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Spike wiped the blood from his latest kill off his mouth, frowning in dissatisfaction. He had felt Buffy through the claim as he'd fed, and while she had seemed to be dealing with things outwardly when he'd left her, it was clear that she had yet to accept it internally. Spike supposed that was to be expected. It had, after all, been less than a week, and the progress they had made was a good start. She would…

His thoughts stopped, his body reeling. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. He reached out towards his mate, trying to discover what, and he stumbled backwards at what he felt.

"No…please, please, no…" He braced himself against the motel's front desk, knocking over the registration book as he did. She couldn't actually have…

She had.

Spike broke into a run, going back to their room as fast as his vampiric speed would allow. He burst in, going straight to the bathroom where he gasped at what he saw. Buffy was slumped against the wall, blood flowing freely from her slashed wrist, a jagged piece of glass laying in the outstretched palm of her other hand.

In an instant, Spike was beside her, pulling her into his arms. He could hear her heartbeat, albeit slow, and he felt a slight bit of relief, though he knew the situation was still dire. "Buffy!" he yelled, shaking her. "Buffy, please, open your eyes, luv. Come on, baby…"

Her eyes fluttered open slightly. "Sp…Spike?"

"Yeah, Stay with me, kitten."

"I'm cold, Spike," she said softly before her eyes closed again, her heartbeat growing even more faint.

"Buffy! No, don't go, please…" Spike begged, tears forming in his eyes. She'd done this because of him… Oh god, what had he done?

Desperate to save her, Spike brought her wrist to his mouth, lapping at the gashes until his saliva closed them, stopping the blood flow. He held on to her with one arm as he reached up and grabbed a hand towel from the rack, wrapping it tightly around her wrist to make sure the wound stayed shut.

Her breathing was shallow, her heartbeat still slow and Spike didn't know what to do. He was used to taking lives, not saving them. The thought crossed his mind to turn her then, to take the rest of her blood and give her his, but he wouldn't do that. He didn't want to lose her, but he wanted her like she was, warm and vibrant.

She'd said before that she had been healing quickly since he'd claimed her, and Spike let that give him a little hope. Maybe she could heal from this, too… He'd just…he'd have to wait. He'd have to watch over her, hold on to her until she came back to him.

Spike stood with Buffy in his arms, his body shaking. She'd said she was cold… He brought her into the bed, tucking her in under the covers. He stepped back, looking at her lying there, so pale she looked more like one of his kind than human.

He didn't have any warmth to give her, but he needed to hold her, needed the tangible proof that she wasn't gone. He took off his boots and his duster, then climbed in beside her, holding her tightly in his arms. His hand came up to gently stroke her hair, and he pressed his lips against her forehead as he begged her to wake up.

He'd do anything, if she'd just wake up…

*** *** ***

Buffy groaned as she felt herself pulled towards consciousness, every inch of her body aching. She opened her eyes slowly, blinking them when she couldn't see anything until she realized that was because the room was dark.

"Buffy? Oh thank god, you're awake."

Seconds after Spike spoke, his arms tightened around her, his embrace almost crushing. "You had me so scared. I thought…"

Buffy's head ached as she tried to remember what had happened. She heard Spike made a small noise that sounded suspiciously like he had been crying. Why was Spike…

And then she remembered. Spike must've found her before it was too late, stopped her from dying. He'd kept her from escaping again…

With a sob, she pushed him away. "Get away from me!" she cried out, though her voice was weak. "Let me go! Why can't you just let me go?!"

"Buffy! I…Buffy, please," Spike said, his voice cracking. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry…"

"Don't say that," Buffy snapped. "You can't be sorry. You don't care."

"I do. Pet, you have to believe me, I do. If I'd known you would…" Spike's voice trailed off, the image of finding her bleeding to death in the bathroom coming back to his mind. It had been the most terrifying moment of his existence as he realized exactly what this woman had come to mean to him and what his careless behavior had done to her. For the first time in his unlife, he'd hated himself.

"No, you…" Buffy stopped, bursting into tears. It was all too much and she couldn't argue anymore.

Spike pulled her back into his embrace, stroking her back. "It'll be okay, Buffy. Don't worry now, luv, it'll be okay. I…I won't hurt you anymore."

Buffy cried against his chest until her weariness became too much and she succumbed to sleep again.

Spike kept her close, relief flooding him now that he knew she was going to pull through. Still, he was smart enough to know that they weren't going to bounce back from this easily. He'd made a gross miscalculation thinking he could force Buffy into accepting his feeding habits, and now he was paying for that dearly.

He ran his hand down the side of her golden hair, promising her silently that he'd find a way to make it up to her.

*** *** ***

Buffy woke to a harsh knock on the door. She groaned, not wanting to wake, but Spike calmed her with a quick kiss on her cheek before he got up, going to see who it was. She watched him as he opened the door slowly, careful to stay out of any direct sunlight.

She tried to peer around him but couldn't, so she listened, hoping she could figure out who it was. She knew quickly when Spike asked, "Is there a problem, officer?"

"Ah, yes, sir, seems there's been a death on premises," the cop answered. "The motel clerk was found dead this morning."

Spike's gasp at the news would've been enough to convince Buffy he was shocked if she hadn't known better. As it was, it made her stomach turn. "Was he murdered?" Spike asked.

"We're, uh, not entirely sure. From the looks of things, it could've been a wild animal. The man's neck was torn—looked like it was from fangs. But we need to investigate something like this anyway, so we're asking all the people staying here if they saw anything suspicious last night."

"I'm sorry, I can't be of any help," Spike replied. "My wife and I were traveling through when she came down with some sort of bug, and I've stayed in here with her since the night before last." Spike lowered his voice. "She's still a bit under the weather, which is why I haven't invited you in. Poor girl needs her rest."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at Spike's back as he used her as an excuse. Granted, she wasn't exactly feeling well, but not for the reasons he was claiming. But she also knew it was better if the police officer did believe Spike's story. If he got wind of the fact that Spike was indeed the killer, then the officer would just be next on the menu.

"Oh, well then I won't take up any more of your time," the officer said. "I'm sure there's nothing to worry about—like I said, it was probably a wild animal come in from the woods, so just keep your door shut tight and watch yourself at night, and I'm sure you and your wife will be fine. This is just routine."

"I understand. We'll be careful."

"Glad to hear it. Have a good day, sir. Hope your wife feels better soon."

"Thank you. You have a good day, too."

Spike shut the door and Buffy closed her eyes quickly, hoping she could convince him she was asleep. She really didn't want to have to talk to him right now.

"I know you're awake."

Damn… There went that plan. Buffy opened her eyes again with a sigh. "Spike, can we just…not."

"No, we can't," Spike replied, coming over and sitting on the edge of the bed beside her. "What happened last night was…"

"Your fault," Buffy snapped. "It's what you drove me to."

Spike hung his head. "I know."

"You should've let me die."

He turned his face towards her. "I couldn't do that, Buffy. I couldn't lose you."

"Why, because I'm your 'mate?' Because I'm your personal little sex slave that you can use however you want? Couldn't lose that, could you?"

"No! That's not it at all!"

Buffy sat up, ignoring the extra pain it brought. "Then why, huh? It would've been better that way, Spike! I'd be free of you and you could go back to doing whatever you want! You could back to your precious dark princess."

"No I couldn't!" Spike jumped to his feet, pacing the room. "Don't you get it yet, Buffy? This claim, it's forever. You dying, that isn't going to fix anything! I lose you, and there's nothing left of me. I…I'd just waste away."

"So you were saving yourself then," Buffy sneered at him. "Makes sense now."

Spike stopped pacing, turning to face her. "No! It's because I love you, you stupid bint!"

They both froze at his outburst, staring at each other. Spike knew the words were true as soon as they left his mouth. He'd known it the night before, too, though he'd been in too much of a panic to really formulate the thought. He loved this woman. And not just because she was his mate…

"No," Buffy said, holding up her hand. "Don't you dare say that."

"But it's true," Spike admitted, his tone softening. "I lo…"

"No!" Buffy snapped. "You don't even know what love is."

"I bloody well do!" Spike said, yelling again.

"I…I can't take this," Buffy said, getting up from the bed, Without thinking, she went to the bathroom, stopping in the doorway as she saw the shattered glass and all the blood. Her stomach turned and before she could think she was retching on the floor.

Spike was behind her in an instant, holding her hair back until her stomach calmed. She leaned against him, shaking as she wiped her mouth. "I…" She stopped, crying once again.

"Shh…it's okay," Spike said, picking her up and carrying her back to the bed. He put her under the covers again. "Just rest here, kitten, and I'll clean all that up, yeah?"

Buffy nodded weakly, her will to fight gone. All that blood had come from her… The reality of what she'd tried to do the night before slammed into her hard, and she fought the urge to throw up again.

She listened to Spike in the bathroom as he cleaned up the blood and vomit. Her mind went to his declaration of love, and she surprised herself with a chuckle. He'd told her he loved her and called her a stupid bint in the space of a second. In a strange way, it summed him up rather nicely, seeing as one second he was treating her with cruelty and the next he was treating her like a treasure.

Still, the concept of him loving her was absolutely ridiculous. Vampires couldn't love. They were evil, soulless creatures that lived only to hurt others. Anything to the contrary was in direct contrast to everything she believed and she couldn't even begin to deal with something like that. So she wasn't going to. Vampires didn't love and he was lying. There, that was simple enough.

Only it wasn't. Buffy frowned. It was too much to process with her head being so fuzzy so she decided she'd just go back to sleep instead. That was much easier.

She stayed right on the cusp of sleep until Spike finished cleaning up in the bathroom and came back to the bed, slipping in behind her and pulling her into his arms. It was then that she drifted off.

*** *** ***

Spike woke her by shaking her gently. "Buffy? Luv?"

Buffy opened her eyes and stretched. "Hmm?"

"It's almost dark," Spike told her.

Buffy woke fully at that, her insides clenching. If it was almost dark, that meant he was going to feed again. Why was he telling her this? As if he wasn't already putting her through enough… "Go then," she snapped.

Spike frowned. "I'm not going without you."

Buffy swallowed hard. He was going to make her go with him when he fed? She couldn't take having to feel it, and now she was going to be forced to watch it, too? And he had the nerve to say he loved her! "I won't try to…do what I did last night," she told him, thinking that must be why he wanted her to come along. "You can leave me here."

"I'm glad to hear that, pet, but I'm still not leaving you. I can't—you know that. But if you're not feeling up to traveling, we can spend another day here. That's what I was trying to ask," Spike told her. "Are you ready to leave tonight, or do you need more rest?"

Oh. That's what he meant by taking her with him, Buffy realized in relief. "No, I'm good," she said, sitting up. "To be honest, I really just want to leave this particular room far, far behind me."

Spike gave her a little smile. "Yeah, me, too."

"So I'll get dressed and we'll go?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah." Spike kissed her forehead before standing. "Right then. Let's get out of this place."

*** *** ***

I'm so sorry I left it there for a week! I really didn't mean to, and I actually already had this chapter ready to post, but then my internet went out. The cable people couldn't get out to fix it until today, so I was cut off. Sorry! But here's the latest chapter, and I'll have the next one out next week.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, both to the people who have consistently reviewed since the beginning and all of you who came out of the woodwork to review for the first time. I had no idea so many people were reading this fic!





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