Chapter Thirty
"So you left a note for them then?" Spike asked, pressing a kiss to Buffy's shoulder. They lay in the dark in Spike's hotel room, Buffy's back against his front and his strong arm pulling her possessively against him.
She nodded, "And Doyle knows we're, plus they have my cell if they need me. Or, you know, us."
"They really did take it badly huh?" Spike mused lightly.
She giggled at his understatement. "Just a little."
"What happened after I left?"
"I yelled at them. I told them that if anything happened to you, it'd be
their fault."
"My girl defending me," Spike murmured against her skin.
She placed her arm on top of his, "Of course. I'm just so . . . ANGRY.
Aren't you?"
"Yes and no. I know the reasons why I should be mad, but . . . I was mad
at myself for the same reasons. I expected that reaction, it's just that when
I imagined it, it wasn't really happening. When they were right in front of
me . . . I went cold."
Buffy moved out of his arms with a sound of protest from Spike, and sat up
against the headboard. Spike sat up across from her. "What?"
"I'm not going to tell you how you should feel. I think too many people
have been doing that and have done that to you."
"You had to move out of my arms to tell me that?" he grinned at her.
"Yes. Because this is serious. Drusilla made you into her puppet and she
was your puppet master because she preyed on your love for me and your
guilt over it. Mom and Giles . . . I guess they still see you as the bad ass you were before. Especially Giles and . . . it pisses me off FOR you that he was
so harsh and mean to you. They didn't give us a chance to explain, they just
attacked. Then I attacked you—"
"Buffy—"
"Let me finish please?"
He nodded.
"I attacked you and put demands on you and told you that how you were
feeling was wrong and . . . it was normal. Human. I wasn't understanding to
what you were going through because I was so upset I couldn't see
anything beyond my own anger and hurt."
"We've been over this. It was human for both of us to have reacted that
way."
"I know, but. . . Spike, we're going to argue, we're going to disagree, I'm not
going to ever like when you disagree with me and you probably won't like it
when I disagree with you, but I don't ever want to control you. I don't want
to be a…saner version of Drusilla. I don't want you to by my puppet, and I
don't want to be your puppet master."
He smiled, and rolled to his knees, leaning in to kiss her. "I know that
already kitten. Thank you."
"I idolized you when were kids because you knew yourself. You did what
you wanted to do and you followed the beat of your own drummer. I
admired that. I wanted to be like that."
"You are," he whispered against her lips, cupping the side of her face with
his hand.
"You've lost some of that since then and . . . I just want to help you get it
back. I want some of that bad ass back to fight Mom and Giles. I think he
came out a little last night with Xander."
Spike chuckled, "I didn't think of it that way, but I guess he did."
"I'm glad you're seeing someone and gaining confidence in yourself again."
"Buffy," Spike breathed, sitting back on his rump and dragging her into his
arms so that she sat across his lap. "I love you so much. I'm so lucky to
have you in my life. How did I get so lucky?"
She smiled and kissed him sweetly. "You must have done something REALLY good in a past life."
****************************************************************************************************
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Xander asked the following day, coming
up to Spike as he was nailing some boards together.
Spike stopped and stared at him. "Sure."
"Let's go in the trailer," Xander said and Spike followed him, wondering if
he was about to get fired. Xander's eye had bubbled up to a nice purple, and
the edges were starting to slightly fade to yellow. He made it clear to
everyone on the site he didn't want to be asked about it and so far no one
had.
Spike closed the door behind him and braced himself. He watched as
Xander took a couple water bottles out of the fridge and tossed one to him.
Spike caught it and opened it, guzzling the cool liquid thinking about how
he was going to be able to pay for the hotel if he got canned. Buffy had given
him money toward it, but he didn't want to have to rely on his girl to –
"Spike, I was out of line the other night and I'm sorry," Xander said
finally.
Spike stared at him, stunned.
"I know that Buffy isn't really your sister and that while it's a little odd, it's
not incest. I'd like to think I can admit when I'm wrong and I was wrong."
"I was out of line too," Spike finally said. "I shouldn't have made those
comments about you being gay. Especially if you're not, I understand –"
"I am," Xander whispered.
"Come again?" Spike said, thinking Doyle was GOOD.
"I am gay. I just . . . Look, can we not make it a big deal? I'm not quite
comfortable with it yet." Xander looked as if he wanted the earth to open
and swallow him whole.
Spike nodded, "I get it. I understand. Have you ever---?"
"Dated a guy? No."
"Is there anyone you're interested in at all?" Spike asked, thinking of
Doyle. One good turn deserved another.
Xander turned bright red. "Well, yeah."
"Doyle?"
Xander turned even redder and he stared at the floor.
"I got it, mate. You don't have to say anything. But can I tell you that if you
were into, you know, getting set up, I can tell you that you're golden."
Xander's head shot up. "Really?"
"Oh yeah."
Xander smiled and then shook his head. He cleared his throat. "All right,
before we open a carton of ice cream and start sharing our feelings, let's get
back to work."
Spike laughed. "Sure thing, boss."
"Before we do . . . How are things with Buffy? Did you guys make up?"
"We did, thanks for asking."
"And the parents?"
Spike sighed, "Not made up."
"They'll come around," Xander said with such conviction that Spike almost
believed him.
"I hope you're right."
************************************************************
Buffy crawled through her bedroom window intent on just grabbing the book she'd left behind for class and then taking off to wait for Spike at their hotel room. Her heart was racing at the prospect of running into her parents.
She had her finger around her book when her mother's voice startled her
into a yelp.
"I really should have gotten that window nailed shut when you were in
high school."
"Mom! You scared the crap out of me!" Buffy exclaimed, whirling around
to face her mother who stood in the doorway, looking actually very calm.
"Well, serves you right for sneaking in the house."
Buffy shrugged. "Just came to get my book and I'll be gone," and she
picked up the book.
"Buffy, wait."
Buffy paused, setting the book back down. "What?"
Joyce came closer, looking worried. "Is William all right?"
"You mean after you denounced him in the kitchen?"
Joyce closed her eyes, "Buffy—"
"After Giles made him feel like a fucking pedophile?"
"Buffy, your language!"
"I don't care! You made him feel like shit, Mom. He was so upset . . . God,
do you know how afraid he was to tell you guys in the first place? You have
no idea what he's been through. You made his worst fear come to light."
"Where is he now?" Joyce asked, her voice trembling.
Buffy hesitated. To tell or not to tell? What the hell, if she didn't tell them,
they'd never wrap their minds around it and get used to it. "We're staying
at a hotel."
"Together?"
"Yes. Get used to it, Mom. I love him and I'm staying with him."
Joyce nodded and moved to her bed, sitting down on it. "Buffy, I'm not
upset. Not anymore. I'm . . . stunned. But I'm not upset with William. Or
you. I love you both—"
"You had a funny way of showing it. You treated him like a red headed
step child."
Joyce sighed. "It was a shock. Still is. I mean, I admit, I thought about it
once or twice."
Buffy's jaw dropped. "No way."
Joyce smiled wanly, "Yeah, just a thought that passed through my mind a
few times. You guys spent so much time together before William moved
away. He always seemed to prefer spending time with you than any of his
girlfriends. And you were always so uninterested in boys, but doted on
William. . . I guess I thought that together you two would make a perfect
couple. You always had so much fun together, laughing all the time,
bantering back and forth . . . I told myself it was wrong to think that and to
ever encourage it would be akin advocating incest." Joyce sighed heavily
and shook her head. "I reacted poorly. All I saw was ‘brother' and ‘sister'. I
forgot about how right it used to seem to me and focused only on that. It's
hard, you know. I've always thought of William as the son I never had. The
lines got blurred enough that it was easy to forget that we're not all blood
and that we haven't been together forever."
Buffy relaxed and perched her bottom on the edge of her desk. "And
Giles?"
Joyce sighed, "He's bull headed and stubborn. It's a Giles trait."
"Not just a Giles trait," Buffy grinned.
Joyce smiled, really smiled, for the first time. "Yes, us Summers women
can be quite thick headed too, can't we?"
"Definitely. It's one of the things Spike loves most about me. The weirdo."
Joyce chuckled. "I remember him being the same way."
Buffy's smile faded a bit. "Yeah, but Mom. . . a lot has happened that you
don't know about. It's not my place to tell you either, it's Spike's. I can just
tell you that what happened here the other night was bad for him. He was
ready to take off again and . . . Mom, I really love him," Buffy said, welling
up in tears at the thought of any distance between her and Spike happening
again.
Joyce gazed at her in earnest. "I can see that you really do, Buffy. I'm so
glad."
"Are you? Really?"
Joyce stood and held out her arms. Buffy stepped into them immediately.
"William is a good man. I know what Drusilla did to him was horrible and it
sounds to me there's missing pieces that I don't know about. Am I right?"
Buffy nodded, wiping her tears on her mother's sweater.
"I've always known that William had a huge heart and that when he loved,
it would be with his whole self. I also knew that when he loved it would be
with one woman for eternity," Joyce pulled back just enough to brush
Buffy's tears away. "And he's found that woman in you, hasn't he?"
"He better have or I'll kick his ass."
"I'm not going to lie to you Buffy and tell you that parts of me still find it . .
. I don't want to say wrong, but maybe ‘weird' is a better word for it.
However, I know that in reality you are not blood related, you're close in
age and you've always had a special relationship. There's always been a
spark there. But I'm not going to condemn you or William for loving each
other. I'd rather it be William that you love than some . . . punk off the
street. He's one of a kind, Buffy. I always knew it would take someone truly
one of a kind to turn your head."
"Thank you Mommy," Buffy whispered. "And what about Giles?"
"Don't you worry about Giles. I'll take care of Giles. That stubborn
Summers trait, remember?" she smiled and pushed some hair away from
Buffy's face.
Buffy nodded, "Just . . . Mom, if Giles is going to talk to Spike, please don't
let him attack him. I don't want to see Spike hurt anymore than he has
been."
"Could I see him? I just want to let him know it's okay and that I don't hate
him."
"I think that's a great idea, Mom, but can I talk to him first? I don't want
to make the decision for him."
Joyce nodded and smiled. "You've grown up so much."
"I have?"
Joyce nodded.
"I'm petrified, Mom," Buffy admitted. "I've never been in love before and
God, it's scary as hell."
"It is, isn't it?"
Buffy nodded, "I've never given my heart to someone before. . . never put
my faith in someone else to not break it."
"He won't, Buffy. Not on purpose. I know it."
"I know. Sometimes I worry about me. I admit it, I can be an uber bitch."
Joyce laughed, then sobered. "I can see it Buffy. I can see it in you. I saw it
when you were defending him the other night. You won't hurt him. You'll
protect him and love with your whole being too."
"I really wanted to be able to talk to you about all this Mom," Buffy
admitted.
"Do have class right now? Need to meet William soon?"
Buffy shook her head. "I'm done with classes and he's not out of work for
another hour or so."
"Giles is working late tonight. How about you and I go out and get some
dinner? Then we can get a take out and you can bring it to William. Sound
good?"
Buffy nodded, "Perfect."
"Now you can tell me all about William. It's not everyday you fall in love. I
want to hear all about it," Joyce said and wrapped an arm around Buffy's
waist, walking her down the stairs.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
A HUGE thanks to whomever nominated this story over at the VK awards!! Thank you SO SO SO SO much!