Chapter Nine
Buffy hated mysteries. She also hated when someone kept something from her because it was best that she ‘find out on her own’. What if she didn’t want to find out on her own? Childish, yes, but she couldn’t help it. Doyle had been all cryptic with giving Spike some time before she told him she was . . . ‘reacting’ to things and now he was being all cryptic on how now was a good time. He knew something and he was keeping it from her.
Not like she was going to say anything anyway for crying out loud. What was she supposed to do? Rush home, corner Spike and say, “I’ve been feeling things for you…” Ri-ight. And monkey MIGHT fly out of her ass.
However, Spike was keeping something from her and
she did want to know what it was. Whatever it was, she felt
it was the key to the Doyle being cryptic, to his behavior with
Harmony and to the feeling she’d been having that he’d
been ‘haunted’ by something. She knew it had to do with
Drusilla, but she was getting the sense there was a missing
piece somewhere. A missing piece she desperately needed
to fit the puzzle together.
When she got home from practice with Doyle, her
dinner had already been put in the fridge. Giles and Joyce
had gone out to a movie and Spike was holed up in his room.
Buffy stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking up and
trying to gather her courage. She had to talk to him. She didn’t
necessarily have to tell him anything, but she did want to get
to the bottom of this and dammit, she would.
She jumped a mile when Spike appeared in her view.
“What are you doing staring up at the stairs?” he
asked her.
“I was –What are you doing?”
He thought she was crazy probably. She didn’t much
care. She pretty much accepted that she was. Sort of.
He started his descent down the stairs. “I’m going to
get the paper.”
“Oh? Anything interesting?”
“Aside from what’s new in the world? Apartments,”
he said and walked by her.
“Apartments?” She questioned, following him into the
living room where Giles had strewn the paper on the coffee
table.
“Yeah,” was his short reply.
“You looking to move already? Do you—do you hate it
here that much?” she asked in a small voice, beginning to feel
the strain of separation already.
“Buffy, don’t start.”
Her eyes bugged. “I’m not starting, I asked a question.”
“I don’t hate it here that much, okay? I just can’t stay
here forever.”
“Hello, you were gone for four years. You haven’t
even been here a week!”
“This is one of those times Buffy where I’m going to
tell you to bugger off.”
Oh that’s it. She crossed her arms across her
chest. “Yeah? This is one of those times where I tell you to
shove it up your ass!”
He glared at her, but said nothing. The paper, in his
hand, forgotten.
“I don’t know what the hell your problem is, but I’m
getting really tired of it. You’re sad and you won’t talk about
it—not even with Mom this time around – You won’t talk to me
about it despite how you PROMISED to let me in. You act like
a hornball at the Bronze last night and then you storm off
today when I ask you what’s wrong with you. Now you’re
what? Looking to run away again? I can’t even ask you about
apartment hunting without you foaming at the mouth and
barking at me. So, is it something I did? Is it Drusilla? Mom?
Dad? Work? What the fuck is it Spike? Because you know
what? I’m tired of this secretive crap!”
“I’m 23 years old Buffy, I can’t live with Mommy and Daddy for
the rest of my life!”
“I’m not asking you to do that—I just want to know what’s
going on with you! I care about what happens to you, Spike. I
care about what’s haunting you ever since you’ve come back
and I want to help. That’s all I want to do.” All her anger
dissipated and now she was welling up in tears, desperate
to understand why he kept pulling away and wanting to keep
him close. She was beginning to suspect that Doyle was
right about her feelings for Spike being more than just sisterly
caring from when they were kids. It irked her, and yet at that
moment she couldn’t focus on it too much. She just wanted
answers.
He stared at her, trembling slightly, something lurking in his
eyes that she couldn’t define. “What is it that you want to
hear Buffy? That I drove Drusilla crazy? That I’m dirty and
wrong ---that I hurt the girl because I – “ he stopped, his eyes
brimming with tears.
Buffy moved forward, placing her hand on his arm
gently, “Tell me Spike. Please. It’s okay.”
He met her eyes, his eyes brimming with tears. “It’s you,” he
finally whispered. “You that haunts me. You that I can’t get
out of my mind . . . God help me Buffy, it’s always been about
you.”
Her gasp was swallowed by his lips on hers. His lips. Oh
god, his lips. Smooth and soft, full and so . . . perfect. She’d
never been kissed like that before. Men playing at boys were
all she’d ever had—it was the reason why she’d never given
her heart away, never given her virginity to anyone. She
wondered in the recesses of her mind, if it was because she
was waiting for Spike.
He had her hauled up against him, his hard body pressing
against hers, holding on to her as if he were afraid to let go.
Her hands rested on his biceps and she could feel the
tension in them as he held her tightly. His lips roamed over
hers, tasting her, dipping his tongue inside when she parted
her lips just a smidge. She was aware distantly that she
moaned. He was devouring her and God help her it felt so
good and so . . . right.
“Buffy, Buffy, Buffy,” he groaned, breaking the kiss, his
breath upon her face.
She stared up at him in wonder, trying to grasp the feelings
coursing through, trying to name just one and put voice to it.
He cupped her face in his hands and closed his eyes. The
sound of a car door slamming jarred them back open.
“Mum and Dad are home,” he said and released her. He
jogged to the door, opened it and left.
Buffy stood there, confused, scared and wondering if she
were even standing there anymore.
“Hey honey, where’d Spike take off to?”
Buffy looked at her mom. “I – I don’t know. He just . . . he just
left.”
Giles gave her a funny look. “You all right? Did you two have
a right?”
Buffy shook her head, “No we definitely didn’t have a fight. I
thought you were going to the movies?”
“We were, but your mother checked the wrong paper for the
times. We missed it.”
“Oh. Well, um, I’m uh, going to go see Doyle,” Buffy said,
heading towards the door.
“Okay honey, have a good time!”
Once outside she pursed her lips together. Okay, she
thought, if I were Spike, where would I have gone?
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Just to clarify Spike was a bad man and lied about Harmony. He never actually 'completed the transaction' of 'releasing' in her mouth, however, he did lie to Buffy hoping that she never finds out...