He pulled her over to him and rested his hands against her hips. "What's wrong, luv?"
"Nothing." Spike's eyebrow arched and Buffy sighed. "Sometimes I really hate that I can't lie to you," she said.
"Well you can't, so tell me what's wrong," Spike replied.
"I'm nervous. Now let's get in the car."
Buffy tried to walk away, but Spike grabbed her hand and pulled her back. "About what?"
"You know, you are such the woman in this relationship," Buffy said. "I keep pushing for it to be just sex, but nooo…you have to talk about our feelings."
"You're not going to get me to leave you alone by putting me on the defensive right now, Buffy."
"Damn."
"The claim's telling me you're worked up in all sorts of knots. I need to know what's got you so upset."
"Going back to L.A.," Buffy told him, knowing he wouldn't drop it until she gave him an answer he could accept.
"Do you not want to go?" Spike asked her with a frown.
"No, I do want to," she replied. "I need to find out what happened to my mother, and your idea of how to do that is a good one. But I'm still unsure about what we'll find there or how it'll all turn out. And, well, we came up here running from Angelus, and this is going to take us closer to Sunnydale again. What if he tries something?"
"Don't worry about him," Spike said. "Odds are he's going to stay in Sunnydale for a while, playing Slayer Stalker. We'll just take the route around Sunnydale and avoid him." He placed his hand against her cheek. "I won't let him touch you, Buffy. Ever."
"No one's ever made me feel as vulnerable as he did," Buffy admitted softly. "When he had me, and I just knew what he was going to do to me… It was horrible."
"I know, sweetheart. But he didn't, and he never will. He can't now. That's my mark on you. He can't touch you with cock or fangs."
"He could still hurt you," Buffy said.
Her concern touched him deeply. "I'm not going to let him do that either," Spike replied. "I've got too much to stick around for these days."
Suddenly, Buffy reached up and took hold of the back of his head, pushing him down against her lips. The surprise of the kiss took Spike off-guard for only a moment before he was kissing back, his arms twining around her to hold her close. The night stilled around them as they lost themselves in the embrace.
When they finally broke apart, Buffy was blushing, her eyes averted shyly, and Spike couldn't help but smile at just how cute she was. After everything they'd done together, she could still manage to look they'd just shared a kiss after a first date.
"We should get going," Buffy said. "There's only so many hours of moonlight and all."
"Right." Spike walked around to the passenger's side of the car with Buffy, opening and holding the door for her. She gave him a small smile, and he smiled back before shutting the door and going around to his own side.
Spike stopped at another motel like the ones they'd been to on the trip up. He felt bad about bringing her to another one, but the sun would be in the sky soon, and they didn't have the time to find a decent place.
He went inside and got a key before he came back out to the car for Buffy. He lifted her out and carried her into the motel room to what would be their bed for the night, realizing as he did that this felt different than the other times. The actions were the same, but all that served was to do was make it clearer that something really had changed. He couldn't name exactly what it was that was different because he didn't think it was actually something tangible. It was a feeling, an emotion.
He undressed Buffy and tucked her under the covers before he undressed himself and joined her. She turned towards him in her sleep and nestled herself against him, making a contented sound as she did.
Spike fell asleep with a smile.
Spike was surprised when he woke up alone. He sat up, looking around the motel room with worry for a moment before he noticed the sound of the shower running. He relaxed then, lying back down, until he realized that a running shower meant wet, naked Buffy.
He went into the bathroom and stepped into the shower stall, his eyes darkening at the slow smile that crossed Buffy's face when she saw him. "I felt you wake up," she said. "Thought that might mean you were gonna join me."
"Not much could've stopped me," Spike replied as his eyes raked up and down her body. Rivulets of water ran down her flushed skin, and his cock strained towards her.
Buffy moved to him and pressed her hands, palms flat, against his chest. Spike's own hands traveled down to cup her bottom and push her flush against him. The feel of so much of his skin against her own made her tremble, and Buffy met his mouth for a kiss.
Spike's kisses were a perfect combination of talent and desire, never failing to make her desperate for more of him.
When he pulled back to let her breathe, Buffy expected Spike to turn her around and take her against the shower wall. Instead, he pulled back from her, though the tip of his erection was still rubbing against her, forcing her to bite back a moan of desire.
His voice was heavy with lust when he spoke. "Have you washed your hair yet?"
Buffy shook her head no, not trusting herself to be able to form actual words.
Spike spotted where Buffy had set her shampoo when she'd first gotten into the shower, and he picked it up before ordering her, "Turn around." She did without protest, and Spike filled his palm with shampoo, inhaling deeply as he did to catch the scent.
Buffy did moan at the first touch of his hands in her hair, and after only a few moments of him working the shampoo into a lather she was all but purring like a contented kitten. She'd never before thought that something as simple as washing hair could become erotic, but now she was wondering if she could have an orgasm from that alone.
Before she could find out, Spike had moved back again. "Under the water now, luv."
She stepped under the spray, and Spike watched with undisguised lust as she washed the suds from her hair. The scent of her shampoo permeated the small space, and Spike shivered with anticipation.
When she pulled herself back out of the water again, Spike was on her, kissing her hard as he spun them around. He growled low in his throat as he pressed her back against the tile of the wall and her legs wrapped around his narrow hips.
Behind them, the water pounded steadily, setting the tempo for their frenzied lovemaking. Buffy held on to Spike tightly, trusting him to keep them steady despite the slick floor beneath his feet. Steam surrounded them, warming his skin as droplets of water clung to it, making it for once damp to the touch.
Buffy came with a scream and Spike groaned loudly, the sound of her cry pushing him further towards his own release. He knew he could hear it every day for the rest of his existence and never get enough of it. A few more thrusts, and he was following her over.
Buffy slipped her legs down from his hips, though she kept her hands on his arms, still needing him to keep her from falling. "Best damn shower ever," she declared with a giggle. She moved her lips to his collarbone and pressed gentle kisses against the skin there.
Spike chuckled, and the sound rumbled through Buffy. "You won't get any argument from me there." He brought her closer to him and breathed her scent in. "I love you, Buffy. All I can do is keep falling deeper."
She didn't say it back. He hadn't expected her to. But she didn't protest or push him away either, and Spike let that be enough.
Buffy wondered how exactly she'd gotten to the point where being on her hands and knees with a vampire pounding into her from behind had ceased to be something that she'd think of only with disgust, and had become instead something that made her moan and beg for more.
But then Spike grabbed on to her hips and pushed deeper into her, and she stopped caring.
Spike shut the driver's side door of his car then turned to look at Buffy in the seat next to him. "We'll go get you some dinner, and then I need to find somewhere to get blood. My supply is empty."
"Okay. This seems like a pretty populated area, so there's probably a hospital nearby," Buffy replied.
"I think I saw a sign for one last night on the way in, so it shouldn't be a problem," Spike said. "What do you want for dinner?"
"I saw a Burger King across the street. I like them."
"Okay. Burger King it is, pet."
It didn't strike Spike until they were pulling up to the drive-thru window to get her food how strangely domestic it all was.
Buffy munched on a fry as she wondered how long Spike had been gone. She wished she had a watch for times like this. It felt like he'd been gone forever, but she knew it probably hadn't actually been that long at all. She was just being impatient.
She realized that in itself was a bit silly. What was she impatient to do? Drive to the next motel? Get to L.A.? Neither of those things was really something she looked on without at least some dread. She hated motels these days, even if the one that day hadn't been so bad. Not that she'd paid much attention to it, what with all the sex.
And Los Angeles… She'd grown up there, it had been the place she'd called home for most of her life, and yet…it was the last place she really wanted to be. Because it had been home for so long, it held too many memories, too many ghosts. What would happen when they got there? Would they really be able to track down her mother's killer? And then what?
Furthermore, what if they did find the killer and she did manage to get her revenge? Then what would her life be? Would she spend the rest of her life—however long that might end up being—living this sort of transient lifestyle with Spike? Would she keep going on with no real home and no real purpose?
She picked up her drink and frowned when she realized all that was in the cup now was ice. She took off the lid, popped a cube in her mouth, and crunched it. As loathed as she was to ever admit it out loud, there probably were a lot worse people she could be with than Spike, but at the same time, the thought of that spending the rest of her days as she had since she'd met him didn't really appeal to her.
She wanted something more than a string of nearly-identical motels.
But what did she want? Buffy wasn't sure about that. She knew the things she couldn't have, like the perfect house in the suburbs with a white picket fence and two kids, but did she want that? Had she ever wanted that?
Spike had his blood now, and he was headed back to the car. She couldn't see him, couldn't hear him, but she knew it all the same. So she pushed back her thoughts about some day. After all, she had more than enough to worry about in the present.
Thank you very much to the people that have continued to read, review, and support this fic. It means so much to me. Please keep it up.