[Reviews - 1167]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 6403 times

- Text Size +




Spike sat on the edge of the bed, his mind racing. He'd had a feeling that Buffy was going to start rejecting him physically now, and he hadn't been at all surprised when she had that morning. He knew he could've gotten her to change her mind, worked her into a desperate need with his touch, but he also knew that in the long run, that would get him nowhere. Sure, there'd be the instant gratification, but Spike wanted more than that now.

He wanted her to feel for him what he felt for her.

He was certain beyond any doubt now that he had somehow managed to fall in love with Buffy. He wasn't quite sure how since the chit had gotten on his bloody nerves from day one, but he had. She could be quite endearing at times, even when she didn't mean to be.

Especially when she didn't mean to be…

Buffy was everything Drusilla was not. She was warm and strong, not at all a cold, cruel woman always asking to be coddled like Dru had been. He'd thought he'd been content with what he'd had before, happy to be a willing slave to his sire, bending to her every whim and reveling in her cruelty.

Now he realized he hadn't been, even long before Angelus had come and upset the balance of their relationship. Drusilla had made him feel so many things, but not once had she made him feel alive. Buffy could. With just a look, Buffy could make him completely forget his heart no longer beat.

And strangely enough, he was attracted to just how good she was. He frowned at that realization. He'd told her before that her not being evil was a problem for him, but when he actually thought about it, it wasn't. Granted, if she was all right with him killing it would make certain things easier, but he found the kindness she had in her strangely appealing. Maybe it was some wonky side effect of claiming a human.

But he'd screwed everything up. He wished he'd figured out in the beginning that he felt this way about her and then just not done things such as tie her up and put her in the trunk of his car. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but in retrospect, maybe it wasn't so much. As he'd already come fully to terms with, Buffy was very much not Drusilla. That was how he dealt with Dru, his sire always up for a good round of punishment. Angelus had already broken her years ago anyway.

He'd been the one to break Buffy. That thought made him sick, and he wished more than anything that he could take it all back, every cruel thing he'd done to his mate. He should've known she'd never adjust to his feeding, he should've known that her good heart couldn't take it. She wasn't like him. She was pure, she was light. She'd never survive in the darkness. It would make her wither, kill everything he loved about her.

So what could he do? He certainly couldn't go into the light with her. He was a demon and he was evil. It was a simple fact, not something he could get around. Even with knowing that he couldn't because of what it would do to her, Spike wanted to feed, and he knew there was a possibility that trying not to would someday become too much and he would again, hurting Buffy in the process. He wasn't anymore cut out to be the mate of someone like her than she was to be the mate of someone like him.

So did that mean he regretted claiming her?

Not for an instant.

This wasn't going to be easy, Spike knew that much. Hell, it may not even be possible. But he was going to try, even if it took everything he had. In a very short time, Buffy had come to mean the world to him, and he was going to fix things, make things right with her. He didn't know how, but he'd find a way, and then they'd make it all work.

In the meantime, he wasn't going to push her. She felt something for him, he knew, despite the fact he'd been a right bastard since they'd met. It was tentative and he wasn't even sure how aware of it she was, but it was there, giving him that spark of hope that he could build something real with her. He knew he was going to have to act on something other than impulse with her, giving her the time she needed to come to grips with what they had instead of forcing it on her like he had been doing. Clearly, that hadn't worked.

If he had any doubts of that, all he had to do was call forth the all-too-crisp memory of her lying almost-lifeless on the bathroom floor, and those doubts were as good as gone.

He needed to start over, show her that he meant it when he said he loved her. She obviously wasn't going to just trust what the claim told her, so he was going to have to prove it to her with his actions. He'd started that last night, by getting the packets of blood for feeding and bringing her someplace where she could really be comfortable. Still, he needed to do something more, something big that would prove to her just what she meant to him. He just had no idea what.

So he'd do small for now. Take things slowly, one day at a time. He'd let her come to him, let her be the one to take the next step. That way, he'd know she was really accepting him, that she had finally come to grips with their relationship and that she wasn't going to run from it anymore.

Hopefully, he didn't explode before she did.

It was going to be a struggle, Spike knew. Moving at Buffy's pace was going to meant taking three steps forward and two steps back over and over again until he wanted to scream. But in the end, it would all be worth it. He'd finally have what he wanted more than anything in the world.

Someone to love for all eternity...

*** *** ***

Buffy felt decidedly better after her bath. Soaking in the warm water had felt delightful, easing out much of the tension her muscles had been storing. Afterwards, she'd dried her hair, grateful to actually get to style it a little again. And as an extra bonus, the hotel had provided big, fluffy robes, and she happily wrapped herself in one.

When she walked back into the bedroom, Spike was setting up her breakfast, and her eyes widened at how much food he'd ordered. "You can't possibly expect me to eat all that," she said.

"Eat as much as you can," Spike told her. "You're still too skinny."

"You think back to all this 'too skinny' stuff when I'm the size of an elephant," she said, wagging her finger at him.

Spike chuckled. "Just get over here and eat."

She walked over to the table and Spike pulled her chair out for her before pushing it in as well. He fixed her a plate piled high with breakfast foods and pushed it in front of her. "I'm gonna be like Dumbo, I'm telling you," she said, looking down at the meal.

Spike's eyebrow quirked. "You'll start flying with your ears?"

Buffy gave him a dirty look. "Ha, ha."

"Eat."

She picked up the fork and did as he said, finding herself surprisingly grateful to be eating something a little more real than what she had been over the past few days. Spike stood by the table for only a moment before announcing he was going to take a shower and leaving her alone.

Buffy ate more than she thought she would, but finally got her fill, happy just to finally have a full belly. She leaned back in the chair, smiling slightly,

Her eyes were drawn towards what appeared to be a balcony, though it was fully blocked by curtains that were pulled tight. She got up to inspect it, finding that there was indeed a sliding glass door that led out to a balcony, decorated with a couple of potted ferns. She glanced at the shut bathroom door, hearing the water still running.

Should she risk it? If she was just out on the balcony, she wouldn't really be leaving during the day, but would Spike see it that way? Maybe she could just duck out for a moment, get some fresh air, and then come back in before he left the bathroom. She'd only step out for a second…

Making up her mind, Buffy slid open the glass door and stepped on to the balcony, pulling the curtain shut behind her to make sure no sunlight got into the room. She walked out into the sun, wishing for a moment that she had more privacy so she could drop her robe and feel the warm rays on her skin. But even with the robe, it felt wonderful.

She glanced back towards the room. She should go back in, but she probably could take another minute. She had time.

"Buffy?"

Buffy froze. Dammit! He'd found her gone, and now he'd be mad, and she didn't know what he'd do to her. Would he just yell, or would he hurt her? Had she ruined everything and he was going to stop being nice like he had been this morning and make her stay in another horribly cramped motel? She hurried back into the room.

"I…I just wanted some air, and I thought it would be okay because I wasn't leaving the room, but it felt nice out there, and I'm sorry Spike, so please don't be mad at me I won't do it again, I'll stay right here where it's dark, and…"

"Whoa, kitten, slow down," Spike said, reaching out and putting a finger to her lips to stop her rambling. "You can go out on the balcony. It's all right. I asked for a room with one so you could. Figured it would be nice for you to get to spend a little time in the sun."

Buffy stared at him in surprise. That was…well, nice. Why did he keep doing these things? They were making her very confused.

"Go on back out there, luv." He smiled at her, though there was a sadness Buffy could see in his eyes. He ran his hand down her hair. "I bet you look beautiful in the sunlight."

As he said that, Buffy realized where that sadness was coming from—he couldn't be out there with her. Not only had he done something nice for her by getting the balcony, but he'd done something that would hurt him. She glanced back towards the balcony for a moment before looking at him again. "Maybe later," she said. "I think I got my sunlight quota while you were in the shower. Wanna watch television or something?"

Spike frowned. He had been able to tell when she'd been outside that she was happy out there, and he doubted she wanted to come in. So why wasn't she going back out, especially now that she knew he wasn't going to be angry with her for it? It didn't… Wait a minute… Was she staying inside because she didn't want him to feel bad that she could be out there and he couldn't? "You don't have to stay in because of me, Buffy," he told her. "I'll be all right in here."

"I'm not doing it for you," Buffy insisted quickly, though her tone made her sound like she'd been caught and was trying to her tracks. "I just…want to watch television. Look—it's all big."

Spike smiled to himself, Buffy's decision to stay in with him giving him a little more hope that they could work through their problems. "All right—just no more of that nancy boy Leo."

"What, are you jealous that I think someone else is cute?"

Spike snorted. "Hardly. I'm sexier than him any day."

Buffy crossed her arms in front of her, making a show of inspecting him. "Hmm…it's a close call…"

"Hey!" Spike yelled, clearly insulted. "What do you mean by that?"

Buffy giggled. "I'm just teasing you, silly boy. You know how sexy you are."

Spike preened at that. He did, it was just nice to hear her say it now and then… He took a step closer to her, his eyes darkening. Buffy sobered then, her body beginning to tremble slightly. Spike stopped mere inches away from her and ran his hand down the curves of her side. He leered at her, curving his tongue around his teeth.

Buffy felt her knees threaten to give out from under her. How could he always do this to her? Just a look and she was putty. She knew there were reasons not to want him, but they were so hard to remember when he looked at her like that. He leaned in, his lips almost touching hers, and she closed her eyes, anticipating his kiss.

It didn't come. Her eyes flew back open when Spike stepped away He walked over to the couch and flopped himself down. "So, telly then?"

Buffy gaped for a moment before her mouth slammed shut. What had that been all about? He'd seemed like he was about to take her right there on the floor in the middle of the room and then…nothing? It was just as well, she told herself. She didn't really want him anyway. "Yep, that's what I want," she said, her voice suddenly almost too chipper. "To watch television."

Spike kept his smile in check as he saw Buffy struggle to reign in her desire again. Despite the fact that he'd rather be inside her than not, this was strangely amusing, playing this game with her. And he knew the outcome would be well worth the wait…

Soon enough, she would be the one to come to him.

*** *** ***

Still with me? Please remember to review!





You must login (register) to review.