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Chapter Seventeen

It was amazing to Buffy that Drusilla had never held Spike. Watching him as he slumbered the next morning, the way his arms fit loosely around her and he appeared so untroubled by his demons and fears; Buffy thought him an angel. He was so many things, she realized, that he did not know he was. Things he deserved to know to help him heal.

Reaching out gently she smoothed the unruly curls springing forth from his crown back and ran her fingers gently through his silky hair.

He nestled in closer to her and she smiled. There was still a little boy inside him that needed reassurance, gentle touches and simple kindness to show him that he was good and worthy of love. He'd beaten himself up for far too long and had made himself a victim to Drusilla's own craziness because of it. He'd gone above and beyond trying to purge himself of what he considered ‘sin' and impurity. She'd berated him and made him feel twisted; unworthy.
In a way, she almost did feel sorry for the woman. Someone could have hurt her once the same way; dragged her down and kept her there, made her feel unloved and worthless. And, in a way, Spike staying with her hadn't helped her. Or him. Especially since she knew whom his heart really belonged to. Sometimes trying to do the right thing led to more pain before the light at the end of the tunnel is revealed.

When did life become so complicated? A week ago she'd been simply excited about the prospect of Spike coming home. She remembered balking at love, thinking it a waste of time. Thinking that if all it did in the long run was hurt, why did one seek it out, run for it and grab onto it? Now she was in the beginning stages of a relationship with the man she'd considered to be her stepbrother for ten years. More than just a little daunting. But something she knew she wouldn't trade for anything.

In a way it kind of made sense that Spike would evolve into this for her. She'd put him on a pedestal for so long, she wanted to be part of his life—just part of HIM—it was a wonder it took her so long to figure it out. She supposed however, that it didn't matter how long it took her to figure it out, just that she had.

"What are you thinking about, pet?" Spike's groggy voice startled her from her thoughts.

She looked down at him, his blue eyes seeming bluer than she'd ever seen them. His face still had that peaceful look and she hoped that it was she that
brought him some measure of peace.

"I'm thinking –right this second—that I want you to look as peaceful as you do right this second for all day."

He smiled sleepily. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. It suits you. No frown lines, no distant look in your eyes. Just peace. I think I'll have to find ways to make you feel like that – or at least look like that more often. Because, I'm thinking if you look like that, then just maybe one day you'll feel it."

He stared at her, awe washing over his features. "You do care."

She rolled her eyes. "I only said it like a hundred times."

He shook his head, "Sorry, you just – it just—"

"Overwhelms you? The way it overwhelms me?"

He nodded, his eyes clearing, "Yes," said ardently.

"How does it feel to be overwhelmed?"

"Knowing the source of it? Exhilarating. It's the best feeling I've had in a
long time."

She smiled. "Good. Then I've already started doing my job."

"Your job?"

"As your girlfriend."

He smiled, "I love you."

"I know."

He pulled her close and hugged her tight. "What would you like to do
today?"

"Don't care. Just want to spend it with you."

"I think that sounds perfect."

******************************************************************

The day was spent being lazy. After a leisurely breakfast and showers –separate showers—the couple finally made it outside in their backyard to the hammock Giles had set up there. Spike lay down first and held out his hand, bidding Buffy to join him. She did with a smile on her face and cuddled up next to him, her head resting under his chin. He kissed her forehead softly.

"Not ready to face the big bad world, are we pet?"

She looked up at him, startled. "So I'm not the only one?"

He grinned. "Not at all. Figure a lot of folks in this town know who we are. If they see us out and about acting like more than just . . . well, that might be something that could bite us in the ass later, yeah?"

"Especially since Mom and Giles don't know."

"I wager those are one of those hurdles you were talking about?"

"Yeah, all . . . both of them."

"We will get through it though, right pet?"

"Yes. Spike, you not having faith in us scares me."

"It's new to me still," he said softly. "It hasn't sunk in yet, Buffy. I thought
I would never have you and now you're here. With me. It throws me."

She leaned up and kissed him softly. "That help?"

His eyes still closed, he had a faint smile on his lips, "Definitely. Do it
again."

Kissing him slowly and sweetly, she felt him wrap her closer to him and
put his leg over hers possessively. This position allowed her to feel his
arousal. She tried to calm herself, her heart suddenly beating rapidly, the
blood in her veins racing.

He pulled back, "What is it?" he asked breathlessly. "Too much?"

"No," she quickly reassured him. "No, it's just that I can . . . I can feel
you," she finished shyly.

He started to move and she grabbed him, stopping him. "No, Spike. Don't
move."

"It's too soon. You think it's sick—"

"NO," she said emphatically and wrapped him back in her arms, purposely
grinding her center against him which warranted a hiss. "Not too soon
because of . . . that. I've just never . . . It stunned me. But I don't want to
stop. I'm not ready to go all the way yet Spike, but I'm ready for you to
start teaching me. I want you to touch me and I want to learn how to touch
you—"

He cut her off with a hard and demanding kiss. She moaned into it, letting
herself melt and letting him feel free to explore as well. She felt his hand at
her waist find its way under her shirt, just resting at the flesh of her waist.

"That ok?" he rasped, resting his forehead against hers.

She nodded and he kissed her again, sliding his hand slowly up her shirt
until he cupped her bra covered breast. She gasped in his mouth at the
sensation.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked. "No, it just. . . I never thought it would feel so
good. Am I supposed to break out in goosebumps?"

He chuckled lightly and gave her breast a little squeeze before brushing
his thumb across her nipple back and forth. He watched her intently,
gauging her reaction. She shuddered as her nipple instantly pebbled under
his touch. Curious, she reached under his shirt, gliding her hands up slowly,
letting her fingers trace over the hard muscles of his abs and chest. He was
well-defined. He watched her heatedly as she took her time feeling every
part of his torso and when she reached his own nipples, he gasped as well.
He bent his head and kissed her passionately and she stroked her thumbs
across them, wanting to feel them pebble as well. When they did, she felt
triumphant that she had been able to make it happen.

"Goose bumps?" she asked.

"God, yes," he said huskily. He started to pull her shirt up so that just her belly was exposed. "May I?" he asked.

She nodded, gulping.

"Won't do anything you don't want me to do, kitten. Anytime you want me to stop, you just say ‘stop' okay?"

She nodded her assent and soon, her shirt was off and she lay bare to his gaze. Well, bare except for the bra she still wore. Sliding the straps down ever so gently and slowly, Spike made sure to kiss and caress every inch of skin that was exposed. His lips left a hot, wet trail to the tops of her breasts and she felt her pussy clench with what she knew was next. She was sure if her nipples became any harder, they could cut glass.

He took his time covering every inch of one breast with his mouth as he massaged and stroked the other. He lifted his head and watched her, looking for signs of any discomfort as he peeled the bra slowly down her chest, baring her breasts. His gaze dropped and the look of awe and reverence on his face made her want to weep. What woman didn't want a man to look at her in such a way? If he looked at Drusilla in any way like that, how could the woman have tortured him so? She felt as if she'd given him a precious gift and in the recesses of her mind, she knew she had. The gift of her body. So many were careless in who they gave theirs too. Until that moment she hadn't given much thought to it herself. She simply hadn't had sex because she could barely stand any guy long enough to have a conversation with them, never mind allow them to enter her body. But this man . . . her Spike, he brought so much to the act of love making, and this was love making even if they hadn't gotten to actual intercourse yet. The feelings they felt while touching each other, basking in their newfound relationship – this was all making love.

"You're so gorgeous Buffy. Creamy and soft," he leaned in and took one pebbled nipple in his mouth and sucked, sending bolts of pleasure rocketing through her. Instinctively, she threaded her fingers through his hair, wanting to keep him doing what he was doing. "Taste so good," he murmured and swirled his tongue around the nub. His other hand idly stroked her nipple with the pad of his thumb, brushing it so lightly that she ached for more, wanting it harder somehow.

She closed her eyes as he suckled on her breast and when he released one, he went to work on the other. She held him to her, not even aware of her hips grinding her center against his.

Her orgasm took her by surprise. Though of the two, he was more surprised than she.

"Buffy, did you--?" he asked, his head popping up to look at her when her whole body shuddered and she sputtered his name.

She grew red, mortified, thinking there must be something wrong with her. She looked away from his reverent gaze.

Placing his hand under her chin, he made her look at him. "You had an orgasm," he stated.

She nodded shyly.

"Why are you upset by it?"

"Because I thought that . . . because you just touched my breasts and I went off like a rocket. Is that abnormal?"

He broke into a wide smile, "God no. It's wonderful Buffy, don't you see? My touching you did that . . . I did that. It means your body is in tune to mine, it means I drive you wild and make you feel so good… I made you feel good, didn't I?"

She rolled her eyes. "No, not at all. When I touch my boobs, I get off all the time—of COURSE you made me feel good. You're . . . You're really good at that."

He grinned and kissed her sweetly.

She pulled back just a smidge, "Should I--? Do you want me to uh, help you--?" She wanted to ease his situation and yet feared it. She wasn't sure she was ready to get ‘groiny' just yet.

He shook his head. "No, baby, you don't have to do that. When you're ready okay? Just knowing that I . . . That you . . . God, that was all I needed."
Feeling exposed, she pressed herself up against him, hissing when her hardened nubs rubbed against his t-shirt. His hands splayed against her back as he kissed her leisurely, slowly trailing kisses down to her neck. He nuzzled her neck and she shivered.

"More goosebumps?" he mused.

"Hmmmm," she replied.

"Ever hear Mom talk to her friends about the good old fashioned necking her and Dad used to do?" Spike asked against her neck, then licking her pulse point.

"Yeah. . . " she breathed.

"Let's see what all the fuss was about."





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