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Chapter 5

“I love you, Daddy. I’ll talk to you later.” Buffy said to her father as she hung up the phone, just when Spike decided to walk in. She looked at him and wasn’t sure what to say. “That was my dad. He got there okay.” She figured that was a safe way to start the conversation.

Spike only nodded and sat down on the couch.

“Are you all right? You left in a hurry.”

He finally looked at her after a few seconds. “I’m fine, just needed to get some fresh air.”

Buffy nodded and thought of what else she wanted to say. “If I’m causing problems, I could go stay with my friend Willow. She said she wouldn’t mind.”

Spike looked panicked at the thought of her leaving and shook his head. “No, you have to stay here. I promised your father that I would protect you.”

She let out a sigh. “I don’t think I really need protection. It’s obvious that me being here is too much trouble for you. It would probably be better if I left.”

Spike then stood up and moved over to her. “I can’t let you leave, Buffy. I need you here. You might be the only one that can keep me sane,” he said with a hint of a smile.

“It doesn’t seem that way to me,” she replied softly, looking away from his intense stare.

He cupped her chin and turned her gaze back on his. “I was a ponce. I shouldn’t have walked out like that. I just had a lot to think about. I really do want you here.”

“I just don’t want things to be weird with us.”

“I don’t want that either,” he claimed and caressed her cheek. He then grasped her hand and placed it over his heart. “You feel that, Buffy? You feel how fast my heart beats whenever you’re near me? I never thought I could feel that again. That’s why I panicked earlier; it has nothing to do with you.”

Buffy placed her other hand over his heart. “I know you’re scared, but you have to let yourself love again. No one should have to live their life alone.”

Spike gave her a small smile. “How is it possible for someone so young to be so wise?”

She returned his smile. “Hey, I’ve always been wise beyond my years. You’re only five years older than me, mister. That’s hardly much of a difference.”

Spike agreed. “You’re right about that, but you’re also Hank’s daughter. He trusted me with you.”

Buffy took his hand in hers. “You wouldn’t be doing anything wrong. You promised to protect me, which is exactly what you’ll be doing. In more ways than one,” she whispered, pulling him toward the bedroom.

Spike panicked again when he realized what she wanted. “Buffy, are you sure about this? There’s no going back.”

Buffy looked into his eyes and nodded. “I’m sure, Spike. Let me take care of you.” She then pulled him into his room and closed the door.


* * * * *


Buffy woke up alone and glanced around the room. She got out of bed and put her clothes on, then left the room. She found Spike in the living room looking out the window. She slowly walked over to him, not knowing what to say.

They both just stood there in silence, until Spike finally spoke.

“I love watching the birds. I used to always wish I could fly. To be that free,” he said, finally turning to her.

She gave him a soft smile. “That’s a nice wish.”

Spike nodded and gazed back out the window. “Your father will kill me,” he said suddenly.

Buffy shook her head. “No, he won’t. He doesn’t have to know.”

Spike laughed and focused back on her. “There are ways of finding out. We slept together, Buffy. It won’t be easy keeping that a secret. God, I don’t even know what I was thinking. I could lose my job.”

She grabbed his hand and tried to make him listen. “That’s not going to happen. My dad needs you too much. You don’t have to worry.”

“I wish it could be that easy. I should have stopped before things went too far, but I just wanted you so much. I’ve never wanted anything that much before, but it can’t happen again. We can’t get involved, Buffy. It could be too dangerous.”

Buffy had a feeling he was talking about more than just her father. “I don’t want to stop, Spike. I really like you. I think it could be something more if you just let it.”

Spike shook his head. “I can’t,” he whispered.

He sounded so defeated that Buffy felt like being the one to protect him. “Why? I know it’s not just because of my dad.”

Spike was finding it hard to keep his tears in. “I’m already falling in love with you. The last time I loved someone, she was taken away from me. I won’t let that happen again.”

Buffy then wrapped her arms around him. “I’m not going anywhere, Spike. I’m right here; everything’s going to be okay,” she whispered to him soothingly.

He pulled away from her. “You don’t know that.”

Buffy pressed her lips to his forehead. “I know enough. We’re both going to be okay.”

Spike thought about what she said and then kissed her lips passionately. He broke away and flooded her face with kisses, then moved his lips to her neck. He pulled her closer and buried his face in her hair. “I won’t lose you.”

Buffy’s heart was breaking for this man. She held him tighter and ran her fingers through his soft hair. She really hoped that they would be able to work things out because she couldn’t let him go. She knew that she already loved him and it was a feeling that she never wanted to go away. No matter what.





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