Weeks after the 'Harmony' problem, Buffy had still not reunited with William. Her head was telling her that he would never hurt her, that he loved her far too much. But even so, why had he let the whole mess go so far? His procrastination had nearly gotten her killed.
When she'd told him that she needed time, he hadn't been pleased. But, he had respected her decision, telling her that he would do whatever it would take to make things right again. There wasn't a chance in the world that he would give up on their love.
William knew he'd been foolish by not taking care of the Harmony problem when it first began to manifest itself, but he'd never dreamed that things would escalate the way they had. Had he a clue in the world that she'd been capable of doing such things, he'd have killed her himself long before she got anywhere near Buffy.
His friends kept in contact with him on a regular basis, keeping him informed as to how Buffy was faring in the aftermath of her ordeal. They were the only lifeline he had to her, and he clung to it desperately. Without them, he wouldn't be able to handle the separation.
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Harmony was never tried for the kidnapping of William and Buffy, the stalking, or for the break in at the hospital. Her lawyer accepted a plea bargain, and she was committed to the state hospital for the criminally insane until she was deemed no longer a threat to society.
*****************************************************************
William decided to take a leave from absence from his job. Not wanting to be alone in the home that he and Buffy had shared so happily, he moved in with his father. Buffy went to live with Willow and Tara.
Their apartment was leased to a new couple.
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William paced the floor of his father’s study. It was an elegantly designed room. Everything had its place. The walls were covered with book shelves from floor to ceiling. An antique desk sat against the fair wall next to a bay window, and two brown leather couches were positioned in the middle of the room. Plush, deep green carpeting covered the floor, while expensive artwork decorated the walls.
Across from the couches was an elaborate fireplace, it's mantle adorned with trinkets from Rupert Giles’ many trips around the world. Some were from the medieval times, and most of them were unrecognizable, with a ritualistic-look. William didn't have a clue as to what they were for, and he wasn't sure he really wanted to know.
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"William, do please sit down. You're pacing is wearing a hole in my carpet."
William stopped long enough to glare at his father, then continued his pacing back and forth.
“Dad, I can’t wait too much longer. It’s killing me. I love her. I need her. She’s my whole world.” William’s voice began to crack. A tell tale sign that he was breaking down, but he tried to hold it back from his father. “I screwed up. I should have known... but I didn’t do anything until it was too late. If I had just fired Harmony when it all started, we wouldn’t be in this mess. Buffy and I would be married."
“I know." Rupert set his book down on the desk and gave his full attention to his son. “I’m sorry, William. I understand why you did what you did, but it’s up to her to make the next move.” He drew a handkerchief from his back pocket and removed his glasses to clean them. “Son, STOP PLEASE,” Giles scolded as he slid his glasses on his face once again. William stopped and sat down across from his father. “I can't think with all that pacing."
“I understand she needs time...but it’s been weeks. She hasn’t called...she won't see me. How are we ever going to work through this? I’m trying to give her space, but I need to know what she wants.” William’s rubbed his temple in frustration and then ran his hands through his blonde hair.
Giles had always disliked the color of his son's hair, much preferring the soft brown shade that he'd inherited from his mother, but he forced himself to disregard it and listen to the boy.
“Will, you can’t pressure Buffy into anything right now. That’ll just push her away even more. You know how stubborn she is,” Giles joked, hoping to lighten the serious mood.
A smile tugged at the corner of William’s lips. “That she is dad, that she is!” For the first time, he began to feel optimistic. He'd made a serious mistake, but surely she wouldn’t hold it against him forever.
She’ll come to me when she’s ready.
**************************************************************
Buffy went to work as usual, even though she didn’t feel much like it. She plastered a fake smile for when the customers entered, but as soon as they left, it disappeared. She was severely depressed, but didn't allow herself to give in to it.
Anya, whose pregnancy was really beginning to show, made silly jokes, trying to make Buffy laugh. But all she did was make her leave the Magic Box on the verge of tears. Once Buffy was outside, she forced back the sobs, took a few deeps breaths to calm herself, then caught a cab, and went back Willow and Tara’s.
Back inside, Anya looked to Willow. "What'd I say?"
"Nothing wrong," Willow assured her. "She's just not in the mood for jokes right now. She needs some time."
****************************************************************
Willow and Tara managed to talk Buffy into going out with them in the evening, just for a little 'girl's night out' type of fun, but Buffy just wasn’t into it. They would no sooner be seated and order drinks, than she would be excusing herself from the table to go into the restroom, where she would stare at her pale face in the bad overhead lighting, and wonder what the hell had gone wrong with her happy little life.
One evening in particular, she couldn't face returning to the table. She gave one of the waiters a note for her friends, telling them that she didn't want to spoil their good time, so she was just going to go on home.
When her cab pulled up in front of the house, Buffy saw that Xander was waiting. Tara had called him and asked him to wait for Buffy when she came back.
“Hey Buff,” Xander greeted her as she stepped out of the cab.
“Xander, I’m really not feeling up to having company right now. Could you just go back home to Anya?”
"Buffy" He stopped her. “I’m worried about you.”
“You shouldn’t be. I’ll be fine." She walked past him and unlocked the front door. He followed, shaking his head in frustration.
“What about…William?” Xander ventured, knowing it was a sour subject for her right now. “When are you going to give him a break? He’s paying for the Harmony shit in spades. How long are gonna keep making him do it?"
"How is that any of your concern?" she snapped.
"He misses you," Xander replied deliberately. "He's a wreck. Don't you care?"
“Yeah, well, he should have thought about that before,” she muttered, pushing open the door. She turned to Xander. He could tell she was pissed, but he also saw that she was about to cry. Unable to handle tears, he backed off, angry with himself for upsetting her.
“Xander…just…go home to Anya…I’ll be fine!” Buffy slammed the door in his face.
He stood there for a few moments, hoping she’d change her mind. But when he heard the door being locked from the inside, he turned on his heel, went back to the car, and drove home.
Buffy leaned against the door, dropping her purse. She begin sobbing uncontrollably, and then ran up to her room. As she opened the door to the guest room, she stopped abruptly and was flooded with a memory of her and William making love after Harmony broke into the house.
It had been a perfect moment in her life, but it was shattered with a memory of Harmony ruining it all. Buffy suddenly felt sick to her stomach. She ran to the bathroom, and vomited up the small amount of food she'd managed to get down that day. After flushing the toilet, she rinsed her mouth out with water and reached for a towel.
Then, sliding down the wall to the floor, she began to cry hysterically.
******************************************************************
When Willow and Tara returned home a little while later, they noticed Buffy’s purse at the floor. The women looked at each other, fearing the worst, and climbed the stairs to the second floor.
Standing in front of Buffy's open bedroom door, Willow looked at Tara with a worried expression when she saw no sign of her friend. "Tara...where is she?"
“I don’t…wait,” Tara stopped, looking around. “Listen!” Tara heard something. It was soft crying coming from the bathroom. “She’s in the bathroom.”
Willow and Tara opened the bathroom door and saw Buffy sitting on the floor.
“Oh Buffy,” Willow went to her side.
Buffy turned to Willow with tear stained cheeks.
“Are you ok?” Willow asked, worriedly.
Before Buffy could answer, Tara spoke. “I was wondering when you’d let it out.” Tara smiled kindly as she knelt in front of Buffy.
Buffy wasn’t sure if she should continue to cry or laugh, so she did a little of both. A few minutes later she smiled at Tara. “Thank you, I really needed that. I was taking things way to seriously.”
Tara grabbed a tissue and handed it to Buffy so she could mop up her wet face.
“Don’t you think it’s about time to talk to Will?” Tara asked Buffy.
Willow didn’t think it was a good idea to press Buffy like that, but she knew that Tara had a point.
Buffy looked to Willow and then back at Tara. “You think I should?”
“I really do,” Tara replied with a smile. “I think it's time for you to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life. He has a right to know, Buffy."
Buffy took a deep breath. "I know. but...I don't think I can."
“Why not?” Willow asked, breaking her own silence.
Buffy rose to her feet and went into the guest room. Willow and Tara followed.
“You want to know why I can’t?” Buffy asked, sitting down on the bed.
"I’m scared. I’m scared that I've waited too long. That when I decide to take him back, he won’t want me. That he won’t love me. I’m scared that Harmony might come back and destroy everything again. I'm scared that we’ll never be able to go back to our old lives. I'm scared that I won’t be able to trust him again.”
“Never doubt William’s love, Buffy,” Willow said, sitting next to her. “He wants to be with you. He’d move heaven and earth for you."
“And Harmony can’t hurt you now. If the day ever comes, which, I don’t believe it will, William will know how to handle the situation. He won’t ever let that psycho hurt you again,” Tara added, as she sat on the other side of Buffy, and squeezed her hand in reassurance. Tara picked up the phone and handed it to Buffy. “Now call him! You don’t have to get back together today or tomorrow, or even next week. Just talk, work through your problems, and never look back. Look forward to the future. Make new memories.”
“You’re right,” Buffy said, taking the phone. Tara and Willow took that as a sign to give Buffy some space.
“We’ll be down the hall if you need us,” Willow said, shutting the door. “Do you think she’ll be ok?” she asked Tara.
“Yes, I think so. She just needed a little push,” Tara replied, as the couple walked hand in hand to their room.
*****************************************************************
Buffy began to dial William’s cell, but she hung up just as he answered. She took a few deep breaths and dialed once again.
“Get it together Summers,” Buffy whispered to herself. “Or you're gonna lose him. William is the best thing that's ever happened to you…don’t let him go. You can work on your problems, but not if you won't even talk to him."
The number rang three times before it was picked up. "Hello?"
"Hi. It's me."
“Buffy?” William whispered.
"Yes."
They sat in silence for a long time before William spoke again. "How are you?"
“I’m…I’m ok, ” she lied. She didn’t want him to know how she was feeling just yet. “How are you?”
"I’m fine. I miss you.”
"I miss you, too."
“Look, can we meet somewhere?”
“I don’t know…maybe.”
“I’m dying here Buffy. I know I made a mistake... but please... I need to know what you want.”
Buffy was silent for a few moments. “All right. Come by Willow and Tara’s about seven thirty and we can talk...JUST TALK.” She hung up before he could say anything more. Speaking to him had been harder than she'd imagined it would be, but she felt better for it.
"Now, if I can just keep it up when he gets here."
*******************************************************************
William flipped the phone shut and leaned against the counter just as his dad walked into the kitchen.
“Hello, William.”
“Dad.” William’s voice was solemn, and there was sadness etched on his face.
Giles walked around the island to his son, and placed one hand on his shoulder. “What's happened?"
“Buffy…she wants to see me.”
Giles smiled. “Why look so gloomy? This is what you've been waiting for, isn't it?"
“I know I should be happy. At least, we'll be talking. She made that perfectly clear.”
“Just be thankful she’s at least willing to see you.”
*******************************************************************
William pulled up in front of Willow and Tara’s house at seven fifteen. He turned off the engine and just waited, trying to force down a feeling that something terrible was about ti happen.
Ten minutes had passed when he finally worked up the nerve to knock on the front door.
“William, it’s so good to see you,” Willow smiled as the front door swung open. “Come in," she added, stepping aside to let him enter.
“Hey Red, how've you been?” he asked, hugging her.
“I’m fine.” She reciprocated the hug. “It really is good to see you.” She pulled back and smiled again. “Tara!" she called. "Will’s here.”
Tara came out from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel.
“Hello.” She smiled and hugged him.
“Tara,” William nodded his head. “I’m a...a little early,” William stammered.
“Buffy’s upstairs. I’ll go get her,” Willow offered, and then turned to climb the stairs.
“Come into the kitchen, William, I’m fixing dinner…wanna help?” She interlaced her arm with his, and dragged him back to the kitchen; he followed....reluctantly.
******************************************************************
Willow knocked on the door of Buffy’s room. “Buffy! He’s here.”
Buffy sat up straight. She had fallen asleep waiting for him. She smoothed her hair and dress out. After talking to William, she'd changed her outfit three times, finally deciding on a simple floral print dress.
“Buffy?” Willow called again. “Is there something wrong?”
“No, no Willow, I’m fine.” She opened the door, a faint smile on her face.
“Are you sure?” Willow asked, looking worried. “I could tell him to come back tomorrow.”
“No." Buffy shook her head. "I need to do this. I’ve put it off for far too long.”
******************************************************************
As Willow and Buffy entered the kitchen, William was chopping vegetables as Tara was cutting up steak for a stew. William looked up and smiled nervously at Buffy.
"I'll take over here" Willow said, taking the knife from his hand. "You and Buffy go talk."
Buffy walked over to William, grabbed his hand, and pulled him out the front door.
“Where are we going?” William asked. Buffy let go of his hand, hugging herself in the cool night air.
“Just for a walk,” she replied.
William followed her to a nearby park, and they both sat down on a black, wrought iron bench.
“William,” Buffy began.
“Look, you don’t have to say anything,” William interrupted, pain evident in his voice. “I am so sorry. I screwed up. If I’d just fired her, we wouldn’t be in this mess."
“William,” she said, frustrated. “Please, let me continue.”
He stayed silent, gesturing for her to go on.
“Yes, you are right. You should have dealt with it earlier....but it really doesn't matter anymore," she said.
"Wh-what do you mean? Are you forgiving me...or not?"
“I’m not saying that. I’m still very upset...but I love you, and I want to work this out. We NEED to work this out. Not for you or for me, but for…” Buffy's voice trailed off as she stared into space for a moment.
"But for...who?" He cupped her chin and turned her to face him. "What are you saying, Buffy?"
When she looked into his eyes, he was mesmerized. There was something different about her. He wasn't exactly sure what it was, but she looked peaceful now...radiant. "Buffy....tell me."
TBC.....
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