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Chapter 8 – Second Thoughts


“Life’s ambition?” Spike asked, taking a sip of his wine. After finishing their meal an hour before, they sat calmly in each other’s presence, staring up at the night sky from the steps of Buffy’s back porch.

“Hmmm,” she said, putting a finger to her chin as if she was thinking heavily. “Marry rich, move to Europe, divorce the guy and take half his money.”

“Interesting,” Spike replied, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m kidding,” she said, looking at him in exasperation. “I honestly don’t have a lot of ambitions. I’ve reached a lot of them, and I basically just take things one day at a time right now.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he said with a smile.

“Works for me,” she replied, hiding her own smile as she brought her wine glass to her lips, taking a small sip.

“And what was tonight’s plan, Goldilocks?”

“Dinner,” she said, turning toward him. “And the lackage of burning. I think I succeeded, don’t you?”

“I have a feeling if I said no, I’d be in serious trouble,” he said in a teasing tone.

“It’s entirely possible,” she said, leaning over to gently nudge her shoulder against his before her expression turned serious. Sitting in silence for a few more moments, she took a deep breath, gathering her nerves. “Can I ask you something?” she asked softly, staring into her glass as she spoke.

“What’s that, love?”

“What is this?” she asked, turning toward him, knowing that the job aspect of her feelings was rapidly slipping away, leaving her to turn and stare into the eyes of a man she was falling for. A man who had never shown her a side of himself that could be considered illegal or dangerous, simply proving to her that he could be good. She hoped.

Reaching up to tenderly brush her hair away from her cheek, Spike looked at her for a long moment. “I don’t know,” he said softly. “What do you want it to be?”

“That’s not an answer,” she whispered, looking up at him with bright eyes.

Sitting back with a sigh, Spike looked at the sky for a moment before speaking. “It’s not like I’ve ever done this before,” he said with a slight smile. “Over thirty years old, and it feels like I’m a teenager again.”

“Are you saying you have a crush on me, Mr. Reed?” she asked softly, smiling at him.

Spike chuckled before slowly leaning toward her, seeing her eyes briefly widen before fluttering shut as he met her lips in a soft kiss. Fighting every instinct to immediately deepen the kiss, he focused on the feel of her soft lips caressing his.

Pulling away before it could get out of control, Spike pressed his forehead to hers, seeing the indecision on her face before she pulled away, avoiding his gaze as he continued to look at her.

“You don’t even know me,” she whispered after a moment.

Seeing the sadness that seemed to cross her face, Spike frowned, moving closer to her. Hesitantly putting a hand on her shoulder, he tilted his head when she raised her eyes to his. “I know enough,” he said softly. “I know the kind of woman you are…the strength you have.”

“You can’t possibly know that,” Buffy whispered, looking down and closing her eyes as she tried to forget his purpose for being here.

“I can,” he replied. “Strength isn’t a show of force- it’s something deeper. Something you can read in the eyes. Something that you possess.”

‘Don’t fall for him- this is all just an act. Just some elaborate plan to get what he wants from you. Don’t fall for him.’

“Tell me about yourself,” she said, wanting to change the subject as she turned toward him, immediately lightening the mood.

“What do you want to know?” he asked, leaning back slightly, knowing that she probably wanted a little bit of distance.

“Doesn’t matter,” she said with a shrug, taking another drink. “Something that no one else knows.”

“Something that no one else knows,” he repeated with an amused smile, sitting up a little straighter as he thought of an answer. “Alright…I watch Passions.”

“You watch Passions?” she asked in disbelief, a smile playing on her lips.

“I’m addicted to the bloody show,” he said, chuckling to himself. “And Dawson’s Creek.”

“You’re kidding,” Buffy replied, nearly laughing at the absurdity of what he’d just told her. “So, tell me, William Reed…were you a Dawson fan or a Pacey fan?”

“Pacey,” he replied immediately. “Even though I used to think he was a blind idiot, but it turned out alright in the end.”

Biting her lip to keep from laughing, Buffy looked at the ground, taking a deep breath.

“What’s running through that mind of yours, pet?” Spike asked, seeing her restraining herself from laughing.

Turning toward him, her eyes bright with unshed tears as she continued to hold in her laughter, she continued calmly, “Please tell me that you don’t have the DVDs of all the seasons.”

“Alright…I won’t tell you,” he said, chuckling when he heard her giggle. “Now it’s your turn.”

“Something no one knows,” she said softly. “Well, I have some New Kids on the Block posters shoved in the back of my closet because I couldn’t bear the idea of parting with them.”

Seeing him duck his head to hide his smile, Buffy bumped her shoulder against his. “Don’t give me any of that- your little guilty pleasure is ten times worse than mine. And you have two of them,” she reminded him.

“Didn’t say a word,” Spike replied, holding up his hands as he suppressed another laugh.

“Let’s keep it that way,” she said, raising an eyebrow in a mock warning.

Sitting in comfortable silence for another minute, Spike sighed as he looked at his watch. “I think it’s time for me to get going,” he said softly, the disappointment evident in his voice.

Standing up, he turned and smiled when he saw Buffy reach for him. Helping her to her feet, Spike loosely wrapped his arms around her waist, waiting for her to make the first move.

Taking a deep breath after a moment, Buffy’s arms slowly wrapped around Spike’s neck, bringing him closer to her for a tender kiss.

Knowing that he wouldn’t have self-control much longer, he tried to keep a safe distance from her as her tongue ran along his bottom lip, begging entrance. Parting his lips for her, Spike nearly moaned at the feel of her warm body pressed against his while her hands ran through his hair, loosening the gel and freeing his curls. Fighting every natural impulse in his body to pick her up and press her against the side of the house, Spike continued the soft kiss for a moment before reluctantly breaking away.

Both panted for air, staring into each other’s lust-filled eyes.

“Guess that’s my cue,” he said softly.

“Guess so,” she murmured, smiling when he took her hand in his, leading her around to the side of the house.

Reaching the driveway a moment later, Spike turned to face her, taking in her features as the moonlight bathed over both of them. Leaning down, he brushed his lips over hers.

“When can I see you again?” he asked, his breath caressing her lips.

“Soon,” she whispered, hating the churning that accompanied the flip-flopping in her stomach.

Giving her another soft kiss, Spike tenderly ran his hand along her cheek, smiling when she shivered at the contact. “I’ll call you,” he said softly, waiting for her nod of agreement before he got in his car.

Buffy watched him drive away, hugging her arms around her body for some form of comfort. She hated that she didn’t know where she stood anymore.

Was this man really how his reputation claimed? Or was all of this some kind of elaborate plan on his part?

Walking back into her house, her hands came up to her face as the frustration and stress of the situation seemed to catch up with her.

Grabbing her cell phone that was for emergencies, she walked onto the front porch, dialing the familiar number, listening to the dial tone as it rang.

“Hello?”

“Giles…it’s me.”






Thanks so much to: caatje, 3988Akasha, spufette, dev, Tahmoe, Caitie, Kimber, Livia, Mariana, Franchesca, willowmouse, Cordykitten, melissa g, baby spikes, B, Sevvy_O, BuffyandSpikeForever, Pam & Bint for reviewing!





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