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Chapter 19





She had never felt such pain before in her young life. The intensity of it seemed to be severing her body in two. She could feel the blood pouring from her, coating her buttocks and legs. The sticky slapping together of their bodies filled her with a mortification that made her wish she would die this time. By now it was even welcome if it would get her away from the monster sodomizing her. There had be been no preparation, no easement, only a savage ripping into the fragile opening of her anus. The first thrust made worse by the unexpected new form of rape that he was inflicting on her. .

For the first time in days she cried as he took her. He wanted her compliant and tears only brought on the beatings that left her barely able to move. Her new nightmare existence was getting worse the longer she was there... She wanted her mother, she wanted to go home, but knew she never would again. If she made it out of this hell alive, her life was still over. Nothing would ever be the same.

“Come on, Sunny,” he grunted in her ear. His hand wiggled beneath her to painfully twist her nipple. “Let me know how much you love me fucking you like this. I hear whores like you really get off by being fucked up the ass.”

“I hate you,” Buffy spat. “I hate this.”

He laughed then placed an almost tender kiss on her shoulder. “No, you don’t.” His hand moved down between her legs to tease at her clitoris. “You’re going to cum for me.”

Buffy didn’t think she could be anymore humiliated. But her body betrayed her by having the orgasm that the monster wanted her to have. To him they proved that she wanted this…wanted him and what he did to her. It made her, his. Her mind screamed no, even as her body shook, grinding down against the hand that was bringing her to this.

”I told you,” he crowed. He moved his hands to the mattress beside her so that he could increase the force of his thrusts. She felt crushed under his weight as he rammed his penis into her. Her face was buried against the mattress that smelled of urine and sweat, praying that it was over soon. She hoped that he would leave without wanting more. She should have known better. “My little slut…” he whispered as he finally came. She felt him pull out; releasing his seminal fluid to mix with the blood that already coated her flesh. By now she had forgotten what feeling clean felt like.

“I wish you would find someone else,” Buffy sniffled as she heard the rats scampering closer, drawn to the smell of her blood.

The covers twisted around Buffy as she thrashed in the throes of her nightmare. Darkness kept her in its spell. There was no lighted way out of her prison. She kept reaching out to find her angel, but he wasn’t there. Whimpering, she surrendered to the memories that were flooding her mind.

“Hey, slut, wake up,” the monster growled, kicking her in the lower back.

Buffy arched, trying to escape from the pain. Opening her eyes, she scooted backwards toward the wall. Her eyes widened when she realized there was someone with him. It was another girl and she wasn’t tied up. She was standing there watching the monster unchain her.

“Help me,” Buffy croaked through her parched throat. It seemed like days since she had been given food or water. There was no real time down here. No sunlight to judge the days by. The light above her dimmed and brightened but it hurt when she looked at it. So, she avoided it now. “Please help me.”

“What kind of kinky shit are you and her into?” the brunette asked, looking around Buffy’s cell.

“Told you not to say anything,” the monster growled. “All I want is for you to do what you’re told.”

“Whatever,” the girl shrugged and crossed her arms. “Let’s hurry up though. I don’t have all night.”

It was the wrong thing to say. Any back talk was prohibited by the monster. Buffy winced because she knew what was coming. The monster grabbed the brunette by the hair and flung her down onto the mattress in front of Buffy. He wrapped the chain around her neck and pulled it back until the girl was gasping for air. Buffy could only stare in fear. What if he took it out on her? It was better to remain silent and hope he wouldn’t remember she was there. Eventually the brunette was released. She held her throat as she flipped over onto her back, trying to get away.

“Sunny, hold the bitch,” he ordered.

Buffy tried to scoot away, wanting none of it, but she was backhanded for her disobedience. The force of his hand sent her toppling backwards into the wall. Her head hit with enough force to make the world slide out of focus.

“Do as your told, slut,” the monster barked. “Or I’ll beat you until you can’t stand.” He laughed and leaned close to her. “Maybe I’ll bring someone else who would like to fuck a little slut like you.”

Afraid of his threats she grabbed the girl’s arm, holding onto her, while Lance chained her in Buffy’s place. The girl was screaming now. The monster knelt on the bed so he could stroke ‘bitch’s’ face for a moment before slapping her hard. It silenced her for the moment. Blood streaked her pretty face. Buffy doubted it would be pretty for long.

“Do you like the present I brought you?” The monster asked turning from the now quiet ‘bitch’.

“Why?” Buffy said.

“You said you wanted me to find someone else…”

“No, no,” Buffy cried out. “Please someone make it stop.” She sobbed as she hugged her pillow to her. It wasn’t enough to protect her. Nothing was anymore. He was stronger than she was…again.

The pair of yellow panties were ripped from Bitch’s body despite her struggling for freedom. The chains were wrapped around her hands. The end of it was held by Buffy from behind her.

“Let me go, you fucking freaks,” Bitch screeched as the monster pried her legs apart.

For a moment Buffy closed her eyes, unwilling to see what was going on in front of her. There was no escaping the scream as he entered the other girl. The sobs that rang out around her, and still she held onto the chain that was keeping Bitch down.

“Please make him stop,” Bitch pleaded, turning to look up at Buffy.

“I can’t,” Buffy whispered, stroking the girl’s hair. She looked up to watch as the monster drove relentlessly over and over into Bitch. A part of her was thankful that it wasn’t her this time. She hated herself for it. “It’ll be over soon.”

It wasn’t though. Bitch was quickly broken by the monster. She did what she was told without arguing. Why he didn’t pick Bitch over her, Buffy would never know.

The rest of it came rushing in blurry outlined images too horrible even now for her to remember. The sex acts he forced them to perform on one another and on him. The escalating violence that ended with…

Buffy woke with a scream. It spilled from her in an endless echo that tore through her soul. She remembered it. All the things she had forgotten…the reason why she had forced it from her mind and the final straw that had sent her spiraling into the dark place.

The mattress gave way under someone’s weight forcing another shriek from her. Buffy backed up to the headboard, cowering from the hand that was reaching for her. Hands brought only pain to her.

“No, no, no, not again,” Buffy chanted, looking around the room. The she saw it, the box that held a way out for her. In it was a gun and she ran for it. He was right behind her. It wouldn’t open. She pounded on it, trying to force it. It was knocked from her hands. And she fell to her knees, sobbing, knowing it would never be over. Not now. Darkness rushed at her and she wanted to embrace it. To go back to nothing…it was better than this.

“Buffy, come back to me,” a voice called to her. Hands petted her, pulling her into warm, strong arms. “Please, talk to me, Luv.” She was rocked in those arms that seemed familiar. The voice continued to whisper to her, telling her how much she was loved and needed. She quieted, responding to the desperation that it held. “What happened?” It was then that she recognized that it was Spike holding her. The man she loved and had never hurt her because he loved her back.

He wouldn’t now though and she pulled away from him. Backing up to the wall she wrapped her arms around her legs. She stared at what could have been happiness for her.

“He was right,” Buffy whispered. “It was my fault she was there. I told him to find someone else.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Spike insisted. He didn’t come after her though. Instead he leaned against the bed. “People like Peterson don’t just stop at one. The first one is nothing more than practice and it eats away at them until they do it again. He’s a monster.”

“He’s a man,” Buffy said, no longer able to bear looking at Spike. She was too ashamed at her own actions. “Just a man and I told him to find her. It’s my fault she’s dead.”

“We don’t know for sure that she’s dead…”

“She is dead,” Buffy shrieked. “I know she’s dead because I helped kill her.”

The pain was too much and she ripped into her flesh with her fingernails trying to find an anchor in the storm around her. Spike sat staring at her with a stunned expression on his face as he absorbed her words and took in the violence that Buffy was doing to herself. It was only when she reached for the box again that he moved, knocking it across the room. She went for it and he wrestled her to the floor. Pinning her down when she fought him.

“Stop it,” Spike yelled. “I’m not going to lose you. Do you hear me? Stop fighting me.”

“They’ll lock me up,” Buffy wailed, collapsing back onto the floor. “Please, let me go. I can’t be locked up again.”

“Oh, baby,” Spike soothed her. He slid off of her, only to gather her against him. His arms held her tight. “No one is going to blame you. You were only trying to survive.”

“But I didn’t care if I died,” Buffy argued. “I was praying to die. Praying for it to end and then…then I helped end hers.”

“You must have things mixed up. There’s no way that I believe that you’d hurt anyone. Okay?”

It was the ‘okay’ that clued her in. She sat up, her hand still on his chest to balance her. He stared up at her with a devastated look on his face. It tore her apart inside. There was nothing she wanted more than to give him what he wanted. To be able to always be with him, but she had burned her bridges.

“I have to tell what I know,” Buffy calmly said. Everything was clear to her now. The past and what she had to do. “I have to tell Captain Roberts everything I remembered.”

“It was a nightmare,” Spike said, sitting up. He held her by the shoulders. “You don’t know for sure it’s the truth or just something that your mind made up to fill in the blanks.”

Buffy shook her head. “I know it’s true because I remember the link to tie everything together.”

“What link?”

“It’s the color yellow,” Buffy explained. “It’s his favorite. That’s why he picked me and Faith. My uniform was yellow and her panties were yellow.”

“So?” Spike shrugged. “It was a coincidence. Nothing more.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Buffy said, shaking her head. She ran her fingers along his face then across his lips. “I remember her telling me that night. He had gone out to get some food and left us alone for a little while. Faith said that he was specifically looking for someone who was wearing yellow. He even made her lift her skirt so that he knew she wasn’t lying about it.”

Defeat hung between them. They were silent for a few moments as they accepted her memories. It was all going to have to be sorted through, but she wanted Spike to know first. If he would stand by her then she could get through it. Without his strength she didn’t know if she could. Yesterday she would have said that she could handle it on her own. Not now. She was too frightened of the truth. Of the dark part of her that she hadn’t even realized existed.

“We should call the Captain and Kate,” Spike said. He wouldn’t even look at her and her heart sank. “And get you a lawyer, too.”

“All right,” Buffy whispered. It was over. He would hand her over to someone else to take care of it. “I’m sorry. Do you want me to pack my things?”

“No,” Spike said. “Of course I don’t want you to leave. Oh, Luv, never.” He held his arms out and waited for her to nestle into them. “I believe that whatever happened that night was something you couldn’t help. And I don’t think they are going to press charges.” He laughed. “I guess I went into cop mode there for a minute.”

“But I…,” Buffy stared. Her voice quavered with emotions. He pressed his fingers to her mouth.

“Deep breath,” Spike said. “Okay, first things first. Tell me what you remember.”


~~~~~~~~

By the time he had calmed her enough to speak to him; Spike had already long regretted falling asleep on the couch. After leaving the prison, Buffy had been subdued to the point of silence. She didn’t seem to be upset just contemplative. Spike had tried to give her the room she needed, but be there if she needed him. When she had fallen asleep, he had lain staring at the ceiling but sleep eluded him. Finally he had give up and headed off to watch some television. It had done the trick and he had only awoken when Buffy screamed.

Buffy pulled away from him. Scooting back until she was leaning against the bed. Her eyes were big from fright as she stared at him. Her memories had to have been freed by seeing Lance Peterson. He prayed she would find a way to handle them without losing all the ground she had gained in the past week. He waited until she was ready.

Her voice was barely audible as she told him of that day. She left no detail out. It made him sick to his stomach, filling him with a vicious rage that left him in no doubt that he could murder. The woman in front of him was replaced by the girl he had found that day. He covered his mouth with his hand as he listened. But he never took his eyes from Buffy’s face. She would have no chance to doubt his love for her.

“I…was holding the chain,” Buffy said. “It had been hours by then. I was exhausted and hurting. He was…raping her again. She only lay there. It was different with her. He wanted her to feel the pain. It was enjoyable to him when she cried. But she had stopped. It was almost like she was a lifeless puppet.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the mattress. “He…he started to choke her. She gave him what he wanted and started to struggle again when she couldn’t breathe. Then it was over. She was dead.”

“How do you know she just didn’t pass out?” Spike asked.

“She was dead. Her eyes just stared upwards. No blinking…no movements…nothing. He finished…with her then wrapped her in a blanket and carried her away.”

Spike scooted closer to her, cupping her face in his hands. “Why do you say it’s your fault?”

“I never let go of the chain even when she struggled,” Buffy said. Tears rolled down her cheeks again. “A part of me knew she was dying and I did nothing to try and stop it from happening.”



to be continued…





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