Chapter 28 – Rock Bottom
The steady beeping of a nearby machine roused Buffy, causing her to wince when she finally managed to open her swollen eyes. Seeing the sterile white room, she nearly closed them again in relief, realizing that she wasn’t dead.
Turning her head with some difficulty, Buffy was surprised to see Giles sitting at her bedside, holding her hand in a warm grip.
“Giles?” she whispered, her parched throat making the simple word sound cracked and uneven.
“Buffy,” he said, raising his eyes to hers, a relieved smile on his face.
“What happened?” she asked, her voice coming out in a raspy whisper, looking at him with an uncertain gaze.
“Do you remember anything?” he asked gently, tightening his hold on her hand, offering her what little comfort he could provide.
“I remember… Angelus,” she said softly, closing her eyes against the memories before reopening them. “He knew… he knew something. We fought and… I couldn’t get back to my gun. It was in my purse and he… Please tell me he looks worse than me.”
Giving her a soft smile, Giles squeezed her hand. “I wish I could say that.”
Closing her eyes, Buffy let her head fall back to the pillow. “He’s gone, isn’t he?” she whispered, hearing Giles’ soft confirmation. “Hamilton came in…”
“Yes,” he said with a slight nod. “It’s all on tape.”
Turning to look at him when she heard Giles’ choked voice, Buffy tried to offer him a smile- no easy feat, since her facial features didn’t want to respond to her.
“Buffy, I-”
“Don’t,” she said, attempting to shake her head. “I wanted the assignment and I knew… I knew this was a possibility. I’m sure everyone got there as fast as they could.”
Never hearing the door open as the nurse walked in and checked her blood pressure, Buffy offered him a kind smile.
“I did what I could,” she said, swallowing with some difficulty. “I don’t regret it. And I… I just hope it helps us in the long run.”
“I don’t want you to worry about a thing,” the nurse said with a kind smile, drawing Buffy’s attention over to her. “You’re young and healthy- there will be plenty of chances for another baby.”
Feeling her breath catch in her throat, the world felt like it was closing in on her as her hold tightened on Giles’ hand. Her stomach twisted itself into knots as she looked back and forth between the nurse and her surrogate father.
“What?” she asked in disbelief, shaking her head when Giles raised his glassy eyes to hers. “I was…? No,” she whispered, letting her tears spill over as her shoulders shook. “No, not like this… I… everything is okay, right? Please, Giles, please tell me it’s okay,” she cried, clutching at him when he pulled her into a warm hug, offering her the comfort he could as she continued to sob into his shoulder.
Motioning the woman out of the room, Giles ignored the nurse’s remorseful look as she shut the door behind her, doing everything he could to comfort the woman in his arms.
“I know it’s… difficult,” he said after several minutes when her tears began to quiet. “And I’m so sorry you had to hear about it this way… but things will get better.”
Not bothering to reply, Buffy merely buried her face further into his shoulder, letting the tears continue to fall.
* * * * *
Buffy was numb.
The previous days had passed in a blur that she couldn’t remember. Friends and co-workers had stopped by, wishing her all the best. Her best friend Willow even managed to take some time off work and stay a few nights in the hospital with her while she recuperated.
Buffy filled her in on what she could of the last few months, glossing over some of the more private or business details, leaving her friend stunned with everything that had happened.
Xander and her other co-workers sent flowers and balloons, while Wesley had stopped by with a box of chocolate, obviously nervous that Buffy was going to blame him for not being able to get to her faster. Buffy had quickly put him at ease, telling him that she and Angelus had barely fought for five minutes before Wesley and his men showed up and there was no way he could have known what Angelus knew at the time.
Wesley had seemed more at ease when he left, but Buffy could tell that a residual amount of guilt still remained.
Giles was a constant presence in her room, obviously another person who was feeling guilty for allowing her to go on a new assignment when he felt that she wasn’t ready. Buffy stayed quiet throughout each new tirade, only to retaliate with the obvious answer that she wouldn’t have taken no for an answer. At that time.
But then, there is a reason that hindsight is twenty/twenty.
It was when she left the hospital that she was thrown another curve-ball. Going over her discharge papers with the nurse on the day she was to check out, Buffy received a beautiful crystal vase that was nearly overflowing with roses. The vibrant color could be described as nothing else but blood red – the same color that Spike had scattered throughout her room the night he confessed that he loved her.
There was no card with the bouquet, leading to Buffy’s speculations. She didn’t know if she wanted the flowers to be from Spike. It was a double-edged sword. Unsure of whether or not it was worse to think they were from him and he didn’t care enough to stop by and see her or if they were from another man who’d liked red roses.
The same man who’d put her in the hospital.
She had been told to take a few weeks off work, but Buffy found that she couldn’t stay away from the Bureau.
After more than two weeks of doing nothing, Buffy was in the training room, ignoring the pain that lanced through her body as she attacked the punching bag, taking out all of her aggression and pent up hostility on it.
That was how Giles found her.
“Haven’t I made it clear that you are not to come within one hundred yards of this building while you are recuperating?” he asked, seeing the slight pause in her movements before she began hitting the bag again.
“You can’t expect me to stay home all the time,” she countered, gritting her teeth when a particular combination irritated her still-mending ribs.
“Buffy, I’m worried about you.”
“Why?” she asked in a disinterested tone. “I’m fine.”
“Go home, Buffy. Get some rest.”
“Giles, I just want to get out of the house for a while,” she said, turning to face the man behind her, looking at him with pleading eyes.
“I gave you this time off for a reason. I don’t want you injuring yourself anymore than you already have.”
“Not injured,” she said in a pouting tone, looking down at the floor, turning away from him so he couldn’t see the slight hue that still stained the skin beneath her eye.
Considering the experience that she’d been through, she was moderately surprised that she didn’t have more scars from the night with Angelus. But he had seen to it that all of her scars were on the inside. The only remainders being a slight black eye, cracked ribs, the healing cut on her forehead, and a dull ache in her heart that she felt would never go away.
“You are to take another week off and that’s final.”
Looking up at Giles with an incredulous expression, Buffy opened her mouth to protest, stopping when he raised a hand to silence her.
“I said that’s final, Agent Summers.”
Buffy’s shoulders dropped in disappointment as she looked at Giles.
“Don’t give me that look, or I will see to it that you have mandatory sessions with Dr. Maclay. Although, I think you should be doing that anyway.”
“I’ll be okay, Giles,” she murmured, idly watching her foot as she dragged it along the floor, doing what she could to avoid his eyes.
“You’ve been through quite a traumatic experience, Buffy-”
“I know that,” she said with a harder edge to her voice than she intended. Clearing her throat, she nervously rolled her shoulders, trying to alleviate some of the tension she was feeling. “Maybe you’re right,” she said with a slight nod. “I’m feeling okay right now, maybe… maybe a few more days will really help me come back. I’ll be tip-toppity Buffy in no time,” she said, forcing a smile onto her face.
“Glad to hear it,” Giles said, raising an eyebrow, obviously not believing a word she said as she walked past him, toward the door. “Buffy,” he called after her, seeing her pause with her hand on the doorknob. “If you do need to talk to someone…”
Letting the unspoken statement hang in the air, Giles watched as Buffy turned around with a genuine smile on her face.
“Thanks, Giles.”
Thanks so much to: spuffette, PK, VJ SNA, Chelsea, Whitelighter354, 3988Akasha, jenny, H, Caitie, Cordykitten, flibble, Tahmoe, wikka tara, Raspy_Luv, Franchesca, B, Noelle, Carri, jenny, BuffyandSpikeForever, DK, jennybean, Elanor, Denise, Becky, Opal, Jessica, Stephanie459, B, demona424, sue, willowmouse, baby spikes, Kimber, Mockerfab4 & Liz for reviewing!
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I know that several (okay, almost everyone) wanted ‘Spike to the Rescue’ in this chapter. I’m sorry I have to disappoint you. For now, Buffy has to work through a few things, so he’s not in this chapter (but this is not in any way, a filler chapter). And let’s face it, people- Buffy is a strong woman. She doesn’t need Spike to rescue her every time she falls ;-) Like I said, I promise that there will be much Buffy/Spike interaction in the next chapter.