He stopped at his car and leaned against the door as he fished a cigarette out of the pocket of his duster and lit it, taking a long drag and feeling the smoke fill his dead lungs. He almost wanted to be able to say he wished he'd never met her. He knew it would probably be better in a lot of ways if he was still with Dru—no matter how much of a fool she made out of him—and Buffy was free to find herself some nice human bloke. But he didn't wish that. Being with Buffy had shaken him to his very core, igniting him in ways he hadn't even known were possible, even after spending a century in the arms of a woman like Drusilla.
Spike knew that made him selfish, but he didn't care. He was a vampire, and vampires never apologized for what they wanted—and what he wanted was Buffy Summers. He craved her like he craved blood.
No. He craved her more than he craved blood. He'd given up feeding for her, given up the feel of indulging in a fresh, warm kill. All for her.
And she didn't love him.
Spike threw his cigarette to the ground and stomped it out under the toe of his boot before getting into the DeSoto to search for someplace where he could buy Buffy a new pair of jeans.
Buffy was asleep when Spike got back to the hotel room, and he didn't wake her. Her face was still red from crying, and he hated knowing he was the cause of those tears.
He put the bags he'd brought up with him with her other things, then fixed himself a mug of blood and brought it out onto the balcony.
It was a nice night, clear in a city known for its rainy weather. He sipped his blood almost leisurely, for once barely even noticing the taste of it in his mouth. It was only dulling his hunger anyway, doing nothing to ease the restlessness he was feeling.
Spike wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting outside when he felt Buffy stirring. Soon, she was up, coming to stand at the edge of the balcony. Spike kept his gaze outwards, not turning to look at her.
"Are you going to come to bed?" Buffy asked him.
"I'm not tired," he replied curtly.
"We…we don't have to sleep."
Spike sighed heavily and turned towards her. Whatever he had been going to say died in his throat when he saw her. She stood in the moonlight, wrapped only in the white sheet from the bed, her tiny hand clasping it tightly at her bosom. Her golden hair fell around her shoulders and the dim light illuminated it like a halo. She was gorgeous, so beautiful it made his chest ache.
He set down the mug he'd still been clutching in his hand and made his way to Buffy. His hand went to the small of her back as he pulled her against him and leaned in to kiss her. She moaned into his mouth, her hands coming up to grip his shoulders, and let the sheet slip to the ground to pool around her feet.
Spike lifted her into his arms with a grunt and carried her back into the hotel room. Buffy kissed and licked his neck as he took her over to the bed. He lay her down gently against the pillows, stopping for a moment to look at her, her body bared to him and her hair fanned out around her head.
"You're so bloody beautiful, Buffy," he said, his voice holding a tone of reverence. "A goddess…"
Buffy blushed prettily at his words, and Spike couldn't hold back from touching her any longer. He stripped off his clothes and joined her on the bed, pressing his body on top of hers.
"Spike…" Buffy gasped, immediately wrapping him in her arms. He felt surrounded, her heat and her scent capturing him, letting him get lost in sensation. He gave himself over completely to the sensual, pushing thoughts of unrequited love from his mind as he entered her, shivering at how tightly she fit him, how warm she felt around him.
He set a hard, steady rhythm, hitting the spot deep inside of Buffy that made her cry out in pleasure with every thrust. His hard abs ground against her clit, and she spasmed beneath him, her hands clawing desperately at his back.
It wasn't long until she was wailing her release, her body tense beneath him. Spike didn't falter for a second, his pumping steady, and Buffy gasped as her orgasm was dragged out, pleasure continuing to shake her until she felt she couldn't take it anymore.
And still, he didn't stop, didn't slow. She screamed until she was hoarse, until she was sure she couldn't experience any more pleasure than that which was already shaking her.
Then Spike's face changed, the man above her visibly a demon once again, and he descended, his fangs slicing into the flesh of her neck. Buffy's eyes went wide as she bucked off the bed, the pleasure that coursed thought her so white-hot she thought she might die from it. Spike growled deep in his chest as he came inside of her, and the vibrations traveled through both his cock and his fangs. For a moment, Buffy felt as if she'd left her body, as if she was floating there, hovering above the bed.
She came back to herself as Spike licked the wounds on her neck to close his mark again. He nuzzled the spot with his face, and Buffy reached up with a trembling hand to stroke the back of his head, loving the silky feel of his soft hair.
Eventually, Spike looked up, a drop of her blood still on the corner of his lips. Buffy wiped it off with her thumb, hesitating for a moment before she offered the digit to him and let Spike lick it clean.
His eyes closed in an expression of ecstasy as his tongue rolled around her thumb to taste both her blood and her skin.
"Spike?"
His eyes opened again at her tentative address and he released her thumb from his mouth. "Yes, kitten?"
"What…what does it taste like to you?"
Spike's brow wrinkled. "Blood, you mean."
"Yeah."
He frowned as he tried to formulate an answer. What could he say? It was like trying to describe a rainbow to a blind person, a symphony to a deaf one. "It tastes like…it tastes like life."
Buffy frowned, thinking for a moment. "So it's like…better than chocolate?"
Spike stared for a second before he burst out laughing despite the serious expression on her face. "Just a little bit," he said with a teasing grin.
"Does mine…does it taste better than other people's?" she asked.
"Oh, baby, yours is the best," Spike said, unable to stop from licking his lips.
To his surprise, Buffy preened a bit at his answer, seeming to actually take it as the compliment he meant it to be. Then she looked down, a slight blush coloring her cheeks. "I…I kinda liked the taste of yours, too," she said softly. "The…the few times when I've bitten you, it…it hasn't been gross like I would've thought."
Spike's eyebrow rose. "That so?" Buffy nodded almost imperceptibly in response. "Well then, feel free to bite me anytime you want, baby. Gets me nice an' hard." He rubbed his cock against her, their conversation helping to make it erect again.
Buffy's eyes widened at the feel of him hard against her already. Her body was still reeling from their last round, and yet, the thought of taking him in again made a rush of moisture flow between her legs.
In a move that surprised them both, Buffy wrapped her legs around Spike's hips and flipped them over so she was straddling his thighs. Spike looked up at her, his eyes challenging her to act on this new position she'd put them in. Never one to back down, Buffy leaned in and gave his neck a long, slow lick.
Spike groaned loudly, his hips thrusting up to rub his cock against Buffy's backside. His response emboldened her further, and Buffy opened her mouth and sank her teeth into his neck, tearing the flesh even with her blunt teeth and allowing her to pull his blood into her mouth.
Spike cried out beneath her, his body trembling in a mix of pleasure and desire. She lapped at the wound she had made until the blood slowed before she began to travel down his body, stopping to nip at his flesh as she did, leaving a trail of teeth marks in her wake.
She stopped short when she reached his middle, her chin hitting his bobbing cock. She eyed it with trepidation, and she was not sure what she should do now. She wondered what it would taste like, and if she would enjoy the feel of it sliding in and out of her mouth as much as Spike seemed to enjoy pleasuring her with his tongue.
Still, it was something she'd never done before, and what if she wasn't any good at it? It seemed like it could be complicated, and could probably lead to badness if done incorrectly. And then what if she didn't like it? Would Spike expect her to keep doing it anyway just because she'd done it once?
Spike, for his part, was forcing himself to lie still, waiting to see what move Buffy would make. He was tempted to grab her head and move her where he wanted her to go, but he knew Buffy well enough to know that would not go over well.
Much to his relief, Buffy decided she might as well give it a try, and she wrapped her hand around the base of his cock before leaning in and giving the head an experimental lick. Spike couldn't hold back his groan as he fought for his hips to remain still, his hands clutching the bedspread tightly to keep him from tangling them in her hair.
Buffy decided the taste wasn't all that bad. A little salty, but not the worst thing she'd ever had in her mouth. She leaned in again and took a little in her mouth this time.
Spike used every bit of his willpower not to thrust into her warm mouth. He reminded himself over and over that his chances of ever getting another blowjob rested on him letting Buffy move at her own pace now, get acclimated to what she was doing. So he held back, hoping he didn't explode in the process.
Slowly, Buffy took more of him into her mouth until he hit the back of her throat and she gagged. Deciding to save learning to deep throat for another time, she wrapped her fingers around what she couldn't swallow and pumped her hand up and down in time with her mouth.
Buffy's cocksucking skills were far from the most expert Spike had known, but just the fact that it was her lips wrapped around him made that point moot. It meant so much to him that Buffy would be willing to do this for him, to pleasure him in a way that gave her little back. This was something she was doing for him, to please him. He groaned his encouragement, letting her know in no uncertain terms that he was indeed enjoying it.
His response emboldened Buffy, and she began to move faster, adding a little twist to her hand as she slid it up and down. Soon, her tongue came into play as well, and it massaged his cock inside of her mouth.
Spike held himself back, wanting this to last as long as possible. Buffy was obviously getting into what she was doing, taking to this like she had everything else they'd done.
Then she did something that sent him spiraling over the edge. She took as much of him as she could into her mouth and moaned around his cock.
Spike realized a second too late that he couldn't hold back any longer, and his shout of warning was swallowed by his cry of completion. Buffy's eyes widened as her mouth filled with his come, and she tried to swallow only to choke a bit as it hit the back of her throat.
She scooted back, her head hanging, and Spike kicked himself as he came down from his orgasm. He'd ruined it now. She was angry, and she wouldn't do it again, he was sure. Bugger.
Only she didn't feel angry. He gauged her mood through the claim and found that she wasn't angry at all—just embarrassed. "Kitten?" he said softly.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, still not looking at him.
He frowned at that. "Sorry for what, baby?"
"I…I didn't do a good job," Buffy replied. "I couldn't…y'know, swallow…"
"Oh, pet, come here," Spike said, reaching his arms out to her. Buffy moved into them immediately and rested her head on his chest, though she still avoided his eyes. "That was my fault, luv. I should've warned you, let you know it was coming. It just felt too good, is all. Made it so I couldn't think properly."
Buffy ventured a glance up. "Really?"
"Yes, really," Spike replied, kissing her forehead. "Thank you."
"So I did okay?"
"You were wonderful," Spike assured her. "As a matter of fact, I think I should show my appreciation." He wagged his eyebrows at her.
"You do, huh?"
"I sure do," he replied, his smile changing to a leer before he slid down her body and took his place between her legs.
It was already early morning before they finally collapsed in each other's arms, a tangle of limbs as they slept entwined.
I know this has been a bit of a ping pong match with the angsty chapters and the not so angsty chapters, but I hope I'm not frustrating you all too much. I do plan to get them somewhere eventually, I promise, they're just taking baby steps for the time being.
Please remember to review!