Chapter 4 – Fighting Chances
Present Day
‘Why can’t I just drown?’ he wondered, foggily staring at the ever-present alcohol that was sitting in front of him. ‘Why can’t I just forget about her? The look on her face…the betrayal that I caused? Why can’t I just drink it all away? Drink myself away…’
Letting his shoulders slump even more, Spike continued to stare at the bar, continuously brushing off the advances of eager women, not bothering to give any of them a second look. He wasn’t interested. He wasn’t flattered.
Not anymore.
The kind of women that were hanging around him represented nothing but the destruction of his relationship. The destruction of himself that he had caused.
The only approval he wanted was from the one woman he couldn’t have.
‘The one woman you did have,’ he thought drunkenly. ‘And you just tossed her away as if you never gave a damn about her…as if everything you shared meant nothing.’
But it meant everything. He knew it then and he knew it now. ‘Why couldn’t I have known five months ago?’ he asked himself. ‘Why did I let it happen? When did everything get so cloudy?’
Walking into the hotel bar, Angel sighed when he spotted his friend hunched over the bar. “Do you ever crawl out of the bottle?” he asked, plopping down on the stool next to Spike.
“Sod off,” he muttered.
“Nah…I think it would be more fun to stay here and watch you drink yourself to death, the way you have been every night for the last five months.” Hearing something that sounded like a growl, Angel almost had to laugh as he shook his head before looking over at his friend with a serious expression. “How are you?”
“Could be worse,” Spike muttered, looking at the bar, slowly rotating his glass, staring into the amber liquid as it swirled around and lapped at the sides.
“I’m guessing that face isn’t because you’re reluctant to see your old man for the first time since it happened,” Angel said, ordering a drink from the bartender as Spike shot him a scathing look. “You nervous?”
“About seeing her?” Spike asked softly. “No,” he whispered, shaking his head. “I’ll be lucky if I even catch a glimpse of her. Can’t blame her for wanting to stay as far away from me as possible.”
“You have to expect her to still be hurt,” Angel said, trying to help out his friend. “But who knows? Maybe she will want to see you.”
“I don’t deserve that,” Spike muttered almost to himself. “She deserves more than I can give her.”
“Maybe that’s for her to decide,” his friend replied.
“She doesn’t have to…I fucked everything up and decided for her.”
“Do you still love her, Spike?” Angel asked, studying the other man with a hard glare.
“What kind of bloody question is that?!” he yelled, spinning around to face his friend, drawing the attention of the people who were sitting close to them.
“Then why don’t you do what’s right for a change?”
“How?” he asked miserably.
“Make it right. You can’t make her forgive or forget, but you can definitely give her a push in the right direction. Show her how much she means to you. Show her that you have truly changed. Maybe then you’ll have a fighting chance.”
* * * * *
4 Years Earlier
Sighing as she loaded her last suitcase into the back of her mom’s Jeep, Buffy tried to keep the pout on her lip from forming. She would be leaving for Los Angeles in a few hours to spend the summer with her dad. After dreading this day for months, she couldn’t help but wish her father would call and tell her that he had to go out of town for business. She had been hoping to get the call telling her that she wouldn’t be able to go visit him, but the day had arrived, and no phone call.
‘Amazing,’ she thought, rolling her eyes at the irony of her life. ‘When I don’t want him to cancel on me, he does, but when I actually want to stay here, he finds an opening in his schedule to squeeze in his children.’
Closing the back of the Jeep, she leaned against it, watching her younger sister run out the door with her bag before turning around, running back into the house, obviously forgetting something.
After the past few months, spending time with her friends and still watching the band rehearsals whenever she got a chance, her group of friends had somehow merged with Spike’s.
Except for Drusilla.
Anytime Spike wasn’t looking, the brunette felt it necessary to shoot death glares at Buffy, which she all too eagerly returned.
Aside from the wicked witch of the east, the two groups of friends had settled comfortably together. Willow and Oz had really hit it off and started dating around New Year’s; Xander found himself befriended by Gunn and Angel, and even though Spike took a little more persuading, he eventually kept his ridiculing down when he was around the younger man- now he merely called him ‘whelp’. It never occurred to Buffy that he considered Xander a threat to what the two of them had…or could have. Gunn and Fred were still together, and Buffy surprisingly found herself dating Angel.
Their relationship was fairly short-term, only lasting for a few months- they each agreed that the spark wasn’t there and amicably parted ways the day after her birthday. They were better off as friends, and they both knew it. Even though Buffy cared for him, she couldn’t bring herself to want to sleep with him. She never even considered the possibility.
Part of her realized that she was still fixated on Spike and what they could have had. She tried to ignore it as the school year continued, but the feelings always seemed to be there, boiling below the surface. She avoided him as much as possible, in large part to not have to be subjected to his girlfriend’s glares and snide comments.
Until recently.
A few weeks ago, Drusilla had broken up with Spike, claiming he didn’t love her anymore and she needed to move on.
In reality, she had found herself with someone else, but Buffy couldn’t bring herself to tell him. She knew Spike would be devastated at the idea of losing his girlfriend to someone else. Buffy didn’t want to get caught in the middle, unwilling to tell him about catching the bitchy brunette with another man outside the Bronze and slipping away before she was noticed.
She had briefly considered telling Spike, but the decision was taken out of her hands when Drusilla took the initiative. The two of them had been together for years, and she dropped him like a bad habit, a decision that Buffy didn’t pretend to understand, but she also didn’t hide the fact that Spike could do better. Especially when Dru showed up at the Bronze on the arm of her newest boytoy, who was singing in a wannabe rock band. Obviously she had gone for someone who she thought would make it big. She didn’t even have enough faith in her own boyfriend to support him.
Eventually, Spike started the process of moving on, and a big part of that entailed stepping up the flirting with Buffy. Every now and then, she liked to believe that he was really attracted to her, but other than the near kiss at the Bronze that had almost occurred months ago, he had never bothered to try anything else. Flirty touches and glances were the only things ever exchanged, much to Buffy’s chagrin.
Now that she was about to leave for the entire summer, just when her dream guy was finally back on the market, she didn’t think her summer could get any worse…and it hadn’t even started. Sighing as she banged her head against the back of the car, she couldn’t believe her bad luck.
“What’s with the long face, pet?”
Turning around, a huge smile immediately lit up Buffy’s face when she saw Spike walking up the driveway towards her, his hands shoved in his pockets and his head tilted to one side as he stared at her.
“Just thinking about how much I want to stay here this summer,” Buffy replied with a shrug, leaning against the car.
Coming to a stop beside her, Spike slowly reached out and tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear, giving her a tender smile when her eyes met his.
“I wish you could, too,” he said softly, letting his fingertips rest on her cheek longer than necessary. “Take a walk with me.”
Her face immediately brightening, Buffy motioned for him to stay where he was as she quickly walked up the path leading to the front door.
“Mom!” she called, leaning through the doorway. “Spike’s here, we’re going for a walk.”
“Have fun, sweetie! Keep track of the time, we’ll need to leave soon.”
Heading back to the driveway, Buffy blushed when she saw Spike outstretch his hand, smiling when he saw the flush in her cheeks. Hesitantly taking his hand in hers, Buffy felt her heart flutter when his smile brightened as he entwined their fingers together.
Walking through the shady streets in a comfortable silence, Spike led her to a park that was a few blocks away. Bypassing the kids who were running and playing on the playground equipment, they walked along a trail, letting the trees shield them until they came to a grassy clearing, offering them some privacy from the younger Sunnydale citizens.
Sitting down on the grass, he smiled at the giggle Buffy gave him when he pulled her down into his lap and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her securely in place. Her smile soon faded as she looked into his eyes, feeling her heart begin to race at his close proximity. She could almost feel her stomach clench with anticipation when she felt his breath mingling with hers. Swallowing hard as she reached upward, Buffy gently ran her hand over his angular cheekbones before trailing it downward to settle on the back of his neck. She had no idea where the bold move came from.
Looking at the girl in his arms, Spike felt his breath catch in his throat. She looked stunning as the fading sunlight brought out the highlights in her blonde hair, letting the golden shimmers stand out against her black shirt. Looking at her moist lips, he couldn’t help the sudden desire to close the distance between them.
Nervously licking her lips when she saw him advancing on her, Buffy let her eyes close seconds before he made contact. Quickly losing control as the sparks seemed to shoot between them, she twined her hands through his hair, feeling him pull her even closer as the kiss deepened. Straining to get even closer to him, Buffy straddled his lap, letting her hands run up his muscular chest to settle on his shoulders. Never breaking contact with his lips, she moaned, grinding her damp center against the hardness she encountered. Breaking away, she gasped at the sensations he created in her as she continued to move with him.
“Spike…I want you,” she panted as he trailed kisses along her exposed neck.
“Buffy, I need you. God, I need you so much.”
Their lips fused together again as Spike rolled them, laying her down in the soft grass and covering her body with his own. Pulling away from her again, he stared down into her lust-filled eyes and a jolt of realization seemed to go through him.
‘What am I doing?’ he wondered, trying to keep himself from taking her, making her his at that moment. ‘She’s a seventeen-year-old girl. You can’t do this to her.’
Reluctantly pulling away from her, Spike shakily stood up.
“Wh-what’s wrong?” Buffy asked, her eyes wide with uncertainty.
“Buffy, we can’t do this,” he whispered, not believing the words that were coming out of his mouth.
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re seventeen…I’m almost twenty-one. I can’t take advantage of you like this.”
“Take advantage…? Spike, I’m not some little kid,” she said, pushing herself to her feet and looking at him in disbelief.
“I know…we just can’t.”
“So what was all of this, Spike? A joke? You make me feel for you and then…just something to laugh about with your buddies, right? Poor, naïve little Buffy.”
“Buffy, I would never do that. I want you so much that it chokes me. I feel like I have to have you, but we can’t.”
“Fine,” she said, trying to mask the pain in her voice with the anger she was feeling. “I guess I’ll just go find someone my own age. I mean, I’m not that bad to look at…someone’s bound to come along and say, ‘Hey, I wouldn’t mind a piece of her’.”
“Don’t,” Spike growled. He knew she was just lashing out because she was hurt, but he couldn’t stop the possessiveness that flowed through him at the idea of anyone else touching her. He had never been more relieved in his life when she and Angel broke up. He knew she was still a virgin, and it killed him to think she might run out and sleep with someone else. They were too close for him to not consider her to be his.
“Buffy,” he began again, trying to keep his voice calm. “I don’t want you to be mad at me. I want to be with you, love, more than I’ve ever wanted anyone, but please try to understand what I’m trying to do.” He gently hooked a finger under her chin, raising her eyes to his. “Please,” he whispered.
At the desperate note in his voice, Buffy felt the tears sting her eyes as her chin trembled.
“It’s just…if you think that what I feel for you might just be a big joke…”
“It’s not,” he said firmly with an urgent tone in his voice that surprised her.
“You really want me?”
Not bothering to answer, Spike pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her waist as his lips smashed against hers. The kiss was almost brutal, as if she was being claimed by him. Molding her soft curves to his body as the kiss deepened even more, Spike’s tongue dipped into her mouth, gently caressing hers. Slowly softening his touch until their lips were barely touching with light caresses, he found himself already missing her. She was still in his arms, and he wanted to keep her there forever.
Pulling away a moment later, he pressed his forehead to hers, briefly closing his eyes as he tried to catch his breath.
“Does that answer your question?” he asked with a smile.
Breathing heavily, Buffy nodded, feeling like she was unable to do anything else.
“You’ll wait for me?”
Looking up at him, her brows knit together as she realized what he just asked her.
“Wh-what do you mean?” she asked, not wanting to believe what she was hearing.
Watching his hand as it trailed down her bare arm, Spike gave her a soft smile. “I want to see you when you get home.”
“See me?”
Spike kissed her softly, pulling away too quickly for either of them. “I want you, Buffy. I can’t stand to think of anyone else touching you…holding you.”
Closing her eyes when he pulled her into his embrace, Buffy sighed. “So that means I can’t go out and hook up with a few random guys while I’m in L.A.?” she asked with a bright smile.
Giggling when Spike jerked away from her with a shocked expression, she closed the distance between them as he relaxed. “You better be bloody joking.”
“I am,” she replied, looking up at him with wide eyes.
“I think I deserve a good-bye kiss for that little stunt.”
“I think I can arrange that.”
Thanks so much to: lacey, Caitie, Cordykitten, gypsy_jin, Stephanie, Sevvy_O, BuffyandSpikeForever, spikes slayer, kim, & spikette55 for reviewing!
[Reviews - 243]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 6298 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
It was just pointed out to me that the chapter number was wrong- this chapter (which I posted an hour ago) was chapter 4, but I forgot chapter 3- I've straightened it out now, so please go read the previous chapter before this one :-) Sorry for the problem!