By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can’t lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can’t cope, so he pretends to be somebody he‘s not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike’s absence hasn’t effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after ‘As You Were ‘only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days.

Chapter 11

Buffy stood there for she didn’t know how long. Finally she snapped out of her angst thoughts and began to run. She pumped her legs all the way back to Gile’s house. When she reached the porch she wished there was more distance for her to run.

She entered the dwelling to find Giles immersed in a book. “Better not be worded out. We have a demon to add to our list of research topics. At least. . . I think it was a demon.”

The watcher pried his eyes away from the text. “You came across a demon while out on your walk?” Concern marred his expression. “Are you all right?”

She sighed. “Yes, Giles. I’m the slayer, remember. Touch with mega strength.”

“Yes, but you have never been, uh . . . in delicate condition.”

She laughed. “I’m pregnant, not breakable.”

“Yes, well. . . You really should be careful.”

“I know. And I should get checked out. I haven’t really seen a doctor yet.”

Giles nodded. “That should be your main priority. We’ll find Spike in good time.”

“Already pinpointed his location,” she informed.

“How did you manage that?”

“On my walk I met up with him.”

“Dear lord, you are telling me you found Spike and a demon on a mere walk around the block?”

A slight smiled tugged at Buffy’s lips. “Basically.”

He shook his head. “I only thought such a thing possible in Sunnydale.”

She shrugged. “Maybe I attract it.”

Glancing up at her, Giles said, “So, tell me about your walk. Why isn’t Spike with you?”

She plopped down on the couch. “He doesn’t remember me, Giles.”

Giles narrowed his eyes. “He has amnesia?”

“Either he got hit on the head or some spell was cast on him. All I know is I’m just some wacko he met on a walk.” Her voice held sadness.

“Wait, Buffy, it is only after noon. Spike couldn’t possibly. . .”

“That’s the wiggiest thing about all this, he’s apparently human now,” Buffy told him.

Giles opened his mouth and then closed it again. Buffy could clearly see that he was puzzling over the new knowledge. He shook his head. “That is impossible. Dead things can not be reanimated in the sense of breathing beings once again.” He paused, seeing Buffy‘s risen eyebrow, finding his error. “Yes, I know you are an exception. But there are no exceptions concerning the undead. It has never happened before.”

“There’s always a first time.”

“Are you sure he didn’t get a hold of a talisman warding against the rays of the sun?”

“I’m certain, Giles. I felt his heart. And he’s of the breathing. There is no doubt about it, he is alive.”

“Extraordinary,” Giles muttered.

“Uh huh, great. Except for the fact that he thinks he is the average Joe Shmoe. He even insisted on going to work. I arranged a meeting with him him there after he gets off.”

Giles pushed his glasses further up his nose. “This requires extensive research. Tell me about this demon. Maybe Spike’s sudden amnesia and this demon’s appearance are connected.”

“Well, he wore a long black cloak. His eyes were all glowy. Blue sparks came out of his fingers. That about sums it up.”

Her ex-watcher stood up from his seat. He set the book he had been reading down on the coffee table. “I just got a new volume. It lists far more species of demons than my previous collection combined.” His voice was full of enthusiasm.

“Ooooo, exciting,” Buffy teased.

She leaned forward to examine the book Giles had discarded. She scanned the page that it was open to. “Vampiric Mating Rituals?”

Giles returned with a large book that must have weighed twenty pounds. “Uh, yes. I was hoping that it would shed some light on your situation.”

She looked up at him. “Anything?”

“No, not yet.”

Buffy placed the book in her lap. “Well, let me have a go of it.” She had experienced it first-hand and would know more than he would.

“I made it a third through. There was no mention of vampire and human having . . . personal relations.”

Buffy snorted. He was embarrassed. She was surprised that he wasn’t cleaning his glasses over it.

If someone had told her a year ago that she would willingly do research she would have laughed in their face. But here she was, savoring the words of ancient recorded text. She was too determined to even get bored.

All of a sudden she came against a section that made her eyes go wide. She put her hand over her mouth to keep herself from losing control. So that is why Spike used his tongue so much, she thought.

(AN- just use your imagination, guys)

* + * + * + *

Spike stood outside the pub. He glanced at his watch. 6:12. So much for right on the dot. Maybe she wasn’t even coming. He scanned the area surrounding him. No sign of the stubborn bint. Well, he wasn’t waiting forever. He began to walk away.

He made it five feet away before he heard, “Hey, were do you think you’re going!?”

Taking in a deep breath, he turned to face Buffy. “So, you finally decided to show?”

“Sorry, I got distracted and lost track of time. But we found something. About you.”

A smirk came to his lips. “Really, about me?”

“Well, about that cloaked guy that’s after you. You’re coming with me to talk to Giles about it. He can explain it way better than I ever could.”

Spike looked skeptical, but agreed by saying, “ Fine, lead the way. But I got to get home by ten. Have to turn in by 11:30, and I get testy when I can’t squeeze in my shows.”

She shook her head. “I take it you finally got a VCR.” A memory of him begging Dawn to record Passions passed through her mind.

“Bloody brilliant invention. Are you telling me I didn’t have one before? I don’t think I could survive without it now,” he told her.

A smile came to her lips. He was still Spike, only in denial. Suddenly a light bulb went off in her head. Dissociative fugue amnesia. The disorder had been covered in Psychology class. She racked her brain for more details. Yeah, it all made sense. Spike couldn’t handle the guilt of a soul so he blocked everything out. Her professor had talked about how the victims would eventually regain their identity. A wave of relief swam over her. This wasn’t permanent.

It still didn’t explain his abrupt humanness. At least she had an idea for part of his current state.

Spike stuck his hands in his pockets. “Where’s this Giles bloke live?”

“Not far from here. Just follow me.”

They walked for a bit before anyone spoke. Not being much of the silent type, Spike spoke. “So, is this Giles your boyfriend?”

That made Buffy stop walking for a moment. She doubled over with laughter. Spike eyed her, puzzled at why the question was so humorous.

Finally Buffy straightened. She wiped the tears that had accumulated from her outburst. “N-no Giles is old, at least forty. He’s never told me exactly how old he is, but . . .”

“So, he’s your friend then?”

“Yeah, a very close friend. He cares for me like a daughter.”

Spike nodded.

They continued their walk. Both their moods had altered. Buffy’s was more light-hearted, and Spike’s more confused. His mind was a jumbled mess. He had no idea what to think or feel about this girl.

The pair made it to Gile’s place. They stepped inside. Buffy watched as Spike moved through the threshold without any hesitation. There was no indication that he had ever been repelled from entering a residence in his entire existence.

“Giles,” the slayer called.

The midde-aged man came to meet them. His gaze lingered on Spike, taking the bleached-blond in. “Bloody hell, it is true,” he breathed in amazement.

Buffy smiled widely. “See, told you.”

Spike glared at them both. “I’m not a bleeding picture show! Please stop your gawking.”

“Yes, but this is so remarkable,” Giles said. “Would you allow me to do some tests?”

“I’m not a damn guinea pig either!” Spike snapped. “The slayer mentioned something about you having information on the thing that is after me.”

“Yes, it is all in a book. If you please follow me.”

The trio went into the living room. A lamp was on, giving off dim light. On the couch was a pile of archaic books. One was opened. Giles snatched it up.

The book was shoved at Spike. “Is this what you saw?”

Spike peered at the page. It showed a sketch of a cloaked creature clothed in a dark cloak. His hands held sharp claw-like fingernails. His face was empty except for the eyes. “Looks like ‘im”

“You didn’t believe me,” Buffy pouted. “I’m not a good enough witness.”

Giles sighed. “I am simply being reaffirming your claim.”

“So, you have the dish on the bugger? What is he after?” Spike demanded.

“Well. . . to be honest. . . your essence.”

A snort escaped Spike. “My essence? Very original.”

“This isn’t a joke!” Giles exclaimed.

“Right, like I believe in demons wanting to steal my life force,” Spike mocked.

“It is fact.” Giles looked down and began to quote from the volume he held. “The eliminator. A being of hell dimension origin. The executioner of lost souls. The victim may be conflicted by the light and dark, but most are former allies of the darkness recently shying away to the light. The eliminator uses energy stolen from his victims.”

“So, that was the lightning he used!?” Buffy burst out.

“Yes,” Giles agreed. “He steals it from the people he wipes out. It also says that it is limited. He has to recharge it with more victims.”

Buffy looked over at Spike and then back to Giles. “That could be why he left to return later.”

“Very well could be.” Giles went back to the book. “ The unfortunate target’s soul does not transcend to the following plane. It is eliminated, essentially becoming nothing.”

Buffy grabbed the book. “What!?”

“I know, this is truly dire. This isn’t death or life, but the matter of existence.”

Buffy lifted her head. “But we can beat it. ‘I’ can beat it. Right?”

Their attention was shifted to Spike when he began to chuckle. “You both are out of your minds.” He pointed to the books on the couch. “Where did you get this stuff, a novelty shop?”

Buffy’s eyes softed. She took a step toward him. “Spike, I know you don’t want to believe this. Hell, I didn’t want to at first either. But you can’t keep living in this fantasy world you’ve created.”

“You’ve been watchin The Matrx too bloody much, slayer.”

She gestured toward him. “See, you’ve been calling me slayer. You don’t even know what one is. Face it, a part of you remembers that I’m a demon hunter and that you used to be a vampire.”

He shook his head.

“Yes, Spike,” she insisted.

He clutched his head. “No! I am William Shayne!”

“Maybe, but you are also Spike, the master vampire. The one who rampaged throughout the world killing innocent people. Who tried to kill me.”

“I don’t think . . .” Giles protested.

“Shh, Giles, I know what I’m doing,” she assured him. Then she faced Spike again. “Also the one who saved my sister’s life. The one who fell in love with me and changed his ways. Please, Spike, remember who you are.”

Spike was violently shaking his head now. His breathing was panicked. “NO!”

Buffy reached out to touch his arm. Her expression was pleading. “Spike, come on.”

He jerked away from her hand. “Leave me alone! I’m not a monster!”

“No, Spike, you’re not a monster,” she softly said.

“I didn’t kill anyone. I didn’t hurt people. I didn’t hurt you, Buffy.”

His eyes got larger in realization. She had never told him her name. Spike gasped. He stumbled backwards and then spun around and fled out the door.

______________________________________________

Long time no see. So, what do you think?