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Ch. 11: City Counsel

Joyce walked into the quiet home, noting the couch pillows strewn haphazardly on the floor but the kitchen pristine from lack of use. She sighed and began up the stairs, assuming that Buffy was still sleeping at noon.

Buffy's body was tightly curled into a ball, her body clutching the stuffed pig and her leg thrown outside of the comforter. Joyce smiled at the sight, how young she looked in her sleep, and then moved to rouse her.

"Buffy? Buffy, it's time to wake up. Don't sleep the day away. Buffy?" Joyce lightly shook her so as not to scare her.

Buffy gasped and shot up, her mother startling her out of sleep. She looked confused for a little, realized it was her mother, shot her a dirty look, and then fell back onto the bed, covers hiding her face.

"Buffy, don't be childish. It's already noon. You should really get out of bed."

"And you shouldn't sleep with young boys," Buffy muttered, her anger awakening her and reminding her of last night's news.

"Hmm?" Joyce said, unable to understand Buffy's morning mumblings. "Come on, Buffy. I think--"

"You think what? Mom, I can barely stand to look at you," Buffy spat out as she shoved the covers aside and brushed by her mother to the bathroom.

"What? What are you talking about?" Joyce followed her into the bathroom and stood in the doorway while Buffy furiously brushed her teeth. "Don't ignore me, Buffy. You cant just proclaim that you're angry and then not at least tell me why." She crossed her arms, waiting to hear her daughter's explanation.

"You wanna know?" Buffy spat out, angrily wiping her face with a towel. "I just found out that Spike, the guy I was with last night, the guy that I thought was THE ONE, that I felt was connected to me in some way, was actually already familiar with Summers women, because he slept with you. YOU! Oh my god, I can't think about it," she muttered, closing her eyes as she scrubbed her face, as if rubbing the past away from her skin.

Joyce's face was frozen in shock, and slowly the events began to make sense. Spike, or William, must have let their secret slip. She closed her eyes, trying to figure out how to deal with the sudden onslaught of old memories and consequences. Buffy flew by her in a blind fury, muttering as she moved to the closet to get dressed.

"Don't you walk away from me!" Joyce said, following Buffy back into her room.

"Fine. You don't want me to walk away? Fine. Let's talk. Let's talk about how you cheated on Dad with the boy next door. Let's talk about how you should be arrested for what you did. Let's talk about how you took away his virginity. Let's talk about how you got to be with the one I wanted, the one I thought might be The One. Let's talk about how you ruined my chances by sleeping with him. Talk, Mom. Talk." At this point, Buffy's voice was cracked with hysterics, tears coursing down her face and tightening her body.

"Buffy, I--" Joyce started, moving closer.

"No. No. I can't do this. I don't want to know. I--" She ran out of her room, down the stairs, and out the door, as if she could physically escape the pain of her situation.

Joyce, shocked by her rejection, finally roused and ran after her, only to have the door slammed in her face.

"Buffy!" she called out, searching the street. "Buffy!"

There was nothing, no sight of her daughter and no sounds of her voice, not even her sobs. Nothing. Joyce collapsed on the steps, her body exhausted by the sudden emotional sprinting. She allowed the immensity of the situation crash over her, squeezing her heart and pricking the guilt that had been long in hiding.

"I fucked up royally, didn't I?"

Joyce started at the gravelly voice that had suddenly appeared next to her. She looked up to see a disheveled boy, hands shaking with a lit cigarettes, eyes red from crying. She smiled weakly. "Yeah, you did. What possessed you to tell her?"

"I didn't intend to--at least, not the way it happened. I just, well, I guess I just wanted to be completely honest with her. Didn't want any secrets or anything."

"You really did fuck up." Joyce stood, acknowledging him but intentionally maintaining space between them. "What are you going to do?"

"Not sure." He took a drag from his cigarette. "I just can't think straight. But I know I can't just cut my losses and go. I can't wish away the past, but I can't just give up on the future. I--Joyce, I think I love her." His voice was cut with emotion, his downcast eyes hiding the intensity of his feelings.

Joyce smiled again, if sadly. "I think she feels the same way." She turned to go back into the house. "Give her some time. Let me talk to her."

Spike crushed his cigarette and looked up at her. "You think there's a chance? That Buffy might--"

"I didn't say that," Joyce interrupted. "But I'll try. Just give her some time. And don't give up." She stepped inside and looked at him a final time. "Take care, William."

Spike gave her a last look of desperate dreams. "Thank you, Joyce." They shared a moment of painful hope, and then Joyce closed the door.


***

"Dawn, I'm fine. Yes, I'm fine. I just, well, I need to leave. I'll tell you more later, but right now I just need to get away. I'll come back and get the rest of my stuff, and you can call me on the cell if you really need to. No, don't worry. Mom? Well, I'm sure she'll figure it out. I'm not running away--I'm just escaping for a little bit. Yeah, that's fine. Take care," Buffy said lightly, hiding her shaking fingers and bursting heart. When she finally closed the phone, she fell into the fake leather airport chairs, a loud sigh escaping her lips. She knew it probably wasn't the most mature way to handle the news, but Buffy just needed some time to think, to process all the information she'd been thrown with in the past day. Cordy was expecting her and had a place for her to stay, Mom was wherever she was, and Spike? Well, she didn't know where Spike was, but she didn't feel like dwelling on that.

Moving her bags under her legs, Buffy leaned back and closed her eyes, waiting for the announcement that would fly her away, if temporarily, from the insanity that had recently come upon her life.

***

"You have got to be kidding me. Your mother?" Cordelia exclaimed, ignoring the look Buffy was giving her. "God, I'm sorry if I'm being loud, but it is a little crazy and freakish. Now I get why you flew here like a demon was on your heels. Let's get some more alcohol, shall we?"

Buffy slumped in her chair, her head nuzzled in her elbow as Cordy flagged down their waiter to stock up on martinis. "God, my life is a Jerry Springer show!" she moaned.

"You're right. It is. But tell me about this Spike guy. I mean, is he worth all this? Is he a sleaze?" Cordy asked bluntly.

"No, he's not--that's the problem. I mean, when I was with him--pre-disgusting epiphany--it was great. We were completely comfortable, we connected on a level that went beyond physical--I really felt that he understood me, that we were kindred spirits." Buffy took a large gulp of her drink. "But now I just feel gross because he's been with my mother."

"Well, let's not dwell on that too much, shall we? Because one: ew. Two: we're here to talk about you and get your life fixed. So this Spike, you really liked him?"

"I did. I totally liked him. I know I only knew him for a few weeks, but in that short time I knew more about him than I did Angel, and you remember how long that dragged on. We opened up to each other. It was like he was my best friend--the last person I wanted to talk to before I went to sleep." Buffy pouted before taking another long gulp of her drink. She wasn't wild about the taste, but she desperately wanted something to numb the pain and confusing emotions that were choking her.

"Got it. Friendship good. Now what about the sex?" Cordy asked as she speared her olive to eat it.

"Sex? We didn't have sex."

"No sex? So then, what's the big deal? Nothing was shared, and you're not there anymore, so why are you bent on getting pissed tonight?"

"Becauuuuuse!" Buffy whined, her hand propping her head up. "I thought he was the one. I felt it. I wanted it. I can't believe we didn't have sex, because we basically did everything else under the sun. If he'd asked me to run off with him and get married in Vegas, I would have! That's the problem!" Buffy complained, her voice starting to get shrill with emotion. Her third drink was beginning to dull her senses, and she began talking very loudly and emotionally. "He was the one, and my mom got to him first!" she wailed, banging her head on the table.

"God, Buffy, get a grip. It's not the end of the world." Cordy calmly sipped her martini and pulled another olive into her mouth. "Tell me more about what happened between Spike and your mom."

"Ugh, do I have to?" Buffy muttered.

"Yes, you do. You should pay me for all the counseling I give you." She flung her hair back and winked at the man at the bar who was giving her a smile.

"Fine. They slept together. He lost his virginity to her when he was, I don't know, 18? 16? Who knows. I think it was 8, 10 years ago and they slept together," Buffy explained.

"Did they have an affair? Or was it a one-time thing?"

"It was a one-time thing. Or so they say," Buffy grumbled. "No, I'm pretty sure it was just once."

"You don't know how it happened, do you?"

"God, no. I mean, my mom started to tell me but I just shut my ears. I don't want to know details! She and Dad were divorcing, and William was living next door, and I guess they just hit it off or something. My mom, with a thing for teenagers."

"Well, did she have a lot of teenage lovers?"

"No, just him. Special? Who knows. Just gross."

"So, it was just him, just once, 8 or 10 years ago?" Cordy summarized, trying to get the facts straight.

"Yes. Yes. You got it. Ding ding ding, you get a prize."

"No need to get sarcastic. I'm just trying to feel out the situation for you, since you're obviously more concerned with getting drunk than with finding a solution."

"Solution? There's no solution; that's why I'm getting drunk."

"I beg to differ. Conflict: you want Spike. Spike slept with your mom. The question is: How can you feel okay about being with a man that's been with your mom?"

"I can't! I can't I can't I can't."

"Broken record, much? Buffy, if you didn't care about the guy, if he were just a quick, hot fuck, then you would be disgusted and move on. But you've been talking about this for hours, and I do literally mean hours. Clearly, you want something to happen, something to change, something to make it okay for you to be with him. That's what I'm trying to get at."

"If only that were true. If only I could be with him. Why does my life suck so much?"

"What were true, that you could be with him? I think it's possible, if you want it enough. I mean, there are weirder things that have happened. I wouldn't go around telling people, but it's not like they had an affair or anything. Honestly, it could be worse."

"How can you say that? How can you be so calm about the whole thing?"

"I'm over it. Surprise element is gone, and I'm left with a weepy drunk Buffy. Totally over it. Taking the first exit off the highway."

"I want to get off. I do, Cordy. Will you help me get off?" Buffy wailed, not noticing the stares of the young men at the table next to them.

Cordy smiled at them and then shoved Buffy gently but firmly. "Well, Buffy, I've always had my suspicions about you, but my getting you off won't get your Spike back."

"But you said you'd help me! You did. You said you'd do whatever it takes. I'll get on my knees, Cordy. Please!" Buffy launched herself into Cordy's arms, begging her.

Cordy stood up as gracefully as possible, pulling Buffy along. "Okay, you know what? I think it's time to go home. Sweet dreams, boys," Cordy called out as she pulled Buffy out of the bar.

When they got back to her apartment, she dumped Buffy's heavy body onto the twin bed set up for her and let her sleep off the alcohol. "'Night, babe. Hope sleep somehow gives you some logic so you're not so weepy when you wake up." She turned off the light and left.

***

Cordy was calmly drinking coffee and reading a magazine when Buffy crawled out of her room looking completely wrinkled and bleary-eyed, her caked eye makeup making her squint and her hair mussed and disheveled. "Well, I hope you're feeling better than you look, which can't be that hard."

"You'd be surprised," she croaked, gingerly feeling her face and body to make sure everything was in tact.

"You're all there, don't worry. You just kicked back a few too many last night."

"And here I was, hoping it was all a bad dream." Buffy groaned a little, trying to rub away the pain. She waddled to the bathroom to wash away the sleep and the lingering aches of alcohol.

Cordelia rolled her eyes and went back to her magazine. Just then, the phone rang.

"Hello? Oh, hey Dawn. Just a sec." She covered the received with her palm and called out, "Buffy? It's for you."

Eventually, Buffy emerged from the bathroom and eased her way into the kitchen. "Hello?" she said groggily. "What? What do you mean? How do you know? Are they sure?" Buffy was jerked into attention, and her eyes began widening as she heard her sister speak. "What? Yeah. Yeah, I'll do that. I'll call you when I get there. As soon as I can. Love you, too." She hung up the phone and slumped into a chair, in shock.

"Oh my god, Buffy. Are you okay?" Cordy asked, her face concerned.

"Mom. She--she had an accident or something--something's wrong. She's in the hospital. I have to go back." Reality hit her, and slowly Buffy crumpled at the table, her sobs wracking her body and squeezing her insides until she folded herself up into a ball, waiting for the pain to subside.





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