By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can’t lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith’s book series called Night World.

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can’t cope, so he pretends to be somebody he‘s not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike’s absence hasn’t effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after ‘As You Were ‘only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days.

Chapter 19

Buffy paused outside the door. They had just returned home from patrolling. The stimulation had been refreshing, giving her the satisfaction of four kills: three vamps and a demon. Now she had to face her troubles once more, which she wasn’t ready to do.

Behind her, Spike touched her shoulder. “Okay, luv?”

She shook her head. “I feel like I’ve totally let down Dawn.”

“She’ll get over this. She’s just upset cuz you didn’t tell her what was going on.”

“I was too scared. Otherwise I would have.”

He gave her a slight squeeze, and then released her shoulder. Buffy took a deep breath and grabbed the doorknob. Bracing herself, she turned it. They stepped inside, the place dimly lit from the living room lamp.

Dawn stood up from her place on the couch. She came over to meet them. Her expression was unreadable.

“Can I talk to my sister alone?” Dawn asked Spike.

He nodded and turned to Buffy. “Right then. I’ll be taking a shower.”

The slayer watched him retreat up the stairs. When he was out of sight, she faced her sibling with uncertainty.

Suddenly, Dawn gave Buffy a hard hug. Surprised, it took Buffy a minute to respond. She slowly wrapped her arms around the teen.

“I’m sorry, Buffy,” Dawn told her.

Buffy blinked. “Dawn?”

The former key lifted her head. Strong emotion showed on her face. “I was just confused. I’m good now. You being with Spike is cool.” A smile lit up on her lips. “And the baby, I’m all for it. I fully take on the aunt responsibility.”

This was definitely not what Buffy had expected. She thought she would be walking into a yelling zone. Either that or the silent treatment. Instead her sister had switched into acceptance mode. With everything that had happened it was a big relief. Her eyes began to water.

Not knowing what to say, Buffy said the only thing she could. “I love you, Dawnie.”

A few moments later, Buffy walked into her bedroom. Over the summer, while Willow had been away, she had transferred into the master bedroom. She had reasoned that her friend would want to avoid the location of her lover’s death. Now that Willow had her own apartment the spare room could be converted into a nursery. A smile crept up on her mouth.

“It went well I take it?”

Buffy’s eyes fell to the bed. Spike lay here, still damp from the shower, naked from the waist up. He looked. . . edible. Buffy licked her lips.

“Yeah, it went well. She’s all right with us . . . this now,” Buffy answered.

He nodded.

Buffy headed over to the bed. She climbed ontop of Spike, straddling him. A seductive gleam showed in her gaze. She leaned down to murmur in his ear.

“Dawn’s going to sleep.”

The scent of her, the warm breath on his skin, the weight on his chest, set him afire. He smirked up at her. “Yeah?”

She stroked him. “Yeah. And I won’t be so flexible in a while. I say we take advantage of my time left.”

Spike narrowed his eyes. “You sound as if you’re dying. This isn’t an end, this is a beginning.”

She rolled her eyes. “You know what I . . .”

Her sentence trailed off as Spike crushed his lips to hers. When they pulled away he touched her cheek.

“Don’t act like you won’t be sexy pregnant, Buffy. You’re going to be adorable. I’ll always want to make love to you.”

She kissed his chest. “Good to know.”

He sighed in pleasure as she started to do miraculous things to his body.

*********************************

The sun bathed Buffy in its glorious intensity, making her groan. She rolled over with displeasure. Her eyes were shut tight, trying to block out the light.

An arm snaked around her, pulling her near. She snuggled even closer. The man lying beside her pressed a tender kiss to her forehead.

Buffy’s eyes fluttered open. They met swimming blue pools of love. “Mmm, what a wonderful way to wake up,” she mumbled.

“Breakfast, my lady?”

“Nah,” she replied. She delighted in the sound of Spike’s heart pumping in her ears. It was the most beautiful music she had ever heard. “Sleep more.”

“It’s past ten, pet.”

She lifted her head from his chest. “Ten? How did I sleep so long?”

“Musta been tired.”

She grinned. “Musta been. Wonder what could have possibly worn me out so much.”

A smirk passed over his lips. “Slaying?”

They both laughed.

“Dawn made it to school okay?”

“Heard her get up around six. I snuck out to check on ‘er. She was fine, pet. Fixed a bowl of cereal and was ready when Harris came round.”

“Xander? Did he say anything to you?”

“Surprisingly no. He honked the car horn and didn’t even come in.”

Nodding, she said, “Oh.”

“So, you gonna come downstairs and eat, or do I gotta carry you?”

A groan escaped her. She dragged herself out of bed. Then she went to the closet and searched through her clothing. She grabbed a pair of jeans and began to put them on. She was fine until she tried to zip them up.

“Troubles, luv?” Spike questioned, amused.

She sent a death glare his way. She tugged the jeans off and went for her black slacks. These fit, but still were snug.

“We’ll have to go shopping,” Spike stated.

Buffy hated to admit it, but he was right. She was beginning to show.

Spike fixed some pancakes and they both had a nice breakfast. At three, after Passions, Spike suggested he go and fill out some applications for a job. Buffy insisted she go along. They left a note for Dawn, telling her where they had gone. While out, they also went clothes shopping and stopped at the Espresso Pump.

By the time they came back it was getting dark. They walked up to the door hand-in-hand. The couple entered, finding the house completely dark.

“Dawn?” Buffy called. Surely her sister wouldn’t be asleep at this hour.

All of a sudden the lights came on. A chorus of ‘Surprise!’ rang in the slayer’s ears. She took a step back, startled. She glanced around seeing balloons and streamers. Willow, Xander, Dawn, Anya, and Cleo came rushing at her.

“What is all this?” Buffy asked.

“A baby shower!” Dawn exclaimed.

“Yeah, Buffy, we wanted to show you that we were all ok with this,” Willow said.

Buffy smiled. She turned her head to see the happy expression mirrored on Spike’s face.

“Thanks, guys,” Buffy said.

“It was Xander’s idea,” Dawn told her.

Buffy’s eyes shot to her male friend. He took a few steps toward her, giving her a hug. “I’m sorry, Buff.”

Her vision misted. “It’s ok. You were in shock. I’m sure everybody was. Thanks for the party, Xander.”

He laughed. “Yeah, I suggested having it in a few days, but when I brought Dawn home we found you gone. It was the best opportunity.”

The slayer took in all her friends. “You all are the greatest.”

Hesitantly, Xander went over to stand before Spike. He offered his hand. The ex-vampire took it, shaking it.

“Congrats, man,” Xander said.

The men looked at each other awkwardly.

“Let’s open the presents,” Anya suggested. “That is what parties are for.”

Xander and Spike took advantage of Anya’s statement and separated.

Anya thrust a big box at Buffy. She led the slayer to the couch and made her sit down to open it. A rush of contentment came over Buffy. She was alive, in love, having a baby, and with her friends. Who could ask for more? Life was perfect. At least for the moment.

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Okay, yeah, I took a MAJOR break from this fic. Sorry. But I’m back now.