~~~
Have you forgotten
All I know
And all we had
You saw me mourning my love for you
And touched my hand
I knew you loved me then
~~~
Buffy and Dawn sat completely still, reeling from the shock of what had just happened. The latter of the two was still on the bed, but couldn’t have moved even if she wanted to.
Spike was still sobbing quietly on the floor, and was trying desperately to curl himself into an even tighter ball. He had been warm, and everything was soft and comfortable. Now, he was surrounded by harsh lights, colors, and sounds.
Suddenly, Buffy sprang up from her position on the floor and sprinted to the bathroom. Dawn heard her violent retching and stood up. Taking one more glance at the nearly motionless vampire–was he a vampire?–she went to comfort her sister.
“Hey,” she said quietly.
“Hey yourself,” Buffy replied, wiping her mouth. “What happened?”
“I dunno,” Dawn answered truthfully. “You want me to see if I can find anything of Andrew’s for...him...to wear?”
Buffy nodded. “Yeah. Listen, could you keep an eye on him? I gotta take a shower.”
“Okay.” Dawn was almost out the door before she turned. “Do you think he’s human? And, of he isn’t, does he have his soul?” She paused, her brow wrinkling. “Is he Spike or William?”
With a sigh, Buffy tried to smile. “Too many questions that I don’t have the answers to. Later, maybe.”
Dawn nodded as she quietly shut the door behind her. She remembered how Buffy was after returning from the dead, and figured it was probably very similar for Spike. With that in mind, she vowed to keep lights dimmed and the noise level down. She tiptoed into Andrew’s bedroom, chuckling softly as she saw the rumpled Star Wars bedspread.
After ten minutes or so of searching, Dawn returned to Buffy’s room with a small armful of clothes. Spike had not moved, but the sobbing had at least stopped.
“I....I, uh, brought you some clothes,” Dawn said tentatively. She held out the khakis, belt, and dark blue button down, along with a pair of socks. “Sorry there’s no underwear, but you never were big on them...so I’ve heard...” She smiled when he accepted them. “I dunno if they’ll fit, though, because they’re Andrew’s. He’s been living with us for a month or so now...” Dawn trailed off when she noticed the slightly uncertain look in Spike’s eyes. She attempted a smile, but suddenly found her shoes very interesting.
“Thanks,” Spike whispered, his voice rasping painfully.
Dawn didn’t look up until she heard his belt fasten. “Do you remember anything?”
Spike’s fingers stopped where they were positioned over a shirt button. “Should I remember something?”
Tears welled up in Dawn’s eyes. “I don’t know. I just...I thought you would at least remember us,” she said, gesturing toward herself and the bathroom.
“‘M sorry.” Spike sighed as he finished buttoning his shirt. “Do you think that maybe I could have a glass of water?”
“Of course. Do you want to stay here or come with?”
“I can go with you. My legs seem to be working, so I don’t see why not. Lead the way.” He smiled weakly and Dawn tried to return it. “What is your name, bit?”
Dawn choked as he unconsciously used his old endearment for her. “I’m Dawn. Buffy, my sister, is the one in the bathroom.”
“A-and who am I?” he stammered nervously.
“I don’t know anymore. But you had–have?” Dawn paused. “Had,” she amended, “two names.” She looked at him as he sat down at the kitchen table, tilting her head to the side. “Spike or William?”
He raised an eyebrow, obviously puzzled.
“Your name. Do you want to be Spike or William?”
The man in question seemed to ponder this as Dawn set a glass of water before him. He took a slow drink before placing the glass back on the table. “I like William, actually.”
Dawn nodded. “William it is, then.” She opened her mouth to say something else, but Buffy appeared in the doorframe, looking as worn and drawn as ever.
“Hi,” she said timidly.
Dawn looked up. “He can’t remember anything. And it’s William now.”
“Okay,” Buffy whispered. Suddenly her eyes widened. “Oh, God. I’ve gotta call Giles!”
In a matter of moments, Dawn and William were listening to a rather impatient one-sided conversation.
“Can I speak to Rupert Giles? Look, I don’t care if he’s meeting with the new Watcher’s council. Yes, dammit, it’s an emergency. For the love of God! This is Buffy Summers. What do you mean who am I? I’m his slayer. Probably the longest lived one, too. Yes, I realize that there are hundreds of Slayers now. You have me, and mostly my friend Willow to thank for that. Yes, Willow Rosenberg. Oh, so NOW you want to know the nature of the emergency? No, nobody’s dead. Yes, this is STILL urgent! Someone’s ALIVE! Yeah. You do that. Go get him.” Buffy was fuming as she listened to the hold music. The secretary had the nerve to question her that intently and didn’t know who she was? Giles was gonna get it when he showed up in Rome. Buffy’s eyes widened again. Unless they had to go to London...
Dawn turned to William, an amused expression on her face. “Buffy’s never been one for patience.”
William chuckled. “I noticed.” He paused, looking intently at his hands clasped together on the table. “Dawn...I...I don’t understand.”
Her eyes narrowed slightly. “Understand what?”
Sapphire eyes met her intense gaze, confusion and an underlying sadness belying William’s calm exterior. “These...feelings. They’re different, all muddled up inside.” A lone tear began a path down his perfectly sculpted cheek. “I look at you, talk to you, and I feel things. I feel pride, and love.” Dawn quirked an eyebrow. “Familial, nibblet. I don’t think I’ve known a love like this so strong.”
Dawn choked back a sob. “I understand, sorta. I think.” She began to chuckle at the irony. “It’d be funny if it, y’know, wasn’t.” She saw William’s quizzical look and began to explain. “About two years ago, Willow, a friend of ours, cast a spell that made all of us forget our identities. We just knew what we felt.” Dawn hesitated a moment, reminiscing. “You thought your name was Randy.”
A soft chuckle escaped William, but he quickly sobered. The minute the smile slipped from his face, the same happened to Dawn.
The young brunette took a deep breath. “And Buffy? What do you feel when you see her?” Dawn gestured to her sister, who was tapping her foot impatiently as she waited for Giles.
Williams head dropped to his hands. “So much. So bloody much. I feel...passion. Heat. Fear, odd as it may sound. There’s love, too. So...raw. It’s fiery. Primal. All-consuming. Intense love. I don’t think I’ve ever known anything like it.”
Sensing there was more, Dawn spoke timidly. “What else? It’s strong. I can see it in your eyes.”
“Shame. I remember...well, not remember, exactly... I feel like something bad happened in our past. Something I did, or caused somehow. It hurt. Not just me. Her to. It’s tearing me up inside, and I don’t even know what I did,” William finished in a whisper.
Dawn had just opened her mouth when Buffy’s anxious voice filled the room.
“Giles! I know it’s been a long time. Yeah. No–Giles, no small talk. Spike–or, William. Whatever. He’s alive. Uh. Well, see, the thing is, I hadn’t gotten to that part yet. I just saw him not dusty. And brunette, which is a little odd. I know, it’s irrelevant. I just thought it was nifty. Anyway, hold on.” Buffy placed her hand over the mouthpiece of the phone. “Dawnie?”
“Yeah?”
“Could you, uh, check for signs of life? Real life, I mean? Not undeadness.”
But Dawn didn’t answer. She didn’t even have to check for a pulse to answer Buffy’s question.
“He’s definitely un-undead. No vampiness.”
“How can you–wait. He’s still human, right?”
Dawn considered this as she looked at the reflection in the dark window. “He looks human enough. I don’t know, Buffy. But he does have a reflection. And a soul.”
“How can you tell?”
Dawn scoffed. “Don’t tell me you never looked into his eyes. Don’t tell me you never noticed the difference after the soul. How haunted he was.”
“I noticed,” Buffy said softly. In the next instant, she was back on the phone. “Uh huh. Not vampiric. Yep, reflection and all. Think so. So,” she said with a smirk. “Your place or mine?”
~~~
I believe in you
I’ll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you
To live
To breathe
You’re taking over me
~~~
A/N: *Fanta tune* Don’t you want to? Want to Shanshu? Hehe. Nifty, huh? I figure an excursion would do them good. Anyway, I kinda think that this chapter sucks, but it has all of that exposition crap, so I do what I gotta do. FYI, Spike’s been gone for approximately three months, capiche? Remember, reviews are the antidote goodness to my self doubt, so save me!