Chapter 7 – Bed of Roses…and Thorns
Present Day
Still staring at the journal in her hands, Buffy took a deep breath, trying to overcome the tears that always seemed to be in her eyes. Looking up, she frowned when she saw Giles checking his watch.
“Should I leave?” she asked, tilting her head slightly as she waited for his response. “I know it’s late…”
“No,” Giles said quickly, shaking his head. “It’s just that…William is...well, he called…you see the thing is…”
“Giles, tell me.”
“He taped a segment earlier today for one of the late night programs, and he called to let me know it would be airing tonight.”
Giving him a small smile of understanding, Buffy nodded. “And you wanted to watch it, but you were worried about me.”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be okay,” she insisted. “Go ahead and turn it on.”
Watching as he walked over to the huge entertainment center that Spike sent him for his birthday, Buffy took a deep breath as he turned on the TV.
Sitting in silence, the two of them watched the first few guests go through the interviews. When the band was announced, Buffy’s eyes were riveted to her ex-boyfriend as he moved across the stage, adjusting his microphone.
“He looks good,” she commented almost miserably.
Noticing her somber tone, Giles patted her shoulder in comfort. “He’s miserable without you, Buffy. He asks about you every time he calls and wants to hear all the details. The happiest I’ve heard him in the past few months was when I told him you’d chosen photography as your major. He was pleased to know you found something you love doing.”
Offering a half-hearted smile, Buffy didn’t know how to respond, turning her attention back to the screen. Hearing the music begin, her heart clenched in her chest as she recognized the song- a remake of Bon Jovi’s Bed of Roses. The band had released it a month earlier and it became an instant hit. Feeling the tears spring to her eyes as she listened to the man she was still in love with begin to sing a song that reflected such a horrible moment in her life.
“Sitting here wasted and wounded
at this old piano
Trying hard to capture
the moment this morning I don't know
'Cause a bottle of vodka
is still lodged in my head
And some blonde gave me nightmares
I think she's still in my bed
As I dream about movies
they won't make of me when I'm dead
With an ironclad fist I wake up and
French kiss the morning
While some marching band keeps
its own beat in my head
While we're talking
About all of the things that I long to believe
About love and the truth and
what you mean to me
And the truth is, baby you're all that I need
I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses
Well I'm so far away
That each step that I take is on my way home
A king's ransom in dimes I'd given each night
Just to see through this payphone
Still I run out of time
Or it's hard to get through
Till the bird on the wire flies me back to you
I'll just close my eyes and whisper,
baby blind love is true
I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses
The hotel bar hangover whiskey's gone dry
The barkeeper's wig's crooked
And she's giving me the eye
I might have said yeah
But I laughed so hard I think I died
Now as you close your eyes
Know I'll be thinking about you
While my mistress she calls me
To stand in her spotlight again
Tonight I won't be alone
But you know that don't
Mean I'm not lonely, I've got nothing to prove
For it's you that I'd die to defend
I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses”
The last few notes were still ringing through the air as Spike leaned into the microphone once more. “I’m still in love with you, Buffy.”
The air rushed out of her body as the ache in her heart seemed to multiply at the admission. Wiping the tears away that were traveling down her cheeks, she tried to control her breathing, not wanting to worry Giles.
“Buffy?”
Turning at the sound of the older man’s voice, she offered him a weak smile. “I need to be getting home,” she said softly, standing up and clutching at her new journal as she started walking to the door.
“Of course,” he replied in understanding. “Can I offer you a lift?”
“No, that’s okay, Giles. I think I need to walk…clear my head a little.”
“Perhaps you can stop by for lunch tomorrow- Will’s not due in until after seven.”
“That would be great. I’ll try and make it over around noon.”
“Splendid,” he said with a bright smile. “I’ll be expecting you.”
Offering him a small wave before walking out the door, her shoulders immediately slumped when she heard the click of the door shutting behind her. The tears seemed to automatically start again when she was alone. Walking slowly toward her house, Buffy clutched the leather book to her chest, looking for some kind of comfort.
She still loved him so much and he was coming home.
How would she be able to look at him whenever she saw him? She knew it was inevitable- Sunnydale was too small to not run into him. The band would be there for at least a year, on hiatus, while they worked on some new material.
Spike had ripped her heart out. How was that forgivable? Or even tolerable?
Buffy knew that he was also keeping tabs on her through Oz whenever he talked to Willow. She didn’t know what to think about that. Did he still love her, or was it all an act? Was it for publicity? Did he ever really love her?
* * * * *
11 Months Earlier
Making her way toward the parking lot, Buffy tried to let the cool morning air calm her nerves. It was still early and the soft grays and blues did little to relax her. Seeing the tour-bus in front of her, she approached it with a heavy heart.
Noticing his girlfriend’s arrival, Spike ran over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist when he reached her. Buffy giggled as he picked her up and spun her in a circle.
Setting her back on the ground after a few turns, Spike looked down at her with watery eyes before pressing his forehead against hers. “I’m holding you and I already miss you,” he whispered.
“I know how you feel.”
“And I’m gonna miss your birthday,” he added, looking at her in concern.
“Buy me something pretty,” she said with a watery smile.
“Anything and everything.”
Watching her laugh at his response, Spike felt the familiar pull on his heart. The one that told him he didn’t deserve her and he was lucky that no other man had stolen her away from him.
“I missed you last night,” she murmured, breaking into his thoughts.
“I know,” he said softly. “But I left packing till the last minute, you know that. And I think you know why,” he continued with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah,” she whispered, a blush in her cheeks as she looked at the ground.
Hearing the horn of the bus, they both turned to stare at it before returning their eyes to each other.
“Buffy, I needed to tell you…” he paused, taking a deep breath. “I needed to tell you that…I’m so in love with you, I can’t think straight.”
Hearing the words that she had dreamed about so many times over the past year, a dazzling smile settled on her features. Wrapping her arms around his neck with fresh tears coming to her eyes, she held him tight, knowing it would be a long time before she could do it again.
“I love you, baby,” he whispered, his voice muffled against her shoulder. “I’m sorry it took me so long…”
“It’s okay,” she said with a slight sniffle, pulling away to look in his eyes. “It was worth the wait. And I love you, too…you know I do.”
Pressing his lips gently against hers, Spike tried to pour every emotion into the kiss before reluctantly pulling away. “Everything will be fine, Buffy,” he whispered, not waiting for a response as he slowly walked away, stepping on the bus.
Watching him disappear, Buffy turned away with a silent sob, covering her mouth with her hand as the tears began to fall.
“Hey, Summers!”
Taking a deep breath, she turned around to see Spike leaning halfway out of one of the windows.
“You’re one in a million!” he yelled, blowing her a kiss.
She laughed and waved at the group as the bus pulled away, leaving her standing in the middle of the parking lot, her arms wrapped around her body. Never noticing Giles walking over to stand next to her, she nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard his voice.
“How are you doing?” he asked gently.
Turning to face her surrogate father, Buffy sighed with relief when Giles hugged her. He had been nothing but supportive ever since he discovered that she was dating his son, stating more than once how he could see the two of them growing old together.
Pulling back to look at him with a miserable expression, Buffy tried to keep the pout from forming on her lip. “I miss him already.”
“I don’t doubt it. Would you care for a ride home?”
“Thanks, Giles.”
Thanks so much to: Stephanie, Caitie, Cordykitten, Sevvy_O, willowmouse, & gypsy_jin for reviewing!
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm going to try and do a lot of updates on this one (depending on how much rewriting/real life stuff I have to do). Hope you're still liking it :-)