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Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can’t lie to your dreams .*

 
Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can’t cope, so he pretends to be somebody he‘s not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike’s absence hasn’t effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after ‘As You Were ‘only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days.

 
 
Chapter 6

Buffy announced her departure at The Magic Box. She told them that she needed to see Giles, which wasn’t a lie.

“Why, Buff? Something big goin down?” Xander questioned. He sat at the round table with Willow and Dawn.

“I’ll explain it all when I get back.” She knew she was being cryptic, but they wouldn’t be able to handle the whole truth. Especially Xander with his extreme disgust for Spike. He’d surely prevent her from even stepping out the door.

Dawn crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m staying here, aren’t I?”

A sigh escaped Buffy. “I’m afraid so.” She shifted her eyes to land on Xander and Willow. “Could you guys look after her?”

“Sure, Buffy. Will and I can do it together,” Xander told her.

Behind the register, Anya spoke up. “I can help too!”

“Thanks.” She glanced at Anya. “All of you.”

The vengeance demon grinned. Poor Ayanka was trying so hard to be part of the group. She knew that the only reason they originally let her in was because of Xander. Now that the two were separated, she feared that they would forget about her. What she didn’t see was that she had become a full-fledged Scooby. She’d helped them numerous times and Buffy wouldn’t over look that.

Late afternoon approached and Buffy called Giles. She calculated time difference and assured herself that it was an appropriate time to do so. He answered on the third ring.

“Hello?”

Buffy gripped the phone tighter at the sound of his voice. “Giles?”

“Buffy, is that you?”

“Yeah,” she answered.

“Is everything all right?”

Now there was a question. She gave a humorless laugh. “On apocalypse scale, or bad hairday scale?”

“Buffy . . . Are ‘you’ all right?”

A span of silence came before she replied. “I need to see you. Can I come for a visit?”

“Don’t you think it would be best if I came to see you?”

“No! You’ve already hopped on a plane to fly across the ocean. It’s my turn,” she explained.

“Do you think that would be wise? Anything could happen to the hellmouth in your absence.”

“Giles, I was gone for 146 days. A week or two is nothing. I’m sure the gang can handle things. Besides, Cleo is here. She can use some powerful mojo on some nasty that appears.”

“Uh, Buffy . . . Did you say two weeks? This must be a crucial matter. What is so grave that you need to be here for two weeks?”

Buffy shut her eyes and took a deep breath. “I-I can’t tell you over the phone. And it might be less than two weeks. It depends on how long it takes.”

“Takes? Buffy. . .?”

“I’m sorry, Giles, you must be so frustrated not knowing what is up. You’ll find out, but not over the phone.”

“What about your job. I doubt the Double Meat Palace will grant you vacation time.”

Damn, she hadn’t thought of that. Work had totally slipped her mind. “I dunno, Giles. I’ll probably get fired.”

“Buffy are you thinking rationally about this!?” His voice came out more rash than he intended. He wasn’t upset with her actions as he was worried as to why they were being made.

“I’ll get another job. I need a new one anyway.”

“I hope you have valid reason for doing all this, Buffy. I’ll have you know that I will be reimbursing you for the flight.”

“No, you’ve done enough for me already. This is all my idea, I . . .”

“I insist. If this is as important as it sounds then you don’t need to be worrying about another expense.”

“Thanks, Giles,” she said softly.

“I’m always here for you.”

“I know. See you soon.”

“Goodbye, Buffy.”

She hung up the phone, putting it back in the cradle. She leaned heavily against the wall. It all suddenly sunk in. She was going to be a mother. A dozen emotions passed through her at that moment. Of course she was scared. A part of her feared that she would never find Spike and she would have to face this alone. Another was wonder. Something alive grew inside her. It was a part of her . . . a part of her and Spike. There was confusion. How was this possible? Spike was supposedly dead and unable to reproduce. Then again, neither of them followed the rules. She was also grateful. This was a miracle that she had wished for back in her early high school days. The thought of being a parent and having a family had evaporated soon after her encounter with the Master. It was a known fact that slayers didn’t live long. And she felt hope. Hope that she would get to Spike and he would never leave her again. Hope that she could find a way to love him freely back, and be the first of her kind to raise a child.

The fact that water had filled her eyes escaped her until they began to trickle down her cheeks. She went over to the window and gazed out. The sunlight filtered in through the glass, filling her with warmth. A new confidence coursed through her veins.

Her hand roamed to rest on her abdomen.

“We’re gonna find your daddy, baby. And no demon, vampire, or hellgod is going to take him away from us,” she vowed.

In another dimension, almost touching our own, the Eliminator (not a demon, vampire, or hellgod, but something else entirely) laughed at the slayer’s ignorance.

______________________________________________

I know this is short. I have more written, but I’m lacking time to type it out at the moment. I’m going somewhere in about an half hour. I’ll try to get more out tomorrow for you all. Thanks for reading and I’d appreciate any comments, constructive criticism, or plain out praise you have.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 





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