Chapter 21
By the time they pulled into the parking lot of Spike’s apartment complex, Buffy was half asleep. She was leaning on his shoulder with his jacket draped over her. The events of the night before and the stress of the morning had worn her down. Smiling, he leaned over to kiss the top of her head. She sighed at his affection and snuggled closer to him. Her eyes slowly drifted open, but she didn’t move away.
“Carry me,” she asked impishly. Her hand settled on his thigh, squeezing it to get his attention.
“Ouch, Luv,” Spike teased back. He pushed her hand away as he pulled the car into a spot in front of his building. He turned to her as soon as the Desoto stopped. “You might have pinched the wrong thing.”
Buffy cupped the bulge between his legs. “There is no way I could mistake this.”
Slipping his arm around her shoulder, Spike pulled her closer. He cherished these moments between them. The past faded away, leaving them like any other couple as they played. There was no pain in the emerald depths of her eyes, only a mischievous glint that sparkled at him. This was the woman he loved.
Buffy complemented him in ways he never imagined any woman could. He had lost whatever resentment he once harbored at her quiet presence in his apartment. If he settled in to play video games, she used the time to play on the computer. Or she’d join him in a rousing competition that sometimes left him beat. She never fussed at him about his messy ways. There was no nagging; only a perfectly timed arched brow that filled him with guilt as she cleaned up after him. It often spurred him to help her especially with the rewards that she lovingly doled out.
The sex was better with her than with anyone he’d ever been with. Because when he was with her, it was making love. There wasn’t a part of his body, heart or soul that he didn’t leave open to her explorations. He could never seem to get enough of her either.
He nuzzled her face with his lips. “There is almost an hour before the others arrive. I could think of lots of ways of spending it.”
“Like napping,” Buffy yawned in his face. She patted her mouth. “You wore me out this morning.”
“I could do it again this afternoon…”
Someone rapped on his car window. Spike turned quickly, shielding Buffy, and cursing his inattention to their surroundings. A great role model he made. He muttered an even cruder comment when he recognized the woman standing outside his car.
“Mom?” Buffy yelped, peering over his shoulder.
Joyce stepped back from the car as Spike opened the door. There was fury on her face as she stared at the couple. Buffy stayed close beside him as his arm wrapped around her in a protective embrace. He refused to let this woman’s bitterness make him feel guilty for loving her daughter.
“Hello, Buffy,” Joyce said, refusing to look at Spike. “Your father had business in town and I came along to see you.”
“How long have you been waiting?”
“Long enough,” Joyce replied, with the merest flicker at the man that her daughter was clinging to. “I would like to see you alone.”
“We have guests coming in the next hour,” Spike answered for Buffy. He could feel the trembling in her body and her fingernails sinking into his waist. “If you would like to speak with Buffy then I suggest you do it here and in front of me.”
“How dare you make decisions for either myself or my daughter?” Joyce spat, turning to him. “I thought you were someone admirable, but instead you take advantage of an innocent girl just so you can have someone in your bed.”
“Believe me, ma’am, I don’t have any trouble getting women into my bed. Buffy is there because I love her.”
“She’s a child…”
~~~~~~~
Their heated words were only a buzzing in her ears. It was a nightmare that hadn’t changed since the day she was kidnapped. One in which she was no longer in control of her body or actions and everyone else was making decisions for her. Often she felt like she was fading away into the background and no one could see her anymore.
“Stop it,” Buffy yelled, stepping between them. “I’m standing right here. I hate this…all this fighting, and talking around me like I don’t exist.” She rubbed her temples as her eyes fluttered closed in frustration. “I’m not a child, I’m not crazy, and I’m not incapable. Just shut up both of you and let me speak for myself.”
She knew she had hurt Spike, but it was something she needed to make a stand on. It had to be now, before she even attempted to make permanent decisions regarding the rest of her life. Otherwise, they would never listen to her. Her plans would be run roughshod over and she would never be seen as an adult.
Neither of them said a word and she opened her eyes cautiously to find them both staring at her. She smiled. Hopefully, it would lessen the impact of her first outburst.
“Mom, I love Spike and he loves me. I’m with him because of that. Not because he tricked me into doing anything. And he’s right. We do have people coming over soon. If you’d like to come in and talk to me that’s fine, but I’m not changing my plans to suit you.”
Buffy exhaled slowly as she waited for reactions to her announcement. They were both staring at her in what she could only describe as surprise. She straightened her stance, lifting her chin in determination not to give in to either of them. Finally Spike grinned and shook his head. It let Buffy relax a little to know he wasn’t angry with her. She turned and waited for her mother’s response.
“Mom, are you coming in or leaving?” Buffy abruptly asked, not caring if she seemed rude. It was past time for niceties in dealing with her mother.
“All right, Buffy,” Joyce said with a curt nod. “Let’s go in.”
It wasn’t much, but Buffy still felt a thrill of victory race through her. Taking Spike’s hand, she led the way inside. Her mother followed them, stepping into the apartment with the attitude vibrating from her that she was stepping into a den of iniquity.
“Would you like a drink or something?” Buffy asked, fidgeting. The adrenaline was fading fast leaving her unsure of having her past and present colliding in front of her. What she really wanted was that nap. A little oblivion to give her nerves time to settle, but it wasn’t to be.
“Yes, that would be fine,” Joyce replied, walking around their living room while Buffy hurried into the kitchen.
“Please, take a seat,” Spike said, gesturing toward the couch. “It’s not a big place but it’s mine.”
“It’s very clean,” Joyce said, sitting on the edge of the couch. “But I have a feeling that is Buffy’s influence. She’s been very particular since she came home.”
“Yes, it is,” Spike said.
Silence fell between the two. It seemed to be louder than the earlier argument between them. Buffy hurried as she poured glasses of iced tea for them. She glanced over her shoulder. Her mother was staring at her clenched hands and Spike was watching her. He gave her an encouraging smile. A quick breath of relief then she picked the glasses up.
“Here you go,” Buffy said, handing a beverage to her mother. She leaned over to give one to Spike before sitting next to her mother. “Is Daddy stopping by?”
“He’ll be picking me up,” Joyce replied. She took a polite sip then put the remainder on one of the coasters that were spread across the table next to her. “How is your investigation going?”
Her smile was all it took. It spoke volumes of how her mother felt. Joyce didn’t believe there had been another girl. And in the conversations they’d shared in the last week Buffy hadn’t filled her in on anything they’d learned. She was barely dealing with the storms around her without dealing with more of her mother’s reactions, too.
“It’s coming along fine, Mom,” Buffy politely said. She looked to Spike for strength to tell her mother everything that had happened since they’d seen each other last. Sitting beside her, Buffy could feel her confidence waning. To Joyce she was still stuck in the past. Always fourteen, frozen in a period where she was everything her parents dreamed her to be.
“Buffy has been doing spectacularly,” Spike said, leaning forward. He rested his forearms on his thighs with his hands hanging between his knees. “She’s remembered quite a bit of what’s happened to her. And because of her courage to face it, we’ve discovered the other girl’s name and now we are searching for her.”
Buffy searched her mother’s face for a sign that she was proud of what she had accomplished. It wasn’t there. Disappointment filled her at the distaste that was plainly evident there. It was then she realized that she would probably never attain her former status as Joyce’s princess. And with surprise and relief she accepted that it didn’t really matter to her. With this new found knowledge, she reached over to cover her mother’s hand with one of her own.
“I’ve done something really good, Mom,” Buffy said. “Spike has given me the support I’ve needed to fight through this. Faith will be found. No longer will she be forgotten somewhere. And I’ll make that bastard pay one way or another for what he did to her.”
“What about you, Buffy?” Joyce asked, sitting up perfectly straight. “When do you put this behind you and get on with your life?”
“Once it’s done, Mom. I’ll have more of a life because of this than I would ever have had hiding in that house another day.”
“Are you blaming me? I was only trying to protect you.”
“I know,” Buffy said. “But you can’t always protect me. I want to live…I want to be in love. I want to have all the things that everybody else has.”
“I don’t understand why you have to do it so far from home,” Joyce declared, with a shake of her head “Or are you going to live with Detective Nagle now?”
“We haven’t discussed anything beyond this week,” Buffy answered, cringing at her own words. Even Spike looked like he was ready to run from the aftermath of that blunder.
“So, you’re just screwing around with him because…well, why, Buffy? You say the two of you are in love but there doesn’t seem to be anything substantial to this relationship besides the sex.”
Joyce looked from one to the other in contempt. Buffy wanted to tell her to leave and that it was none of her business. Another part of her wanted to run to Spike to fix it but then there was something inside of her that wanted to stand her ground. Everyone that was in her life was giving her advice and telling her what to do. She’d had enough. It was time for her to deal with things on her own.
“There’s more than you’ll ever see, Mom,” Buffy said, standing. She made her way to Spike who opened his arms so that she could settle on his lap. “He’s my friend, my strength, and my heart.” She stroked his cheek. “He talks to me and after Faith is found then we’ll decide what our future will be.”
~~~~~~~~
Guilt flooded him as admiration for the girl in his arms grew. She seemed to be so much more together then he had given her credit for earlier. It gave him second thoughts on the decision he’d made about their relationship. He still felt that she needed time on her own but now he knew she wouldn’t just sit back and do as she was told.
Spike kissed the back of her hand.
“You have an amazing daughter, Mrs. Summers,” Spike said, turning to look at the woman who was staring at them. “She came here, so terrified that she was shaking like a leaf. We’ve gone through some rough times this week. Harder than some people will ever endure in their lives but she keeps coming out fighting. And that’s why I love her.”
Joyce sighed even as tears filled her eyes. “It nearly destroyed me when we couldn’t find you. I lost you that day…and I haven’t found my little girl yet.”
“She’s gone,” Buffy softly said. “She won’t ever come back.”
“Well, I guess I’ll be going then,” Joyce said, standing. “In the light of your declarations it seems you don’t need me around.”
~~~~~~~
A part of Buffy wanted to let her mother leave. It would be easier to turn her back on her past. To give herself a fresh start on the future she wanted. Wasn’t what she had planned anyway? For her to go where no one knew what had happened to her. Where she could be just like everyone else. But she never would be. Her nightmares would always be with her, no matter where she went.
Once very long ago, Joyce and she’d had a good relationship. They shopped together, watched movies together on the weekends, and baked cookies. Her mother had been her biggest supporter, giving her rides when she needed to get to activities, being involved and helping out whatever cause Buffy was into at the time.
Maybe there was a chance that with time, they could find a relationship again. It would take time and a lot of work. There were a lot of things they needed to talk about. Things that Buffy needed answers for, like her baby, the choices in her therapy, and the suffocating protection after she was released from the hospital.
Buffy stood to face her mother.
“I’d like for you to stay for awhile. We have friends coming over to help figure out some things about Faith. I’d like for you to meet them.”
It seemed to take forever, but eventually her mother nodded. She sighed in relief and looked down at Spike. He was wearing the look of pride for her that she had been looking for from her mother earlier.
In that moment she knew she had truly taken the steps toward the life she wanted and leaving her past behind her.
to be continued…
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