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Chapter 2

Willow knelt down at Xander’s head

“Xander, are you okay?”

“Don’t be silly, does he look it – unless he’s making a fashion statement, I think you can safely say he’s in the same predicament as Buffy” Spike said

“Let’s get him up…Tara, go get a dining room chair, would you please?”

Tara stood and went to do as Willow asked

“Xander...Xander come on, were going to sit you up on a chair, okay?”

Xander struggled to sit up, refusing to give up either the traffic cone or the daffodils

“Wee-wo…WEE-WO! C’mere, gis a kiss!” Xander leant against the wall and trying to keep his head from lolling all over the place, he grinned, puckered up and closed his eyes, making kissing noises

“KISS – c’mon Wee-wo, kiss for Danda”

“Oh goddess Dand – I mean Xander…how did you get like this?”

“Oh god!” Tara said looking at him

“Oh bleeding god is right…will you look at the state of him! He hasn’t been to a frat party, has he?” Spike asked, frowning.

“Up…come on Xander, help us here, up you get…okay, after three, one two three, heave - - there – hoo, goddess you weigh a ton!” Xander unceremoniously plonked down on the dining room chair, he then lolled to the left, and Tara just righted him

“Can I have this, then you can sit better, be more comfy…Xander, give me the cone – Xander!” Tara began a tug of war with the offending article, but Xander steadfastly refused to give it up.

“No – NO, s’mine…for my bes’ girl Wee-wo! Wee-wo…give us a kiss!” Xander had puckered up again

“Wee-wo?” Tara asked her friend with a grin

With an embarrassed wide-eyed smile, Willow explained,

“It’s what he used to call me when we were about three, he couldn’t say Willow or Xander, just Wee-wo and Danda”

“Pass the sick bucket” Spike said

“What, is Buffy going to be-“

“Not Buffy no, ME – Wee-wo and Danda – how nauseating!”

Tara and Willow’s concentration on Xander slipped while they both glared at Spike, and Xander still making kissing noises fell off the chair, with a sickening thud

“Oooh – Xander! Are you all right, oh dear!”

“WOW! What a kiss! Danda want another one!” Xander promptly grabbed Willow by the shoulders and homed in for the biggest smackeroony kiss…

“XANDER! Drop, let go, Xander, she’s not your girlfriend, she’s mine – Xander will you leave her alone!!” Tara was physically trying to prise them apart…

Spike’s eyebrows raised comically as he surveyed the sight

Willow was trying to push Xander away, she pummelled his shoulders and just when she thought she’d black out through lack of oxygen, Xander let her go, but still held onto her shoulders

“Wow, like that was…hmm – “ He homed in again and Willow, shell shocked, wasn’t quick enough to move…

The traffic cone had slipped out of his grasp and Tara did the only thing she could do, she hit Xander on the head with it

Xander had the biggest, sappiest, soppiest grin on his face, went cross-eyed, watched the birdies go tweet-tweet as they circled his head, and promptly fell off the chair again

“TARA!”

“What? I was SAVING you!”

“I didn’t need, I mean well – oh god, what are we going to do?”

“Hmm, kissing Xander eh…what kind of lesbian are you?” Willow looked up to see Anya and her friend Hallie on the doorstep

“Anya. What are you doing here?”

“Is that anyway to greet an old friend?”

Willow stood and said indignantly,

“I thought you made it quite clear when you said last week, that you weren’t our friend anymore, that none of us had a back-bone coz we wouldn’t wish vengeance on Xander for you – so why do you keep hanging around here, hmm?”

A bored Hallie mumbled something about that being a ‘good question’

Anya ignored the question and said,

“Just wondered if you knew what was causing this – and EW! Whose underpants are those?” She tapped her foot against Xander’s thigh

Tara and Willow both grimaced and edged away from their very drunk friend, fearing they may catch something from said undergarment………

“Ew, you mean that they’re not his – and don’t kick him! So this isn’t you then, coz it HAD crossed my mind”

“What, this? - This is nothing but a parlour trick compared to what I COULD do!”

Spike came over to the front door

He was just about to ask everybody to go, when the dark haired girl with Hallie stared at Spike and said,

“William? – Oh god!” She started to preen and act all girly and gigglish

Spike however, just frowned, he didn’t know many vengeance demon, Anya and D’Hoffran were about it

“I wish you’d all-“

“Spike, NO!” Tara got to Spike and put her hand over his mouth before he could say any more.

Spike glared at her, then he frowned, and then realised what he’d said

“Yeah, sorry, not wise to make a wish in front of a vengeance demon, right…um, would you mind leaving now, all of you, I’d like some peace and quiet with my Mrs, if you don’t mind”

Anya threw Spike a hateful look, she still thought that despite what the lawyer and the people at the Aphrodite Wedding Chapel said, that Spike and Buffy had stolen her honeymoon…

“Don’t worry, just going, I mean we’ve got things to do, men’s lives to ruin…come on Hallie, let’s get outta this dumpsville…

“Bye, bye everyone, bye William! Nice seeing you again!” Hallie trying to act all coy and demure gave Spike a little girly wave. Anya gave her friend a puzzled look and pulled Hallie down the path

“How do you know Spike?”

“Long story….”

Spike was still puzzling on the same question as to how the dark-haired girl knew him too…

“Spike, I’m sorry, but there’s no way we can move him from here, not in this state”

“What – oh…shoot, why not, look, I’ll get the kettle on – lashings of hot black coffee should do the trick!”

“Spike! Have a bit of compassion, please?” Sighing, Spike half turned away from them, running his hand through his hair

“Bleedin’ ‘ell…okay look, I’m going to carry Buffy up to bed now, so he can have the sofa, but if he’s sick or anything, YOU are clearing it up, okay?”

Willow and Tara nodded

“Right then, lets get locked up, before we get any more candidates for ‘lush of the month’ parading in here………”

Xander was so relaxed, and such a dead weight that they couldn’t pick him up…so relaxed that he farted again, causing Tara to drop him and run…

“Pig – you disgusting pig Xander Harris!” Tara admonished

“It’s not HIS fault…oh god Xander, you have so many bumps on your head now, you won’t know if the headache’s from being drunk, or from being dropped!”

“Serve him right, filthy bugger, well night, and remember, if he does anything yukky, then YOU are clearing up, ‘kay – night” Spike scooped up his wife and carried her upstairs.

“It’s no good, we’ll never shift him ourselves…I’ll just have to…”

Willow stirred her finger in the air, pointed at Xander who began to float in the air

Tara looked surprised at first, then she smiled as Willow, using her finger as a guide directed Xander’s floating body to the sofa, before gently lowering him onto it.





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