Buffy sighed, though Spike's response had been exactly the one she'd been expecting. From the incredulous look on his face, to the way he'd jumped up from the bed to pace, to the very question he'd just asked her. If she weren't trying to be serious, she would've giggled at how well she was able to guess his reactions to things. Maybe someday when she was bored she'd test herself, do and say things to him to see if she was right in her predicted outcomes.
But she had more important things to focus on now. Like convincing Spike they needed to go back to Sunnydale. She stood up, watching him as he moved back and forth in front of her.
"No, I haven't gone 'daft,'" Buffy said, rolling her eyes as she did. "I need to get to the Council, Spike, and right now the only link I have to them that I can trust is Giles."
"How do you even know you can trust him?" Spike shot back, stopping his pacing to focus his attention on her. "Pet, he's one of them. For all we know, he had a part in Joyce's death."
Buffy shook her head. "No. He didn't. Trust me, Spike, he loved my mother. I could feel it in the way he talked about her, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wouldn't have been able to betray her anymore than I could ever betray you." Buffy cleared her throat, her cheeks coloring slightly. "'Cause, you know, of the claim. The claim wouldn't let me betray you."
Spike's scarred eyebrow arched. Even with her tacked on addendum, Spike had heard something there that he wanted to believe too much to actually let himself believe. "That so?" he asked her.
"Yeah. The claim's gotta have some sort of 'no betrayal' rule. Anyway, Sunnydale—we need to go there."
Reluctantly, Spike didn't press her. All that ever seemed to do was make her close off more. "Sweetheart, even if Nancy's Watcher wouldn't betray you to the Council, we still have Angelus to worry about. If we're back in town, he'll come after us."
Buffy's hands went to her hips. "So, what, you're going to let fear of Angelus dictate what you do now?"
Something flickered in Spike's eyes, but he shook it off. "I know what you're doing there," he said, pointing at her with an accusatory finger. "And it's not going to work."
"So you are going to keep hiding from Angelus like a big scaredy vamp?"
"I'm not scared of him, Buffy," Spike snapped. "I'm scared for you. After what went down back in Sunnydale, Angelus is going to want to kill you."
"So we'll take him on if he does," Buffy replied. "Between the two of us, I'm pretty sure we could kick his ass."
Spike's concern for his mate kept him from grinning at that. "Possibly, but I don't like taking unnecessary chances where you're concerned. You're the only thing in the world that means anything to me."
Buffy reached out and took his hand. "I know, honey, and I'm not planning on taking any crazy risks, okay? I'm not saying we should go hunt down Angelus and poke him with a stick until he attacks us. But I need to see Giles. He's my best link to the Council, and if that means I have to go into the same town that Angelus is in, then that's what I have to do."
"Before you didn't even want to pass by Sunnydale," Spike pointed out.
"I know. But that was before. I still don't want to deal with Angelus, but getting to the Council is more important to me than avoiding him."
Spike could still recall in the early days of knowing Buffy when he'd been convinced he'd have the upper hand in their relationship. In retrospect, he realized just how silly a notion that had been. Already, she had him wrapped around her tiny pinky. And to make matters worse, she knew it. Gone was her fear that he would use what control he had over her through the claim to take away her free will. She was right there, however. Spike knew that he could still control her actions to a point, could pull on her to get her to obey his commands, but he wouldn't do it. The thought of doing that to Buffy now made his stomach turn.
No, she had control now, and it wasn't from a mystical force. It was of his own doing. He'd handed her his heart, and in doing so had given over his destiny as well. Every piece of him was hers.
"Sunnydale it is then. But I want you to be careful. Don't take Angelus lightly. There's a very good chance that he'll come after us in some fashion. He may not be able to bite you, but he's best known for the tortures he can inflict on someone without laying a hand on them."
Buffy squeezed Spike's hand that she still held in her grasp. "I will be careful. I've already been at the mercy of Angelus once, and that's a place I don't ever want to be again."
Spike cupped her face with his free hand, threading his fingers in her hair as he did. "This whole thing has me worried, kitten. If anything were to happen to you, because of Angelus, the Council, or even some other nasty on the Hellmouth, I wouldn't know what to do."
"I know. And because of that, I'll be careful. I promise." Buffy rose up on her toes and kissed him softly, trying to assure him with her touch that things could be okay. "I want us to get through this. I want us to have the chance to find our place together."
Spike's head tilted slightly. "Do you, Buffy?"
Her response was to pull him back for another kiss, this one harder than the one before. Buffy felt Spike harden against her hip as she opened her mouth and let his tongue dual with hers. She was better at this than she was with words. She hoped that with every touch, Spike could feel what he was coming to mean to her and how grateful she was for what he'd done. She knew she never would've been able to come this far avenging her mother without him, and she didn't know how to form the words to thank him for that.
So she showed him instead. Buffy pulled Spike back to the bed with her, positioning them so her body was on top of his. Spike let her have control, his hands resting gently on her hips but not guiding her movements. She raised up, then came back down, catching him inside of her as she did. Spike groaned, his fingers digging into her warm flesh.
Buffy kept him nestled snugly inside of her, keeping her hips flushed with his instead of riding him. She bent down and pressed her upper body to his, the soft curves of her breasts against the hard planes of his chest. Beneath her, Spike fought to remain still, to stay going at Buffy's pace and see where she was going to take things.
She brought her face against his neck, feeling him shiver as her nose brushed against the skin covering his dead jugular. She pulled up just enough so she could lick him there, bathing the marks she'd placed on his neck when she'd claimed him back, then began to squeeze his cock rhythmically inside of her with her tight vaginal muscles.
Spike growled, his fingers so tight on her hips now that his nails were forming red, crescent-shaped marks on her skin. Buffy growled back in response, her licks to his neck becoming more aggressive, her squeezes tighter. Soon, she was nipping at his flesh, covering his neck with tiny bite marks.
Her hips hadn't moved since she'd taken him inside, and still Spike was rapidly approaching release, his balls tightening beneath her. His body shook, desperate for that last little bit that would send him spiraling over the edge.
She gave it to him. Buffy lifted her head back then came down quickly, her teeth slicing into his flesh. His blood filled her mouth as his hips bucked, his orgasm slamming into him and flowing back through Buffy, his pleasure becoming hers as well.
The aftershocks still coursing through her, Buffy pulled her teeth from him and lapped at the wound. "Mine," she growled against his torn skin.
Spike trembled, tears in his eyes. "Oh god, Buffy, yours…completely yours."
Buffy collapsed against his body again, and Spike held her, wishing he could stay right there with her forever.
Buffy was napping peacefully in his arms, but Spike was wide awake, the thoughts running through his head preventing his eyes from staying closed. Something monumental had just happened between them. That much he knew. The question remained, though, what exactly did it mean?
Despite Buffy's quick cover-up by explaining that she only meant because of the effects of the claim, Spike had caught the implications in saying that Giles couldn't have betrayed Joyce because he loved her and then likening that to the relationship Spike and Buffy themselves shared. So did that mean what his heart hoped it did? Did Buffy love him?
At one point, Spike had thought that she would. Then, he'd come to the conclusion that it would never happen, her childhood indoctrination concerning vampires too strong for her to ever move past. He'd continued to feel that way until this morning, when she'd come so close to telling him that what she felt for him was indeed love.
But could he hope for that? She'd been told over and over vampires were nothing but demons, driven solely by bloodlust. They weren't capable of love and they certainly weren't deserving of it. Could he ever truly prove to her none of that was true?
Then, with a start, Spike came to a realization. Everything Buffy had ever known, ever believed, had just been turned completely on its head. What she knew about vampires, she'd learned through the Watchers' Council. Now, with the revelation that they had in fact been behind her mother's death, her faith in them had crumbled. It was more than possible that she no longer believed their doctrines where vampires were concerned. Without the teachings of the Council coloring her views of Spike, everything could very well be poised to change between them.
Yet could she ever call it love? Beyond the Council's teachings was his own behavior in the beginning of their relationship. He'd been horrible to her, treating her like his property, something he could use and control. He deeply regretted it now, and he'd tried to both make it up to her and show her that he'd never treat her in such a way again, but would she ever be able to move past it completely? He couldn't help but fear that his earlier abuse of her tainted their relationship now, and that it would continue to on some level forever. He still remembered the look on her face when he'd opened the closet door the night he'd caught her trying to escape. She'd been terrified of him.
Spike didn't think she was afraid of him anymore, not with the ease with which she bossed him around. However, she had to remember what he'd done and what she'd felt when he'd done it. Clearly she'd resigned herself to the fact that they were in this together for the long haul, but did she sometimes look at him and feel revulsion from the memories of what he'd done to her?
And there was so much she could feel revolted from. The way he'd fed on live humans, completely careless of the way it was ripping her apart inside as he did—so much to the point that she'd been willing to take her own life just to stop feeling it anymore. And the first time he'd taken her… His girl deserved to have lost her virginity properly, with him showing her concern and caring. Instead, he'd taken her like an animal in a dirty warehouse and discarded her on the floor when he was done as if she were nothing more than a used whore.
He hadn't raped her that night, though the line had been hazy, but Spike knew he would have, had she told him no. He realized for the first time with perfect clarity how willing he would've been to rape and murder this woman in his arms, and a wave of self-disgust washed over him. If anyone else had done to Buffy what he'd done to her, he would've ripped them apart, and not just because they'd dared to touch his mate.
Spike pulled her closer, his body tensing as he tried to shake off the horror he was feeling. "I'm so sorry, baby," he whispered against her brow. "God, Buffy, I'm so sorry."
In her sleep, Buffy didn't hear him, but she nuzzled closer to him, instinctually seeking more contact. Spike closed his eyes, breathed in her scent, and hoped that by some miraculous chance she could realize how much he'd changed for her, because of her.
He hoped that someday, she could not only love him, but forgive him as well.
Three chapters in a week…I think that might be some kind of record for me.
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