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Chapter Twenty –seven

Buffy's feet pounded the pavement as she ran as hard and as fast as she could. She didn't even know if she was going in the right direction to find Spike. She just needed to get away from their parents.

Stopping to catch her breath, she hunched over, gasping for air. She took deep breaths, the kind they taught her in track in high school so that she could run farther. As she started to catch her breath, the tears came and she let loose. Sobs wracked her body and anger doubled up with fear for Spike and what he was going through; and for what they had just gone through. She was a block and half away from Doyle's. To top it all off, her calf was cramping up. Hobbling down the street while trying to get herself under control, Buffy called out Spike's name which came out more like a whimper. Doyle had a car; he'd help her find him.

She couldn't remember a time when she'd been so angry with her parents.
Giles had been downright cruel to Spike. It was uncalled for—and why had
he attacked his son like that? Why didn't they put any blame her way? Not
that there was anything or anyone to ‘blame'. But if they were looking for
someone to blame, they were BOTH in the relationship so why just target
Spike? Course, thinking back, Giles had always been hard on Spike. And,
most of the time, Spike had warranted Giles riding his ass. He'd been quite
the rebel growing up and perhaps it was just a throwback to those days.
Something went wrong, so Giles blamed Spike. Except this wasn't wrong.
For all the steps he'd taken forward in therapy, he'd just taken all of them
back.

She knew it was just too soon.

Knocking on Doyle's door, she took several deep breaths and wiped her
tears away, in case his parents were home. She wasn't up to freaking them
out and having to explain.

Thankfully, however, the door flew open and there stood Doyle. He took
one look at her and knew something was up. "All right, what happened?" he
asked as he ushered her in.Buffy held her breath, trying not to cry again.
Just seeing Doyle made her want to give in to the tears again.

"Buffy, it's okay. Tell me what happened," Doyle said calmly, ushering her
up the stairs to his room. "We've got the house to ourselves for a while, so
let it all out. Did you and Spike have a fight?"

"No," she started her voice shaking. "Worse."

"Start at the top."

Buffy spilled it all from her conversation with Spike in the kitchen to how
Joyce had overheard to how she ended up on his doorstep. She left nothing
out; and her anger bubbled forth and spewed out, along with her worry
over Spike.

"Does he know anyone in this area? Does he have a favorite place he likes
to go to?" Doyle asked, handing her tissues.

Blowing her nose loudly, she shook her head. "No. Oh, wait! Xander. He
could have gone to Xander's."

"Didn't you tell me Xander had been skeeved out by your relationship with
Spike?" Doyle asked, scratching his head.

Buffy narrowed her eyes, "Yeah, the big jerk."

"Hey, hey. You're talking to the future Mr. Harris."

Buffy gave him a look.

"You're right. He's a jerk. Just wait till I work with him, all right? There's a
reason he's so uptight and repressed."

"Doyle, normally, I am all on board for discussing your ‘men', but right now
I have one of my own to find."

"Sorry. You're absolutely right. I say we pop in on Mr. Harris
first."

"Doyle—"

"Just a hunch. Go with me on it, please?"

"Fine," she grumbled.

"All right, let's go," Doyle chirped and started out of his room.

"Uh, don't we need to look up where he lives?" Buffy started as she
followed him.

Doyle stopped and turned to look at her, eyebrow raised.

"Of course you looked him up. I should have known." Buffy shook her head.

"How many driveby's have you done?"

"Oh shut up."

"A lot huh?"

"You're going to be riding in the trunk you keep it up."

"My lips are sealed."

Fifteen minutes later, Doyle and Buffy were climbing the steps to Xander's
second story apartment.

"These are pretty nice from the outside," Doyle observed. "We'll be happy
here for a while until we move into a ginormous house."

Buffy rolled her eyes, trying not to dwell on her heart hammering in her
chest. What if Spike turned her away?

"Okay, here we are. 2C." Poising her hand over Xander's door, she
hesitated for a second before Doyle jumped in and knocked.

"Don't get weak on me now," Doyle admonished her.

"Weak? I'm not—"

The door opened, halting Buffy's imminent tirade. Xander stood there,
looking surprised to find them.

"Uh, Buffy—" he started, looking over his shoulder.

"So, he's here, huh?" Doyle asked dryly.

Xander snapped his attention to Doyle. Buffy's eyes popped in surprise to
see Xander blushing at her best friend. Perhaps Doyle was right all along
about him. His eyes darted back to Buffy. "Buffy, I don't know that he
wants to see anyone right now." Xander told her, coming out on the porch
and closing the door behind him.

"Did he say that?" Buffy demanded.

"Yes."

"That includes me?"

"I think so," Xander said, uncertainly.

"Let's find out for sure, shall we?" Buffy said harshly and practically shoved
Xander out of the way and stormed into his apartment. Her eyes had to
adjust a minute to the minimal light in what appeared to be his kitchen.

"Spike Giles, get your ass out here now!" She bellowed across the
apartment, not bothering to play nice and sympathetic anymore. She didn't
like being avoided; she didn't like being run away from. He was supposed to
stay by her side through this and he'd left her. He'd promised not to and he
did.

Spike came into sight, standing in an archway a second later. He looked
awful. He'd been crying a lot as his eyes were red and puffy.

Buffy's anger fled her a bit but she refused to move. If he wanted her, he
needed to tell her so. If he was avoiding her . . . well, he was getting her
anyway.

"Buffy, I'm sorry," he whimpered and opened his arms. She flew into them
and he wrapped his arms around her desperately. She clung to him just as
desperately.

"You promised not to leave me," she told him, though the edge in her voice
had fled.

"I know, I just . . . when Dad started yelling I felt as if the walls were closing
in on me and Mom was so upset. I just . . . I just couldn't take the looks on
their faces, the disapproval and the anger."

"It was probably knee jerk reaction," Doyle jumped in. "I don't mean to
interrupt this moment here. Just trying to help. Hey Xander, want to show
me your bedroom?"

"I, uh—"

"Let's go! I want to see just how deep your closet really is."

Despite themselves, the couple could not help but start to giggle at that.

"Spike, we can't run away from this or hide. It makes it look as if we did
something wrong and we haven't."

"Buffy," Spike started, pulling away from her. "Maybe we should lay low for
a while. Xander's gonna let me stay here and –"

"Lay low?"

"I think it might be best I not come around the house for a little while."

"Hold on a second here. How long is a little while? TYou drop a can of
worms like that and expect me to pick up the pieces for you? No, that's not
how this works," she shook her head, her anger coming back in full force,
coupled with frustration.

"Stay at Doyle's for a few days and we'll come up with a plan—"

"What you mean is, I'll come up with the plan and you'll just bail on me
again when it gets rough again," Buffy snapped.

"I've already got a plan somewhat."

"Oh?"

"I'm going to move out. WE'RE going to move out. Together."

"Spike, I'm all for that, but not as a way to—"

"And maybe we can just move to a different city. Travel. You wanted to
drive cross country with me, maybe now's the time to do it."

"I'm in school and you have a job—"

"Jobs are a dime a dozen and we can find a place for you to finish school."

Buffy stared at him, hurt and angry. She shook her head. "No, I refuse."

"Why? It'll be fun. We'll be together."

"I'm your dirty secret. You want to run away like you did before. You want
to hide. Remember how well it turned out last night you did that? It got
worse, didn't it? You ended with Dru. I'm not going to be your dirty secret
and I'm not going to allow you to run away."

"Buffy, you're not my dirty secret—"

"Yes, I am. You're treating me like one! Despite everything we've been
through, you are letting them win. You STILL think this is wrong. You
agree with them and you agree with Dru. I'm not going to live like that. I
love you Spike and all I want is to be free to be with you. Out in the open
with no guilt. Well, fine. I'm done being your dirty little secret, Spike. I
obviously make you feel ‘dirty' and ‘wrong', so I'll just put an end to it now."

He reached for her as she backed away. "Buffy—"

"DOYLE! I'm leaving."

"Buffy—" he reached for her again just as Doyle came rushing around the
corner for her.

"Take me out of here, please," she said to Doyle softly and turned away
from Spike.

"Buffy, please, don't go," Spike begged her.

"You want to lay low for tonight, that's fine. But tell me we'll go see Mom
and Giles tomorrow and I'll stay. Tell me we're not going to run away and
I'll stay."

He didn't say a word and Buffy's heart broke. Doyle took her hand and led
her away from Spike and out the door while Buffy prayed that she didn't
cry before she walked out the door.

"Buffy, honey, what happened?"

"It's over Doyle, it's all over."





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