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Buffy woke slowly, still curled in Spike's arms. He was smiling slightly in his sleep, his expression one of complete contentment. Her body had warmed his in the night, and she felt comfortable there with him, exactly where she wanted to be.

As she became more fully awake, the night came rushing back to her, every bit of it. Spike's feeding…her attempt to escape…the trunk of the DeSoto… And then…

Buffy flushed at the memory. She had felt the presence of the claim between them before, but this time had been different from all the other times. The lust and desire had been there, but there was…something else. Something stronger. Her realization that she couldn’t run away from him had made her succumb to him and this thing between them in a way she wouldn't before, as she realized she had no choice but to give in.

Spike had told her before that they couldn't be apart now, but she hadn't realized at the time just how literally he meant that. The claim had managed to somehow physically bind them to each other—how could she fight such a thing?

She couldn't. For as long as she lived, she'd have no choice but to stay by the side of a vampire, forcing herself to endure his every heinous act as they cut deep into her soul. Finally facing the reality of the situation, Buffy accepted her fate.

And it broke her.

She didn't want to think anymore. Last night she gave herself over wholly to the claim, and for a time, she had been able to push back the pain. Is that what she'd have to do from now on? Would she have to live for the moments when she could lose herself in her mate and then spend the rest of her time aching from what he would do when he wasn't with her?

Before now, Buffy had forced herself to focus on what Spike was, but she wasn't strong enough to anymore. She wasn't sure she was really strong at all. She had tried, she really had, but it was too much.

"Mornin', luv."

Buffy looked up at Spike as he spoke, meeting his eyes. "Good morning," she replied softly.

Spike frowned as he looked at her. "Something wrong?"

Buffy lied with a shake of her head. "No."

"You sure?" Spike reached up and ran his hand down her cheek. "You look so sad, pet."

"I'm fine, really," Buffy said, forcing a smile.

Spike knew she wasn't fine. Her sadness was clear through their bond, and he wanted to know what was causing it. Was she still upset about what he'd done to her the night before? He would've thought that her behavior towards him after he untied her would indicate she was willing to forgive him. "Buffy, I…"

"Shh," she said, putting her finger to his lips. "No talking now, okay? Can we just…can we just touch?"

Her eyes were wide, almost frightened, and her voice trembled. Spike swallowed, her pain cutting through him. "Will that make you feel better?" he asked.

Buffy's eyes moistened at his question. "Yes," she told him. "It will." And she knew it would. The only time she ever felt better at all was when she gave in to him, gave into what he could make her feel.

Spike rolled over on top of her, then began to kiss his way down her body, starting with a tender peck on her lips. He made his way to her apex, giving her one quick lap before going down her leg, ignoring her gasp. When he'd reached her foot he switched to the other leg, and again he merely grazed over her core, eliciting a moan of desperation from Buffy.

He perched up on his arms, looking down at her with a smirk. "Want something, pet?"

Buffy responded by pulling him down and pushing his head towards where she wanted him to be. Spike chuckled at her forwardness as he happily settled between her legs, ready to give her what she wanted.

Spike lost himself in the taste of her as Buffy lost herself in pleasure. She cried out until she was hoarse as he brought her to peak over and over again. This was what she needed to focus on, to hold on to. Maybe with this, she could dull the pain, push it from her mind until it no longer gripped her anymore.

Spike stayed there between her legs until his own need became urgent and he surged up, entering her with a powerful stroke before she even had time to register he'd moved. Buffy screamed in surprise and pleasure, wrapping her legs around his hips as Spike set a firm rhythm.

Buffy came two more times with him inside before Spike stiffened above her, shouting her name as he slammed his hips into hers and held, coming hard into her body. Panting, he collapsed on top of her, his head nestled against her breasts.

Buffy reached up with a shaky hand, her fingers running through his bleached curls. She needed to hold on to what she was feeling now, the pleasant numbness buzzing inside her. Her body was pleasantly sated, and her mind was too jumbled from the several orgasms she'd just experienced to form any sort of coherent thought.

After a few minutes, Spike looked up at her, relieved to see much of the sadness had faded from her eyes. He opened his mouth to speak to her when he was interrupted by a rumbling in her stomach.

Buffy blushed. "Sorry…I guess I'm hungry."

Spike sat up, a sudden look of horror on his face. "I didn't feed you yesterday! Buffy, I'm so sorry, pet. You haven't eaten in…I'm sorry."

Buffy shrugged. "I guess I was just a little tied up at the time when you normally give me dinner."

Spike winced. "Kitten, I…"

He looked…guilty, regretful, and that fell into the realm of what Buffy didn't want to think about right now. She didn't want the negatives right now, didn't want to have to handle them. "Could you just order me a pizza?"

"Yeah, of course," Spike replied, getting the phone book from under the bedside table. "What do you want on it?"

"Sausage, mushrooms, and green peppers," Buffy replied. "And diet Coke."

Spike eyed her protruding ribcage for a moment at her request for a diet drink, but figured it was probably just some bizarre girly thing and that the pizza would do enough towards putting some actual meat on her bones that a few less calories in her drink wouldn't matter anyway. "You got it, luv."

"I'm just going to go clean up a bit," Buffy said. She made a face. "You got me all sticky."

"Most of that's from you. You were creaming like crazy, baby," Spike replied, wagging his eyebrows.

"Ew. Perv," Buffy said, smacking his shoulder lightly. She got up from the bed, hearing Spike chuckle as he flipped open the phone book.

This was nice… She could do this, if it could only always be like this. She wondered if maybe she could just hold on to these sorts of moments when the other ones came and that would give her the strength she needed to hold on.

Buffy showered quickly, then went back into the bedroom, finding Spike reclining in the bed wearing only his jeans, flipping through the channels on the television. She picked up his discarded black t-shirt from the ground, slipping it on before climbing into bed with him.

Spike's eyes darted towards her, the sight of her in his shirt affecting him on several levels. Physically, seeing her in his clothes made him harden instantly, doing more for him than he was sure even the skimpiest of lingerie could do. But beyond that… It was an acknowledgement of their relationship and Spike knew that. She was wearing his clothes because she was his.

He reached his arm out and Buffy moved towards him, snuggling up next to his side. The scent of her shampoo was strong with her hair freshly washed, and Spike breathed in deep, smiling softly as he did. Her scent was fresh and clean, with the underlying essence that was completely Buffy, and it both calmed and excited him at once.

"Stop here," Buffy said, tapping his arm when he reached the channel that was the "free HBO" advertised by the sign outside the motel. "I like this movie."

Spike frowned at the television. "You're making me watch Romeo and Juliet?"

"Yes," Buffy replied. "I like it. Leo's a hottie."

"Why on earth are women so convinced of that? Look at him. He's all…scrawny," Spike said, looking at the teen heartthrob in disgust.

"And what, you're not?" Buffy asked.

"Oi! I'm not scrawny! I'm…compactly muscled." Buffy snorted in response, and Spike gave her a dirty look. "I'm not watching this shite."

"You watch soap operas," Buffy said. "I think you can stomach a little Leonardo DiCaprio."

"I watch a soap opera. One. And it's a bloody messed up one at that." He clicked to the next channel.

"Hey!" Buffy cried out in protest. "I wanted to watch that."

Spike turned back to her, fully intending to tell her no, he was not going to put up with that drivel no matter what she said. But then he saw that she was pouting. Her perfect little bottom lip jutted out, begging him to take it into his own mouth. Her green eyes were wide and pleading, making the vampire's heart melt. "Fine," he said with an exaggerated sigh. "We'll watch the sodding movie."

Buffy smiled, curling up against his side again. Spike wrapped his arm around her, enjoying the warmth he felt being near her. Maybe having to watch Romeo and Juliet was worth it if he got this along with it…

He didn't want to get up when he heard a sharp knock at the door followed by a bellow of "Pizza!" but he knew Buffy needed to eat. He untangled himself from her arms regretfully and went to the door, shoving a wad of bills at the boy on the other side before grabbing the food and shutting the door in his face. "Thanks for nothing, asshole!" the boy yelled at the point Spike assumed was when he discovered the lack of tip, and Spike muttered under his breath that he should just be glad he didn't get on the menu, too.

Spike brought the pizza and diet Coke back over to the bed, handing them to Buffy. "Here, pet. Eat."

"Thanks," Buffy said, leaning over the pizza box as Spike sat back down to give him a quick kiss.

Spike liked this. A lot. She was acting like a mate should now, being warm and inviting to him physically and letting him care for her. He'd known she'd come around quickly, realizing there was no point in fighting what neither one of them could change. He was relieved that it hadn't taken any longer than it did. Her constant rebellion had been trying his patience.

Buffy sat with the open pizza box in her lap, a slice in one hand and her 20 oz. bottle of diet Coke in the other. Her eyes were on the television screen as she was completely engrossed in the movie, and Spike smiled. She was really adorable. He looked forward to more days like this, more pleasantly domestic moments with the woman he'd claimed as his own. It was almost as good as the sex in its way, and he didn't care if thinking that made him a bit of a poncy git. He was happy.

And watching Buffy, it looked like now maybe she could be happy, too.

*** *** ***

Buffy was able to make herself ignore the reality of her present situation until sunset. After she'd finished eating, Spike had taken her again, spending hours with her in the bed until all she knew was bliss.

Then the sun was down and he pulled away from her, making the darkness she'd spent the day hiding from come crashing back down to her.

"You're going to feed," she said softly as she watched him dress.

"I am." Spike paused, waiting for her reaction. He was hoping that the way she'd been towards him all day had meant she'd come to accept this, and he waited to see if he was right.

"There's nothing I can say to make you change your mind, is there?"

"No."

Buffy looked away, a single tear running down her cheek, but she said nothing. She couldn't stop him feeding and she couldn't get away. She'd just have to suffer through this and then tomorrow she could pretend again. His actual feeding would be quick, and then she could begin pushing it out, making the pain stop.

"Be dressed to go when I get back, all right, luv?" Spike asked, deciding not to push things too much now by giving her an order instead of asking her politely. She seemed to be accepting his feeding, but it was a tentative acceptance, he knew.

Buffy said nothing in response, but nodded, and Spike took that as a good sign. He leaned down and kissed her cheek. "It'll be okay, Buffy. You'll see, pet."

He left her then, and Buffy shook as the door shut. She curled up on the bed, shutting her eyes tightly as she waited for the moment to come. Spike had already changed from the gentle lover he'd been when he'd left her to a predator, and she trembled uncontrollably, fear gripping her as she dreaded what was coming.

A sob burst from her when it finally did and the full horror of it all hit her again. She tried to focus on the pleasant part of the day instead, but that didn't make it better as she had hoped—it made it worse. She hated herself for being selfish enough to try to simply ignore what she had known would happen tonight, for allowing herself to experience pleasure when she had been fully aware that someone would soon die at the hands on the man giving it to her.

Her last attempt to find a reprieve from this had failed. She knew now without a doubt that she could never live with this. No matter what she did, she would never get away from the fact that Spike was killing. Ever.

She couldn't stop him.

She couldn't run.

It left her with only one option, and she took a deep breath as she stood, forcing herself to have one last moment of strength. This was her only option, and she wished she'd done it long before it had come to this point. On shaky legs she walked to the bathroom, a look of determination on her face.

Buffy caught her reflection in the mirror, and her expression changed for a moment. "I'm sorry, Mommy," she whispered before her face hardened again, and she lashed out, smashing the mirror with her fist. Then, with shaky fingers, she picked up a jagged piece of glass.

It was what she had to do…

*** *** ***

Yeah, I know, that's an evil cliffhanger, even from me. But I know you've got to have something to say about it (even if it's to tell me I'm a big meanie) so leave a review!





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