Chapter 35 – Sweet Agony
‘How did I get here?’ Buffy asked herself, pressing her forehead against the door in front of her. ‘Why did it have to be me?’
Standing up a little straighter, she stared unseeingly at Spike’s house. She had no idea what had led to this moment. One moment she was in the hospital and the next, she was staring at his front door. Of course, there had been the moment when Giles had told her that the only way she could come back to work was if she told Spike that he had been exonerated.
She had no idea why he had chosen her. She had no idea why she had to do this in person when a phone call would have completed her job. And she really had no idea why she’d spent nearly two hours trying to decide what to wear.
Now, dressed in a pale pink sundress with a gauzy white sweater, Buffy adjusted the sling around her shoulder, clearing her throat before knocking on the door. It was a planned move. If someone was close enough to hear her, they would answer- otherwise she could leave and pretend like she’d never been there.
Nearly groaning when the door opened, Buffy looked up to see Ethan Rayne staring back at her.
“I need to speak to Mr. Reed,” she said, deciding that pointless formalities would be lost on both of them.
“He’s unavailable at the moment.”
Pushing open the door with a heavy sigh, Buffy walked into the mansion. “I know he probably told you to say that if and when I decided to show up, but this will just take a few minutes.”
“He told me no such thing,” Ethan replied, glancing around the foyer. “It’s a simple fact. Spike is indisposed at the moment.”
“Believe me, no one wants to believe this crap that you’re trying to pull with me more than I do. I wish for nothing other than to turn around and walk away from here without ever looking back, but I don’t have time for this,” Buffy said, walking toward the back of the house.
“Miss Summers-”
“Ethan, I’ll be out of here before you know it,” she tossed over her shoulder. “Trust me,” she muttered to herself.
Pushing open the door to the dining room, wanting to take a shortcut to his office, Buffy froze when she saw Spike sitting at the head of the table. Feeling her throat close up and her heart pounding, she opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to choke out any words.
Seeing the petite blonde sitting next to him, noticing the passing physical resemblance to herself, Buffy tried to think of something to say.
“Buffy?”
Her name was spoken in surprise as Spike stood up from his seat.
“What are you doing here, love?”
Tearing her gaze away from the woman who was obviously his date, Buffy briefly tightened her lips, trying to control her emotions. “I had some news for you. Business,” she clarified.
“Right,” he muttered, looking at the floor, trying to think of something to diffuse the uncomfortable situation. “Uh… Buffy Summers, meet Darla Masterson.”
Nodding at the woman, Buffy turned and left the room, intent on telling Ethan that he could pass on her news to Spike, wanting nothing more than to get out of the house. Quickly walking toward the front of the house, she gasped when she felt her uninjured arm grabbed in a harsh grip before she was dragged into the living room.
“Buffy, that… I… It wasn’t…”
“You don’t owe me any explanations,” she said, taking a deep breath as she stared at the floor.
“I know, I just… what are you doing here?”
“Two reasons,” she murmured, her chin quivering when Spike hooked his finger beneath it and guided her gaze back to his.
“And they are?” he asked gently.
“I owe you an apology,” she said, nearly choking on the words. It wasn’t easy for her to admit when she was wrong, but he deserved that much- even in light of recent developments. “In the hospital… I never really stopped to think about anything. Yes, you hid a lot of things from me, but I did the same to you and I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”
Looking at the floor with a guilty expression on his face, Spike nodded before forcing himself to look into her eyes again. “And the other?”
“You’re exonerated,” she said, looking anywhere but at him. “Seems that saving the life of an agent put you on the Bureau’s good side.”
“Saving your…? I didn’t save you, Buffy, you saved me.”
Finally looking up into his eyes, Buffy tried to disguise the pain she was feeling, knowing that Spike wouldn’t be fooled. “That’s not the way I remember it,” she said quietly.
“Buffy, I-”
“You tried to get me out of the way, Mr. Reed,” she said, her face nothing but a blank expression. “When you couldn’t get me to safety, you took care of me until the paramedics arrived. That’s the way I remember it.”
“That’s not what…” Trailing off when he realized what Buffy was doing, Spike’s eyes widened in shock. “You lied to them?”
“I told them a version of the truth.”
“That a fact?” Spike replied, tilting his head to study her.
“A version that you wouldn’t have hesitated to make a reality,” she said, swallowing hard when he narrowed his eyes on her.
“You sure about that?”
Looking into his eyes for a moment, she slowly nodded. “I am.”
“Nice to know one of us is,” he muttered, taking a deep breath.
“I should go,” she murmured after a moment, walking toward the door.
“Buffy, wait!”
Stopping but refusing to turn toward him, Buffy closed her eyes, trying to bite back the pain that was searing through her heart. “What?” she asked, her eyes widening when Spike grabbed her and spun her around to face him.
“Do you still love me?”
Buffy’s eyes widened in disbelief. As if she was about to bare her soul when he had a date in the next room? “No,” she said in a voice that held more conviction than she felt. “I don’t know if I ever did.”
“That’s a lie,” he said in a low voice, his eyes boring into hers. “You know it.”
Looking down at the floor, Buffy took a deep breath before turning toward the door, gasping when she felt her Spike grab her arms and spin her around, slamming her into the wall in the process and jarring her shoulder until a sharp pain was coursing through her body.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“You’re not walking away from this,” he said in a low voice.
“No,” she said, gritting her teeth. “I think we both walked away about the same time.” Buffy could feel her heart pounding as Spike closed the distance between them until his lips were nearly touching hers.
“I wasn’t the one who started this,” he said, his voice taking on a silky tone. “You initiated everything, Buffy. From the start of the relationship to how far it went… it was always you.”
“It was you who made me walk away,” Buffy countered, not backing down as he continued to stare at her.
“I did,” he admitted with a slight nod. “But it didn’t change how I felt about you.”
Knowing that he was waiting for her to make the first move, Buffy’s chin trembled as she moved closer to him, hesitantly brushing her lips against his. Feeling his hands reach up to cup her face, a silent sob shook her body as she held onto him.
“Spike?”
Breaking away at the sound of the voice, Buffy turned away when Darla entered the room.
“Dinner’s ready.”
Opening his mouth to respond, his eyes widened when Buffy pushed past him and left the room. “I’ll be right there,” he said, waving her back into the dining room before chasing after Buffy.
Catching her before she could reach the door, Spike caught her hand, suddenly grateful that she didn’t have use of her other arm at the moment when she swung around to face him, knowing that he otherwise would have had a bloody nose at that moment.
“She’s a business contact, that’s all,” he said, knowing he would only get one explanation for this and he better make it good and let her know that he wasn’t lying. “My associates just thought it would be a good idea to get on better terms with her.”
“Yeah, a date in your house with your bed one floor away is a good way to better the terms,” Buffy snapped, turning to open the front door, gritting her teeth when Spike slammed his hand against the surface, keeping her in the house.
“That’s not what’s happening here.”
“No?” Buffy asked, spinning around to face him. “So you’re not on a dinner date with a woman who could prove to be a valuable commodity for your next job?” she asked, raising an eyebrow in disbelief.
Staring at her for a moment, Spike briefly closed his eyes. “I can understand the jealousy-”
“I’m not jealous!”
“-but besides the fact that she’s a woman, what’s the problem?” he continued as if he’d never heard her.
Looking at the sling on her arm, Buffy slowly directed her gaze back to Spike. “After everything I’ve gone through for you,” she said, breathing deeply. “After everything I… this is how you show your gratitude?”
“Buffy… what?”
“You’ve been exonerated from everything you ever did,” she said, trying to make him understand. “You have a fresh slate… and you’re still not willing to use it. I have a bullet wound in my arm, a murderer who wouldn’t mind making me his next victim - after a very long torture session, I’m sure - and you still… you still don’t get it,” she whispered, hiding the tears in her eyes as she looked at the floor.
“I told you-”
“You didn’t want to work with the FBI,” she said, pushing the tears away as her anger came to the forefront. “Well, guess what? You didn’t. You helped an agent and because of that, the Bureau was grateful… I was grateful.” Tears filled her eyes as she continued to stare at him. “I don’t know you,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I don’t think I ever did.”
Seeing her turn away from him, Spike felt panicked as he moved to grab her again. “Don’t leave it like this, Buffy, please. We can-”
“Spike.”
“What is it?” he growled, turning to face Ethan.
“I have some news that is rather urgent.”
Feeling Buffy tense and pull away from him, Spike turned back to her, silently pleading that she stay for a few more minutes, even as she opened the door.
“Better see to your business,” she said in a cold voice. “Duty calls.”
Feeling a sense of loss that he was becoming all too familiar with, Spike listened to the sound of her car starting a moment later, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves before turning to face Ethan. “This better be good.”
“It is,” the other man said, his tone of voice letting him know just how serious the situation was. “I’ve just gotten word that someone has arrived in town for yet another appearance.”
Spike’s eyes darkened as he clenched his fists. “Angelus.”
Thanks so much to: spuffette, demona424, Miski, Annette, Wendy, Whitelighter354, DanAnn, Jessica, Tahmoe, Franchesca, Brittany, Livia, dev, baby spikes, Cordykitten, Noelle, cas, kim, H, BuffyandSpikeForever, Dee, Jennybean, Caitie, txjmfan, flibble, willowmouse & Chelsea for reviewing!
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Author's Chapter Notes:
A lot of people were mad at Spike after the last chapter, but don’t forget that Buffy did the same thing to him. He said that he would tell her everything (when they were together) but later that night he found out that she had betrayed him. So don’t be too hard on the guy, the tables have turned, but he hasn’t done anything to her that she didn’t do to him first. Just keep that in mind ;-)