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Chapter Thirty-two

Spike hadn't arrived ‘home' by the time Buffy arrived so she drew herself a bath and mulled over her conversation with Doyle.

"Spike, I want you," she said to the tub, "No," she said shaking her head,
"WILLIAM, I want you." She shook her head again. "How about we take
‘want' out if it? Ooh ooh, I know. Maybe, Spike—no, WILLIAM, I want to
make love to you." She leaned back in the tub, smiling to herself proudly.
Then she sighed, "Yeah, Buffy, of course it's easy to tell a friggen bath tub."

An hour later, Spike still wasn't back and Buffy was finding it hard to keep
her eyes open. Her eyes had just closed when the door opened and in came
Spike. He looked down at her. "Sleeping, kitten?"

She shook her head, "No," she said, but a yawn escaped and betrayed her.
"Okay, I had just shut my eyes."

"I'm sorry, baby," he cooed and stripped off his jacket. He kicked off his
shoes and came in to lie next to her. "You can go back to sleep if you want."

"No, I want to know how it went with Mom," she said and put her head on
his chest, wrapping an arm around his middle.

"It went great," he let out a deep breath. "It feels like a huge weight has
been lifted. I told her everything. I told her about when I started to have
feelings and why I left. I told her about Dru and about coming home."

Buffy tightened her hold on him. "And she took it well?"

"She cried. A lot. You know how she is."

"Well, Spike, these were serious things you told her. I mean, a large part of
your life was kept from her and it was hell. She loves you and she wasn't
able to help you through it all, so of course she was upset."

"I know, I just get . . . I guess I just feel weird about it. I don't want anyone
to feel pity for me or to cry for me. It makes me uncomfortable."

"We cry because we hate to see someone we love in pain. We don't like to
see them have been hurt. When you hurt, I hurt. It's the same for Mom,
but I'm guessing different. Am I making sense?"

"Perfect," he whispered and kissed the top of her head. "She's going to talk
to Dad. I told her that if when he's ready to talk, he can come to me."

"You said that?"

"Why? Should I not have?"

"No, I think that's perfect!" Buffy said and sat up. He sat up next to her.
"He SHOULD come to you. You shouldn't have to go to him like some
errant child. He was the errant child, not you."

Spike nodded, "I . . . I got angry, Buffy. I was sitting there telling Mom
about all this stuff with Dru and how hard it was when I got home and it
finally sunk in. I'm not wrong. I'm not sick for loving you . . . God, it's been
the best thing that's happened to me when I allowed myself to let go and
love you. All the stuff that happened with Dru – it was hard and fucked up
and I couldn't tell anyone about it. I FELT like I couldn't.

I come home and things with us happen so fast and it's great and I'm
getting help and . . . I try to tell them and it blows up in my face. I got
attacked. He didn't even listen before he started blaming me. It was like I
was a teenager all over again." He shook his head. "And I got angry and
thought – he has no clue what the truth is because he didn't ASK. He's still
mad and he's STILL not asking."

"Did you say any of that to Mom?"

"I did and you know what? It felt GOOD."

"She cry again?"

He nodded. "She did. Apologized again, too."

"So, will Tara be putting away Dru issues and focusing on Daddy issues
now?"

Spike chuckled and drew her against him. "I always laugh when I'm with
you, Buffy. I never laughed with Dru."

Buffy wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. "I like it when you
laugh. It's a good look on you."

"Thanks."

Worrying her bottom lip with her teeth, Buffy's heart pounded in her chest.
"Spike—"

"You tired, luv? Want to go back to sleep? I can change and—"

"Spike, I want to make love to you," she blurted out and squeezed her eyes
shut, balling his shirt under her fingers into her fists and burying her head
in his chest. She felt him freeze and tensed, waiting for the fall out.

Then he relaxed against her, but she was too far gone to notice until he
spoke. "Buffy? What are you doing?"

"Bracing myself."

"For?"

She opened her eyes and loosened her grip. "You know, I'm not really sure.
Rejection?"

She was on her back so fast with Spike on top of her that if she'd blinked
she'd have missed it. "Like I'd reject you," he said huskily, gazing at her
hotly. "Have you been paying attention at all these past few weeks?" And
he kissed her hard, passionately.

"You—you want to?" she asked, breaking away.

"What do you think?" he asked and ground his erection against her center.

She trembled, feeling heat spread through every part of her. "Spike, what
about w-waiting and—and I don't want to push you if you're not ready—"

He kissed her softly. "I'm ready Buffy," he whispered. "So much has been
about others these past few weeks and working through stuff. Let's make
tonight about us for a change. Remember when we spent that weekend
together alone?"

She nodded.

"I want that back, but even better. It's no longer a secret, there's nothing
between us anymore. Except for too many clothes maybe," he said and
grinned.

She reached up and kissed him hard.

"Tell me again. Tell me you want me, Buffy."

"I want you, Spike," she whispered, sliding her hands down his back and
tugging on his shirt, wanting to feel his skin.

He moaned, kissing her deeply, splaying his hands on her belly under her
tank. When he pulled away, he found her breathless and flushed with
desire. It was intoxicating. I did that, he thought, and it's not wrong. I love
Buffy and it's not wrong. It's perfect.

"Buffy, look at me, luv," he said huskily, inching his hand up to cup her
breasts.

"Mmm?" She murmured, opening her eyes.

"I love you," he said clearly.

"I love you too."

"It's going to hurt your first time."

"I know, I don't care. I just want you."

He smiled and kissed her sweetly. "That works out well then because I
want you too."

He slid her tank over her head with her help and peppered kisses from her
lips to her ears, down her neck, across her collarbone and nibbled his way
down to her breasts when he suckled one in his mouth, laving the nipple
until it hardened and then paid attention to the other in the same manner.
Buffy lay underneath him, moaning and gyrating her hips against him. He
licked his way down her body and when he got to her pajama bottoms, he
eased them off, taking her panties with them. He kneeled between her legs,
gazing down at her beautiful body on display before.

"God, you're beautiful," he gasped.

"You are. Come here," she said and reached for him.

"Not just yet, baby," and he slid his hands up her thighs and then laid down
on his stomach, facing her juicy quim. Or at least, he thought it was juicy—he glided his tongue along it and gathered up her juice—yep, definitely juicy. His eyes shut in ecstasy and he ground his erection into the mattress, seeing friction, seeking release . . . seeking to be inside her depths.

Soon.

He laved and rolled her clit with his tongue as he carefully stroked her on
the inside, dipping his finger in gently and simulating what his cock would
be doing soon. She came with a hoarse cry of his name, tightening around
his finger as he greedily licked up her spendings, his eyes rolling in the back
of his head at her taste. She careened into another orgasm, and sobbed his
name, reaching for him with "Please" coming from her lips in a flow.

He kissed her hard, licking his tongue across her palette and tangling his
tongue with her own.

She put her hands on the waistband of his jeans and looked up at him and
whimpered, "Please Spike."

"I know what my girl needs," he assured her. "I love you Buffy."

"I love you too," and she surprised him by toppling him and nearly tearing
off his pants. She knelt between his legs and he blinked at her.

"My little tiger cat," he purred at her.

She grinned at him and started stroking him, up, down, up down, lick and suck with her tongue.

"Oh Jesus," Spike gasped, his head lolling back onto the bed. "Buffy, I don't
want to cum in your mouth, baby. In you."

She nodded and he pulled her up to him, rolling her beneath him. He froze
in terror.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Condoms. I don't have any."

"I'm on the pill."

His eyes narrowed. "Why the bloody hell are you on the pill?"

She giggled, "To regulate my periods."

He grinned sheepishly, "Oh, sorry."

"I like it when you get growly. It's sexy," she purred and kissed him.

Sliding his hands between them, he opened her thighs for him, placing
himself between her legs. Kissing her, he glided his cock up and down her

slit, letting her feel him and coating his cock with her juice.

"Ooohh… " she breathed and jerked her hips up to him, "Spike. . . "

"Baby, are you ready? It's going to hurt."

She nodded, "We've been over this. I'm ready. I want you, I want to be
part of you."

"Oh baby, you already are," and he kissed her, gliding his cock inside her
slowly. She gasped against his mouth and tore her mouth from his. Her
eyes were glazed over with lust.

When he hit her barrier, he stilled, gasping as her walls tightened around
him. "So tight, Buffy," he murmured. "Feel so hot. . . so good. God, I can't
believe I'm inside you."

"Spike," she pleaded and he knew what she needed even if she wasn't quite
sure what it meant.

"Hold onto me, Buffy," he ordered her gently and she wrapped her arms
around him. He surged up into her, breaking her barrier and she gasped
again, louder, tears filling her eyes.

"Buffy," he whispered against her lips, "I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry."

"I-I'm okay," and she shifted a bit, eliciting a groan from him. She met his
eyes. "Did that feel good?"

He nodded, unable to form words and she moved again and again.
Surprised eyes flew to his. "It's feeling better."

"Sure?"

She nodded and he started a slow thrusting rhythm, feeling that he wanted
to stay buried inside her forever. She was hot, tight and wet, but it wasn't
just that.

She was Buffy. She was his and he loved her and she loved him.

And it wasn't wrong.

She kissed him languidly, holding onto his biceps as he rocked inside her.
She gazed up at him. "I . . . want . . . more," she murmured. "Spike, please,"
she pleaded with him.

He thrust harder and stilled, waiting for her reaction. She nodded and he
thrust harder again and again, until he could see she was climbing to
orgasm. He was too, his balls were tightening, his breath was coming faster
and while he wanted it, he didn't want it to end. He just wanted her.

"Spike!" she called his name in ecstasy and her walls rippled around his
length as she came and he came a second later, emptying himself inside her
as he roared her name into her neck.

They held onto each other, neither willing to let go. They lay there,
touching, kissing, caressing, murmuring to each other until their lust surged
forth again and they made love languidly, rolling and giggling, kissing and talking.

"Spike?" Buffy whispered as she started to drift off when they were both spent.

"Mmm?"

"I'm glad I waited for you."

He tightened his grip on her. "I love you forever."





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