By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can’t lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith’s book series called Night World.

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can’t cope, so he pretends to be somebody he‘s not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike’s absence hasn’t effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after ‘As You Were ‘only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days.

Chapter 13

Nobody could have as much water in their system as Buffy had. It kept coming out, drenching her face. She could even taste it on her tongue, salty and full of grief. Breathing was difficult, her lungs seemed to be clogged.

“Spike!?” She shook him again.

There was no response.

No, her mind cried. This couldn’t be happening. Spike was eternal. He was an essential part of her life, even if she denied it. He was crude, rude, and damn annoying, but he was always there. He understood her like no one else did. They were equals, two sides of the same coin.

She couldn’t bring herself to check for vitals. She was so frightened to find confirmation that he had really left. That this body wasn’t Spike, but rather an empty shell left behind.

* + * + * + *

The first thing he took in was the white. The whole place was bright with it, too much for his taste. He squinted his eyes. He had become accustomed to sun rays, but this was even more intense.

“Welcome, William, to the upper plane,” a feminine voice said.

He turned around. A lovely woman with extremely long golden hair stood there. She had on a cream-colored gown that resembled the one Tara had worn previously. Her smile was sweet and friendly.

“Upper . . . What? Shouldn’t I be nowhere?” Spike asked, bewildered.

“ You would if we hadn’t intervened,” the woman informed.

Spike glanced around. It looked as if they were in an ancient Greek temple.

“I’m still dead, though, right pet? You on high people brought me here for the afterlife. Am I right?”

She laughed. “This isn’t heaven. This is the realm of knowledge. The beings here serve the powers that be.”

Confused, he said, “Ok. Fine work ya got. So, why am I here if it isn’t the great beyond?”

“You’re not dead yet,” the woman told him. “We think that we may be able to save you.”

* + * + * + *

After a while the tears did stop. Her shoulders quit shaking and her body took over a silent calmness.

She sagged forward, burying her face in his shirt. That was when she felt it. He was breathing. Hardly, yes, but it was there. Little puffs of air, slight movement of the chest. A gasp escaped her. He was alive.

Buffy hoisted him into her arms, getting to her feet. She could still save him. With slayer strength, she carried the man to Giles’s house.

Bursting through the door, she barely made it through without dropping the mass in her arms. Giles, who was engrossed in a book as usual, abandoned it. He jumped out of the recliner. “Buffy, what happened?”

“Eliminator.” She deposited Spike on the couch.

“No,” the watcher said. “Take him to the bedroom.”

Buffy nodded at the offer. She took Spike’s weight once again and headed to the second door down the hall. She laid him down on Giles’s bed. Arranging the pillow and blankets, she attempted to make him as comfortable as possible.

She stared at the bleached ex- vampire. The sight of him was deeply upsetting. He was as pale as a corpse, even more than a vampire. His skin matched the white hair on his head.

“Giles, we have to do something,” she declared. She looked over with plead.

Giles sighed. “Buffy, I’m sorry, but there is no cure. When the draining session begins, as I can clearly see it has, there is no way to reverse it.”

Swallowing, the slayer turned her head away. There was a long quite between them. Finally, Buffy said, “Leave.”

The sound of the door shutting indicated that Giles had complied to her wishes.

Buffy took Spike’s hand in hers. It was cold. She remembered those same icy fingers roaming over her bare skin. The only difference was that they had belonged to a vampire before.

“Damb you, Spike. Why did you have to be all noble and go to Africa? If you were among the undead this would have never happened,” she whispered.

(AN- She knows about his soul searching from the mind merge)

* + * + * + *

Spike crossed his arms. “What if I don’t want to be saved?”

Surprised, the higher being said, “Really? What of the slayer you leave behind? Your daughter?”

His jaw clenched. “I have done enough damage during my existence. I don’t want to have the chance to bollix up anymore. Especially to Buffy. She’s better off without me.”

“And so you would abandon your own soul mate?”

He snapped his gaze to focus on her. “Soulmate?”

“Yes. Very few ever are fortunate to come across theirs. The other half that completes them. If they do, and they’re mate dies, it is almost impossible to recover.”

“What are you saying?” Spike asked.

“The slayer has already lost so much. She may not be able to handle another tragedy.”

Spike pondered over this for a moment. “I can’t be her soulmate.”

The woman laid a comforting hand on his arm. “Yes. Even when you were believed to have no soul. When a demon inhabits a body they take over, but it doesn’t drive out the soul as many think. It has control, yes, but what makes the original personality is still there.” A small smile came to her lips. “You, William, are different. Your demon shared the body with your soul. It didn’t keep it buried and even let it take over occasionally.”

Spike absorbed the knowledge. It all made sense. He never really had felt like his demon and William were separate entities. They both made up what he was.

“You didn’t stop there with the uniqueness. Vampires are not to have children, but you created one regardless,” the woman continued.

Spike smirked. “Yeah, me and the slayer aren’t much for following the sodding rules.”

“The soul mate bond you share seemed to allow you to reproduce. Such a thing has never happened before. It is amazing.”

“So, if you did send me back . . .” Spike began.

“Yes?”

“How would that work exactly?”

“Your human frailty is allowing the eliminator to take your life-force. If you were still a vampire the healing cycle would be able to replenish it. The powers are offering to vie back the demon that was taken away when you became mortal. This would allow you to recover.”

Self loathing came over Spike. “You want to turn me back into a vampire. Been there, done that, no thanks. At the time it was grand, but . . .”

“You misunderstand, William,” the woman told him. “We are not restoring you to a vampire with a soul, but a human with a demon.”

Spike stilled. “Oh . . . right then.”

“Do you accept our offer?”

He ran a hand through his hair. Then he raised his head. “Yeah, do the bloody thing.”

* + * + * + *

After a long emotional episode, Buffy fell asleep. She awoke, however, when she felt the body she was resting her head on move. Her eyes shot open and she jerked upwards.

“Bloody ‘ell!”

Her eyes widened. “Spike?”

She directed her gaze to the man beside her. He was now sitting up, breathing hard.

“Oh my God!” she exclaimed. Her arms went around him. Sobs went traveling through her. “I thought you weren’t going to wake up.”

He moaned. “I feel like a train hit me.”

“But you’re alive.” She met his gaze. “And your brain’s all there, right?”

He held her back. “Yeah, luv, I member everything.”

She smiled. “Good.”

Suddenly, Spike seemed startled. “Cor!”

Buffy pulled back. “What?”

In a voice of wonderment, he said, “I can hear ‘er.”

Still confused, she questioned by going, “Huh? Who?”

He answered by touching her stomach. “Itzy Bitzy, I can hear ‘er heartbeat.” He searched her eyes. “It’s so much faster than yours.”

Buffy shook her head. “How is this possible?”

“They gave me back my demon, luv. The higher beings said I could live if my demon healed me. Apparently, I get the vamp senses along with it.”

“You really were dying?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed softly.

She shut her eyes.

Spike brought her close to him. He stroked her hair and breathed in her scent. The demon came with all the extra qualities of a vampire. His eyesight was sharp, his hearing picked up the faintest pitch, and his smell was keener than human. He was certain that his muscles would be able to break a demon’s neck if need be.

Buffy was silent and he was beginning to get worried. “Buffy? Luv, are you all right?”

“You all most died. If the powers that be hadn’t of interfered you’d be gone,” she murmured.

“But I’m not.”

Without warning, she crushed her lips with his. Her tongue slipped inside his mouth, begging to be reassured that he wasn’t going anywhere. When they parted both of them were panting.

“I love you,” she admitted in a rush.

His heart sped up. He was so overwhelmed with it all. Here he was, awake from a fatal coma and a returned demon, and now he was bombarded by the declaration of Buffy returning his love.

“Did you hear me, Spike?” Buffy asked.

“I heard ya, luv.”

Out of nowhere she hit him in the chest. It didn’t hurt much, but it still stung. “Bloody hell, slayer! What was that for?” He’d never understand the Summers women. And now it seemed like another one was on the way.

“That is a reminder to never leave me. And you can take it, you’ve got demon strength again.”

In a swift motion, Spike grabbed Buffy. He slammed her on the bed with great force, rolling ontop of her. He straddled her, holding her arms above her head. “That’s right, baby, the big bad’s back. Good thing, cuz otherwise I’d probably be sputtering god awful poetry instead of. . . This.”

Buffy let out a moan of pleasure as he began to assault her. The last coherent thought she had was that Spike most likely hadn’t processed the fact that they were on Giles’s bed.

_____________________________________________________

Oooo, naughty lil pair aren’t they. Wonder what Giles would do if he knew. Shame shame. *L* Did you like the chapter?