married.”

“What if I told you I’ve been thinking about it since Christmas?”

“I’d say we just started making our relationship work again, and this is moving really fast.”

“I know it is, but I love you, Buffy. Nothing’s going to change that.”

“Spike, this is all too sudden. I mean, it’s one thing to think about it, but it’s entirely different when you just spring it to me out of no-”

Buffy cut herself off when Spike reached into his pocket and produced a princess-cut diamond ring, set in a platinum band.

“I’ve been doing more than thinking about it, love,” he whispered, maintaining eye contact with her as he took her hand and dropped down on one knee. “Buffy Summers…will you be my wife?”

Buffy paused for a second before a smile lit up her face, she gave him the first response that entered her mind. “Of course I will!”

Slipping the ring on her finger, Spike jumped up, swinging her into his arms and around the yard until they both fell to the ground in a laughing heap of tangled limbs. Spike smiled at the woman beneath him and lowered his lips to hers in a soft kiss, brushing his lips against hers for a long moment before pulling away to look deep in her eyes.

“I want you to know, I do have some impending rules for this engagement,” Buffy said with a smile.

“Fire away,” Spike replied, eager to agree to anything she was about to say.

“Number one- we don’t get married for at least another year. Number two- we will still date. Don’t think just because you bought me a diamond you can get off the hook for taking me out, buddy. Number three-”

Buffy was silenced as Spike kissed her again, stroking his tongue against hers, eliciting a soft moan from her when he pulled away.

“I love you, Buffy,” he whispered. “And I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much.”

“I love you, too,” she said with a soft smile, gently caressing the angular lines of his face before grabbing the back of his neck to pull his mouth to hers, devouring his lips once again and giggling when he rolled them over, giving her more control. After a few minutes, Buffy pulled away and stared down at the man she loved.

“I never stopped loving you, Spike.”

“Me neither, baby. It’s always been you.”







Thanks so much to: blondiebear, Sevvy_O, Cordykitten, txjmfan, Franchesca, gypsy_jin, Pam, sue, willowmouse, & BuffyandSpikeForever for reviewing!





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