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Spike felt himself falling. He didn’t know the difference between up and down, left from right. The blackness surrounded him and a soothing voice broke through the swirling nothingness.
“Come on wake up” the voice urged. His heart swelled with joy, it was Buffy’s voice, he was going back to her.
Buffy leaned back in the chair and sighed, it hadn’t worked. She had thought for sure it would, he seemed like such a romantic from his journals that she thought a fairy-tale kiss would have shocked him awake. “I’m sorry William.” She said before she put her head in her hands and mentally started to try to figure out a new plan.
Buffy jumped as something brushed over her head. With a slowness she didn’t know she was capable of she lifted her eyes and came face to face with the bluest eyes she’d ever seen. For a moment she thought herself to be dreaming, no one had eyes that seemed to capture the essence of the sky in real life, right? Wrong.
“What are you sorry for baby?” came the raspy voice, his throat sore from mis-use. Before she knew what was happening he pulled her to him. She could have fought him off in his weakened condition but truth be told she was still partly sure that this was a fantasy. ‘A dream, I must have fallen asleep when I was reading his journals’ she rationalized. But when his lips came crashing down on hers in a searing kiss that stole her breath she knew she could never have dreamt up that kind of passion. She pulled away breathless and pressed herself against the wall, a shaking hand covering her mouth.
“Baby what’s wrong?” The man asked and struggled to sit up, not an easy feat when you’ve been asleep for the past 3 weeks and about half your body is in a cast.
“Mr. Calendar, my name is Buffy. Buffy….”
“Summers, I know that princess. You live at 1630 Revello drive with your mother Joyce, a very nice lady might I add, and you love me as much as I love you. That about right kitten?”
The tears had begun to stream down her face now and her heart felt like it was breaking. How the fuck did this man know where she lived? How did he know her mother? And had he said he loved her?
Buffy walked over to the intercom on the wall and buzzed for a doctor.
She turned and looked back towards the man who had been in her care for the last few weeks. If she owed him anything, it was an explanation.
“Mr Calendar, you where in an accident a few weeks ago. You where on your bike when you where hit by a car, you slipped into a coma. I’ve been taking care of you, it was my job to wake you up but I did not know of you until the day I was assigned you as a patient…..I’m sorry William.”
The doctor had come in then and started to flit around him, bombarding him with questions but through it all he stayed silent and his eyes never left hers as confusion and then understanding swept across his face. Was he crying? Buffy’s heart hurt for him and she fled the room, not able to see the pain of his face any longer.
Without a word to anyone Buffy left the hospital. She had a lot of things to get done tonight. Starting with a nice big bottle of Jack.
Buffy sat on her living room floor and took her 10th shot of the night. In front of her were pictures of her and her mom. Some made her laugh, some made her cry, but all of them made her miss her mom even more. With a sniff she stood up and grabbed her bottle, heading out into the rain that had started just a few moments ago.
She walked without having to look up, her feet already knew the way to their destination. They had walked there often in the last few weeks. When Buffy walked through the gates to the Rest-Field cemetery she took another swig. There it was, her mothers marker just 3 rows down. The rain had soaked her to the bone and Buffy felt a chill go through her. The weather was getting colder by the minute and for the first time since leaving the house she realised how late it actually was. She kneeled in front of the stone that was now so familiar to her.
Joyce Summers
1960-2005
Beloved mother
Missed but never forgotten
Buffy ran her fingers across the lettering that had been engraved into the cold slab of marble, she had chosen the words for it. ‘They aren’t enough’ Buffy thought angrily.
She took another swig from the bottle. “Hi mommy, I miss you. Something weird happened today.” Another gulp of the fiery liguid. “My patient woke up, William, I told you about him remember? Anyway, he woke up and he knows us mommy, I don’t know how but he does.” A period of time elapsed while she sat there in the rain, minutes, hours…she really couldn’t tell, she really couldn’t care either. She stood and got ready to leave. “ I’ll see you soon and maybe next time I’ll have more to say. I love you.”
Buffy kissed her fingertips and pressed them to the stone, looking upwards while she did. With her face like that the heavens cried down on her, mixing it’s tears with her own until they blended together on the broken girls face.
The building was almost soundless. Spike looked at the clock, 2:30 in the morning. He sighed and tried to get comfortable but the pain killers hadn’t kicked in yet. He closed his eyes and tried to fight back the tears.
He should have stayed there, lost. Because at least while he’d been lost he had her. Buffy, his Buffy. Only it wan’t ‘his’ Buffy here. She was just a stranger to him that wore his baby’s face and a part of him hated her for that. A part of him believed that she had no right to look like the woman he had fallen in love with, because she wasn’t her. The woman he loved didn’t really exist. His eyes began to droop and he welcomed sleep like an old friend, maybe he could be happy for a few hours, maybe she would be there in his dreams.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanx so much to everyone reading this fic, you guys are awesome and i really appreaciate your feedback xxx I'm sorry about the angst but it will gwet better shortly.