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Buffy woke slowly, her head feeling as if it had been stuffed full of cotton. He body was numb, and there was a light shining in her eyes that seemed too bright.

"Buffy? Are you awake?"

Buffy turned her head slightly, though the dull pain in her neck made it difficult. She blinked, bringing the face of the person beside her into focus. "Giles?" she asked, her throat scratchy and making her voice sound more like a squeak.

Giles was relieved that Buffy had regained consciousness, though he feared the worst was yet to come. He had told the doctors that he was her father, and they had disclosed to him Buffy's physical state when she arrived at the hospital. It seemed as though her blood had not been enough to satisfy the demon that had done this to her, and it made his stomach turn to think of this girl having to suffer such a horror. "I sent Nancy to help you," Giles said. "She couldn't find you. I should've gone, too. I should have…" His voice broke. "Buffy, I'm so sorry."

Buffy reached weakly over the side of the hospital bad, laying her hand on top of his. "I'm okay," she said. "I'm not dead."

And she wondered why that was. Spike had had her at his mercy. She wasn't fighting him, too far caught up in what he was doing to her body for that. His fangs had been in her throat. He drank from her. Why didn't he finish the job?

"Is the patient awake?" a nurse asked as she walked into the room.

"I'm awake," Buffy said. "A little woozy, but awake."

"The police have been waiting to speak to you," the nurse said as she checked Buffy's vitals. "Do you feel up to it?"

"Yeah," Buffy replied.

"Are you sure?" Giles asked. "You…"

"I'm fine. Send them in," Buffy said, hoping she sounded stronger than she actually felt. She tried to sit up, but found it difficult so she remained lying down.

The nurse left, and a few moments later two men walked in. They each gave a nod towards Giles before turning to Buffy. "I'm Detective Anderson and this is Detective Greene," one of them said. "We know you're still recuperating, so we won't take up much of you're time. We've been having trouble identifying the other young woman found in the warehouse with you, and…"

"Other young woman?" Buffy asked with a frown.

"Her body was found near you, with injuries similar to your own," Detective Greene clarified. "You don't know who she was?"

Buffy realized then what Spike must've been doing when she'd first come to that warehouse. He'd been feeding, and apparently that girl hadn't been as lucky as she'd been. One of his victims had laid there dead while she'd let him… Buffy felt sick to her stomach.

"No," she told the detectives. "I didn't know her."

"Oh, well, then thank you for your time," Detective Anderson said. "We hope have you a speedy recovery." He and his partner walked out without another word.

"Giles, they never even asked me for a description of the man that attacked me," Buffy said. "Not that it would've done any good, but…"

"You're on a Hellmouth now, Buffy. The police tend to turn a blind eye to people found with puncture wounds in their necks," Giles said.

"So they just give vampires free reign of the town—knowingly?" Buffy asked in disbelief.

"For the most part, yes," Giles replied. "But Nancy has done much to keep down the undead population since coming here."

"Such is the life of the Slayer." Buffy looked around, the bright hospital walls seeming almost blinding. "I need to get out of here, Giles. I hate hospitals."

"Now that you've woken up, I doubt you'll have to stay much longer." Giles paused, clearing his throat. "The doctor did say you may wish to speak to a counselor before you left."

"A counselor?" Buffy asked with a frown. "What, do they have vamp-snack counselors on the Hellmouth, too?"

"No." Giles took off his glasses, looking down and away from Buffy. "From your injuries…it appears as if…" He looked up at her again, taking a deep breath. "The doctor believed you may wish to speak to a rape counselor, Buffy."

Buffy's eyes widened. Giles thought… She wasn't going to kid herself. She knew if she hadn't have been willing with Spike, he would've done it anyway. He was a vampire, and "no" wasn't a word they actually listened to. But she hadn't told him no. She'd let him use her body, and she'd enjoyed it.

She wondered if that was partly worse, at least in the long run. She'd have to live with the knowledge for the rest of her life that she had taken pleasure in the arms of her mother's killer—with another one of his victims dead in the room. What she had done was sick and wrong—dirty.

"No, Giles," she said softly. "I don't need a counselor for that. I just want to leave this place."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Giles stood, replacing his glasses on his nose. "I'll go find the doctor, see about getting you released."

Buffy gave him a small smile. "Thank you."

*** *** ***

It was a while yet until nightfall, but Spike couldn't sleep. Thankfully, Drusilla and Angelus had finally worn themselves out, leaving him free of their screams and moans.

But it was a whole different set of moans that he couldn't get out of his head. It still seemed unbelievable to him that he'd gotten such a ride out of a tiny human girl who couldn't be any older than seventeen. And a virgin at that… He'd come harder in her than he remembered coming in a long time. Still made him shiver just thinking about it.

And her blood… It had been so sweet, its rich flavor still seeming to coat his mouth now, hours later.

Maybe that's why he hadn't killed her. He'd wanted to taste her blood again. She'd been too good to use only once. He'd use her again, get his fill of her, and then he'd kill her. Yeah, that was what he'd wanted all along, why he'd walked away while her heart was still beating.

He shifted in the cold bed, wishing she was there with him. Her warm, tight body was just the place he wanted to be. She could drive from his mind the fact that Drusilla was sleeping next to another man.

He shouldn't have left her in the warehouse. He should've taken her someplace where he could break her in properly. His cock grew hard as he thought about what he could do to her, all the ways he could make her scream in both pleasure and pain.

Spike slid his left hand under the sheet, grasping his cock, slicking it with the fluid that was already oozing from the tip. There was no way he could duplicate her warmth with his own cold hand, but if he squeezed hard enough he could almost meet her tightness. He closed his eyes, drawing her scent to the front of his mind, replaying her every cry, every moan. He stroked faster, his hand sliding up and down with superhuman speed as he remembered how she'd felt with her legs wrapped around his waist, her small hands clinging to him.

His fangs pushed through his gums, the bones of his forehead shifting as he remembered the feel of her blood flowing into his mouth, its sweet taste on his tongue. He came into his hand with a roar, lost in the memory of her.

He was panting when he came back down, heedless of the fact that he didn't need to breathe. He wiped his spendings on the side of the bed before rolling over, his eyes closing as a smile formed on his lips. When the sun went down, he'd find that girl and come inside her wet, velvet heat again and again until he'd had his fill of her body and her blood.

*** *** ***

Buffy sat on Nancy's bed, staring at the blue comforter. It reminded her of his eyes, and she hated herself for even thinking that.

She looked up sharply when there was a knock at the door, and she wondered with dread who it was on the other side. Nancy was the last person she wanted to see, and Giles would look at her with pity and make her feel even worse.

He should be looking at her with disgust, the way he surely would if he knew the truth.

"Come in," she said, deciding to bite the bullet. She felt actually relieved when she saw the Willow poke her head in.

"I brought you juice and cookies," Willow said, coming into the room. "That's what they always feed you after you give blood." Willow frowned. "Although I guess he probably took a lot more than the Red Cross usually does."

"They gave me a transfusion for most of it, so I'm sure this will help with the rest," Buffy said, taking the offered juice and cookies.

Willow smiled. "Well, that's why I came upstairs, so I'll just leave now. Let you get some rest."

"You can stay," Buffy said quickly. Maybe if someone else was in the room she'd stop thinking about eyes that seemed to be able to look right through her be they blue or feral gold…

"Need some company?" Willow asked.

"Something like that," Buffy replied.

Willow sat on the edge of the bed and Buffy sipped her juice. The cookies looked homemade, and when she bit into one, it was still warm. She swallowed and said, "These are really good."

Willow beamed. "You like them? I baked them for you myself."

Buffy was a little startled by what the other girl had just said. It wasn't often that anyone did anything for her. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

"You'll be good as new really soon," Willow said. "A couple of days rest, and…"

"I'm going back out tonight," Buffy said. "Spike isn't dust yet, and I need to fix that." She realized with another wave of self-disgust quickly following that that thought didn't seem as wholly good as it once had, her hatred for him now tainted by the memory of his touch.

"Buffy, you can't!" Willow exclaimed. "Spike's already hurt you once, and now you're weak. You can't rush out there again."

"I have to. As long as I'm still alive and Spike's still around, I have to keep fighting him."

"He'll kill you!" Willow said.

"Maybe. But that's a chance I'm willing to take," Buffy replied. And in all honesty, part of her wished Spike would kill her. It was what she deserved now.

"Buffy, please don't," Willow begged. "I know we don't know each other very well, but I really don't want you to die."

"You'll forget me soon enough," Buffy said with a shrug.

"Don't talk like that! Buffy, please don't go after Spike alone again. Promise me you'll just stay in tonight and rest."

Buffy knew Willow wasn't going to stop asking her for a promise she couldn't give. Furthermore, she really wouldn't put it past the girl to tell Giles and have him find a way to make her stay. She glanced towards the window, seeing how close the branches of a nearby tree came. "Okay. I won't go downstairs tonight."

Willow brightened. "Good. And we'll get Spike, Buffy. He'll be dust soon."

She pushed down the part of her that rebelled at that thought. Dust was what she wanted Spike to be.

But right now, she just wanted him off her mind. He made things too confusing, made it too hard to think in black and white. "Could we maybe talk about something else?" Buffy asked.

"Of course!" Willow replied. "I doubt Spike is all that fun of a conversation topic for you… What would you like to talk about?"

Buffy gave Willow a small smile. "Why don't you tell me all about life here on the Hellmouth?"

*** *** ***

"Drusilla, as much as I enjoy the sight of your naked body, stop dancing around the room. It's giving me a headache," Angelus snapped from his reclining position on his four-poster bed.

Drusilla didn't stop her spinning and swaying. "But the stars are talking, Daddy. They're telling me all about my William's pretty new dolly."

Angelus sat up, taking interest in that. "Yeah? What are they saying, Dru?"

Drusilla turned to her sire, her eyes sparkling. "They're saying you should take her away. Spike shouldn't get presents when he's being such a naughty boy."

"No, he shouldn't," Angelus said with a grin. "So where's this girl?"

Dru clucked. "Not now, Daddy. Isn't time. Must wait for the moon to shine and light our way." She began swaying again, humming a tune to herself.

Angelus lay back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. He knew just the way to have a good time that night, and tormenting Spike was going to be an added bonus…

*** *** ***

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