By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can’t lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith’s book series called Night World.

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can’t cope, so he pretends to be somebody he‘s not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike’s absence hasn’t effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after ‘As You Were ‘only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days.

Chapter 18

If it were possible, the eyes on Buffy became even more intense. She stood there, not sure what to do. Beside her, Spike took her hand. He squeezed it, trying to give support. Inside, he was trying to calm the demon that lay deep within himself. It wanted to leash out at Xander for making his slayer so upset.

Out of nowhere, taking everyone by surprise, Xander exploded with laughter. The attention switched from Buffy to him.

“What?” he questioned. He gestured toward Buffy. “You all actually believe she would be dumb enough to get knocked up? Besides, he would have had to be a vamp at the time, and we all know that is a no go.”

Buffy’s eyes widened and her mouth parted.

“Yes,” Anya quickly agreed. “Vampires are dead, and their reproductive organs stop working.”

“Hey!” Spike shrieked. “I’ll have you know my bits and pieces worked just fine.”

“Oh, well, I know that. I experienced them first hand, remember? They were quite working. All I meant was that your semen were no longer able to reproduce.”

“It isn’t possible, is it, Buffy?” Willow asked.

“Well . . . No, not normally,” the slayer confessed.

Xander pointed a finger. “See! So, what is with the pregnant declaration?”

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Cleo said. She stood up, looking out of place. She gave a small smile. “But Buffy is pregnant. I saw her aura, and I sensed another mixed with it. I‘m the one who diagnosed her, and I’m positive there isn’t a mistake. ”

“There isn’t. I went to the doctors,” Buffy told them.

Dawn crossed her arms. She stared at Buffy with bitterness. “You knew!? Before you left you knew and you didn’t tell me!”

“Dawn . . .”

“We’re supposed to be sisters.”

Buffy blinked, feeling guilty.

Spike couldn’t stand being silent any longer. “Shut your holes all of you! You’re supposed to be her mates. The ones who care about her and stand by her side when things go wrong. And I’ll give you credit for that. You rush off to fight apocalypses whenever she asks. But when things are going right, and she finally figures out what she wants, and has got it; you lot turn your back. It’s bloody disgusting!”

“Are you saying she wants your kid?” Xander said, appalled.

Spike shot him down with a dirty look. “Yeah, Harris, that is exactly what I’m saying. Me and her are soul mates. That’s why we could create life. It’s a bloody miracle.” He said the last part with his face toward Buffy, his expression full of love.

Abruptly, Xander stood up. “I can’t take this,” he affirmed before heading to the door.

“Xan?” Buffy squeaked, hurt.

Xander turned back. “Sorry, Buff, but I need some time.” With that he stepped outside.

“This isn’t fair,” Anya pouted. “I want to have children. I can’t do that until I get married, though. Doesn’t look like I ever will.” She seemed as if she were about to cry, clearly thinking back on the ‘Xander leaving her at the alter’. She caught herself, though, and collected her emotions. “Wait! Vengeance demons do not have offspring! I shouldn’t even want them.” She frowned, puzzled.

“Uh . . .” Buffy began. For some reason she actually felt sorry for Anya. Which was a weird thing.

“Buffy?”

Buffy shot her gaze to Willow.

“Soulmates? I don’t understand.”

Buffy shrugged. “Neither do I really.”

Willow tugged a smile to her lips. She was trying to be a good friend and be happy for her. “I can research!”

“Okay,” Buffy said. She smiled back. “Giles is looking into it too.”

“I’m tired,” Dawn announced. “I’m going home.”

Buffy’s face turned to worry. “Are you sure you should go home alone? Spike and I can walk you back.”

“NO!” Dawn snapped. “I’ll be fine.”

Buffy sighed as she watched her sister flee the store.

Spike touched her shoulder. “She’s sixteen, luv. The bitty slayer can walk home. Besides, you’ve been teaching her all your moves, and she always carries a stake.”

Nodding, she said, “Yeah.”

“I’m going home too,” announced Anya. “I have to get up bright and early to sell things.”

“Bye, Anya,” Buffy found herself saying.

Anya seemed surprised. Then she smiled. “Bye, Buffy. Oh, and congratulations on the baby. I’m sure you will be a good mother, despite the slaying.”

“Th-Thanks.”

Buffy turned to Willow and Cleo. “You guys can go too if you want.”

“But, Buffy, I can research for a while. I really want to help,” Willow offered.

“Nah. There’s no rush. It’s been a long day. For all of us, I’m sure.”

The red-head shut her Apple labtop, that she always carried to the magic box just in case it was needed. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

“Yeah, I am.”

Willow got to her feet. She went over to Buffy and gave her a hug. The slayer held her back, glad that at least Willow wasn’t against her. Even if she knew that the witch did find the situation bewildering.

Pulling back, Willow said, “Buffy, I want you to know that I love you. And if having a baby and being with Spike makes you happy, then I’m all for it. It is wigging me out some, but I’ll try to get used to it. I mean, you did the same for my relationship with T-Tara.” She still had trouble saying her demised lover’s name. The hurt was still fresh and painful. Not to mention the guilt that came along with it.

Buffy’s eyes misted. “Wills, I love you too. And thanks.”

The two girls hugged again. Then Willow grabbed her computer, preparing to leave.

Spike caught her before she went out the door. “Thanks, Red. For trying to be understanding. She really needs it right now. The whelp has her all distressed. I know you hate me, so I’m thankful even more for you putting that aside for Buffy’s sake.”

Willow’s eyes grew larger. “Hate you?”

Uncomfortable, he said,” Well, yeah, with the . . . incident before I left and all.”

“Oh.” She paused. “I don’t hate you, Spike.”

Surprised, he replied, “You don’t?”

“No. How can I? I’ve done worse things than you ever have?”

“I doubt you murdered hundreds of people, draining them dry, pet.”

“No,” she admitted. “But I killed and turned against the ones dearest to me. I did it all with a soul. ” She turned away. “Goodbye, Spike.”

Spike came back to stand next to Buffy. “That Wicca really is having it rough.”

“I know. I wish there was something I could do,” Buffy stated.

He shook his head. “No. She’s gonna have to deal with that on her own. Not that your support won’t help, mind you.”

Buffy headed toward the backroom. He trailed behind. “Luv, I thought we would be off toward home.”

“I can’t go home. Not yet.”

She went over to the punching bag and began to hit it fiercely. She let out her anger and frustration on the swinging device.

“Ah, I get it,” Spike remarked.

Suddenly Buffy stopped her beatings. There was fire in her gaze. “Let’s go patrol.”

“I dunno, Buffy . . .”

“Come on, please. I need to kill something.”

He sighed. “Oh, all right. On two conditions.”

“Depends.”

“Number one, you make an appointment to see the doc. And two, if there is anything really nasty lookin, like somethin with sharp claws, I’m doing the killing. I’m not taking any chances of you getting punched in the stomach, you hear.”

She frowned. “Deal.”

They walked over to the exit. “You are going to be one of those overprotective fathers, aren’t you?”

He smirked. “They’re the best kind, Summers.”

She nudged him. “I know.”

As they stepped out into the cool night, he said, “You know you will have to stop patrolling eventually. How do you plan to release your tension then?”

She grinned evilly over at him. “That’s where you come in,” she muttered.

Images of a very hormonal slayer, letting out her stress filled on him his mind. It was enough to make him want to let her patrol as long as possible. With him chaperoning that is.

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What do you guys think? I think this chapter went better than last. Do you agree?