Author's Chapter Notes:
Here's chapter four, enjoy. Not much more left now.
I don't own any of the characters.
Thanks to Nichole for her help!
Chapter 4

New York, July 2007

Will was sitting in the armchair in Buffy’s bedroom, waiting for her nightmare to start. It had been two months since he had found her on the street, and every night since then he had comforted her from the dream in the middle of the night, being rewarded with a little while of having Buffy, the real Buffy, there with him. The first couple of times had only been a few minutes, but after two weeks or so she had been ‘awake’ for a full hour, and the last few weeks he had had her for almost three. They spent the time talking at first, she told him about what had happened since she had ‘died’ in Sunnydale, how she had woken up on the sidewalk where he had found her, not remembering anything.

He told her about the lives of her loved ones, about Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara, Giles and Dawn. Two weeks earlier she had asked him about the heartbeat and bodyheat and he had told her about his journey to Africa and the humanity. After he finished she had been quiet for a long time before pulling him in close and kissing him. That had been their first kiss since he found her, and after that they had spent less and less time talking and more and more time kissing and touching, discovering each others bodies once again. Several times he had been forced to pull away, afraid that if they went to far, it might destroy everything they had accomplished in the past two months.

Like he had said to her last night, when she had complained about him stopping her from taking it one step further, he’d rather have her for a few hours every night than not at all. She’d said that she understood, but that she didn’t like it.

Will was pulled out of his day, or more of night, dream by Buffy’s soft cries. He went over to the bed and gently woke her. Her lips immediately met his for a long kiss while she pulled him down onto the bed until he was lying on top of her. He let the rest of the world fall away as they kissed, knowing too well that he would have to break the magic soon. Her hands wandered over his back, but when she started tugging his t-shirt to get it off, he pulled back. She looked at him with tears in her eyes, and it hurt him. He pulled her into his arms and rocked them both back and forth on the bed while she cried at the injustice of the world. After a little while she pulled back, wiping her eyes.

“How’s Dawn?” She asked.

“She’s fine. She’s counting the days til school starts again. And that guy, David or something, took her to a movie tonight. I think she likes him.” They had decided not to tell Dawn about what was going on, so that she wouldn’t get her hopes up and be disappointed if it stopped happening. None of the others knew either, they didn’t even know about ‘Joan’.

“I wish I could tell her how much I love her.” Tears started glistening in Buffy’s eyes again, but she didn’t let them flow. “I hate this. I really hate it. I can’t see my sister, my friends, I can’t do what I want. I’m like a prisoner in my own mind and I hate it.”

She got up and started pacing the room. He let her, and after a couple of minutes she came back to the bed and they got under the covers together.

They lay there for a while, before she started talking again.

“I think I’m stuck.” She turned in the bed to face him.

“Stuck, how?” He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“Stuck in time. OK, that didn’t sound right. It’s just, for the first couple of weeks, I was here, you know here here, for longer each night, right?”

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“Well, for how long have I been here here for three hours? Three, four weeks? I’m not getting anywhere anymore. It’s like I’m stuck. Am I making any sense?” She frowned.

“Of course you’re making sense.” He gave her a reassuring smile.

“Well... I think we need to do something to get past this.” She looked away, blushing a little.

“What do you mean?” He caught her eyes again,

“I think I need... a push to get past this obstacle. Maybe if we... you know... maybe I would be able to stay.” He pulled away from her and sat up in the bed.

“I don’t know if that’s such a great idea.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

Buffy sat up next to him.

“Why not?” She gave him her puppy eyes.

“Well, to just take one example. What if, you know, right in the middle, you go back to Joan? You would freak out and kick me out of here, and we could loose all of this.” He stood up to get a little distance between them, not trusting his body around her.

“I don’t think that would happen. And even if it did, I don’t think I would ‘freak out’. Joan likes you too. Plus, I’ve been here for, what, half an hour now. We still have at least two hours left.” She took his hand and pulled him back onto the bed.

Will looked at her. God, those eyes were impossible to resist.

”Are you sure?” She nodded. “Completely sure?” She nodded again. “Absolutely, completely...” She shut him up with a kiss that took his breath away. Hear arms came up to circle around his neck as she pulled him with her down on to the bed again.

*****

Will woke up to the smell of coffee. His arm reached out to where Buffy had been when they went to sleep and found the empty bed. He sat up straight. She was gone. He messed up. He got out of the bed and put his jeans and boots on. He had to find her, get her back, he didn’t know how, but he had to do it somehow. Pulling his T-shirt over his head he walked out into the hallway and proceeded to the front door, calling into the kitchen.

“Dawn, I have to run out for a couple of minutes, I’ll be back soon.” His hand was on the doorknob when he felt two small arms wrapping themselves around him.

“Shhh, Dawn’s still asleep.” He turned to face Buffy and his heart almost stopped.

“Is it you, really?”

“Yep. All me. I think we lost Joan for good last night. See, I told you it would work.” He didn’t listen to what she said, just stared at her in disbelief for a moment before putting his arms around her, lifting her in the air and starting to spin her around, holding her as close as he could. After a couple of minutes she started complaining.

“OK, oxygen is becoming an issue now.” He put her down but didn’t let go of her completely as they walked into the kitchen.

“I thought I’d lost you again. I felt like I was gonna die when I woke up and you were gone.” She gave him a quick kiss.

“I’m sorry. I just got so hungry, I decided to start breakfast. Sit!” She pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and he obliged. She went over to the coffeemaker and poured two cups of coffee, placing one in front of him.

“You want pancakes or eggs?” He just stared at her. “Hello, Earth to Spike. Pancakes or eggs?” He snapped out of his trance.

“Eggs sounds great.” He followed her with his eyes as she moved around the kitchen.

“Coming right up.” She put some scrambled eggs on his plate and a couple of pancakes on another and joined him at the table.

“What time is Dawn getting up?” She took a sip of her coffee.

“Hard to know. Some days she sleeps til noon, others she’s up at first light. Why?” He watched her pour syrup over her pancakes.

“I just want to tell her the good news. She’ll be happy, right?” Will reached out a hand and pulled her off of her own chair and into his lap.

“Of course she will. She’s your sister, she loves you.” She rested her head on his shoulder.

“I know, it’s just... she’s got this great life now; school, friends, you... I’m just not sure I fit in.” He could hear the insecurity in her voice.

“Anywhere that I am, you fit in, OK? Get that? I lost you twice already, and I don’t think that ‘third times a charm’ applies in this case.” She nodded, but he could see that she still had doubts. “Hey. I love you. Dawn loves you, and so do Willow and Tara and Xander and Anya and Giles. They will all be thrilled when they find out you’re back, OK? Don’t even think anything else.”

“But what if she’s mad?” She looked at him.

“What if who’s mad?” Dawn walked into the kitchen and quickly turned to leave again. “Sorry, didn’t know you two had gotten all cozy.”

“Dawn.” Will called her back into the kitchen. Buffy moved back to her own chair. “We need to talk to you.”

“Hey, I’m OK with this. No need to ask my permission or anything.” She sat down on the last chair at the kitchen table. “Really, I’m fine with you two being... whatever you are. Why would I be mad?”

“That’s not what we thought you might be mad about.” Will looked at Buffy.

“You wanna tell her?” Buffy nodded.

“Tell me what? What’s going on here?”

“Dawnie...” Dawn stared at Buffy.

“Don’t call me that. My sister called me that, and you’re not her.” She got up from the table and left the kitchen. Buffy followed her into the livingroom, gesturing to Will to give them a moment alone, so he stayed in the kitchen.

“Dawn... please listen to me.” Buffy sat down on the couch next to Dawn.

“No. My sister is dead!” Dawn felt tears forming in her eyes. Buffy saw them and pulled Dawn into an embrace. She resisted at first, but relaxed after a couple of seconds.

“Dawnie, I know this is hard to believe, but it is me. Really. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner, but Spike...” Dawn pulled away from her.

“His name is Will now. Spike is gone.” Buffy smiled at her sister’s correction.

“I know. I’m still getting used to the name, it’s gonna take a while. I know that it will take some time before you will be able to trust me, and that’s fine. We talked about this last night, and...” Dawn cut her off.

“What do you mean you talked about it? When did you talk?”

“OK, let me start from the beginning. Five years ago, after I got... shot, I woke up on the sidewalk here in New York. I didn’t have any memory of my old life, didn’t know who I was, my name or anything. I lived on that sidewalk for five years until two months ago, when Spike... Will found me. I begged money from people, stole food and slept in abandoned apartments when it was too cold to sleep on the street. I named myself Joan, because it was somehow familiar. I guess my subconscious remembered last time I lost my memory. Remember Willows spell, when we all lost our memories?” Dawn nodded.

“OK. Well, when Spike found me, I didn’t know who he was. But I felt something I didn’t remember ever feeling before. I felt safe. I felt like everything was going to be OK. Believe me, I’ve had offers from guys to sleep at their apartments before, but I’ve never gone home with anyone. At the time I didn’t know why I trusted him, just that I did. So I went with him. That night, I had a nightmare. I was in a garden with a man, talking. All of a sudden there’s another guy there, and he has a gun. I don’t have anytime to react before he pulls the trigger and hits me in the chest. I can feel the life drifting away, and I try to hold on to it, because I don’t want to die. I’m crying, pleading to whoever’s out there to let me come back, not take me yet. That’s when Spike woke me up. And I recognized him. I knew who he was, but only for a minute or two, then I was back in Joans mind, and I didn’t remember anything. The next night was the same, but I was ‘me’, you know, for a little longer. These past weeks I’ve been me for about three hours. Then last night...” She blushed and looked down. Dawn smiled.

“It’s OK, I think I get the idea. Don’t want any details please! I’ve already been scared for life when I was living with Xander and Anya for the summer.”

“OK. Well, we... you know, and when I woke up this morning, I was still me. It’s been about ten hours now, and I’m still here. I think I’m here to stay now.” Buffy looked up at Dawn. “So. Do you believe me?”

“Can I just do a little test, to make sure?”

“OK.” Buffy turned on the couch so she could face Dawn.

“When I was five, what did I think was living under my bed?” Dawn asked.

“The Cookie Monster from the Muppets Show. I never understood why you were so afraid of that thing.” Buffy smiled at the memory. Dawn had made her check under her bed every night, to make sure nothing was under there.

“It was scary! OK. Who was the first guy I had a serious crush on?”

“Oh, please!” Buffy giggled. “That’s easy. Xander.”

“OK. One more... let me think...” Dawn flipped through memories in her head before choosing her last question. “Why didn’t I want to go down in the basement in our house in LA?”

“Because you thought that the washer had teeth and was going to eat you.”

“It’s really you! I’ve missed you soooo much. Don’t ever leave again, promise!” Dawn threw her arms around Buffy and hugged her hard.

“I promise.” Buffy hugged back.

They sat like that when Will came into the room ten minutes later.

“Is it safe yet?” He cautiously peeked around the corner before entering the room.

“Of course it’s safe. Come here, you silly.” Dawn smiled at him with tears in her eyes. He walked up to the couch and was pulled into a group hug. After a couple of minutes, Dawn pulled away.

“I’m still a little mad that you guys didn’t tell me right away. But I understand why you didn’t.”

“You sure? I don’t want you holding a grudge.” Will sat down on the couch and pulled Buffy in close.

“I’m sure. I’m just glad I wasn’t the last to find out. We still have to tell Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara and Giles. Oh my God, they’re gonna be soooo surprised! Can I be there when you tell them?” She was practically jumping up and down on the couch.

“Of course you can.” Buffy smiled at her enthusiasm. “But I wanna do it as soon as possible, and in person. Can we do that?” She looked at Will.

“Sure. Willows birthday is next week, and we all get together for birthdays, so we were going to fly to San Francisco anyway. Xander and Anya were driving up with Alex, and Giles was flying in too. Which reminds me – I should call and make plane reservations.” Will picked up the phone and called the airport.

“All set. We’re flying from JFK at 4.30 P.M. on Monday. The others will already be there then, so we can surprise them all at the same time.” He smiled at Buffy.

“Oh.” Buffy put her head in her hands. Will put his arm around her.

“Don’t be. They are your friends. They’ve missed you just as much as we have, OK? Don’t think like this.”

“Yeah, Buffy, they’re gonna be thrilled.” Dawn gave her a hug too. “And just wait til you see Alex, he’s just soooo cute. You’re gonna love him.” Buffy smiled a little at her.

“I can’t wait.”





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