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Chapter 13: ‘Never Leave’


Summary: Giles realizes that someone close to Spike drove Buffy away, kind of, years earlier. He tries to convince Buffy to tell Spike the truth, which she does, in a way.

Lt. Wilkens knows more about Dawn then he’s letting on to. Why does he continue to play stupid?

Buffy tries to tell Spike the truth about the past and Spike tries to tell Buffy the truth about Angel’s horse scheme.


A/N: This story has about 5 more chapters to it. I hope you guys read and enjoy! Thanks.


Buffy and Giles stood by the track fence and watched as Spike and Tito led Dawn about on the Charger. The small blond woman and older British man were soon joined by Riley, Jesse, Mitch and Lars.

“Lookin’ good, Buffy,” Jesse purred, sidling up next to Buffy, apparently a little to close for Giles’ taste.

“That’s Miss Summers to you, Jesse,” Rupert snipped in his most curt tone.

“Sorry,” Jesse muttered. “You do look good though,” he whispered again into Buffy’s ear. “Good enough to eat, actually.”

“Back off, Jesse,” Buffy growled lowly, unable to actually look the man in the face when she replied.

For some reason, Giles noted, Buffy seemed particularly uneasy around Jesse. Rupert had just noticed this, this time, but remembered other times, just recently, when his female companion had reacted the same way. Especially with Jesse for some reason and this perplexed the older man.

Spike took that moment to join the group by the fence, allowing Tito to continue to trot the Charger around the track. The blond man smiled lovingly at Buffy, alerting every other male there that Buffy was truly ‘his’ once again.

“Hi,” Buffy murmured softly to William, allowing him to take her hand in his.

“Hey baby,” Spike replied gently as he brought Buffy’s hand up to his mouth for a tender kiss.

“Oh, so that ‘is’ how it is,” Riley chuckled heartily. “So the blond dashing duo, back together at last, huh?” If Riley was being sarcastic, it was lost on the others as the man seemed genuinely pleased with this turn of events.

“Yeah, that ‘is’ how it is,” Spike growled, good-naturedly at his employees. He pulled Buffy into his arms and kissed her fiercely on her lush little mouth.

“Will,” Buffy squealed in a mock scandalized tone. “We shouldn’t do this in public,” she giggled happily, slapping gently at his chest.

“Why not?” Spike purred, virtually shutting out everyone and everything but Buffy’s pretty face and mouth.

“Because…..” she began in protest.

“Because it’s kind of stomach turning boss,” Jesse spat with distaste. “I mean, Summers ‘is’ Angel’s girl and…”

“Not anymore,” Spike roared at the taller, thinner man, possessively. “Buffy and me are…”

“Apparently, back together,” Giles interjected with his suave diplomatic way.

Rupert watched Jesse, carefully and noted an odd look in the man’s dark eyes. If he didn’t know better..... Rupert Giles could swear that Jesse was in the throws of jealousy that boiled just below the surface of his even temper.

“I thought you were going to an early supper, dear,” Giles blurted suddenly at Buffy. “With Spike and Dawn? Lindy’s, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,” Buffy responded quickly. “We’re due at Lindy’s Will,” she reminded her lover in an affectionate tone. “Like, right now?” She added nodding at Dawn who still rode the magnificent steed.

“Right,” Spike drawled, taking Buffy by the arm and leading her away from the other men. “Thanks for seein’ to my girl, Rupes,” Spike called over his shoulder at Giles.

“I’ll talk to you later, Giles,” Buffy promised the older man as she let William lead her onto the track to meet up with Dawn.

Rupert Giles watched the two blonds and little girl walk to the front of the race track, arm in arm. Suddenly, like a lightening bolt, the older man was hit with what he might call an epiphany.

‘It was Jesse,’ he realized, somewhat stunned. ‘Jesse was the one that put the final wedge between Buffy and Spike, four years ago. He’s the one that Buffy spoke of and feared so. The one that trumped up the lies about Spike. Jesse was the one that told her Spike had killed a man that day and turned her completely against him.’

‘ But…’ Giles paused in his jumbled thoughts, momentarily. He pulled out his gold cigarette case and nervously lit a smoke.

“Ahh,” he sighed in contentment, “that’s better.” Then he scrunched up his brow and continued his musings.

‘If it was Jesse that nailed the coffin on Spike and Buffy’s relationship, then it was Jesse that tried to…’ Giles gasped at his horrible realizations and scanned the area. He was looking for Jesse and a confirmation of his worst fears.

When he caught sight of Jesse, Giles surmised that his suspicions were most likely true. Jesse was staring off after the trio; Spike, Buffy and little Dawn, his dark eyes narrowed into slits of envy and anger.


“Well, well, again our Spuffy duo are together, eh?” Lieutenant Wilkens chuckled in delight as he met Spike, Buffy and Dawn at the front gate of the track.

“Hello Larry,” Buffy smiled at Cordelia’s husband. “Spuffy? What’s Spuffy,” she asked the policeman with a confused grin.

“Spike and Buffy equals Spuffy, or at least according to my darling wife, Cordy.” The lieutenant grinned warmly at the little blond woman. “And how are you little one? Dawn, wasn’t it?” The policeman bent down to smile coyly at the little girl.

“Uh, huh,” Dawn mumbled, looking up at Buffy and Spike, warily. There was something about the way this policeman looked at her, the tone in his voice? This cop knew more then he was letting on and the savvy child picked up on it immediately.

“What brings you down here, Wilkens,” Spike muttered, trying to sound indifferent. Spike was well aware that Wilkens was sniffing around the track for some reason; either because he knew something about Dawn, or about Angel’s ludicrous scheme with the horse.

“Nothin’ much, Jameson,” Wilkens replied coolly. “I just wanted to get you up-do-date on the Merrick case,” he finished with a quick glance at the child. Wilkens quirked his right eyebrow when Dawn’s eyes grew round with curiosity at his words.

“Buffy, take your little ‘sis’ over for ice cream, huh? I’ll just be a second,” Spike ordered Buffy evenly.

Buffy took Dawnie by the hand and led her over to the little diner for a cone.

‘What’s Larry know?’ Buffy asked herself, terrified that the smart cop had found out Dawn’s true identity.

“No need for the Bit to hear the bloody details, Wilkens,” Spike shrugged defensively.

“True, true,” Lt. Wilkens nodded. “Got word, just today,” the officer of the law continued smoothly, “that this Merrick knows, make that knew Angelus. Maybe even worked for him a time or two?”

“Who knows? Certainly not me, Wilkens,” Spike shrugged again and casually looked at his fingernails.

“Now, why wouldn’t a nice, loyal employee of Angel’s, such as yourself, know ‘your entire boss’s other employees?” Wilkens glared at Spike, suspiciously, careful not to take his eyes off of the shorter blond man.

“I don’t know every bloody thing about Angelus, Wilkens,” Spike growled quickly. “What the fuck, am I supposed to keep tabs on my own boss? Know when the man goes to the loo even?”

“No, but…..” Wilkens glanced over at Buffy Summers and her so called little sister. The two females were sitting at small table, chatting amicably enough. However, Buffy kept staring at Larry and this alerted the cop to the fact that something wasn’t right here.

“This Merrick,” Wilkens began, again, in his most casual tone. “Word has it that he brought his small daughter with him, here to New York. Word has it that they came from Chicago, you know, the Windy City? Where your ‘boss’ Angelus O’Connor happens to be visiting at the present?”

“Look, Wilkens,” Spike muttered, trying to keep his cool and all the while glancing at Buffy. The poor girl looked white as a ghost and as if she was about to grab Dawn and bolt at any minute.

“I don’t know nothin’ Wilkens,” Spike sighed in frustration. “The only kid I know about is Buffy’s little ‘sis’ there, Dawnie Summers. That’s the fucking truth and…”

“Okay, okay, Spike,” the officer grumbled. “I’ll buy that Dawn is Buffy Summers’ little sister, for now anyway. See you around, Spike,” Lt. Wilkens smiled amicably at the blond man.

“Goodbye Buffy,” Larry Wilkens grinned at Buffy and Dawn and waved. “Remember what I said about dropping by to see Cordelia,” he added before he turned and slowly walked away.


Buffy closed her guest bedroom door, softly, as not to wake the sleeping child in the bed. Dawn had fallen asleep, immediately after her bath and Buffy was glad for that. She needed to speak with William, privately and they hadn’t had a chance yet that day.

Spike sat on Buffy’s couch, leaned back with his eyes closed. He wasn’t asleep, of course, but if felt bloody good to rest for a minute. At least before Buffy came to the couch and started grilling him about the Wilkens conversation earlier that day.

“She’s out like a light,” Buffy giggled softly, allowing Will to pull her onto his lap. “Little wonder, really,” she continued lightly, “the little doll put away a whole New York steak and all of her potato! How can that little thing eat so much?”

“Yeah,” Spike chuckled as he nuzzled Buffy’s neck with his lips. “The Bit can eat like a lorry driver, like I told Harris today when….” His voice trailed off.

‘No way I’m tellin’ my girl about the track today and those gits egging me on to bet on…..’ Spike paused in his thoughts when he saw the concern in Buffy’s wide beautiful eyes.

“Larry knows something, doesn’t he?” Buffy whispered in a worried tone.

“Yeah, he does, kitten,” Spike replied reluctantly, not wanting to scare Buffy, but not wanting to lie to her either. “I’m guessin’ that he’s aware just who the Bit really is,” he finished with a scowl.

“Oh, God, Will,” Buffy whimpered, her face buried into his chest. “I can’t lose her,” she began to weep softly. “I know she’s not mine; not my daughter or my sister, but when I hold her? When I sing her to sleep and see her sweet smile? I can’t believe she’s not ‘mine’ in some sense of the word.”

“I know,” Spike mumbled, kissing his girl’s warm forehead. “I’m sorry, baby,” he continued sadly, “for ever getting you mixed up in this mess and….”

“I’m not sorry,” Buffy stated evenly, wiping the tiny tears from her eyes. “I’m not sorry a bit that I got mixed up in this so called mess.” Buffy’s face was scrunched up in determination and she almost glared at William.

Spike noticed that Buffy was getting a bit defensive and quickly tried to diffuse the situation before it got completely out of hand. His girl was a reactionary, sometimes, and now wasn’t the time or place for one of their famous rows.

“I mean, I got Dawn, and got you back,” Buffy murmured under her breath. “Besides,” she continued, “Larry seems to ‘understand’ that Dawn is better off with us, right?”



“Yeah,” Spike whispered into his love’s little warm ear, “that you did. I mean about the getting’ me back and all? Not that it was that difficult, eh?” He snorted a bit, then grinned at his blond love.

“And you’re too right,” he continued evenly, “Wilkens seems to ‘want’ us to have Dawn. At least for now. I can’t imagine why, but maybe it’s got to do with the fact that our grand lieutenant was adopted?”

“He was?” Buffy asked, a little stunned by this, but more because William knew about it.

“Yeah, he was. Lawrence Wilkens used to be a pretty good friend of mine, Princess,” Spike stated matter-of-factly. “When you and I were first together and he was courtin’ your friend Cordelia Chase. There was a lot of nights that ole Larry and me sat up, drinking our lady woes away. Blokes talk a lot when they’re taking the drink, Buffy,” Spike pulled her closer to his body. “It’s a guy thing, I guess,” he finished with a shrug.

“So you think Larry Wilkens is concerned about Dawn going to an orphanage? I mean, maybe he’s found out that Dawnie doesn’t have any surviving family and wants the little doll with people who care? Like, us?” Buffy pursed her lips and scrunched up her fair brow, in confusion.

“Maybe,” Spike nodded in reply. “Lt. Wilkens is an okay bloke, that’s for sure. He’s known about Angelus, me and the boys for years. He always turned a blind eye to us; until now that is.”


Suddenly, Buffy clinched William’s neck even tighter and pulled his face up to hers again. She kissed him, passionately on his mouth and whimpered softly:

“Let’s go to bed, okay Will?” Buffy sighed in a breathy pant. “Take me to bed, Will, please?”

“You don’t ever have to plead with me to do that, Princess,” Spike rasped as he picked his lover up and carried her to the bedroom.

“Jesus Buffy,” Spike gasped as he thrust into her. Okay, make that ‘pounded’ into her with his dick. “You’re so hot and wet, baby,” he moaned in appreciation.

“Will,” Buffy rasped, thrusting up to meet her lover’s moves with her own hips. “That feels so good, Will,” she whimpered for the tenth time in an hour.

“Love you,” Spike murmured in a raspy voice, “I love you so much, Buffy. Never leave me again, promise, sweetling. Never ever go away from me again.” He kissed her lush little mouth and groaned his pleas as he did.

“Never,” Buffy cried out in reply as she came. “I could never leave you Will, ever again. Never leave me, promise ‘me’ that, William, please or I’ll….”

“I’ll never leave you,” Spike promised earnestly. “I will never, ever leave you or go away from you. Ever. I couldn’t leave you, I love you too bloody much and all. You’re my everything, Buffy and you always will be. My lover; my golden goddess and my soul mate. It’s always been you for me, sweet, always. I’ll never….”

Buffy felt her orgasm rip through her and watched as Will’s tore through him. Somehow, she felt ‘relieved’ that he had cum just after she did. It bonded them somehow and made her feel more prepared for what she had to confess to her William tonight.

Giles’ words rang true with Buffy and she felt like she had to tell William everything. Or, at least something close to everything from their past.

Spike lit up a cigarette and leaned back against the head board of the bed. He glanced up to heaven and thanked God, again, to have Buffy back in his arms.

“Will,” Buffy whispered shyly from her place next to him. He had his left arm wrapped about her, while he smoked his cigarette with his right hand.

“Yeah, my princess,” Spike murmured in contentment.

“I need to talk to you, Will,” Buffy stammered, unsure of herself for some reason. “We need to talk, William,” she snipped abruptly.

Spike rolled over to face his lover, taking in the serious look in her wide green eyes. He was not liking this sudden somber demeanor of his Buffy. It made him nervous for some reason.

‘It’s better to be anxious and nervous about Buffy, here, with me, then be without her,” Spike reasoned.

“Go ahead,” he nodded at Buffy, “I’ll hear you out, pet.”

“I need to talk to you, Will,” Buffy repeated in a monotone voice. “About the past; four years ago to be exact,” she finished with lowered eyes.

“We don’t need to re-hash all that crap, Buffy,” Spike grumbled. “I mean it; we don’t need to…..”

“I need to,” Buffy whispered harshly. “For you; for me and well, for a lot of reasons. So please just lay there and listen baby,” she pleaded quietly.

“I’ll listen,” Spike mumbled in an anxious tone.

Buffy snuggled closer into her lover and stared up at the ceiling, more then unsure about this conversation.

“Back then, four years ago, Will,” she stammered cautiously, “I kind of found something of yours.”

“Mine? What?” Spike asked, completely clueless as to what his love was talking about.

“Your journal,” Buffy whispered reluctantly, “you’re writing journal. I found it, just days before I left you then.”

“Journal?” Spike asked nervously, fully aware of what Buffy was talking about.

‘Oh, for Christ’s sake,’ Spike moaned silently, ‘my bloody poetry journal. How the fuck did Buffy find that poncy piece of crap and……’

“You know what I’m talking about,” Buffy growled impatiently. “I found your writing journal, the one you hid so carefully from me. I was cleaning out your desk, in your apartment and found it. What could I do, Will? I ‘had’ to read it and find out what made you tick. I mean really tick.”

Buffy watched as William’s farcical expression changed from ashen fear to red hot embarrassment in a matter of seconds. It near killed her to go on, but she had to.

“Your words, in the journal,” Buffy sputtered, “they were beautiful, Will. I know that prose of yours was about ‘me’ and it meant so much, honestly, it did. But…..”

“But?” Spike asked through clenched teeth. He was pretty sure of where this conversation was going, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to face it.

“I realized, when I read your writings? I realized that you were so much better then this,” Buffy threw her hands in the air and let them fall onto the bed. “Better then the life you’d carved out for yourself. You ‘are’ better then a two-bit street thug that does another hood’s bidding at the drop of his hat and…..”

“Oh come on, Buff,” Spike growled, suddenly put out by his girl’s self-righteousness. “You’ve been shagging Angel for nearly two years now and…”

“Because he was the only thing I could cling to!” Buffy cried out in defense of herself. “I left you because you killed a man! Parker Abrams was only a friend; then a lover and a man I maybe could have a normal life with. He…..”

“Threw you out when he found out what a fucking tramp you were?” Spike hissed at Buffy, his eyes narrowed into slits.

“Will!” Buffy gasped in horror, pulling away from the man she loved. The man who had just moments before, been making love to her, so sweetly.

“Let’s get something straight,” Buffy rasped in a hardened voice. “Parker did not throw me out at all. And, for the record? His parents adored me,” she spat at William with a venom she thought she’d lost somewhere in the past. “It was me that left Parker,” she added smugly. “I left him because I thought I wasn’t good enough for him. The kid deserved someone better then me. Especially since I was still in love with…..”

Buffy pulled completely away from William, in disgust and leapt up from her bed. She pulled a fluffy little pink robe about her and headed for the door, not looking back at Will who was still in the bed. Or, so she thought.


Spike bolted up from the bed and closed in on Buffy, his prey, who had nearly made it to the closed bedroom door. They were going to hash this out, tonight. That or beat each other to a bloody pulp, verbally, before the night was over.

“To start with?” Spike spat angrily, “I’ve never killed a man. Well, not here in the States that is,” he added guiltily.

“You killed him, didn’t you?” Buffy gasped in shock. “That monster that hurt your sister in England? You were the one that…”

“Yes,” Spike grunted harshly. “And I’d do it again. The fucking wanker had it comin’ and I’d do it again, in a heartbeat!”

“Oh,” Buffy murmured in a meek little voice. “I see,” she sighed sadly, flopping on the bed once more.

Spike lay down beside her and took her in his arms. “I’ve never killed a man since then, Buffy, I swear it,” he whispered. “I don’t know what someone told you but I have never killed a man here, in the States. I……”

“Jesse,” Buffy mumbled unable to look at her William, “he told me, back then, that you killed a man named Snyder that day. It was the day I left you, for good I mean.” Buffy began to cry, quietly.

“Jesus, Buffy,” Spike grumbled, pulling her as close as he could, “I didn’t kill Snyder. No one did. Riley and Jesse beat him to a pulp, grant it, but that was on Angel’s orders, luv.”

“You were there, weren’t you?” Buffy asked in a childish tone. “You gave the orders, didn’t you,” she finished bitterly.

“Yes,” Spike responded in regret. “It was Angelus that ordered that, kitten. I only followed orders. If you knew what a bloody monster your Angel was? I doubt you’d be bothered to sleep with him,” Spike spat in resentment.

“He’s not half the man you are, William. Angel doesn’t concern me,” Buffy stated coolly. “Only you do,” she continued, softening up just a bit. “Angel was a means to and end for me, Will,” Buffy groaned into her love’s chest. “I only ended up with him to be in your orbit again. It was wrong of me I know it, but…..”

“I don’t care,” Spike growled, crushing his mouth into Buffy’s. “We’re back together again and it’s all that matters to me, Princess.” He kissed her forehead, then her cheeks, then her warm, sweet mouth again.

“It’s true,” Buffy whispered, “I don’t give a damn either; about the past, yours or mine. I want to be with you Will, always, just like you want to be with me. Right?”

“Right,” Spike murmured, delighted when Buffy ran her warm little hand back over his cock.

“Buffy,” Spike whispered as he clutched her close to him, “Jesse, what did he say to you? What did he do?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Buffy replied in a soft sincere tone, “whatever Jesse said or did isn’t important anymore. Is it really, Will?”

“No,” Spike muttered, still unsettled by his girl’s admissions. “Buffy,” he stammered, unsure if he should come completely clean with her.

‘Fuck this,’ Spike grumbled to himself, ‘I’m tellin’ Buffy the truth, completely. She deserves to know about the Angel and that damned horse, The Charger.’


A/N: I stopped here, I wasn’t going to. I was going to throw all kinds of angst into this chapter and just run with it! Okay, I ended this chapter here, but the next one will start with Spike’s confession about the Charger scheme and all. Warning: Buffy will not take it well, and there will be Spuffy angst. However, it will be brief and not too terribly painful?


Thanks for reading and please review, spufette.





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